Something about being an Arab really irritates me and probably will till the day I die! It’s Arab parents. Their persistence and their constant nagging is one of the reasons I started getting gray hair at the age of 24 and having my life completely messed up cause of them! Their constant nagging lead us to lying because they don’t understand and they never will. They just think that life is black and white and what they say is the ultimate and only answer. The moment you try to even express your self you get shut down quicker than an illegal drug operation!

I my self don’t think that way, and because I am always treated like this, I act the complete opposite and I don’t talk or give my opinion in anything. I think that’s another reason I resorted to having a blog, to say what’s on my mind, because I don’t talk or say anything in real life. I am just pissed because I am sick of this mentality. Moreover, this mentality hasn’t changed even in my generation. I know people who act exactly like their parents. I will never call it traditions. These are not traditions, but closed minded idiotic mentality and the fear of change and accepting people for the way they are!

Why can’t the old generation conform to change and accept the consequences? I swear at times I feel like I want to keep hitting my head on a wall so I can go unconscious for a month or two so someone will feel sorry for me and I can take a vacation from the constant demands and nagging!

I swear, if I was a singer I will only be singing songs about being pissed from the mentality of Arabs!

Oh my people!
Oh how much I want you to change,
So our generation can live in harmony!

Oh my people!
Why can’t there be a compromise?
Why can’t there be some understanding?

Oh my people!
Why do we have to conform to traditions?
Why do we have to live this double life to satisfy you?

Oh my people!
Why do I have to resort to writing to others,
So my mind will be at ease knowing someone out there listens?

Oh my people!
I want to live in peace.
Let me live in peace!

Yah.. I am pissed but I am not moody. I have always been like this and I try to be fake and cheerful at times so people won’t think I am going crazy. I think the coffee calms me down a bit, but drinking 2 full mugs of coffee before 9 am is not good! One time I didn’t drink coffee and I had the biggest headache on earth! However, believe me, I totally lost it long time ago, and this is my honest reaction to what I can’t stand! It’s enough I keep making up excuses of how much I hate my job, which I do with all my heart, but I am sick of hating! I am sick of living a life I can’t stand because of the people around me! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

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You see my friends, I came up with a great internet plan a week ago. A lot of Arab bloggers or Arabs in general who visit my site are not very fond of me. Therefore, I decided to prove them wrong for whatever reason they have based on my personality or writing. I don’t care because to each his/her own choice. So what I did is that I introduced to the world last week Araby Blogs as a non-biased site to network all Arab Bloggers. A lot of people told me to not tell anyone it is me and keep it a bit of an enigma. I didn’t want to. I had to advertise the new site somehow and I have no shame or fear that I made the site. So far Google mashallah 3aleeha has indexed Araby Blogs very well and people are actually searching for Arabic Social Networks, and guess who they choose? Within a week I reached 500 visits a day. Not bad really for something that has been online for a week and not advertised much at all.

So, I wanted a way to gather people so I introduced Araby Blogs to the world. I didn’t want it to be just another RSS feed aggregate, but the site to have a meaning to Arab bloggers and those who are interested in reading Arab blogs such as mine. I decided to write the simplest, most honest, the cutest, and straight forward blog reviews. I continually add new sites to it daily. I wanted to make people happy, and people who didn’t use to like me or didn’t really talk to me or come to my site came back because I did something that meant something. I used my skills as a programmer, my talents as a graphics designer, and my popularity as an Arab blogger to put a smile on their face. What else can I ask for but to put a smile on someone’s face and make them happy? It makes me happy with all my heart.

Those bloggers may have never been recognized for their efforts. Some Arab bloggers out there have to be recognized for their writing. I know the feeling. I was interviewed and featured on many sites by Arabs and non-Arabs mostly because I wrote something that meant something. Others do too and they need to be recognized and this is my way to give back to my people and help them out. Initially, I wanted to look deeper into the site and turn it to an investment. However, to have a network to socially engage and get to know more bloggers is a lot more rewarding. I love reading blogs. I love reading a real story that is not fabricated for an audience. Also, my apologizes, I don’t actively comment on people’s sites that much, but I do read them. I read a lot!

