One thing I learned the past few weeks from fasting, reading, watching the world evolve to the unknown, is that the only way to survive in this world is to be my self. To stop being fake around people just to please them. I am tired of pleasing people and being someone else’s shoe. I am far better than that personality wise and mentally.

Don’t get me wrong, my arrogance did not reach its high peak yet. I know how some of you love how I express my self in such a whimsical truthful manner that raises more questions than answers.

I do not think I possess some unbelievable talent or some meticulous writing craft that I genetically inherited. On the contrary, being one of the 3 or 4 university/college educated members of my entire immediate family does not mean anything other than I was born in better circumstances than the rest that allowed me to reach this far in life.

It’s funny how life shapes our futures. Where we are born, where we live, where we grow up, etc. Yet, does it shape our pride, personality, and our perception of life?

That’s what I want to discuss today, does higher education really shape our personality to the better?

I do not think so because I have met the most educated people out there, but their personality and social life is the most closed minded of everyone. Why is that? Why aren’t many educated people more open to life, have a welcoming personality, and are more social? It seems that the less educated are far more accepting of the basics of life than those who secluded them selves for years of studying and becoming what they are today.

Does anyone know why?

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts

I will be on blog sabbatical till Wed-nes-day! Sorry about the late notification.

In the meantime, to keep my blog active, I am assigning some blog tasks to my daily visitors and active post commentators. Here is what I came up with that sure will keep your senses stimulated.

Mais – your task is to ignite the fire.

Craig – your task is to keep the fire burning.

Charlie – your task is to ignite the fire in different places.

myblog – your task is to make the flame rise higher and higher.

Sarah – your task is to try to moderate the burning thoughts of others.

Janet – your task is to try in every way you can to put out the fire.

That’s it, let me see how creative you guys are in the comment area. Everyone else, your task is to sway the conversation from left to right and make the people I assigned the tasks go crazy trying to answer your thoughts.

Here is the topic: Israel v.s the world. What do you think?

Advice, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Ranting as usual!, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Everyone please read this guest post!

“Okay, so I’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time, but haven’t gotten around to it until today because I assumed things would get better. But they haven’t. I have a big dilemma that I need help with and was hoping that you, the readers, would be able to shed light on my situation and guide me as to what to do. Here goes:

I am in my early twenties and have gotten divorced about a year ago. I was forced to move back in with my parents, against my will. I used to live in North America, but have now moved half way across the world to be with them. Basically, two weeks before I got divorced I assumed my life would resume the same way it had been going for the past few years; I had a job, friends, and lived in a city I love. The only problem with the situation was my husband, my now ex-husband, who I wanted to leave a few months after we had gotten married due to the many problems we had. I stayed with him for two and a half years. I wanted to try everything before giving up on this.

Anyway, so I thought, okay, I am going to get divorced and move in with my brothers, who still live at home (in North America) and continue with my life (this was the original plan my family and I decided). But two weeks before I got divorced my family presented me with the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make: stay living in NA without the support of my family, and basically be disowned by them, or move overseas and start a new life here. Of course, at the time, even though I badly wanted to stay, I moved. I felt like I had no option and I didn’t want to lose my family. They are Arab and Muslim and don’t think that it is right for a Muslim girl to be staying by herself, unmarried, without her family (technically I would have stayed with my brothers, but they didn’t consider that acceptable-even though they are mahrams). They are worried that the gossips back home wouldn’t ever leave me alone. I told them I didn’t care what people said, because I’ve learned through my tough marriage, that people will always talk no matter what.

So I packed up all my stuff, of which I had brought less than half of with me, and sold my furniture and everything else, and prepared to move. It has been a year, and I’ve been very depressed about being here. I am living in a foreign country amongst people who don’t understand me or even try. I left my life and have no job here (I can’t legally work here), I don’t go to school, and I spend my days day-dreaming about what if I had taken the other route. I talk to my friends on the phone, msn, whatever, but of course it is not the same. My parents don’t let me go out without their permission, and don’t let me see people who they don’t know. Basically anytime I make a new friend, I have to have them over for a meet-and-greet with my mom so that she approves of them, and lets me go out with them. I can’t stay out past 9 PM, nor can I get around without asking my dad for rides everywhere. There are no buses here and the only other form of transportation I can take is a taxi, which he doesn’t let me take. I feel trapped, spending most of my days wishing and hoping I can go back. Staring at the window looking at people going about their daily lives and not feeling as though I am a part of it. I sleep a lot, and am home pretty much 95% of the time. I don’t get along with my parents, but I came here to prove to them I am an obedient daughter. And they don’t even seem to realize the sacrifices I’ve made for them.

My whole life I’ve been controlled. First by my family, and being forced to be homeschooled in grade 8, after I’d already been going to a public school for most of my life. I fell into a deep depression which was only briefly alleviated when I got married. I married someone I didn’t love (we talked maybe three times before the marriage took place) and of course, it wasn’t surprising when it ended. He was always lying to me and cheated on me several times. And I only got married to leave my parent’s house thinking I would have a better life with someone (who I thought at the time) wouldn’t be able to control me as they have. My parents are typical Arabs and are very narrow-minded and don’t see my point of view on anything. They’re constantly making me feel like I’m a bad person because I disagree with them on a lot of religious matters, and they are constantly judging the way I look, act, and who my friends are. I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything to warrant this behaviour from them. But they’ve always been like this, and I was stupid to think they would change and be open minded.

