No one asked me why I have not been blogging lately. Exhausted, tired, no life. It’s funny how I used to write over 50 or 60 posts a month at my old job, and now, with this highly demanding job, I work far too much. Now you guys see the difference between the two?

All I hope for in the future that when I am 40 years old, I do not have a job with set human hours!

Anyone in the London Ontario area looking for a university computer science graduate with far too many years of experience? I am willing to switch jobs now, but I demand my job starts at 9 am and does not last for more than 8.5 hours a day!

Please and thank you.

Blah Blah, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

I have been thinking a lot lately, and I know most of you who are reading this are saying to yourselves, “Oh no, not again! Wait, isn’t that why I am here?”

Interestingly, what I have noticed as a blogger for over four years is that you become your blog. You are it, and it has sucked you in and there is no way out. I have been checking out a lot of famous people’s blogs, and even active bloggers who think that their little voices will make a difference (which it does, kudos to them!). I discovered that they are successful not because of the money they earn, and not because of their voices or messages they are trying to convince others with, but with their perseverance and learning on their own to think about life from all angels, and to take constructive criticism and even ignorant insults.

It’s hard, believe me. It is very hard to maintain a blog. In the beginning, I thought of it as a little ranting area and that’s it, and it will not last long because I have zero patience and short attention span. However, things changed, and people kept wanting more, and even wanted my feedback on issues that were so foreign to me. It helped me stay on track, and build on something that I have created. I started this, and I think of it as one of the highest achievements so far in life. Corny as it sounds, but it is true.

Being a blogger helps you in many ways. It helps you improve your writing skills. It helps you think every day, and come up with new ideas and keep your brain active. It helps you build a community and bring people together on issues that are hardly ever discussed.

Comfort Zone

On those days where I am really depressed, and feel that the world is against me, I turn to this little website for comfort. Someone out there sort of agrees with me, right? Which is better than nothing eh? You guys will not believe the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, but something sparked inside of me and told me, “Hell no! What are you about to do and why?”

This morning, I had the itch to shut down this blog, and I have more reasons to do so than to keep it. It has nothing to do with my professional life, or me being scared. Surprisingly, last year, while I was looking for work, I thought of it as a road block to why I wasn’t accepted in the professional world, but then I realized, who cares? It’s like people not accepting me for who I am, and I don’t need them in my professional life or being a part of theirs. Then I thought of it some more as a road block for real friendships, and that’s why people don’t like me anymore for who I really am, but again I realized, who cares?

I know a lot of people will start bombarding me with comments and tell me, “Stop saying who cares!! Because you do!” I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t, but I won’t lie to you even more and tell you that I really do. It’s that middle zone that I can’t really explain on this blog, because I don’t know how.

Barriers

I realized that I can’t put a red line between me and others, but at the same time, I cannot let others create this line and choose to jump in and out whenever they please. I feel used. I feel hated and then suddenly loved. I feel that there is something about me that I cannot understand, but others do. I can’t get a grasp on what makes me totally different than others, but at the same time, I don’t understand why they treat me just like any passer by they met in their life.

I am a person with very deep feelings. I suffered a lot growing up, and I keep on suffering because I don’t know what to do. I say what I want to do, but I feel that I am not taking the necessary actions. Is it being scared? Is it too hard? Is it beyond my limits? Maybe it is all those combined, or maybe I just don’t know where to start.

Change

I keep encouraging people to change, and to think outside of the box, but I cannot do that. I am the one that is preaching, but I cannot practice what I preach. Why? I keep asking myself why. It got to the point that people are continuously telling me that they feel sorry for me, and I am the one that needs help. It just makes me feel labeled as only a thinker, and not a thinker with actions, or maybe that’s what I want to believe.

Fortunately, after I re-read this post before publishing, and the hour and a half I spent thinking and writing it out, I realized that there was some action on my part. I did something. I clicked the publish people. I am heard, and someone else will get affected by my words and react to them. I guess I am doing something eh?

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Every single day, I have to do the inevitable deed of checking my emails. The emails I receive from this blog are funny, really. Actually, any email now a days that you get from another human being is really funny. People still spend time writing emails? Emails are so last year! But hey, for some it is still the solid sure way to get an answer.

Aha, and I will give them an answer alright!

New Rule

Any email that you send me through my blog and any comment you post on this blog is mine. I can do whatever I want with it. I can post the email (but I am nice and I will ask you first sometimes), and I will delete comments whenever I want.

I am the one that maintains this website. I pay for the domain name and monthly hosting. Therefore, I can do whatever.

You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe you anything.

I am Not Hot

I have been getting some weird emails lately. I will post some, but no names.

Dude 1

hello girls just want tell im very kind person quit very shy and helpfull if youe intresting in my personalty pleae you could contact my eamil address i will not dispoint you meny thanks

My answer: I thought the blog’s title was Rebellious Arab Girl, and not Rebellious Arab Girls. And I am only interested in people who spell don’t worse than a 3rd grader.

Dude 2

Hello dear. My name is XXXX. I receive yout comment and wish to contact you. I am living in Jeddah looking for a hot girl for longterm relationship. Please reply. And if u need my picture then please ask.

My answer: Of course I need a picture to prove that you are worthy to drag around a mannequin under your arms!

Dude 3

how i can marry an arab girl

My answer: ???

I got a lot more weird ones, but some of them are just people who blog hop and have no idea where they are and who they are talking to.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

See what happens when I work with more than 85% women in one place? I get grilled with many questions, and my answers are either told after a 5 second pause in order to think of something that is not too personal and reveal my evil side, or blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

You guys know I am stubborn and very opinionated, so whatever comes out of my mouth is usually a very stern opinion that has its reasons. So, one lady that is beyond joyful and upbeat (freaky I know!), who has children almost my age asked me the following question:

“Mona, so how old are you?”

I said smiling, “I am 29.”

She said, “Oh dear, you are still a baby!”

In my head I was like fuck! I am not a baby, or even that young! It’s 29!! Not 19! Uff.

Then she asked, “Well, are you planning to get married?”

I unconsciously replied back, “No. Never.”

She said, “My kids are like that too. What’s wrong with your generation?”

I said, “Who wants to get married and raise kids in this world? Look at how corrupt it is.”

I wanted to start blaming her generation, but I didn’t want to appear more evil than I already am.

She said, “It doesn’t matter. It’s your choice how you raise your kids.”

I said, “Of course it is, but I cannot prevent them and lock them up forever so they won’t get affected by the outside capitalistic materialistic chauvinistic selfish world.”

She said, “True.”

Then I walked away, and I did not want to continue that conversation, because it will lead me to an endless argument. It would be an argument that philosophers (me) would classify as the following: “The biggest generation gap in history of thinking endless argument!”

Adults born before 1980! Funny and living in happy town. Young Adults! Confused. Unfortunately, some tend to rebel cause they have to find fault in everything. Sucks to be me.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Some people continue wanting to get in touch with me.

Some people keep sending me SMS thinking, “oh, things are normal again. Been a few days, and she must have forgotten.”

Some people have no idea that I am serious, very revengeful and I would rather be left alone.

I really like being left alone. I don’t want to talk to people, or know their stories, or fill my brain with too many thoughts about someone else and forget me.

Can people leave me alone and let me concentrate on my life?

I am a bad friend and should never have friends.

I am a bad listener.

I am just a bad person who needs to be left alone and forgotten about.

I want my space.

I want to re-evalaute everything about me.

I want to find out my mistakes.

I want to correct my life.

I do not give a crap who reads my blog and what they think of me after so many years.

I just want to be left alone for a very long time till this phase ends.

Is that too much to ask?

Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!