I think for those people who love reading books and go through 1 or 2 books a week or more are amazing people. I don’t know how you can do it. But, don’t you think that bloggers write more than that sometimes and read 10 times more than that? I am a critic. I won’t deny it. I do read a lot of blogs and books at home. Reading is a skill that people need to enjoy again, however, the most forgotten skill that people don’t use much is writing.

I will be honest with everyone now. When I first started my blog, I had one thing in mind, and it obviously was not to improve my writing skills but just to send a message to the world. Now, I want to send a message to the world by articulating my ideas through well written words that I post online. I will never say I am a great writer. I am just like everyone else out there. A blogger who loves to write and send a message to the world. I want everyone who is a blogger to think about how they are writing, and why they are writing. Are you a blogger who is writing for your self only, to your friends, or to an audience? I used to question my self a lot every time I published a new post, who am I writing to and why? Took me about 2 years till I discovered that I can write for my self, question my self, write about issues that effect me as an individual, and for the rest of the world to read and relate to.

The best emails, as the one I posted earlier today are the ones that say, “I am like you! I think like you exactly!” Do you think like me, or I am just sharing an experience that you went through, but no one to discuss it with? Someone else out there has felt the same way, and that’s why blogging is so popular. It’s the way you present your stories to the world, and how you can get your audience to relate to you. That’s what I think is the hardest skill a blogger can ever have. That’s why I am reviewing many blogs on my other site to show to the world that there are so many people like me and just need a way to recognize them.

And yah.. for those who didn’t know it was me who made Araby Blogs, and are wondering why I keep using “we” in everything I write on there, is because “WE” the Arab bloggers who are making the site bloom into something positive and colourful for the world to read.

Thanks so far!

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I used to think that I had people to trust and to talk to all the time. I tell them my problems, and they listen. That’s all I want really, a shoulder to cry on. Yet, I don’t get that feeling anymore from some people. I find some people are trying to listen and find a solution to satisfy them selves in the end. I am very ambitious but I don’t like to discuss it with some people. I want great things to happen to me and I will never give up. However, some people think that I will be satisfied with anything as long as it is a solution to my immediate need to change. What about the future? Isn’t that something to look forward to?

Ah.. you see the future is exactly where I want to be now. Yet, that’s not the case for some people because I will be at their level and that’s not what they want. You learn a lot about people and their real intentions from small conversations and discussing these future ambitions. I find it funny how people envy your ambitions and don’t even want you to reach them.

Who can a person trust now a days to talk to?

Now I am at work distracting my self by writing this post because I am so sick of working. I am now back to square one and debugging this shitty software I made and because I hate it with a passion, and was the number one reason I wanted to leave so bad, I totally screwed it up. I have no idea how to fix it, and I don’t even want to. I want to keep dragging it on and on till I leave. I keep thinking, well, that’s not right. You see, people like me feel guilty really fast. I keep thinking about it and not knowing what to do really. I will just keep dragging it and see what I can fix. God I hate this life of mine and this stupid job that I should have left years ago when I had the chance! God I am stupid!

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I got this question in my email today in Arabic from an anonymous person.

هل أنت قومية عربية؟

Translation: “Are you an Arab nationalist?”

The meaning behind the nationalist ideology is that people who think like this believe that Arabs should all be united as one.

What does the Rebellious Arab Girl answer? Yes.

Would I have been the same if I was living all my life in the Arab World? Yes.

Any more questions? You people will never give up! I swear you guys will start asking me next on religion.

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Look how polite I am, I said “please.” A rebellious person would just say, FUCKING STOP ASKING ME ABOUT RELIGION, POLITICS AND HISTORY in BIG BOLD letters, but not today. I want to talk about more serious issues that people keep asking me and wanting my opinion about. I want to refresh people’s memories who read my latest About Me page. I wrote a particular paragraph to illustrate a certain point.

I said,

My blog is only about me. I am not affiliated with any group or clan or anything. I don’t talk about politics or religious denominations or countries because it does not interest me and I don’t want to spend hours of my day arguing with ignorant people.

