What happens when you try to weight both critical life options in the palm of your hands and try picking which one is more important, like job or marriage? Answer: you end up with a bad migraine and a mother who will never understand you. Actually, no one understands me, and I am trying so hard to keep it that way to eliminate the migraine!

Yes, I have been suffering from severe migraines. I do see little specs of light, and my head feels like it is going to rip from the inside and explode! That’s what happens when people only mention these two things to me. I get people who won’t stop talking about work, and keep giving me endless advice thinking they know best. So what do I inevitably end up doing? I ignore them until my mind settles and I am back to normal. I try to tell them, “ok, you know best. You know it all, but I am not in a state of mind to listen to it!”

Then, you got people like my mother, who thinks that it is about time I got married, because I am beyond old and I am approaching the God forbidden word, THIRTY! I have been forced to have this conversation with her the past week, but she won’t get it. This is her constant nagging:

Mom: “How do these girls find guys to marry, and they are much younger than you. They find a guy and it doesn’t seem so hard. Or they go on the internet and find them one.”

When I hear that, I want to shoot my self. I want to open the window in my bedroom and jump out of it. That way I can permanently damage a body part, and not have to hear her nagging me with the same phrase over and over.

I answer her: “I do not go out of the house. I am not going to find a guy off the net that I can only interact with through a screen. And yes, I blame you guys for all this!”

If you are wondering what I am blaming them for, then I will make a long story short, I ain’t going to discuss it ever on my site or to anyone outside my family. It is no one’s business how I ended up like this. The past with the ass hole was bad enough, however, the future is going to be a lot worse if my parents don’t change. It is not my fault I am stuck in a rut cause of them. It is not my fault that I am unemployed (they actually drove me to quit my job because they noticed I was about to crack, and they didn’t like my job at all from day one), and now I can’t find a new job and get out of this town. There are a lot of things that I blame them for, but it seems they don’t care. I also blame them for one last thing, the white or grey hair growth since I was 25. And yes, I blame most of it on being an Arab!

Mom: “How come all those girls have jobs? Why can’t you get a job?”

When I hear that, I want to go and lock my self in a room and scream my lungs out!

Mom: “How come your friends are getting married now. They are younger than you right? That’s why.”

I answer her: “How can people that went to highschool with me, and were in the same classes with me in University be younger than me? Mom, you are going to be shocked now, but they are older than me! I was the youngest one in the group. Remember I was born in December! And the rest of the girls I knew where 1 or 2 years and even 3 years older! Why is it that everyone that is getting married or engaged now is YOUNGER THAN ME?!”

That’s a scene I had in the kitchen earlier today. It’s ok. No damage done. Just some screaming and anger from my side, because my mother does not understand AT ALL!

That’s another problem that I suffer from. When you are stuck 4 months face to face with people, and you have no excuse to get out of the house. (Mine used to be work and school.) Inevitably, you start developing a serious personal problem like I am now. You start hating your self, hate interacting with people, and wishing you can accelerate time until you reach a point in your life that God has written for you that is just a tad bit different than it is right now!

Oh believe me, I am not angry. Why would I be angry? Angry is not a strong enough word to describe how I am feeling right now. Maybe a bit furious and about to explode. Maybe I am about to commit horrible atrocities on my self if I cannot resolve this problem anytime soon. Maybe my social interaction with other human beings is about to diminish, if it hasn’t already, and end up being anti-social like I was a few years ago. I honestly don’t know how else to describe my utter disgust from my life right now. If I say I hate my life, then I would be lying. I am beyond that state. I am far from it, and I am on the other side of the playing field now.

Some people would suggest a drink for me. It’s ok, I don’t drink. However, I went earlier to the mall and I devoured a Haggan Daz icecream in 45 seconds, and ate a Kit Kat Chunky in 1 minute. This is the first time I have eaten chocolate in weeks. I think the chocolate effect has worn off now, and that’s why I ended up writing this horrible post.

