This is going to be a long ranting post. So read on if you enjoy such a thing. I do. I love ranting. I feel that I can get everything out of my system and for the whole world to read!! And I honestly don’t care who reads it. What do I gain or lose if they read it? Nothing.

So, I am sick of looking for work. I am sick of going to interviews and trying to sell my self. I feel so violated. Selling my self? Sounds so wrong. Not only that, I have to fabricate a bunch of stories about my past and how awesome my work was and the things I did. Why lie? Why? Who am I kidden? My self? People? Don’t employers know that if you lie, you will get caught sooner or later? Like they can tell you know shit!

Actually, some companies are smart and will figure out if you know shit from the first interview. Some smart companies give you a test. I got some of those tests before, and oh boy! It felt like I was taking the final exam of all exams and was worth 100% of my overall final mark! Wow! It is scary. I start sweating and praying to the almighty Lord, and for those atheists, I am sorry, I believe in God. I have to. It makes sense to little me who needs to have a little bit of faith in life just to survive and sleep at night.

So interviews suck, and I know my luck. There is never hope. Getting a job now a days, in such a messed up world with unstable economy, is like winning the lottery. And I am known to be an unlucky person in everything that goes on in my life. So all I do is rant rant rant. And for those that know me and follow my blog, really really really hate me complaining about work. A reader of my site named Oussama commented on my Mundane is the Name from last week’s post where I complained that I am toast! No one will hire me and I have no motivation to do so! He bluntly told me that I should stop wasting companies time if I have no intention in doing well or caring about looking for work. I agree. I cannot do well, and I so can’t look for work. So I stopped looking for work. I did Oussama and everyone else a favour. Happy people?

Why look for work? Start my own business!

Sure, I can start my own business, but you see, I sat at home for many months contemplating if this is the lifestyle that I want. Do I want to be a web entrepreneur full time and venture into the unknown? So I tried. I wrote down ideas! I wrote down many ideas and possibilities! However, I lacked motivation. I needed someone to tell me, do it. Do it now! Do it dammit! MONA START WORKING! What are you waiting for Mona? Are you waiting for all the money in the bank to deplete? Are you waiting for a miracle from God and money to start pouring down like rain?

What are you waiting for Mona? You cannot start a business or anything! You need motivation!

So, who is willing to motivate me? You see, the problem is that I lack faith in my self. I don’t know why or how that happened. I was never like this. I think I started losing faith in my self every time I got rejected from a company after an interview. And believe me, I went to a lot of interviews. Obviously, my resume rocks and I stand out. That was never a problem. My problem was that I couldn’t put all my thoughts in one place, and since I am a 100% introverted person, being interviewed by more than one person scared the hell out of me. I would always feel my heart racing, the palm of my hands start sweating like crazy, and I start forgetting my name. And oh my name. MONA IS SUCH AN EASY NAME TO FORGET!

So I stopped looking for work. I don’t want to ever go to an interview again and feel like I am having a heart attack while trying to sell whatever skills I have. I think I have skills. I think I am smart. However, do they know that? Do they believe that? Who will believe it when my heart is racing so fast and I am about to have an anxiety attack?

Many people told me that the only way, especially in this city of mine, is to network. You must know many people Mona. You need to network and keep friendships with people that will help you get a job in the future. Sure!! I thought about it. I really did. However, I feel like a two faced suck up who only wants to make friends with you just so you can help me out! It’s like you owe me something in return of a fake friendship. I don’t want anyone to owe me anything or me owing them anything! I don’t want to get a job knowing that someone else had a hand in it. I feel like I owe them that for life! That’s not me. I can’t do it.

You see, the only thing I didn’t lose so far in life is knowing that I can do it. I think I can do it on my own. Why not? What’s wrong with me? Other then being a very introverted person who has been lacking faith in her self? Well, only because I kept getting rejected! I hate being rejected! Getting rejected sucks ass! It’s the worse feeling on earth, and that’s why I stopped going to interviews or looking for work. I hate rejection! But, I hate feeling that I can only get a job because I know people that know other people! What is this, a job market or mafia?