Anyway, back to my present situation here…I feel trapped with no way out but the alternative my dad presented me with before I came here. If I leave, I will not be able to contact my family or have anything to do with them, and basically be disowned. But if I stay I feel like my mental sanity is at stake.

I’ve tried to adapt, for a whole year, but it’s been in vain, since my family doesn’t understand me or even care that I am depressed all the time. The only way I feel like I’ll get my life back is to leave. But I’m scared and worried that they’ll do good on their promise to disown me, and I will get punished for it on the day of judgement, for not listening to them. I need help, and if anyone knows of any alternative solution to my problem, I am all ears…Thanks for listening.”

Advice, Confused, Culture, Religion, They said what?

Life is stringing me along day by day and it has not been merciful. Either I try to fight for what I believe in, or die with shame for not trying.

This is part 1 of the series of Mona’s Discontents:

I have a strange mentality, but there is no point of me trying to change it, so I try to embrace its eccentricity. When I was a child, I never followed anyone. My parents didn’t even have to warn me about peer pressure or who I should not talk to. They knew well enough from my strong personality that I do not like walking behind anyone, doing something that everyone else is doing, or following someone else’s lead.  Over time, my personality has formed and lead me to be very patient, a good listener, and have the ability to make my own choices after I carefully studied them.

Therefore, I do not like people who live their lives following others. I cannot comprehend or even try to understand why they accept to live such a life. These people lack inner pride, they cannot make a decision without consulting someone else, and are in dying need for someone to boss them around. I do not understand why, and no way on earth can I live my life like that. How people can wake up every day to live life this way? I have no clue.

Why am I mentioning all this now? You see, I have met many two faced people in my life, and those two faced people are the ones that grab those suckers and make them their followers forever. Let’s say I want to hire someone now, who do I look for? Do I look for someone I knew in the past that I want to keep controlling forever because I am in a higher position now to do so,  or should I look for someone new and different that needs a chance in this world, or should I do hit two birds with one stone and teach the weak to stand up and make a change in their life and hire the new for a change of meeting new people in my life? I do not want to play it safe, because I love to take risks and have faith in other human beings.

Another example, there are many people that complain so much about their work or politics or government but they do nothing about it. Why is it so hard for someone to get off their ass and start doing something? Even if it is something so tiny and maybe not that magnificent, but it is a tiny spec of new hope and change. Blow up like me people! Complain! Say something! I did and look where I am this week? No one dares say a word to me now and I like it. I take charge because I am confident enough to do it, and my life is not worth being someone’s follower.

You may think I am far from arrogant.  However, I am discontent with the world around me, and I have higher expectations of myself and other human beings. This is the real me: patient, full of perseverance, and wants to lead and not follow.

Enough ranting for tonight. My eyes are aching, the heat is blazing, and I am tired of drinking over 4 cups a day of coffee.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Idiots, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post, Whatever!

One day, I was walking down the streets and saw a group of young children blowing bubbles with all their might. I wondered why bubbles popped so quickly no matter how big, full of air, and sometimes mixed with saliva traces they can be. Surprisingly, there were barely any traces of the bubbles on the ground.

I looked at the bubbles as they rose in the air and died. It’s like imagining a soul going up to heaven and then suddenly gone that the naked eye no longer sees.

Is our soul like a bubble?

Enough of the whimsical feeling and relating one’s soul to bubbles. How silly is that? “Life is like a bubble, you never know when it is gonna pop,” as Mona sarcastically would say.

What has become of my life? I have been engaging in long endless conversations with that mind of mine. I have never in a million years thought I would end up like this, but then again, who knows what will happen tomorrow. I might fall on my head and wake up thinking that I was overthrown from my duties of being a leader of an underground rebellious cult. Do people still join cults? I think they are called Facebook groups in our modern world.

I will honestly tell you that no matter how much I criticized people living in a bubble because they don’t know any better, it will not justify my willingness to live in one. Yes my drear humble readers, I live in a bullet proof bubble. No intruders and no solicitors welcome. But why is that?

I have managed to eliminate everything from my life for the feeling of quietness. I cannot stand noise. I cannot stand people jumping down my throat and criticizing my every move. Till now, at my age, I still fight with my mother to leave me be. My mother has an instinct or uncontrollable driving force to criticize me in any way possible. I don’t blame her, I was the worst out of the three children she “tried” to raise. The middle child. The forgotten one that is only one remembered when I am needed, and forgotten because I keep secluding my self from the rest of the world.

I am alone in my world. I cannot control this strange joyful feeling. Yet, when one remembers me, it is like the whole world does too. That’s how much I value one person remembering me or thinking of me. Can you imagine so many others as well?

I am different than others. I even perceive others differently then what most people do. I value one’s thought process. I value one’s life from beginning to end. No matter who you are, you are worth that moment of everyone in the world knowing you. Ask your self this, who is the most memorable person you have ever met in your life? They don’t have to be highly intellectual or good doers. Just people. If you can remember such a person, then you are able to penetrate their bubble forever.

Surprisingly, I have a soft side to me as well.

P.S. Ladies at work described me as, “Sweet but edgy.” I wonder what gave them that idea? Hmm …

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!