I think that is pretty clear. We agree right?

Now look at the following picture:

Most of you should know it. It’s beyond famous that as I, a child of the 80’s, grew up watching cartoons that had the ideology of the Three Wise Monkeys. Why? Because it teachs us these life lessons: Speak no evil. See no evil. Hear no evil.

Why am I mentioning this. Some may ask me this, “you got a blog, and you talk about people all the time.” I have to disagree with that. I seldom talk about people, and those people that I do, they love me enough that they check my blog every day and know that I talk about them. I mention them, and they don’t mind as long as I don’t cross the line. I have to be honest and I crossed the line at times, but I think they know me enough as a good person that I don’t mean it.

So we made that clear. In the end, the three wise monkeys really mean that you should not gossip or bother discussing stuff that you don’t gain anything out of. Now, let’s talk about what really bothers me and for some of you it will give a better indication of my personality.

Religion

I don’t like discussing religion. I may discuss religious issues that effect me, but over all, I don’t question it because who am I to question something that people have been doing for years?

I don’t care what religion you are and I am not biased towards any religion. I grew up in a Christian community and it never bothered me or effected me. We Muslims, who follow it properly, know for a fact that we are never to discuss the rights and wrongs of other religions, because those people will do the same to us.

I don’t have a reason to justify my actions based on religion. I don’t want people to stereotype me a certain way because of my religion. I was born into this religion, and I chose to accept it and keep obeying by it.

I don’t discuss religious denominations within my own religion. (ie, Sunni, Shi’a, Ahmadiya, Ismaili, Sufi, Durze, Alawy, etc.) However, sometimes out of curiosity, I argue a bit with an open minded Shi’a to see the differences, and why those individuals chose to be Shi’a. That’s all. Only to increase my knowledge, and that’s it. Otherwise, I don’t give a crap about any denomination. If every Muslim, or Christian, etc followed the traditions and the way religion was brought to us the first time, then there wouldn’t be any problems and this constant need for separation. Really, none at all. I remember this like it was yesterday. At work a few years ago, we had a co-worker from Bangladesh, a very nice Muslim guy. He followed religion the way it is. I asked him out of curiosity if he was Sunni or Shi’a, etc just to increase my knowledge of what people call them selves in that area. He looked at me in bewilderment and said, “what is Sunni? And Shi’a? I just follow Islam.” Probably the most honest and perfect answer I heard coming out of someone else’s mouth. Just Muslim. Simple as that!

Politics

In the FAQ on my site, I answered it pretty clearly. I am Liberal! That doesn’t mean that I live a liberal open life. No. I have a liberal mentality. I am open minded. I am ready for change. I want things to be different based on thoughts and ideologies. That’s all. I don’t want to affiliate my self with anything beyond that. I just want to see a change in the way we live, that’s not much to ask or anything too drastic.

History

Thousands of years ago humans lived all over this world. Where they were most gathered is probably around the middle east area. Historically speaking, who knows. I think it seemed feasible at the time because temperature wise it was ideal. So, I think most of the people lived around that area and around the southern half of Europe, and northern Africa. That’s just my opinion. What were these people called? I donno. I would call them human beings. That’s all I can come up with. I mean I don’t want to discuss the issue of who’s land it was first like people’s constant need to argue that was it called Palestine? Was it called Israel? Etc. Honestly, do I give a crap? I don’t even think back then people labeled a particular area of land as a country. They named the area by its people. Those people lived there, and those others lived on the other side, but they were not affiliated with a country. They were just the people of (choose a name) and that’s it.

How old are the cities? Do they have religious significance? Yeah… but Hmm, weren’t all the problems till THIS DAY based on religion? Am I wrong? Don’t we all agree with that? That religion was the cause of all problems and every city had some religious problems?

Final Thoughts

What am I religiously? Muslim.

What am I politically? Liberal.

Do I want to keep arguing with people who think they know my religion more than me? No.

Do I want to keep discussing with other people my opinions about religious and political matters? No.

Will people read this and actually stop bothering me about any of the above issues? No.

Is it time for me to just stop answering people’s emails when any of the three ideologies mentioned are ever discussed? Yes.