My people will call their people and will try to hook you up by at least getting you an interview. ??????

I can GET AN INTERVIEW by my self dammit! I don’t need that! I revamped my resume and it rocks! It is the best looking resume ever! Straight forward and to the point! This is me! Like it or not! I will go to an interview if you believe in me! Not because someone else told you that she can do it! Don’t put this idea in my head that the only way to find work now a day is through networking. I am a social networker! Look at me! I have a blog! I have hundreds of Facebook friends! I have several hundreds and even over a thousand Twitter friends! I can social network. I can talk to people who know people. However, is that what I want? To use them to find me a job!? I want good friends in my life, and be happy. Not to use them!

Mona, YOU CAN GET A JOB without any help! That’s what I keep telling my self. That’s the only faith I have left in my self. That’s what kept me going, but I gave up today. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t look for work anymore. I am tired of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone knows? What can I do anymore!!

[source]

So, I wrote this post 3 days ago, and people are wondering and waiting. They are wondering what I am talking about. Maybe I was talking about work. Maybe they are waiting for that final decision in my life that I will make. And yes, it was that I will stop going to interviews cuz I am sick and tired of them. I am sick of looking for work. It’s a tiring process that exhausts your well being. I cannot do it anymore. I am exhausted.

I wrote this,

I really wanted to write a very smart, clever, and sophisticated blog post today. However, due to unruly circumstances that are beyond my control, I was only allowed to write two sentences today.

Then I decided to cheat and add two more!

Stay tuned!

Some people wondered. Some people are waiting, and one person named Tekkaus asked me to add two more sentences to complete the thought by saying:

Clever with words….but too bad we have to wait huh! Perhaps more than 2 sentences in your next post? :p ….

So, I will finally do him and the rest of you a favour and add two more sentences to relieve everyone, and I promise this is going to be it. No more ranting about looking for work, because I gave up. I really did.

Here it goes. Two more sentences:

I got hired today.

I will start tomorrow morning.

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Here is a thought that has been puzzling me throughout this blog’s lifetime and people’s constant ranting emails. If a person asks questions about his/her culture, traditions, religion, people, life, anything, whatever, does that mean that the person is betraying their families and roots? They should be ashamed of themselves, and they need guidance? No one should rant or complain about life because it is wrong to do so? Who came up with that shit? If that is the case, we would still be living in the dark ages!

I think sometimes it is wrong to have a brain and think about something that is beyond what is known to us.

I am going to mention this again, the problem with the world is: misunderstandings, miscommunication, and ignorance. God help us all!

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, They said what?, Whatever!

I have a bit of a psychological problem from Arabs because they don’t accept me because of my skin colour. Yes, Arabs can be very racist. They think being dark and not so skinny is bad. I thought I was alone, and I was just making up excuses for my self to justify the messed up Arab ideology. However, I got a Facebook PM this morning from an Arab girl who noticed it as well, and wanted to share her view point about this serious matter.

She wrote the following,

I grew up in an Arab country within a relatively religious Muslim/Arab community. There were a few European/Non Muslim families there, maybe out of 100 there were 10, at the time, (this is during the 90s/early 2000s, until I moved to a more mixed community). Ever since I was very young, maybe about 8/9 years old, I received many, many compliments, mostly from the women in my family, extended family, and family friends, on how ”fair” and ”European looking” I was, which was considered very beautiful and good, especially for a girl. Anyways, I never thought about any of this too much because I was too busy studying and involved with my own interests. I only noticed this when I got a bit older and started studying religions on my own. I was actually removed from Islamic studies in school because my teacher kept telling me strange things, and it gave me nightmares, but that’s another story. So, I realize now that I’m in university that while I’m a decent human being, in terms of being the ”perfect Muslim girl” I’m not really representative, as in, I don’t wear the hejab, I dress quite liberally (within reason from the western perspective but liberally from the Islamic perspective), I’m quite anti-establishment so I question things a lot too. Also, I’m not naive at all, nor do I want to be, I research everything and study a lot.

