I have a bit of a psychological problem from Arabs because they don’t accept me because of my skin colour. Yes, Arabs can be very racist. They think being dark and not so skinny is bad. I thought I was alone, and I was just making up excuses for my self to justify the messed up Arab ideology. However, I got a Facebook PM this morning from an Arab girl who noticed it as well, and wanted to share her view point about this serious matter.

She wrote the following,

I grew up in an Arab country within a relatively religious Muslim/Arab community. There were a few European/Non Muslim families there, maybe out of 100 there were 10, at the time, (this is during the 90s/early 2000s, until I moved to a more mixed community). Ever since I was very young, maybe about 8/9 years old, I received many, many compliments, mostly from the women in my family, extended family, and family friends, on how ”fair” and ”European looking” I was, which was considered very beautiful and good, especially for a girl. Anyways, I never thought about any of this too much because I was too busy studying and involved with my own interests. I only noticed this when I got a bit older and started studying religions on my own. I was actually removed from Islamic studies in school because my teacher kept telling me strange things, and it gave me nightmares, but that’s another story. So, I realize now that I’m in university that while I’m a decent human being, in terms of being the ”perfect Muslim girl” I’m not really representative, as in, I don’t wear the hejab, I dress quite liberally (within reason from the western perspective but liberally from the Islamic perspective), I’m quite anti-establishment so I question things a lot too. Also, I’m not naive at all, nor do I want to be, I research everything and study a lot.

I have really good girlfriends that I’ve known since I was really young that I’ve stayed in touch with. I have a lot of girlfriends that are Muslims, and they’re perfect from the Islamic perspective, they pray 5 times a day, they fast, they wear the hejab, they believe and have faith 150% in their religion, they have been taking Islamic studies since they were 5, some of them have even been to hajj, and they are really nice girls in general. Now when I was younger and living in my neighborhood I noticed that the ”white girls” and Arab girls that had western features or were mixed, got most the attention and special treatment from both Arab and Muslim men and women. I thought this was just because the guys were young and stupid and didn’t know any better. Now that I’m older though, I still notice that my girlfriends that are slimmer, more western looking, even if they aren’t the perfect Muslims, get much more attention, even more marriage proposals than the 100% practicing Muslim girls that maybe don’t look like models and can’t pass for western looking at all.

I know I’m going to get so much flack for this, and many girls and boys will be up in arms and say that I’m wrong and these Muslim and Arab guys I’m talking about haven’t been brought up properly, or they aren’t proper Muslims. Okay, these guys that I’m talking about, lived in Muslim communities, their mothers and fathers are both practicing Muslims, and they went to schools where they took Islamic studies their whole life. They lived in an Arab Muslim country; they didn’t grow up in London or New York. I also know the situation is completely different for boys. What I’m saying is that most the Muslim boys I’ve met, still place physical appearance quite high on their list of priorities when it comes to a partner. That’s not bad in itself, everyone wants their partner to be good looking, it just means Muslims aren’t that different when it comes to relationships/marriage.

What do you think? She wants to hear your opinions.

Advice, Culture, Guest Post, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Some of you are wondering why I have not written anything the past couple of days. You can say I was suffering from a severe depression episode (don’t want to drizzle your evening with boredom of the reason why), and I felt that words on the internet will not make me seem like a pleasant Rebellious Arab Girl, but more of a well-hated one. So, I kept my distance, but a watchful eye on my blog’s active debates regarding the indisputable marriage questions.

Anyways, let me discuss the subject that I was thinking about instead of a depression rant. I want to point out something that I noticed regarding the opposite gender. I am not sure if I want to stereotype this towards only Arab guys, or guys in general, or just a selected few. I don’t really know. All I know is that some guys have severe problems with people accepting them right away. They are in desperate need for a girl to accept them right away, or they will end it without saying a word. If a girl does not show interest right away and goes beyond the friendly conversation to actually loving the guy, then the guy ends it faster then the speed of light.

Self esteem issues? Acceptance issues? Impatience issues? He must find a girl that loves him ever so quickly because he cannot stand his life anymore!

Maybe that’s the problem with people and relationships. Everyone wants things so fast, and do not want to get to know the other person at all. Some guys don’t even bother to answer any questions that the girl may ask him about life or anything. He just ignores it and wants to talk about his feelings and if the girl loves him already. What if that cute girl with crazy thoughts is a bit, oh how can I say this, PATIENT? Has all the time in the world to get to know someone, and does not believe that rushing into anything is any good?

