I have decided that I need to share again some random visitor’s keyword searches and phrases. They are all from those that arrive to my site thinking they will get the “answer.” I will give them some answers alright! I could turn this to a monthly endeavor. Why not? So, what do I have in store for people today that I can share, but remain a decent well dignified honourable blog that your mother will be proud to read!?

The following are copy pasted search phrases from search engines to my blog, and my reply right under:

1. “how do you know if he wants a serious relationship”
He would definitely not visit this blog to find that answer.

2. “when a guy wants to make you happy”
Cliche answer, “he won’t make you ever cry!” My answer, “he will treat you like his equal!”

3. “capricorn man says he misses you”
Being a Capricorn my self, you need to believe the guy. We don’t utter a word unless we damn mean it!

4. “rebellious feeling psychological problem”
I am not sure exactly what they were searching for, but I do have that feeling all the time of being rebellious. I am not sure of any psychological problems that go along with it. However, I am sure some grad student out there is figuring that out right now!

5. “what woman should know about arab men”
Don’t even get me started on that one!

6. “what is aquarius not compatible with”
Definitely not compatible with a Capricorn. Total opposites! Stay away from us!

7. “how do you know they are the one”
Well, ask your self this, “can I stand the way this person treats others?”

8. “why do arab men keep everything from women”
Cause they are ashamed of their past, and the crap that they do every day that they know is wrong.

9. “arab men dont know how to make love”
Wow.. no comment!

10. “what arab people say about having a relation before marriage”
They say, “OH NO!! THEY ARE TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER AND KNOW EACH OTHER! THEY ARE DOING IT TO GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER! SINFUL!!! SINFUL!!!!”

11. “too many people are getting rebellious”
I KNOW! Copy cats!

12. “how do i know what arabs look like”
Well, we are kinda human like, with a bit of similar facial features to the rest of the world.

13. “i hate capricorns”
Why? What did we ever do to you AQUARIUS, PISCES, SAGITTARIUS and GEMINIS!

14. “what is wrong with rebellious arab girl blog”
Wow.. I can name a few problems. 1. It is run by an Arab girl. 2. It has the word rebellious in it. 3. She is totally awesome!

15. “i wana get married how long it takes to fix the papers the guy is in canada”
So the guy is importing you from back home? Bitch!

16. “the truth about arab men”
The truth is that they are mighty damn fine looking. That’s why I want one!

17. “how do you deal with rebellious people?”
Tell them that they are awesome, and they may change their minds about holding a rebellion against you!

18. “weird arab traditions”
Almost every other one!

19. “how can one be in love with some one and the other not feel the same?”
Maybe the other person has no feelings? I don’t know. It happens all the time to so many couples.

20. “what it means if a guy is always hugging you”
He is needy and you are cuddly like a fuzzy haired huge bear.

21. “how to say bitch to a girl in arabic”
Who wants to volunteer and tell this person how to say it in Arabic? Cause I don’t feel like it.

22. “how to get a job when you dont have experience”
Dude.. I can’t get a job and I have 6 years experience.

23. “why do arab girls wear too much eyeliner”
Cause we like it and we can get away with it!

24.”jobs where you dont have to deal with people”
My current job!

25. “i have realized that i just dont like you”
Me neither. What a coincidence!

26. “why do companies say they will keep your resume on file”
So when you apply to another position at their company, they will ignore you.

27. “what is the best way to break it off with someone”
Do what I did, create an online blog for that purpose.

28. “i thought the world was either black or white”
And you found out that there is a bit of grey? Didn’t you used to colour when you were little and learned that there are different gradients to each colour?

29. “what color eyes look best on arab girls?”
The common one! Brown!! Jeez.

30. ‘why do arabs gossip so much”
Because it is like a breath of fresh air to them!

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Funny, Idiots, They said what?, Whatever!

I do believe that people jinx you and envy you to the point that they could eat you alive!

Here is another story for those of you who have been seeing it is an entertaining trend for the day. I remembered another stupid story or conversation! I promise this will be a quick one because it made no sense. Some people cannot accept the way God created some things. We cannot question God’s choices in some matters, for example, physical appearance. However, some people are just plain stupid. I am talking about Arabs and yes Muslim Arabs who don’t know any better. Especially on the stupidest simplest things.