God help me.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

The more I talk to various people, the more I realize that I am way normal. So normal, that I am hanging out permanently with my other peepz at the peak of the social normal scale. I am on the top enjoying cleaner air, but maybe less oxygen. Meh, who needs oxygen!! Oxygen is SO overrated. Stay tuned for an explanation of that messed up concept in future rebellious nonsense thoughts. Why you may ask that I am claiming my normality, finally?? Well, I thought I took things seriously. I thought of my self as a major drama empress. (Not queen. I was beyond royalty at various cracking points.) lol Seriously, some people amaze me!

Here is what I have learned from observing people’s behaviour and online socializing:

1. People cannot take advice from me. They love to give it to me, and enforce it upon me, but once the tides have turned, bam, they take major offense by the words that I vomit through the keyboard.

2. I cannot express my self truthfully at all. I feel like I always have to crack a joke or sarcastic reply to gain people’s friendship. Once I have a serious talk, then it all goes down hill from there. That proves to me that people are way over sensitive.

3. If I spaz or reply back angrily, because they offended me, then they no longer want to talk to me ever again. So, if you do it to me, I am ok with it? Do you guys think I am that insensitive to take it?

4. If I give a general opinion about them, then they take it as a major offense! Why the hell do you ask me sometimes what I think of you? You are so asking the wrong person. I don’t lie when it comes to people’s obviously messed up personalities and actions. No one is perfect, but some things ARE OBVIOUSLY WRONG! I don’t draw any lines when it comes to telling people what I really think of them.

5. Once they get mad at me, or take offense by me telling the truth, the first thing they say, “Your blog sucks! All you write is nonsense and turn it into a chat room about nothing.” So, why were you a part of this nonsense to begin with? Like I said earlier, they only like my sarcastic humor. They don’t realize that I sometimes act like a serious person. You should see me in a suit. I look like an 18 year old executive about to lead the world into oblivion. Ha ha ha.

6. Most importantly, I don’t care if they don’t want to talk to me again. Less human beings to interact with on a personal level, the better!

The end.

Wasn’t that a lovely post?

Should I explain now why I think oxygen is overrated? lol Or does anyone else want to take a wise crack at my messed up concept? Ha ha!

Advice, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

I always thought this way!!

Could this be any more true?

Advice, Blah Blah

For those of you who speak more than one language fluently, have you ever been in a situation that you intentionally spoke your native language, or a language that others don’t know, with those who understand it, because you didn’t want certain people to understand you? Or you did it without noticing that you did? Or you did it just someone else can translate?

[source]

How many times have I done it? Maybe a million a half times.

Do I feel guilty about it? No. I was born into a world where I had the opportunity to speak more than one language. How I use it, when I use it is my problem. If people don’t like it, as we say in Arabic, “Fokhar yikaser ba3doo.” Or “Yinfil2o!” lol (HATE MAIL COMING!)

Do I talk about people in a different language so they won’t understand me? Hmm, maybe only 50% of the time. Sometimes I just have hard time expressing certain things in English, so I say it in Arabic.� So maybe someone who is better than me in Arabic can translate it to English. Kind of it being a circle of thoughts. I just know far too many colloquial Arabic saying or phrases. I am not really that good in translating back and forth between languages. I just suck at it. Sorry, but talking about people, like trashing them. Hmm, I can trash people better in English and sometimes to their face. Ahh.. man. I am showing my bad side. Haha.

Has anyone ever told you off for doing it? Yah, they got the 6th sense and they are pure evil. That’s why they dare tell me to stop it! How rude on their part! BLAH!

I wonder what will happen if I speak some ancient language, or a made up language. I feel like making up my own language! Why can’t I? Let people follow my new lingo!!

Advice, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Funny, They said what?, Whatever!

Piece of advice:

Don’t ever give up on something you can’t wake up tomorrow morning and not think about.

Hmm…

Advice, Random Thoughts