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I ask my self this question every day, “what am I passionate about?” This life that I am living now, what do I want to do with it? I think most people made a set plan or found a thing that they find intriguing. For me, I don’t have a passion for anything anymore. I used to. I used to like a lot of things, and because I liked them, I got really good at them.

Now, at this time, at this hour, at this minute, at this second, I honestly have no idea what I am passionate about. Maybe it is because life so far has been horrible. It sucked every bit of enjoyment and reason to live out of me. I just wake up in the morning wondering if today is going to be any better. If this day is any worse, then I just become distant. I won’t say it again for the millionth time that I am hateful of this life of mine, but I want my life to just stop pulling me down and slapping me in the face. I really do. I am tired of it. I lost passion for life. How do you expect me to have passion for other things in life if I absolutely have no passion for the whole thing?

I am sitting here at work and I am actually doing work, and I think to my self, “why am I still doing this? Why am I still fixing and creating things that people don’t even appreciate?” I go home and think, “wow. I just wasted 8 hours of my life doing something that seems interesting, but no one cares about.”

I keep asking my self, “why why why!”

You can honestly assume that I lost every bit of passion. That’s why I question love. If I have no passion, how can I accept love or know what love is? I think the two are connected and need one another to bloom and continue living. Yet, I lost it. It died out of me. When I keep telling people that the way I am living thus far has sucked every bit of life out of me, then they tell me it is just a phase. A phase? What phase? Everyone is out there doing things they like or moved on with their life and I just sit here remorseful and hateful and wonder why. I hate what I have become. I can’t even describe what I am right now because I don’t know what happened to me and why. Maybe I am just a life less soul. It got to the point where I don’t even know or remember what I am doing. I keep thinking, well, I think I did this, or this is going to happen, but no, that’s not how life is. I think I have become delusional and unrealistic, which I wasn’t before, but the complete opposite of that.

Look at me. I spend my time writing. Writing… Do you think writing is my passion? Is that what I am destined to do in life?

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I am the type of person that needs to understand and plan everything in my life point to point. I like to know everything with no surprises or anything. That’s just the way I am.

So, I make a lot of observations about people, especially guys and girls that end up together. How they met, why they decided to be together in such a short period of time, and what made them be “the one.”

I don’t know how two people fall in love anymore. I really don’t, and I think I will never understand it. I thought I did, or felt that I did, but I was wrong. What is love? Frankly, I don’t understand what it is because I heard people say it so many times without really meaning it. I think being a Capricorn completely distinguishes us from the rest of the world. Did you know that people like me don’t believe what others say at all? We learn it the hard way, and out of 20 words that come out of someone’s mouth, we barely believe a letter?

I think that’s why I have such a negative view of the matter because does a guy actually think that saying, “I love you” is enough of a reason to get married to them? Obviously not. Does age matter with love? No. I think one day I will be capable to understand what love is and why a guy would say it to me. I don’t think that meeting someone and them liking you and saying I love you in such a short period of time is a reason to be together forever. I find relationships that have love as a bond is a good stepping stone to start something interesting for the future. That wait time is enough for the love to grow and blossom so two people will find out if they are really meant to be with each other forever.

Why am I so pessimistic? Well, because I find it really hard to understand relationships anymore. I find it hard for two people to ever be in love and the reasons why. So every time I hear about people getting engaged all of a sudden, I think and wonder, why?

Another thing I don’t understand is how guys ever fell in love with me, or thought they did. I don’t understand the reasons. Some guys don’t give me a reason at all. After 2 or 3 conversations, they go insane and want to be with me because they never met a girl as articulate and speaks her mind with ease as me. I keep thinking to my self, “Why me? My bluntness now is cute and mystifying, but can you stand it in a year or two?” I think that is my problem. I don’t trust guys that easily. I don’t believe what they say, and I keep telling them that I like time to get to know you, but they don’t have time or don’t want to wait. So, if they don’t have time to develop a relationship to turn into love, then why they want to get married to someone forever if they have no patience?

