I grew up in different environments throughout my life, and with different types of friends. A selected few because I am the anti-social butterfly. I was always shy, did not talk much, and really didn’t feel like I had something worth talking about. Because of that, I did not have many friends. It didn’t bother me much, because I was a bit logical and kept thinking of why would anyone really want to be friends with a girl who didn’t talk much, or say anything worth listening to?

Throughout high school, I did not have any “friends.” Maybe because I went to different high schools cause of my move to Canada. I was a nerd and a loner. I was too smart for my own good, and was stuck in classes with people older than me, and being born in December and being ahead didn’t help. So technically, I was almost 1.5 years younger. I mean come on, I was so nerdy, I did not study for trigonometry or chemistry tests and got 100%. People seriously hated me, and till now I think science is the best thing on earth.

Well, I tried to have friends in my final grade 13 year with Arabs, but then I discovered that I could not be friends with any Arab just because they are Arab. They are my people, we are foreigners in this strange land, and we should bond together through thick and thin. That’s how I thought, but took me one month to discover that was pure bull shit, and I quickly ended any friendship that was based on talking behind my back and calling me a white washed nerd. They thought I was born here because I had no accent, and I was not like them, and did not understand how it is to be a foreigner. Ok… whatever.

That was then, and eventually I returned to a shy person all over again, but I was a bit more open, and slowly had a clique of selected friends. However, the more friends I had, the more I noticed that people really did not listen to me.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves: people do not listen to me. I listen to them, but they don’t do the same to me. I don’t know why, and they wonder why I am not talkative or ask about them much. What am I supposed to really tell them? Am I to say, “well, I try to talk to you and have a conversation that is more than one minute long, but you slowly ignore me and stop replying back and changing the subject to your satisfaction.” This is NOT through msn or any virtual medium. This is in real life; face-to-face.

I am different. I am an Arab girl who is a total nerd, doesn’t look like one, obsessed with technology and the internet, and creates websites just for fun. I do not care much about shopping for particular things. I like looking like a bum sometimes. I do not talk on the phone for hours, because I hate phones. How many Arab girls like me out there? Or girls in general?

Now, I am noticing that same trend again with some people, and not just Arabs. I think there is seriously something wrong with the way I speak that people don’t give a rat’s ass if they listen to me or not. I see it. I really do see it. Maybe the only satisfaction I get is from this blog. I feel people are actually listening (reading) what I really have to say, but I am not real life friends with them.

Maybe I should start obsessing over girly things and pretend to be normal, but I do not know the first thing about anything to do with the latest trends. Maybe I should gain new interests, but do I really want to change my interests to satisfy other’s personalities to keep or gain friendships? Isn’t that called “fake?”

I was thinking of something fake to do. Dear GOD! forgive me for I had sinful thoughts! Amen!

Phew.. I like being my self, but I wish others did too.

Advice, Culture, Ranting as usual!, They said what?

Every day, my mom would have this utter fear from a Jordanian lady that keeps coming to our house uninvited. This lady seriously has issues. She is divorced, but trying to suck up her husband’s money (he is a millionaire), and has horribly raised kids. They don’t even go to school and always out in another city with friends. They are still in high school. And yet, this lady keeps coming over whenever she feels like for 3 or 4 hours complaining about her life. How does my mom feel? Annoyed! :vangry:

My mom is about 18 or 19 years older than her. I don’t understand why my mom talks to this woman anyways. This woman has serious problems, and now she is going around telling people she is chatting with this guy from Egypt and wants to bring him to Canada. Ok? My mom doesn’t understand why someone would not bother with the kids, raise them wrong, and look for another husband.

So, every time the phone rings, or door rings, my mom tells me, “if it is her, tell her I am not here.” My dad refuses obviously because it is lying. However, in my case, well, I don’t bother answering the door or phone. It’s not my problem. Every time my mom complains, I tell her, “why don’t you just tell her to stop coming, or not to come uninvited.” My mom says, “no way I am saying that. That is wrong.” I tell her, “isn’t it wrong to complain about people and not want to see them and lie to them?” She said, “yes, but what am I to do? Why do I have to sit for 3 or 4 hours and listen to her? Half the things she says are not true and everyone knows that.” I just keep telling my mom, “be straightforward. Tell her to stop coming uninvited!”

I am totally different than my mom when it comes to people. I have no patience, and I am too straightforward. If I don’t like someone or someone’s actions, then I tell them. I don’t care. I rather satisfy my self than them. It’s my life, not theirs that I have to carry on my shoulders and sit through for hours non end.

I feel that some people have this annoying trait to them that they can’t help, or they don’t notice or think is wrong. It is a habit to them, but there are people like me that will get annoyed and tell people off. I don’t care if I burn bridges or loose friends. I don’t want to spend my hours listening to nonsense and accepting certain behaviours I don’t like. Don’t get me wrong, I am accepting of people and who they are in general. Everyone is unique, but some behaviours I cannot tolerate because it disturbs me. I don’t like to get disturbed. It pisses me off and I don’t want anymore grey hair. I have enough.

Advice, They said what?, Whatever!

I am a science freak. I am serious, I think I spend half my day reading science papers, or new NASA discoveries. Do you know I love NASA and their discoveries a little too much? I lurk on this amazing website called NASA. Yes, I am a geek, but I don’t care. We geeks will rule the world one day, and it will become a better place.