I was sitting with this Arab girl a while back, and we were just school mates, not really friends, and out of no where, she asked me this question:

She said, “Why are your eyes like that?”

I said, “Like what? Is my eye liner running or are they pink?”

I suffer from constant red eyes or pink eyes.

She said, “No. Like the shape of them. They are like real Arab eyes.”

Looking a bit dumbstruck and I said, “Ah, did you forget I am an Arab? Just like you?”

She said, “Yah, but most Arabic speaking people don’t look like real Arabs, unless they come from the Arabian peninsula, and you are Palestinian.”

This is when I knew that something bad is going to happen to me. Maybe I will get hit by a bus from the way she was talking and staring at me.

I said, “Umm, sorry to disappoint you that I look like a real one.”

She said, “Not fair that you look like one and your not even Bedouin.”

I said, “Sorry. Maybe I got mixed in the hospital or something.”

You can obviously imagine my face at that point. I was sitting talking to an Arab girl, and she had a problem with me looking like an Arab.

How dumb can people get?

Anyways, with all this talk about Arab eyes, I decided that I need to brush en up on my eye makeup skills. I have been rusty. It all has to do with being at home, unmotivated, jobless, etc. You know the drill.

I want to try one of those extreme looks!

Confused, Culture, Idiots, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Warning: this is intended to be a sarcastically humorous post, but it back fired when I decided that revenge is very sweet.. oh so sweet.. like pure chocolate fudge.. hmmm!

A 102, 54, 89, 78, 54, 76 little annoying spam emails that I received this afternoon within a 4 or 5 hour time span. You can say that I should thank the almighty Lord that Gmail got a spam filter. However, I have noticed that the numbers have been drastically increasing, and a lot of those are not being caught by the spam filter, and are very dirty and horny. Don’t those spammers feel a bit ashamed to write out an email to enhance their you know, heart rate? This is my personal Gmail account people!! I am a little, how can I sugar coat this, TICKED OFF! The only way that I would get that much spam within a 4 or 5 hour time spam is if my email is publicly displayed online. With the entire @gmail.com and a href=mailto: link in big fat bolded letters on a site that gets a lot of unnecessary junk.

I have displayed my entire Gmail for my blog on here, but no actual mailto hyperlink, which many of you can easily guess or know. However, I don’t even get that much spam at all on it. Maybe 10 – 15 a day, that’s it. Well, that is not including the spam I get from visitors who ask me weird ass questions, like 5 minutes ago, I received an email that said, “Sarching for true love.” I read it and I was gonna reply with something nasty, but how nasty can I get today? I don’t want to take out my inner anger on this poor fellow. He couldn’t spell searching, and he thinks he can find true love by emailing a blogger girl that goes by the name Rebellious Arab Girl. How absurd!!

Back to my ranting and trying to solve this exponentially increasing amount of spam on my personal Gmail account. One thing I learned while studying Computer Science in University, that investigative technical thinking or searching for the easy ass solution, is so DAMN FUN! So, I decided that maybe I should do the simple thing first, and see who they are addressing the emails to, because I have 3 or 4 other email accounts that I forward to that private Gmail address. Surprisingly, many of the spam emails were directly sent to my Gmail account, and not to any forwarded emails. And no, I don’t use my private emails to sign up on stupid sites or anything. I know where I use it, and what emails I am getting from human beings!

So, I thought and thought some more. I tried to use any left over technically related thought I had regarding emails and came back with another simple solution. Why the hell can’t I just search for my email address using Google? So I Googled my entire Gmail account, and to my utter horror, I found it! I found it publicly displayed in the one place that it should not be! It was in my old work profile! How the hell was my private Gmail address displayed on my public ex-work profile? Why wasn’t my work email on there like it was? Before I left, I used the .forward file in my Unix profile account on the server to make sure that any email to my work address is forwarded to my private … Gmail account! SHIT!

It’s a private .forward file that I used to FORWARD any emails, if I got any from some person looking for me at work and didn’t know that I left that place. So, it would get forwarded to my private Gmail account, so I would know.