That’s one of my issues. Another issue is younger guys that are just crazy about me, but don’t show it or talk, but their actions speaker louder than words. I just stay quiet or wonder why the hell me? I am not the last girl on earth.

Ahh.. I will just keep my self this way. I feel old, I am not that pretty, and I have a messed up mentality and view of life. Maybe some day someone will change my mind. If anyone met that person can you please tell them that I am a blogger, and I got too many thoughts and one day this site will bite them in ass and make them cry from humiliation. I think that’s the biggest test! Can they handle my blog!!?

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I think we have two fears in life: fear of death, and fear of dreams. I don’t mean hopes and aspirations, on the contrary, I meant real dreams. That other realm and other life we inevitably live in every day. We do live in our dreams and have a separate life. We spend one third of our life sleeping and dreaming. That’s just the way us humans were created.

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.
- John Updike

But why dreams? I mean we already suffer in this life while we are awake, why have dreams then? What do they mean?

I dream really bazaar dreams. Things that I would never in my life imagine, and I tend to be a creative imaginative person in real life. I think my dreams are at another level of unbelievability. However, my dreams lately have had a common theme. I am always a watcher. I always stand there and see other’s actions and not do anything about it. No matter how wrong the other person is, I just sit there and watch.

What does it mean? Am I becoming that person in real life? I think I am. I just watch, and that’s it. I see people doing things wrong or acting in a foolish manner and I just sit quietly and watch. Is it that I don’t care, or I am helpless?

I don’t know, I just can’t imagine my self being that way, or maybe I am and I am just in denial. Maybe I don’t care about anyone at all anymore and my dreams are a reflection of that.

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I decided today after I got so sick of hearing about moving again at work to bring Squibby my turtle home. We have to move again at work to another room. I guess they got us a bigger room than we used to have originally, but again, no windows. I was pissed because it is in the farthest away nastiest place. It is near the building’s garbage disposal area with signs saying, “keep door closed!” I was like what the fuck! I feel like I am trash. We are trash and we are treated like one with all this crap. Not only that, the room has an extension and we have to share it with grad students??? And people wonder why I hate this job so much for sitting and doing nothing and getting paid for it. It’s a horrible environment!

I just told my dad and bro about it. My dad said, “3am bey7awlo yitafshookom be ay taree2a?” Meaning: (Are they trying to get you so bored to death in any way possible?)

I said, “YEP!”

He said, “don’t worry. Be patient and God is there.”

Oh I have been patient. So patient to the point I want to take my arm and bite it from my patience! I want it to see it bleed so I will feel physical pain instead of the emotional catastrophic pain I have been suffering. Fuck this job. It really has sucked the life out of me that I am willing to take anything right now. I don’t care if it pays less, as long as I fucking leave! 6 years of experience is shit to people! I am willing to start all over than stay at this job that is deteriorating every cell in my brain and sucking my soul!

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Wanted

I watched the movie Wanted a couple of nights ago and I say it’s fantastically awesome! I seldom watch movies or give an amazing review for a movie. It reminds me of Fight Club, and we all know that Fight Club kicked ass!

The movie Wanted was not only amazing, but about 3 or 4 times during the movie I said, “what… the… fuck…………????????” Now that’s a sign of greatness!!

The best part of this movie was obviously the ending. I definetly want to spoil it for everyone because when someone says, “this is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?” Then they are ACES in my book! Damn that line was amazing. I am going to be using that a lot on my site!

This is a spoiler to the ending! I recommend you watching it!

—–

Hancock

Now for the movie Hancock that I watched last night. Should I give my utmost honest review? I fell asleep half way through the movie. I don’t know why, but it was boring. It seriously was. I just thought it was a super hero movie, but it turned out dramatic and boring. Then the plot somehow shifted and a new story began in the middle of the movie with his whole other half crap. Do I recommend you watching it? Sure, if you got an hour and a half to spare watching him destroy stuff, then by all means, go watch it. Other than that, boring.

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I don’t call her mother, mom, or mama. I call her MOMMY!! My mommy and my sister are away in Lebanon for 5 weeks! It has been 2.5 weeks since their departure. I have never in my life been away from my mother for that long. It is a strange feeling not having someone nag or criticize you day and night for the silliest things. It is strange not having her cook awesome food or whine and complain about other people’s choice of clothing.

