My sister told me today, “Mona, you are evil and mean!” I agree with her and it brings me to a bigger point! Oh points.. some are small, some are tiny, some are huge and bold! Anyways, to the main point: sorry to so and so who sent me a message on Facebook the past weekend. When I read your message I thought, “ok, I am not that pretty or my beauty is so extravagant or so precious. Therefore, I don’t give a crap who sees me.”

I am assuming this person was going through my Twitpic album and read the comments some dumb ass lonely guys wrote. What will happen if she read all the comments in my blog? My blog is a SIN! Anyways, I got tired of deleting comments. What am I to do? Hide behind an internet veil? I am human. I want people to see who I am. It’s like going to work. Is a woman not allowed to go to work? Men are not allowed to see her? It’s a sin to show your beauty?

By the way, we are all beautiful people, because God created us that way. So those extreme Muslims that think I am a walking sin, then you are openly telling me that being a woman is a sin. You are a walking sin too! Cover up! Cause dammit.. I don’t wear a veil and tight ass clothes and heavy makeup walking down the street. I rather sin completely! I don’t do it in parts like some people!

This is what SHE said,

stop showing ur ebeauty ya helwa!!! its haram habibti u take soo many pics no one eneds to see a womens’s beauty and ur comments by those men are haram also wat they say is dsgusting

You can tell she is not from my side of the sinful world.

Future Goal

I want to do this one thing one day. I want to go around other people’s blogs and tell them that they are wrong! What they are writing, presenting, or discussing on their blogs is wrong! I feel that I am obligated to tell other Arab bloggers they are wrong! Wow! That would relieve a lot of stress to tell you the truth. I might end up being obnoxious and liking it!

If you hate me or think I am a walking sin, then bravo, bravo. You have accomplished a great deal in life by pointing the obvious. Now go back to watching your music videos and obsessing over celebrities’ beauty and how to make your self look like one, so other Muslim/Arab girls envy you.

I would never speak of any teachers or professors on my blog, because I never had a memorable one to brag out. Also, I never had a teacher that was awful either. So, I never talked about them or had a reason to.

Yesterday, I had a long depressive spell, and all I did was read through my old posts, especially this one from a few days ago. I can’t believe what I have been writing, and I still can’t believe how my life turned out to be. Then all of a sudden, all I could think of is Mrs. Hubbard.

Who the hell is Mrs. Hubbard you ask your self?

Mrs. Hubbard was an almost retiree grade 10 health & life studies teacher in my highschool while I was still living in the US. Why did I remember her all of a sudden? Usually, many people don’t care to remember teachers, but her, she was blunt, old, and she had fun teaching teenagers. She understood them, and even predicted how they will end up being. Strange, but true!

I was very quiet in highschool, did exceptional work, and aced every course. I had no care in the world other than myself, and was very reserved and not so social. I was and still is very introverted. That’s why Mrs. Hubbard told me that one day that I will suffer dearly in my 20s and have a very depressive life. Can you imagine someone telling you that when you were barely 15 years old?

Now, while I am in my last year of my 20’s, I look back at the last 9 years with shock. How the hell did I survive it? How the hell did I end up like this?

I ask myself those questions every day, and I have no answer. All I can do is hope that things will just change and this dry spell will end. You guys think being in your 20’s is fun, and growing old and being in your 30’s or beyond is ancient, then all I can tell you, “you gotta be kidden yourselves!”

Some people need to feed their ego and insult me or tell me off, like they did on this comment, because it gives them some sort of gratification and power. Honestly, I don’t care. Nothing bothers me anymore. To each their own.

I find it amusing that after a long shitty and very stressful day at work, I pick up the phone to check my email in the end of the day, and read such garbage. I honestly laughed. I was not offended at all, because I am 99% sure who wrote it. If that 1% chance is another person, then it would be some lonely person who loves to hate my blog, and me as a person.

Ignoring People

You see, I hate hurting people so much, but they love to hurt me. Even if there was some misunderstanding in the beginning, but their behaviour in the end, like they did in that comment, really crossed the red line.