I know there are far too many stereotypes that scientists are Atheists. I doubt that the majority are. I think scientists use their knowledge and try to discover new things to explain God’s creations. What puzzles me is this evolution crap, but I think some species evolved for a reason, and got extinct to make room for us new intelligent people called human beings, or scientifically, Homo Sapiens to exist. There are a lot of debates on the whole story of Adam and Eve. I know it is true, and I believe that humans came into existence on this earth not too long ago. However, I do believe that the earth is millions of years old, I won’t deny that, but humans are not so old, and we did not evolve from anything. We are perfect because God wanted us to be that way.

I don’t want to get into a debate about evolution here, but more a genetic discussion and racism. Last night, I watched this documentary about racism and why it is such a problem, and really there is no basis for it. The problem was this guy named Carl Linnaeus (1707–1778). He created the modern taxonomy of species and gave each organism a name, and placed them in groups and subgroups. However, you cannot put humans in groups and subgroups. There is hardly a genetic variation between humans to do that. That’s how racism started, it’s all cause of this guy.

Obviously, scientists now a days are a bit smarter. Human to human genetic variation is estimated to be at least 0.5% (99.5% similarity). How can you classify humans in different categories then? Is it because of that phenotype variation? That skin colour? What if I would tell this next idiot that comes to my site, “well, genetically, I am 99.5% like you. Will you still hate me for being that close to you?”

This post was inspired from some idiots on Entrecard who rejected a site exchange with me because they think my site is “violent.” Why can’t they be a little straightforward and say they rejected me because I am an “Arab?”

Listen to this beautiful poem, “And Still I Rise,” by Maya Angelou.

Advice, Random Thoughts, They said what?

Last night, I migrated my feeds to Google feeds. I just forgot to tell people. So please, in your RSS reader, change the address to:
http://feedproxy.google.com/rebelliousarabgirl/LWut

Thank you!

Advice, Random Thoughts

A long time ago, my blog visitors were concentrated on a select group of people visiting it, in other words, Arabs. However, I started one day to speak about every day issues of a normal person living in Canada. Like psychological problems, relationship problems, friend problems, etc. Then my blog evolved from being strictly about a pissed off Arab, to a person who is not satisfied with conformed traditions and societies’ ideals.

One day I woke up, and saw that my blog is linked to non-Arabs blogs. People who are not Arabs are stumbling, digging, and advertising my site. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what I exactly represented to the rest of the world that interested them so much. However, I had to represent the image of an Arab in a better way, which I am. I never actually described Arabs in a bad way. I just described Arabs’ actions and the way they mix religion with culture as horrible, and something that I want to abolish.

I am just one person, but people laugh at me asking how I can do all that. Many persons changed the world. Some in a positive way, and others in a negative way. I don’t think they stopped when someone asked them that question or told them they are out of their minds.

You know what else is funny, 90% of the hate mail and the comments ridiculing me are from Arabs. I don’t even have to prove that Arabs are against change and cannot accept anything else but strictly Arabic traditions. They just come flocking to my site to do that for me.

Now, to the main point, which I should have stated before, but I am not writing an essay here. Many people yesterday were wondering why I am a conservative Muslim, but I am representing rebellion. I will say this for the first and final time, I am not rebellious against Islam in any way. I am rebellious against some of the Arab cultural traditions that have no basis, but are justified by religion. My problem is that we live in such a different world now, that Arabs are not evolving much anymore. In the Arab world, there aren’t many scientists, important scientific discoveries, or being part of the new world of ideas. All Arabs care about is money and hiring foreigners to do the work for them. I don’t think I heard of a University in the Arab world that gets grants from the government and help out students in research. Most of them would rather give them money to go abroad.

Culturally, majority of Arabs have seriously made others look down upon us. People think that Arabs act this way because they are so religious. No. I don’t understand where half the traditions come from. I don’t understand why every Arab’s action is justified by religion. Do many Arabs really follow their religion? That’s my main concern and I am wondering where that red line is between culture and religion.

I know many Arabs now are going to be pissed at me, and some even wonder why I am so conservative and the Arab world is not like this anymore. I am sorry, but I find it hard to believe that Arabs have changed so drastically to the point that they are so westernized now. Yes, some things have changed, or maybe they never did and some individual’s actions are just different, and they are the only people you know very closely and think the rest are like them. There are always exceptions to the rule, but the majority is conservative.

I like being an Arab for two reasons. I speak, read and write the language of the Quran, and we have great food. Well, I don’t eat meat, but if you want great lamb dish with rice, ask an Arab. :up:

Anyways, back to ranting! My site is not accepted or liked by the majority of Arabs. I know that. I have seen many of the horrible comments that have been written about me by Arabs in this internet world. They are the ones that call them selves Arabs, yet they are the sneakiest, most ruthless, most gossiping people on earth. They stole my pictures, they altered them, they wrote horrible things about me, and made fun of my site constantly. And guess where I am and where they are at? I survived, they died out or are left with their clique of Arab followers.

I stood by my message of being who I am. I was never hiding behind a screen. I never went to other’s blogs to insult them or make fun of them. I never let the pride of being an Arab contaminate me by telling others that I am the purist and best thing on earth.

Did you notice how many sins I mentioned above that Arabs love to do to others? Do you really think I am happy of what Arabs have become? Do you think there is a reason to mix culture with religion? I suggest you separate the two. I did and will continue with my message.

Religion is not culture. Culture is not religion.

Advice, Culture, Religion, They said what?