I miss my mommy!

Although she drove me out of my mind daily, her presence is what kept me on the top of my game. Also, my sickness for the past 2 weeks has made me wish mommy was here!

I miss my sister too. My little shadow that drives me insane! I miss her talking non stop and telling me a story about some random event that happened to her in school that I didn’t care about. I miss her obsession with brand name clothing and her ultimate wish to have her own credit card to shop online from some store in Toronto that doesn’t exist in this awful city of mine.

I think I miss my annoying bratty brand name obsessed little sister!

In their absence, my dad has an obsession with cooking. He started off bad. I mean bad! For example, overly peppered food and bland rice dishes. However, he redeemed him self with great cheese pastries and awesome oven roasted chicken dishes.

Not only is the cooking great, but he also does the laundry, and cleans everything. Of all the years I have been alive, I have never seen the kitchen so clean. A dirty dish is never in the sink, and never left over food to worry about the next day.

The world has gone mad! MAD I tell you!

I want my mommy back so the chaos will return. The awesome mommy food. The leftover food because she cooks for 20 people and we only eat a 1/3 of it! The hourly complaints about the dirty dishes in the sink that no one cleans. The clean laundry that stays in the hamper for 2 or 3 weeks, but never folded or given to its rightful owner. The missing clothes that she hides because she doesn’t like what we wear. The impulsive cleaning of our rooms and the accompanying full day of complaints of why we are awful and horrible dirty human beings.

Oh I miss my mommy!!!

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Easy answer. I am just a girl who can write well and express my self in a colourful manner.

That’s all!

Anyways, so, who wants me to write another post to mock some superstitious backwards cultural mentality and send the wrath of Mona on it? It has to be Arab cause that’s what I am. Or if you want, give me an article you want me to critique for its content. I don’t want to pick. If I do pick than people will think I am biased, and I don’t want to give that impression. Not at all! :think:

Last note: I don’t see the Disney Channel airing the movie Aladdin anymore.

Update: it’s awesome being an Arab. We came from the desert, rode camels, we can withstand temperatures above 45c and we have genies……….. BLUE GENIES! Dear God they definetly pictured us right! Geniuses!! :whoa:

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However, Cookie Monster growls when he talks and I don’t see any wrinkles???

All morning long I have been eating cookies from Costco. Believe me, the best cookies are there. Go get some now and tell them THE COOKIE MONSTER sent you! The sugary cookies help me sustain the rest of the horrible day of sitting in a 10×14 room, and suffering from a back pain, again. The energy gave me some mental abilities to search for work. I have been submitting resumes all morning long. I haven’t been applying for jobs for two weeks because I was too sick to care anymore. I needed a brake from reading job ads and customizing cover letters for certain positions.

Oh well, I am going to go back to doing nothing. And nothing means NOTHING!

Updated: this is too funny! Cookies! COOKIES!!

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Have you ever had a feeling or event in your life that defined your entire future. It was the reason your life turned out the way it did, and you keep wondering, what if that moment in time never happened. What would my life have been instead?

We walk an unknown road every day of our lives. A road that has many exits, and we have an option to pick any path, but how do we know which path to choose?

I think that’s why life for some people is quite interesting, and the reason we keep going and going. It’s that unknown path, and that moment in time that we don’t know if it happened or not that makes tomorrow interesting.

Am I thinking positively or negatively here? Hmm.

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Frequently referred to as “Canada’s birthday”, particularly in the popular press, the occasion marks the joining of the British colonies of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and the Province of Canada into a federation of four provinces (the Province of Canada being divided, in the process, into Ontario and Quebec) on July 1, 1867. However, though Canada is regarded as having become a kingdom in its own right on that date, the British Parliament at first kept limited rights of political control over the new country, which were shed by stages over the years until the last vestiges were ended in 1982, when the Constitution Act patriated the Canadian constitution. Canada Day thus differs from Independence Day celebrations in other countries in that it does not commemorate a clear-cut date of complete independence.

[source]

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