I hope I mentioned this in earlier posts, but remember my bro was here last week? So was my aunt and cousin. However, I always wondered why my mom thinks the way she does. She has such an Arab mentality that drives me insane. She won’t change or ever get accustomed to a different thought process. We have been living in North America since 1992 and some mentality and thought process is still glued to a different world! Akh!! Even THAT world is changing or trying to change and the older Arabs HAVE NOT! This causes a serious conflict!

So, I was hanging out with my aunt for a couple weeks, she came from Lebanon, so I learned a lot!

They are all the same. I am serious. Nothing has changed where ever you live. My mom the same as her. I feel like I still live in a bubble with that mentality around me. All they talked about is married and unmarried girls. Virgin and non-virgin girls. What is right and what is wrong. Blah blah blah! It drove me insane. What world do we still live in?

Thank God no one picked on me, cause they know better. I don’t like Arab mentality. I like Arab morals and ethics, and that’s it. Anything else that is so tabooed in the culture drives me insane. I have seen Arab TV shows, music videos, etc. They are FILLED with sex and exposing women to the extreme. No wonder Arabs are so agitated and do everything wrong in secret.

You can say that I am not  really a supporter for what Arabs do that is wrong. I have done many wrong things in my life too, but I will never write about it on my blog. However, I have no reason to judge their life choices. I mean common! It’s human nature. Don’t Arabs have human emotions too? Learn that people! We have EMOTIONS too! However, from the number of divorced and unhappy cousins that I have, you either marry them off to any guy that will import them to a different country or let them soak in their rooms till some older desperate guy is willing to marry them.

I am neither, do don’t worry. I am stubborn as goat!

I think it is our problem, and not theirs. I feel that the generation gap between our parents and us is far greater than what I thought. Usually generation gaps are not so bad, but for Arabs, generation gaps mean night and day. I think it is what we are exposed to in this day and age is far greater than any other traditional conservative generation has ever had to endure. To me I don’t care if I kiss a guy or not. At the same time, I do care and say what the frigg when I see two Arabs making out in public in a very explicit way. So it is more of a middle ground and how I interpret things.

I lived here long enough that I don’t get shocked that easily. Everything is just there and I say whatever. I just want to find a happy medium. I have not found it yet, and I never will. I will just live with it. Complain about it. And I hope someday my grammar improves so I can whine some more about it when some company is willing to accept a rebellious Arab girl as their next short story author. It will never happen, but only pray for me! I want to quit my day job and be an Arab culture critic. Oh the possibilities!

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Hear ye! Hear ye!! Survey Survey!

Real Name: Mona.
Any nicknames? Mun Mun.
Date of birth? 12/23/80
Age? 30

Height? 5’7″ or 170cm.
Shoe-size? 9 – 10 (depends on the shoe style).
Eye color/any contacts or glasses? Brown eyes, and contact lenses.
Hair color/natural or dyed? Brown.
Describe yourself with 4 words: loner, quiet, confident, tenacious of events from the journey of my life.
How do people often describe you? Nice, energetic, helpful.
Best qualities? Punctual, good listener, patient.
Any worst qualities? Arrogant, melancholy, over analytic.
Hobbies? Reading, writing.

Do you like your family? As I grow older, yes.
Any siblings? One brother, one sister. I am the middle child.
Any divorces with parents? No.
Strict family, or just carefree? I am Arab. Fill in the correct blank! But since I live in Canada, they are meh.. normal I guess.
Family member you seem closet to? None.. as long as they don’t bother me, I love them even more!

Do you like taking the lead in a relationship? Yes. I like to dominate… but if the guy is tougher than me, then oh boy! I can’t wait to find such a guy.
Be the first to kiss someone? No.
Ask them out/tell them you like them first? Hmm.. depends.
Do you usually ‘break the ice’ during awkward silences? No.. I probably caused the awkward silence! lol

What kind of physical features do you find appealing in men: Height, physical features, facial expressions, and goatee!
Long/short hair? Short.
Freckles? I don’t care.
Dimples? Cute if he has some.
A good smile or a good laugh? Both.
Tanned or fair skin? Hmm.. doesn’t matter.
Athletic or lanky? Athletic.
Classy or casual clothes? Both.
How important are looks to you? I would be lying if I said otherwise. But my arrogant side tells me that I am not ugly, so why should I end up with one who is?

What kind of personality[ies] do you find appealing: Strong, confident, thinker, helpful, caring about everyone and humanity in general.
Naughty or nice? Both!
Mysterious or just fun to be with? Mysterious because I want to actually have many conversations to figure out the mystery.
Brains or brawl type of guy? Both!
How would you feel about a guy crying in front of you? Hmm.. depends on the situation.. but it does feel awkward sometimes.
Sensitive or tough guy? Both.
Innocent, deep, or macho? Deep.
How important are personalities to you? Who are you if you don’t have one? I like unique strong personalities. If I didn’t have a personality, I wouldn’t Rebellious Arab Girl!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

You know, as a computer programmer I was ridiculed a lot as being an abnormal girl. Why am in this profession? I have been called a million and one geek related names. But honestly, being a programmer is a very depressing job and it turned me into this over analytic person that thinks of a million and one solutions to one problem.

