Yes, I am bored to death! I am still alive though and kicking. I am wondering what to do with my life. I want to do something exciting, but every thing costs money. I refused to go back to school because how many years will I spend doing that? I am sick of getting educated. For what? Nothing really. I served my time.
I have been thinking that maybe I should do something else. I don’t know what, but it is time for a fresh new start. If I ever have or come across this new venture, then I will tell all. For now, let me sulk in my thoughts.
It was well needed. I wanted to stay away from everything and people’s opinions. I lacked words to type, but I am fine now.
I have met the past 6 months a lot of different people. Some are strange. I thought I was strange and I didn’t portray my self well, but no. There are many strange individuals out there that are controlled by others. And they will not admit they are being controlled. How can the live like that? Is it their method to stay grounded?
I have no idea. I can’t do it. I have to be my self, and I like to portray different ideas all the time.
What I have noticed in the past that some people never listened to me. They need a bite in the ass in order to change their views. I don’t get it. Did I have to become aggresive in order for those people to listen to me? I will not resort to such methods, but some people baffle me to a point that I want to just sit back and watch and think that peons will always be peons.
For those wondering if I got a new job, then no. I didn’t because I am damn picky and I will not settle for a “job.” I lost count how many offers I rejected. I need a long time career and I am sick of companies taking advantage of me. I am not desperate and I have minimal skills. All I know that some companies want a lot for nothing. It makes me sick and gives me a huge headache as a result.
We are reashing the end of summer and I am glad. I feel that things are changing. We are sitting in a wheel and waiting for it to stop and turn the other way and start spinning again.
I have a lot to say. I am just trying to put my thoughts together and waiting for right moments to explode bit by bit and say them.
I have no idea what people want from me. What they are waiting for? Are they waiting for my downfall? What is a downfall anyways? What can they describe it as? What makes them believe I am at the point? I am still alive and kicking and I have no reason to ever give up.
I have been depressed in my life, but I don’t know how I feel now. Maybe I feel utter shame and worthlesness. Something I never felt before, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. Maybe the days are just slowly running by. I can’t stop time. No one can at all. Life goes on, but what did we do to deserve this?
What mistakes that we purposely made to come to this? I have no idea at all.
I am asking my self all these questions, and I have no answer. I just gave up because I don’t know anything anymore. Nothing.