I sound like a bad highschool guidance councilor. I don’t even remember ever going to mine. I didn’t like my highschool.

You guys get my point? Some guys have no patience. They want things now, or they will end it. However, you know what pisses them off? When you act like it didn’t bother you, and you didn’t bother to ask him why he did it, and what the problem is? Because if the girl is smart, she wouldn’t ask and would right away know what the problem is. Somehow, that makes the guy wonder why you didn’t ask, and he comes back crawling all on all fours trying to figure it out.

I think for life to move along in a more positive direction, we need to learn about that thing called patience. I used to have no patience growing up; however, I had to learn it the hard way, or all what is left from the 4 or 5 handful of brain cells in me will be dissolved quickly into thin air. Actually, I got like 2 or 3 handfuls. But who is counting?

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

There is one question that you, me, she, he, them asked themselves a million times. No matter how much people deny it or think it is so untrue and makes no sense what so ever, they still ask the same exact question when they are feeling low.

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Do we shape our own destinies, or is everything predefined and we just have to walk blindfolded in this journey of life?

Advice, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

Every now and then, wait, actually who am I kidden? EVERY DAY, I have a major debate with my mother that ends with, “leave me alone!” You see, my mother and I have very different view points, even on the littlest things. It has nothing to do with my stubbornness and just wanting to always be in disagreement. On the contrary my online friends, I just cannot understand her way of thinking, or maybe she doesn’t understand mine. All I can say, she is the only person so far in all the 28 years of my life that I was never able to communicate with properly.

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Enough complaining about communication. The catalyst is always that little brat that is half my age. I keep arguing with my sister that I am not a jealous person, because I do not care about others, and a person should worry about their own problems. Why should I be jealous of her, or other people? Jealousy is bad! It leads to envy and worse, it leads to a corrupt state of mind that only wants to be like someone else. However, my mother thinks that jealousy is a good thing, because it makes us strive to be better then the person we are jealous of, and we can learn from me.

Learn from them? How? If I am jealous of that person, what’s there to learn? I only have evil thoughts in my head if I am jealous, and it means I will curse the ground they walk on, because they have something that I don’t.

Do you see the problem? Maybe I know my self too well, that I try to avoid jealousy. I do not want to be jealous of anyone or anyone jealous of me, because I would end up being an evil person who envies others, and have no personality of my own. So, I know what that person wants, but do I want the same exact thing and get jealous cause of it?

I think there is a major difference between learning from someone to be better than them, and being jealous of them. Don’t you think?

Advice, Angry, Confused, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

This morning, I got an email from a very sweet reader of mine. She is young, educated, but confused. (Aren’t we all?) Therefore, she wrote this guest post because she needs advice, and I know my readers have different views on the subject, and even experienced it and can probably help out.

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The following was written by a Palestinian Conservative Christian University student.:

It all started when I finally smiled, and this time It was for real. To start, there is about a 15 years age difference between Mr. Anonymous and I. The one with person that actually treats me so right is out of the picture for my family due to his religion. That it just plain ignorance. What I don’t understand is when my parents say that they only want to see me happy yet forbid me to see the man I am truly in love with. They contradict themselves. I am currently unhappy with my Fiancé and they are happy that I am with him just because he is of same faith. I don’t understand how they can be so happy for me when not a minute goes by that I am content with my relationship. I want it to end. I get disgusted by him. He is uneducated and control freak. We come from two totally different worlds. He comes from Jordan, and I come from America. Two different mentalities. He is also very obsessive and treats me like shit. There is absolutely no chemistry between him and I especially due to the language barrier him and I have.

What the heck? What the heck is the simple question I ask my self everyday that seems to have no logic answer (s). Why can they not just accept the fact that it’s my life and I should be able to make the decisions or MY own life. I am coming to a conclusion that my last resort is to run away with him. I am just so sick and tired of my family trying to control my lifestyle. I have been in contact with Mr. Anonymous recently and I have finally been able to breath again. He accepts me and loves me so much for who I truly am. I can be myself with and around him. That is something not permitted with Michael.

Updated: The writer of this guest post’s name in the comments is Anonymous. Address her if you would like to make any suggestions.

Advice, Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!