Is it a solution or just a million and one different ways that are relatively the same but coming from different angles to approach one problem? Yes, that makes no sense, but nothing in my head makes sense right now.

This is how I perceive life. There are a million and one way to do anything. I cannot for the life of me find the simplest solution to any thought. I just can’t. I think that is why I am always gloomy and depressed, and then suddenly bam! I am happy without a reason.

To continue from yesterday’s post, I am not happy, because I always think what if. What if? What if what? What if this worked? What if this failed? Why this? What that? Why me?

Oh I am such a depressing blog read. Go surf another blog that talks about politics or celebrities. Because I am not popular and I get no one ever emails me, and I am just an Arab and politics is not a problem in my culture.

You can feel the sarcasm eh? Har har.

I am going far away to TV land to watch American Idol and enjoy my evening in one and only one way with eyes glued to the TV screen, and ears open enjoying the melodies.

I will have a little answer question blog post tomorrow. So if you have a dying question to ask me, then message me on Facebook, Twitter, or Email me direct through my blog’s contact page.

With love, from a rebellious exhausted Arab girl.

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

If you ever meet me, you would think I am the happiest person on earth. I am always cheerful, excited about things, talking to random people, cracking sarcastic jokes, but is it real?

Every day I keep thinking what happened to me? I was never like this. Did I evolve to become like this? Or is this just a cover up of some sort, because I cannot control it. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I have become this nutty happy person. There is nothing to be happy about by the way. I go to work, come back home, watch TV, do my assignments, and go to sleep. Then the same routine all over again the next day. I have become so robotic and I don’t know how to get out of it. Also, being an Arab and having to endure the cultural and traditions really sets the cherry on the pie!

Moreover, I have met my fair share of people in my life. I don’t think any of them have ever given me a reason to open up and be my self. Now, am I doing that sort of? Am I just doing it because you know what, life is just passing by, and just letting out random unplanned pointless spurs of happiness is all I can do? You try living your life day by day with no major future plans. Nothing really exciting at all to talk about. And just living the moment and pretending it is the best moment of your life!

Is every moment then the best one in your life? I never had a best moment in my life. I never felt I have accomplished anything that characterized it as being one. So being happy is throwing me off. Or is it just being me again where I have no idea why things are the way they are, and I am just way over critical of my self?

I suffered from depression in my early and mid 20′s. So anything I think of that is not characterized as being melancholy or something that is horribly bad is abnormal to me. I hit 30 and I think I hit a fuse at the same time.

Anyways, I will stop blabbering. I don’t know why I am blogging anymore. I am just lost and confused about my self that anything that is odd is really making me question my life.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed

Dear lovely peepz that reside on the Internet,

I am not crazy. I am not high. I have just been extremely tired, frustrated, going through crazy life changing events, and oh, my EX emailed me out of the blue. Wasn’t it or isn’t he married you ask?

So, let’s back up a bit. My brother decided to come to visit us with his new baby boy and the rest of his beautiful family. He drove me nutz. Love him, but he is not normal. Kind of like me!

I went on a job interview 2 weeks ago, and I was awesome and great. I had a second interview with dinner, and they told me I am awesome and great! Then, they emailed me saying I am not qualified for the position. (I know what your thinking, wtf?) And then they told me that they wanted to test me to do a couple of computer programming projects (same crap I am doing now) first, and totally not the same as the job posting. They want to first make sure I fit in! I was like wtf? They want me to spend hours of my time, or lack of free time that I got to be tested on TWO projects? No wonder they asked me this, “Why are you a programmer? What is a girl doing being a programmer?” I swear to God they asked me that and I was too enraged to answer that!

Then, my cousin came from Europe! She is beyond crazy. I think it is hereditary trait in my family! She stayed a week and made my life ever so joyful.

Finally, last Wednesday, I received an email in the middle of the night from HIM? Remember him people? The guy I was with for 6.5 years then we fought and blah blah he decided 3 months later to marry some chick from over seas? Umm, and also he was the reason I made this blog a while back? Yeah him! (Link here to read about the past.) You can browse old archives from 2008 or less to learn more.

Anyways, he wrote me a very casual nice email. On Facebook, I asked my peepz what they thought, and most agreed to ignore and move on. I moved on a long time ago people. But what the hell? Seriously, what does he want from me? It has been 2 years and he still cares to email? If you are married, would you want your significant other to remember someone else and email them? I don’t care about the details or assume anything, but honestly, I am not like that! I am not desperate or care to know why. It was hard to move on in the beginning, but life has to continue and I didn’t want to be a part of this crap anymore.

Anywho!! I am a Twitter addict! I am back to my old routine. I micro blog daily! So add me to Twitter @rebelliousgirl or check out my Twitter page (http://www.twitter.com/rebelliousgirl) with my updates. I try to always keep everyone on top of things, and I try my best to ANSWER every single person that messages me though Twitter! My life is boring, but you know what, it may not be as boring as yours! lool Just kidden. I love you all. You guys seriously put a smile on my face and have helped me go through a lot of hurdles in my life for the past 5.5 years!

Blah Blah, Confused, They said what?, Tweets, Whatever!