I will tell you guys a story. You see, if this person I am thinking of, and maybe I am wrong, really wondered why I have been ignoring them, then they should have just clicked my name on GTalk or on MSN messenger and asked me what the problem is. I was not hiding. I was always there in their face every day! However, this person thinks that I have to always be the one initiating something. Why? I don’t know. What do you guys think?

Let’s be honest, I have not been emailing this person or talking to this person forever. I do apologize. I was depressed and I really didn’t want to talk to anyone that constantly gave me too much advice. Also, I felt that I lost trust in that person, so I ignored them. Why should I tell a person off if I don’t feel comfortable being friends with them anymore? End it peacefully. No hard feelings or burning any bridges.

I was a very depressed person, and I tend to ignore the entire world when I am in that state. So, being in that state for months the past year really didn’t make this person any special. I was ignoring everyone. I didn’t see anyone else caring? Honestly, people don’t care.

Moreover, this person wrote the comment in order for me to write this post. It was so obvious, but what am I to do? I have to feed people’s egos. I have to write grammatically horrible posts and trashy content to satisfy people. I don’t use some editing program that will fix my poor programmer’s English. Did I ever mention that I was an English major? I don’t remember, because I am not. Anyways, I make money off this site. I use it for good humanitarian causes and send money to people who have nothing. So, people hate my site, and that’s why they come here every day and subscribe to it. I didn’t force anyone to read this trash. Why did you?

Conclusion

This person, yes you, really should have not done this. I blocked you off everything now, even Facebook. I honestly did nothing to hurt you, but you really pushed it this time, and I thought you were bigger than that. I thought you were very smart and intelligent, and you would never stoop down to this level. I considered you as one of the smart people I met in my life.

Not one day I have gone around and said trash about you using your name. I never did anything to insult your pride. I didn’t do anything. I was just ignoring you. I don’t lower my self and talk trash about people that one day meant something to me, and helped me reach far in life. I am not like that. Surprisingly, you will never understand that, and that’s fine. I am not here to convince you or anyone else with my view points. This blog is just my diary. It is just thoughts in my head. It is trash and not worth reading to be honest. It’s just a visible online brain dump.

Does anyone gain or lose anything from reading it? Nop.

Are people obligated to believe it? Nop.

Why does it bother you then? I have no clue.

Honestly, I was so meaning to talk to you last night. I was waiting on GTalk because gosh, I felt like I had to talk to you. I wanted to start a new chapter and end anything crazy, because I wanted to change and be my self again. But you doing what you did today, was probably meant to be. You ended it with your own hands. No more turning back.

Resolutions

Did you fulfill yours? You did today. Was it in the top of your list? Instead of being discrete about it and considerate, you resorted to this maneuver? I was so disappointed. First the continuous checking my blog with anonymouse.org and hidemyass.com, and days where you used your real home address (which was the honest and best way. It was what a normal confident person would do.) But today, you confessed the Hard Truth! You must be proud and tapping your self on the back now.

Oh that hard truth! You just like hurting people because it makes you happy. I never thought one day you were like that. Shocker, people change! You are the type of person that I cannot communicate with anymore. I am sorry. Everything related to you is blocked. Just leave my site and don’t bother with the likes of me again. You have better things to worry about in life. Why me? I am not worth it. Believe me.

P.S. This was not a cat fight. That’s even more shocking.

This is part three of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

My blog this year won so many awards, that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them! NOT!! (Didn’t I sound cheesy and dorky like the rest of the bloggers out there?) But yes, my blog won a lot of invisible mind boggling awards. I won people’s readerships. That’s the biggest award I can get as a blogger. I don’t care about best blog, or best writer, or best anything. Who cares? It’s like winning a virtual banner to advertise someone else’s bright idea that started the campaign.

Really, if the prize was money based, then people will be all over it! I would be so all over it!

So, I am gonna list the top blog posts this year by comments, my favorites, and ones that I should have never published, but found their way online cause of my insomnia or excessive amounts of coffee!

