I am surprised of the number of people that still remember me from this blog. Not only that, people still search on google looking for the rebellious arab girl.

I am deeply touched.

I feel now that I have never left. Maybe I was on a rebellious hiatus? Who knows.

So what have I been doing for the past 5 months. Really? Only 5 months. That is sad. I couldn’t make it half a year even without staying away.

You won’t believe that I actually feel alive. I really feel that I belong somewhere and people are actually hearing what I have to say. No one really did the past few months. I felt alone in the world that I created. I go to work, I do my homework for my business continuing studies class and sleep. That was my life. Also, because I stayed away from blogging I did really bad in that class. I got a B+! OMG! Don’t even get me started on how I got that. I was routing for my A, but you know, when you spend so long not being able to express your self, words in school or anywhere else that requires pointless reports become meaningless.

It was very difficult for me to write. I don’t know why. Why is it hard to write anything? A word that is attached to another. It is so simple, but so hard to do sometimes. Most of you have no idea what I mean when I write. Isn’t writing supposed to be filled with hidden messages that absolutely make no sense except to the writer? What if I told you that half the time I have no idea what I am saying either?

I have a lot of stories that pertained to work. Did I tell you guys that I was at the edge of quitting? I even said point blank, I will QUIT! Now I have my own office and I will no long go to other interviews. I hate going to interviews, and now I am interviewing people. I am a project manager/everything else that pertains to software. Too bad no one yet to hire, and a lot said that they will come for an interview but never show up. I hope their excuse is that they are dead!

Yesterday I was thinking that I can run this entire software part of the company by my self. And I could! I can sell, maintain customers, and make software. I am all in one, like those cool HP printers! Anyways, I should go back and pretend to work again.

So, what is your new year’s resolution?

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After a long withdrawal from my blog, I feel that I cannot stay away. I needed time off though. I have been writing for God knows how long, and I was thoughtless. I was really at a point in my life where I could not put all the thoughts I wanted to say in public. I wasn’t afraid though or anything. I was just dead.

You may be thinking, oh here we go again, but seriously, yes, here we go again. And this time, I won’t shut up.

Lots of crap happened and is happening in the Arab world. I can’t even believe it, but I think it was about time. I just think there is a smarter non-violent way of articulating one’s thoughts. However, how could you tell that to people that don’t know how to use their intelligence for something useful. What has the Arab world done in the past 100 years?

The world is progressing, and they are quickly going backwards. Yes, freedom! Democracy! How are they planning to get it? Kill as many people and blame the government! Use the most powerful tool known to humans, the media, and abuse it! Such a furtive maneuver! Who is going to stop them?

Yeah, there are elections coming up in the Western World. Go figure.

However, what amazes me is my parents. They are glued to the television watching news and saying, “Oh no! Syria.. poor Syrians! Blah blah!” You guys know me, I can’t stand hypocrisy, even from my own parents. I tell them, why are you bothering? No offence to any Syrians out there! But seriously, 64 years and no one gave a shit about us Palestinians. Now the media is covering Syria and Palestinians can’t even get recognized as an independent sovereign state.

My parents think I am crazy, but you know what? I don’t even talk to Arabs here, do I care about them 1000′s of miles away?

My God! I pay a lot of taxes in this good old Canada. At least it is damn cold, I get free health care, and they accepted me as a citizen. I can’t say that about any Arab country.

God help them.

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I am known to make very spontaneous decisions in life, but this time, it will be slow but painful. I am going to quit the technical world but slowly. I do enjoy the part where I problem solve and be creative. I am very happy that I have a Computer Science degree, but I have been doing it for almost nine years, and it is not me. Not me at all.

That’s why I am trying my best to do other certifications, and now I applied for a volunteer position to help out kids in need and manage events and stuff. I still didn’t get the volunteer position, but I am keeping my finger crossed and I really want to do something else in life and sway as much as I can from the IT world.

I will tell you why I decided this. You see, in my previous job, although I came across to others that I didn’t like it, but I really loved what I was doing. There were a lot of ups and downs, but I had a purpose to help humanity with the software I was creating. What am I doing now? What have I been doing for the past two years? Making rich people become richer? Commercial software that has no great human purpose is driving me up the wall.

No wonder I have not been blogging a lot for the past two years. When I kept saying that this job was sucking the life out of me, I wasn’t joking. If I ever stay in this field, it better be for the purpose of helping people; otherwise, what’s the point? I lost touch with who I am. I am not like this. I am Mona. I am nice. I love helping people and doing something that makes someone else smile.

No wonder I wanted to study Biology and become some researcher finding a cure to some detrimental disease or become a doctor. But I didn’t sign up for this.

If my career and life is not based on enhancing the well being of humanity and contributing something in order for people to use and help them live life, then I don’t want it. I realized this too late. Or maybe it was just bottled down inside of me because I was lost in this world I accidentally fell into.

I know I have complained enough in the past. This is why I was complaining. I got sick of it and I cannot get out of it that easily. I have to try other ways. The day I started dreading waking up in the morning to go to work, then I knew I just have to end it soon in any way possible.

Thank God that I am only 30 and want to end this soon, and not live my life with regrets.

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I am not sure..

What’s more to say? I got sick of stalkers. I got sick of emails from FOBS who don’t know any better. I got sick of talking and people taking things the wrong way. Why blog? Maybe I need a new blog.. new representation of who I really am instead of living my online life behind a crazy rebellion.

Maybe I am just tired of trying to continue something that was only good and worth my time 5 years ago.. I think I have better things to do with my life.. I mean I still Twitter and I am very active on Facebook.. but it is all cause of this blog. So I can’t stop it.. I just need to rethink the representation.

Seriously, I love all of you 2100+ Twitter followers.

I love all of the 600+ friends on Facebook. (No, I don’t need a fan page, and I am sticking of being a person and not online mini celeb.)

I just feel a bit disconnected between my blog and me. I don’t know how it happened or why, but I need to find that missing link.

I am just blabbering on and on. I think I need to stop talking.. I do have way too much energy and I am always beyond hyper and happy. I think I just need a nice cup of coffee right now and reflect on my life.

P.S. It is sad to hear about celebrities dying before they even reach 30. I feel lucky to be normal. I really do.

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You should never give up.. never give up.. never give up!!

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