Today, I had a conversation with someone I knew from the past about fate. You see, I became bitter over time because of all the people I have met in my life, and how some of the closet people to my heart backstabbed me or just thought of me as last in their list.

I believe that no matter how hard I work, and what I do in my life regarding relationships or friendships, the outcomes are determined by fate. I believe that things happen for a reason, and so far as a person who is trying to think positively here, that reason is unknown. I just want to live life, but so many things in my life have lead me to forcefully forget the past and move on. I am tired of stressing over everything, because no matter how hard I work, the end result is determined by fate.

I don’t want to discuss this any further, but I am opening up the comments for serious debates here. Do you believe in fate?

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

Here is big fat question! I asked my mom today, “Why do so many (Arab) women gain incredible amount of weight after they get married and have kids? How is that appealing?”

Mom’s answer, “They are old and no one judges them at their age regarding the way they look. They have been married for so many years and their kids have kids now.”

So, it’s ok to be 50+ years old woman and weigh over 300 pounds? But it is NOT ok to be a healthy 20 something year old who’s skeletal structure is not popping out?

Where is the justice in our cultural system?

Then the older men that are reading this are secretly telling them selves, “Yes, that’s my wife and I am sleeping with her younger not obese friend!”

Women wake up!!

Blah Blah, Confused, Funny, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I have started a poll a few days ago asking you guys if your life is missing something. So what is your first extinct? Mine was obviously missing a lot things, but I want to list these things. I want to know what I am missing and how to get them.

I have been feeling a bit lost this week and feeling that life is more than what we have now. I know that many people use the following philosophy, “I am content with what God gave me.” In my case, I believe that, but I also believe that I cannot stop and just feel content. I am not meant to stop, and there is more to “hope” for and look forward to. Life is an enigmatic journey that we try to plan and implement. Sometimes things are out of our hands, and other times we are obliged to do something about them.

So what am I missing? I need to figure that out the next few days and start doing something about them.

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Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I guess being a blogger taught me a lot about life, especially friendships. You see, I feel that I am better off being friends with all of you, my daily readers, because the people I met in my life and was friends with for a short or even a long time really did not work out.

I don’t have a problem with people, but people have a problem with me and feel that they can use me or get whatever they want out of me, because I am too damn nice and selfless, and then treat me like left over bones. I am the last one on their list.

I don’t want to force anyone to make me one of their priorities in life. I am not selfish at all. I just feel that I am a bit more worth it. I want to feel that someone really appreciates my friendship because of the person I am. I am tired of people taking advantage of me or only think of me as a friend when they need something.

It’s funny the number of people that went after me, pretty much hounded me just so they can ask me for something. It sucks, and that’s the reason I am afraid or just unsure if I can ever trust anyone. However, virtually, through this blog, I feel that some of you people out there are a lot more appreciative of who I am. You are more appreciative and willing to listen to me and converse. I never experienced that before with any of the friends I had in the past.

No one ever wanted to listen to me, and I just kept it inside and stayed quiet. That’s why I am a very quiet person in real life. I try to talk, but I don’t know who to trust and if they are really willing to listen to me. It’s really hard to find a friend to listen to you, and that’s why I feel that all of us are living in the wrong places. Fortunately, this blog brought all of you and I together. So I feel a bit better I guess and not alone.

I know I am late in posting a song that I am enjoying listening to this week, but here it is. This song inspired me, and I really like the lead singer of OneRepublic. He is cute!

“All The Right Moves” by OneRepublic

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, My taste of Music, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

It sounds weird when I try to push my self. Push my self towards what exactly? I do feel aimless, but why? You see, I guess my life so far has gone up and down so much, and now, since it is steady, I feel it is not changing to any direction. At the same time, I don’t know to what direction I want it to go. I don’ t really know what I want. and that is the cause of my constant aggravation.

Do I want a guy and get married? I don’t know.

Do I want to change my career and find something that will challenge me a lot more? I don’t know.

Do I want to act like I don’t care and just have fake friends around me to satisfy my ego? I don’t know.

You see, at my age, life seems like an enigma. I have no clue what will make me happy, and I have no clue what is causing my utter despair. I just want to find this happy medium that will satisfy me, but I am not easily satisfied. However, I am not that hard to please, but at the same time, I don’t want to settle for anything because I have to or time is ticking.

I am just a mess of thoughts. I know too much. I think too much. People like me are only meant to discover things and make humanity better, and not worry about themselves. The moment I start thinking about this person, me, Mona, then I get huge migraines. The past 3 or 4 days I suffered with huge uncontrollable migraines, because I spent it thinking about me. The moment that I stop and think of the bigger picture and humanity as a whole, then I feel different.

So, I am thinking that I am only meant to worry about everything in this world except me. That will stop my emotional turmoil so I can wake up every morning not dreading it.

Life, it is not like a box of chocolates, but more like sour candy with a crinkly facial expression of weird satisfaction in the end.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Whatever!