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Comments & Reactions

1. April 28, 2009 | It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a conspiracy theory!
2. June 7, 2009 | The Arab Blogorette
3. June 16, 2009 | I think it is time for change!
4. August 25, 2009 | Why are Muslims turning Atheists?
5. August 30, 2009 | Analysis: It is much harder to get rid of her
6. September 7, 2009 | Arabs marrying non-Arabs
7. September 18, 2009 | Window shopping for a bride
8. October 27, 2009 | Symbols of being different

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Monaism & Love

1. January 15, 2009 | Are good people always the victims of life?
2. March 31, 2009 | How accurate is this?
3. April 20, 2009 | Airports think I am a perv!
4. May 21, 2009 | A way to relieve stress
5. July 15, 2009 | Teaching a child the basics of the internet world
6. September 6, 2009 | No Comment
7. September 24, 2009 | I am sick and tired of looking for work!!! NO MORE!
8. December 4, 2009 | The typicals
9. December 26, 2009 | I am the master of my choices

Top Blog Pots 2009 | Those That Should Have Never Been

1. January 28, 2009 | The blogging world is run by monkeys
2. May 4, 2009 | I thought I held the title of taking things too seriously
3. June 20, 2009 | The media has been following me for over two decades
4. September 26, 2009 | I don’t like talking about sex in public

I have met a lot of idiots in my life. Ok, let me rephrase that. I have met a lot of selfish idiots in my life. They range from close family members, close friends, to people who never appreciated you for who you are, or what you ever done for them.

However, I don’t want people to remember me for what I did for them. I want people to remember me for who I am. For what I said one day, and what I believe in.

I will tell you guys something. I hate this blog. I hate writing on this blog because people can’t talk to me anymore or be honest. They try to communicate with me, and instead of using the conventional methods or a more truthful manner, they resort to coming here. They want to say something to me, but they don’t dare to.

I also blame my self. I am not happy with my life. I mean for goodness sake. I am 29 years old, and I am fully responsible for giving money to my family in order to survive since I am the only one employed. I save zero money in the end of the month. I don’t get paid much, and I can’t think beyond a month from now or even think of my self.  My main concern in life is how to keep this household alive and paying the bills.

So much responsibility for a person that doesn’t even have a family of her own. Can’t even think of a reason to move on, because she worries about her current family’s situation that anything she does that even is remotely close to selfish, or she can call her own, is impossible.

Now people wonder why I don’t have time for them. Why I don’t have time to say hello or bother. Not only that, but since I don’t want to be poor for the rest of my life, I decided to start using up that credit card and enroll in higher education that I can do online. You know, because my life is not worrisome enough and so busy, that I had to do that, because I know I don’t want to be like this 5 years from now.

So yeah.. for that person and that person, and even that person that knows who they are, have a nice life. You ended up being a narcissistic bull headed inconsiderate piece of shit just like any other person I met. You are no different.

You should salute your self you cowardly fool. You ended up on my list of all the other idiots I met in my life. They are far too many of you. I wonder how you will survive in this world with your continued denials.

P.S. Happy new year.

This is part one of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

I remember four or five years ago, when the climax of the online social networking scene started erupting, and like others who wanted to jump on the bandwagon and take advantage of the revolution, I dropped all my other websites and wanted to join all this commotion. The word web-blog was still unheard of or misunderstood by the majority of the Internet users. Who would want to write anything personal online? Who would read it? Who cares what is said?

Amusingly, I had a personal website years ago. I wrote out some poems, some thoughts, a little about me, and I attempted web designing something without any formal training. I liked web design because I thought of it as art, and I was an artist. I wanted to show at least one person out there that I have a little of bit of talent and persistence in creating something visual in an open medium.

Over time, this visual design was not enough for me. I can make something visually pleasing, but what about my writing? I practiced very hard. I read so many articles, and took writing courses in University because I wanted to write. I wanted to enhance my talent in writing because I had this tool, this online public presence that would not last unless I improved and became exceptional in it.

Everything that I learned over the years from writing for publication and from web-designing was over whelming, but helped tremendously. However, the only thing that I had to learn on my own is to be honest. To say what’s on my mind, and do the things that I want to do and portray them the way I want them to be portrayed, and let others accept it for what it is.

Be true to your self. Don’t just write for an audience. Write for your self, and convince your self first with a thought before you click that publish button to try and convince others.