I have really good girlfriends that I’ve known since I was really young that I’ve stayed in touch with. I have a lot of girlfriends that are Muslims, and they’re perfect from the Islamic perspective, they pray 5 times a day, they fast, they wear the hejab, they believe and have faith 150% in their religion, they have been taking Islamic studies since they were 5, some of them have even been to hajj, and they are really nice girls in general. Now when I was younger and living in my neighborhood I noticed that the ”white girls” and Arab girls that had western features or were mixed, got most the attention and special treatment from both Arab and Muslim men and women. I thought this was just because the guys were young and stupid and didn’t know any better. Now that I’m older though, I still notice that my girlfriends that are slimmer, more western looking, even if they aren’t the perfect Muslims, get much more attention, even more marriage proposals than the 100% practicing Muslim girls that maybe don’t look like models and can’t pass for western looking at all.

I know I’m going to get so much flack for this, and many girls and boys will be up in arms and say that I’m wrong and these Muslim and Arab guys I’m talking about haven’t been brought up properly, or they aren’t proper Muslims. Okay, these guys that I’m talking about, lived in Muslim communities, their mothers and fathers are both practicing Muslims, and they went to schools where they took Islamic studies their whole life. They lived in an Arab Muslim country; they didn’t grow up in London or New York. I also know the situation is completely different for boys. What I’m saying is that most the Muslim boys I’ve met, still place physical appearance quite high on their list of priorities when it comes to a partner. That’s not bad in itself, everyone wants their partner to be good looking, it just means Muslims aren’t that different when it comes to relationships/marriage.

What do you think? She wants to hear your opinions.

Advice, Culture, Guest Post, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Some of you are wondering why I have not written anything the past couple of days. You can say I was suffering from a severe depression episode (don’t want to drizzle your evening with boredom of the reason why), and I felt that words on the internet will not make me seem like a pleasant Rebellious Arab Girl, but more of a well-hated one. So, I kept my distance, but a watchful eye on my blog’s active debates regarding the indisputable marriage questions.

Anyways, let me discuss the subject that I was thinking about instead of a depression rant. I want to point out something that I noticed regarding the opposite gender. I am not sure if I want to stereotype this towards only Arab guys, or guys in general, or just a selected few. I don’t really know. All I know is that some guys have severe problems with people accepting them right away. They are in desperate need for a girl to accept them right away, or they will end it without saying a word. If a girl does not show interest right away and goes beyond the friendly conversation to actually loving the guy, then the guy ends it faster then the speed of light.

Self esteem issues? Acceptance issues? Impatience issues? He must find a girl that loves him ever so quickly because he cannot stand his life anymore!

Maybe that’s the problem with people and relationships. Everyone wants things so fast, and do not want to get to know the other person at all. Some guys don’t even bother to answer any questions that the girl may ask him about life or anything. He just ignores it and wants to talk about his feelings and if the girl loves him already. What if that cute girl with crazy thoughts is a bit, oh how can I say this, PATIENT? Has all the time in the world to get to know someone, and does not believe that rushing into anything is any good?

I sound like a bad highschool guidance councilor. I don’t even remember ever going to mine. I didn’t like my highschool.

You guys get my point? Some guys have no patience. They want things now, or they will end it. However, you know what pisses them off? When you act like it didn’t bother you, and you didn’t bother to ask him why he did it, and what the problem is? Because if the girl is smart, she wouldn’t ask and would right away know what the problem is. Somehow, that makes the guy wonder why you didn’t ask, and he comes back crawling all on all fours trying to figure it out.

I think for life to move along in a more positive direction, we need to learn about that thing called patience. I used to have no patience growing up; however, I had to learn it the hard way, or all what is left from the 4 or 5 handful of brain cells in me will be dissolved quickly into thin air. Actually, I got like 2 or 3 handfuls. But who is counting?

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

There is one question that you, me, she, he, them asked themselves a million times. No matter how much people deny it or think it is so untrue and makes no sense what so ever, they still ask the same exact question when they are feeling low.

[source]

Do we shape our own destinies, or is everything predefined and we just have to walk blindfolded in this journey of life?

Advice, Random Thoughts, Whatever!