The Keys to Open the Various Doors

It is hard to spread the word about something you created. People don’t realize how powerful the social networking medium is. Blogs are a part of it, but other social networking tools (sites) such as Twitter, Facebook, Friend Feed, and My Blog Log are the biggest aides for your blog.

Till now, I know people that refuse to use Twitter and they refuse to use Facebook. They refuse to do anything in the social networking scene and interact with their audience. Yet, they run a blog? And they wonder why it is not as successful.

The year 2009 has truly enhanced my blog beyond belief. Those aides helped me and removed a huge burden off my shoulders from continuing to advertise my blog. I didn’t have time or the patience to do it. I used to go on various blogs and just leave comments just so people will know I exist. I didn’t know who read my blog or who commented on it. I didn’t know how those commentors looked like, their personality, or what they like or don’t like. I couldn’t do my job because I didn’t know who I am up against. I didn’t know who was out there. But now I do…

God bless social networking!

Watch out everyone! You cannot survive as a blogger in 2010 without taking advantage of everything else around you in the social networking scene. I suggest you keep up and see how the Internet is shaping up. It’s going to get very exciting in the upcoming year. I can’t wait.

Where to Find Me?

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/rebelliousgirl

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/rebelliousarabgirl

Friend Feed: http://www.friendfeed.com/rebelliousarabgirl

Twitpic Photo Album: http://www.twitpic.com/photos/rebelliousgirl

Technorati: http://technorati.com/blogs/www.rebelliousarabgirl.net

My Blog Log: http://www.mybloglog.com/buzz/members/rebelliousarabgirl

Alexa: http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/rebelliousarabgirl.net

and last but not least..

My blog: http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net

When you are with someone, but all the time you are fantasizing about someone else or even an imaginative person, then do you really care about this person you are with? Is he/she the one?

So, how do you know? When do you know? Is this normal? Because usually if you are into someone, you don’t think about anyone else, or so I was told. Anyways, don’t get your heads too caught up in this, because I have decided that I don’t want to be with someone. I just find it hard to relate to anyone anymore. Or I am just old and picky. I was never picky when I was 20. I was dumb when I was 20 and accepted any one.

Can you imagine if you are 20, accepted anyone, and got married? Hell, divorce, divorce and a herd of badly raised children!

[Photo Source]

I keep reassuring my self that people like me will end in divorces. I should just have fun in life and not worry about any commitments. Also, I am not a kid person. I can never imagine my self raising another human being. I can barely take care of my self. I don’t even do my own laundry. Uff!

I decided that I need to save up enough money, so when I am old, alone and commanding my online empire, then I can hire a live in maid.

By the way, I was watching some movie or show last week that I can’t remember, and it was discussing how tough women only appear on the outside, but they are afraid of commitments or having someone in their lives again. Therefore, they brush off everyone. Those damn shrinks! They know it all, and TV gave me that information for free! I saved a hefty some of money for that live in maid fund!

Blaaah.. I am down on my 4th mug of coffee today. You guys are lucky this is not a 1 or 2 am post. Those are always the scariest nonsense posts of all!

One thing that pisses me off is the generation of Arab immigrant’s way of raising their children here. I feel that they don’t understand or have any reason of coming here other than having a piece of paper that says, “I am Canadian.”

I know it is hard for new immigrants to cope with the environment here, and get accustomed to living a civilized life, especially when everyone around them is from different parts of the world. What amazes though that Arabs here treat non-Arabs like kings and talk trash behind their backs. Why? Because Arabs think they are the best people in the world. Unfortunately, as an Arab my self, I have to give them a wakeup call every day and tell them, “No, you are not. Not with that mentality. You are better than no one.”

[Photo Source]

The worst culture to change is the Arab culture. It is so hard to convince them to change, but even harder to tell them they are wrong. If you are an Arab and reading this, then you are wrong. There, I did it, and I will say it every day if I have to. I will tell you guys why though.

You see, the new generation that is slowly opening up to the world around them is pretty much born here, or came very young and were practically raised here. I was raised here too, because I came so young. However, I am stubborn as hell and I never listened to my parents. They got used to the fact that I am stubborn as a goat and I am outspoken. Therefore, I was never affected by them and learned that the people around me are like me. I am no different than them, and they are no different than I. So, why is this new generation still suffering from your stupid mentality?

When young girls, like 18 or 19 years old, who happen to be Arab, want to befriend other Arabs their age, then they don’t have to be ridiculed for their backgrounds. Oh I forget, Arabs hate each other. We can never unite as Arabic speaking people, because the older generation keeps brain washing their children that all the people from Egypt hate Palestinians. Trash those Egyptians! All Lebanese hate Syrians. Trash those Syrians!  All those Kuwaitis hate Iraqis. Trash those Iraqis! Etc.. etc.. etc… and so on.

This is what I don’t understand. You came all the way across the world to live a better life, and you are still teaching your children to hate other Arab cultures? You came to one of the most multicultural countries in the world, and you are teaching your kids that? So befriending non-Arabs is ok… You can be friends with them with no problems, but if it is another Arab, you have to make sure they are from the same country as you, and even the same village. Your kids can’t make friends from other Arab nations. Oh no! So and so’s government back home is hateful towards us! Look what they did to our people!

Hello! Maybe that’s why those Arabs, just like you, left their homes, and came across the world to live here and not have to live in such an environment! No wars, no political problems, and no dictatorships. If you “supposedly” left the world that you hated because of these reasons, then why do you keep teaching your kids that are born and raised here to continue on the hate? You came here to change, not to brain wash generation after generation. Are you Arabs stupid!??

If you Arabs hate other Arabs so much, why don’t you go live in a secluded land with no sign of other Arabs other than yourself, and maybe a bunch of bears and elephants. You came here to be civilized and have a better life, but no! You deserve to live in a zoo instead.

And yes, you Arabs with such a stupid mentality piss me off! Be proud of who you are, and teach your kids to be better people in this society. Stop the hate. If you hate each other, then no one else will like you.

I was sitting on the chair today staring at the monitor for over 10 minutes, and wondering how routine my life has become. I feel like I am a robot of my own making. I really wanted to do something different, but I needed encouragement. I wanted not only me, but everyone else to have that feeling. The feeling of doing something that you are not used to doing at all, or haven’t done in a long time.

Sometimes life just runs by so fast, that we start forgetting our selves. We forget what we want, what we are able to do, and what we are supposed to do.

Therefore, this week, try to do something different. Pick up the phone and call an old friend. Clean behind your desk. Run around the block. Give money to a charity. Ask your friends if you would like to go out for dinner and a movie. Go out of your way and visit a friend or relative at their home without their knowledge just to say hi. Tell someone how you really feel about them instead of wondering why the sudden distance. Clean out your garage. Clean out your closet. Etc.

After you have done that odd thing you are not used to doing or never done before this week, ask your self this, “Shouldn’t I do this more often? Shouldn’t I try to do something different all the time and get out of this routine?

Tell me or tell others what you have done this week. Try to encourage them as well. You can comment about it here on my site, or blog about it on your own site.

Let’s all participate in this activity, and see what are the outcomes by next Sunday. I hope we can all learn from this, and try new things all the time.

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Cell phone earpieces … I hate them! I find them to be purely stupid, and people who wear them will seriously have a major wax buildup in only ONE ear! Also, people who drive with them are likely to cause an accident as a person holding a cell phone or using the head piece! Same thing! You are in a state of disruption and your brain is focused somewhere else!

That’s really not my problem. That’s just a rant about reckless drivers and inevitable wax buildups. My real rant is about people who walk around in the malls or grocery stores with that earpiece on. They look like lunatics talking to them selves. Not only that, they look like they are talking to me cause they are next to me and no one else is around!

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad, and we obviously talk in Arabic only. Then all of a sudden, a guy near by was talking in Arabic to a female. I didn’t see anyone around. And this guy was talking in Arabic so loud! I was trying to find the person who he was talking to, because I had no idea how he knew me otherwise. Then he turns a bit around, and I see that stupid cellphone earpiece on his ear. I was like ARGH!! Stupid thing!

If you wear one and talk so loud with barely anyone around you or only one person around you, then expect a stare back with utter confusion! Those earpieces are misleading and annoying! I don’t like them, and I never did. I like my old technological ways of holding a phone in my hand. I am old school and proud!

All you Matrix wannabees!