Ummm, why the hell did I leave that place? Why did I quit my job back in August.. Ahhh.. because they hired an idiot to pretend he was my boss and order me around. I wish he even did order me around, then I would have given him an ounce of respect as a manager. Yet, I ranted enough in the past about how much he didn’t care and is just there to collect a pay cheque, and pretend he knows a few technical terms so he can keep his job.

HOWEVER!!!!! I am not nice. So I went into his work email account to just see if the place was still in operation, and yes it was, and yes, he didn’t change his password till now (been over a year), and I don’t feel guilty at all that I read his emails. So I tried to see what the problem was and why was I getting that much junk. He was getting a lot of junk emails as well, but were unread. It’s like his email box was unread for a while. So I am guessing he is checking his emails through SMTP and keeping them on the server as unread. So, I kept going back and back to try to see when all this started.

Ahh, I then found it. He decided that with whatever money left over, he would make a new separate mail server and web server for the company. Ah.. yeah.. he is stupid. The company is broke, and he wasted his time creating a badly functioning server instead of helping find a way for a powerful company with a great concept to the Canadian public to stay operational. What’s funny, he was getting emails from his co-workers saying they are getting too many spam emails, unlike before when an actual mail filter was installed on the mail server. Like what many System Admins would do you know. . . Just a normal procedure, you know for people who do System Administrative work, you know. It’s like the first thing you would learn in Computer Science. Security! Filtering! It’s like being responsible for lives people! It’s like System Admin for Idiots. They added the idiot part because there are idiots out there! Don’t be surprised, and they are the ones that have jobs.

I don’t have a job, so I am not an idiot.

So, because he was switching over accounts and acting like he gave a shit, he decided to go into my Unix profile page, and instead of just deleting my entire profile and sparing me that much spam after almost nine months of separation from the work place, he decided to go into my hidden .forward file and copy my private Gmail account, and change my email address on my old work profile that is publicly displayed for the world to see. Instead of it being a professional site and keeping professional looking emails on the site, for credibility sake, he did that. Why was it a problem to just copy over my existing empty profile with a .forward file? The server was not hosting 1000’s of people that it couldn’t handle it. Since the server he newly created is the most unsecured thing on earth, and spammers and hackers love to see such servers, the amount of spam that is being sent to emails through this company’s site has been increased 10 million and a half times. Spammer says “Ohh.. they are displaying entire email addresses with href:mailto links. And look, they are even using free public email addresses on there.” SPAM THEM SPAM THEM the spammer say!! The site is not going anywhere, even if the company has no money, someone will keep it up just so the name is still there online.

So how pissed am I? What should I do?

I decided to be democratic with the masses. I have many many many possible solutions to this problem of receiving tasteless spam, but you my readers, my royal readers from all over the world, that helped my blog traffic be a 100 times better than my old work place’s national company ugly site, that I had nothing to do with artistically, should get a voice in the matter and answer the following poll!

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Yeah.. I need to get something to drink to calm me down. Umm, coffee!!

Updated: I am picturing how it would feel like if I hit the return button after writing the Unix command: rm * -R. Just the thought people is beyond amazing!

Blah Blah, Confused, Funny, Idiots, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, Whatever!

A lot of people have been asking me why I have been so cranky and overly depressed lately. Nothing that a hammer and a few sharp nails won’t cure, but seriously people, my life cannot get any worse. It surely can’t, and I didn’t want to discuss this issue, but when things are already as worse as possible, then you can’t help but discuss them. Maybe I should start off by discussing the past, to understand my utter frustration with my current life. Especially at my age where I feel that I had enough. I am tired of feeling obligated to carry on too much weight.

Around 7 years ago, I was forced to stay at this temporary job that I had. No one in my house worked at all. My father unemployed, my brother was receiving student loans (he was working on his second degree), and I was denied student loans that semester before my temp job. At one point, I felt bad asking money from my brother. The reason he gave me some money because my dad made him. Yah, great. So that summer, I took on this job to kill time, earn some cash, and not sit at home. The job was hourly, and after being a temp, I was hired on as part of the “team.”

That’s when things got really ugly. After working for a year at a very low wage, I was forced to use up that money to feed my family. It is kind of sad, but thinking about it, it was probably the reason I gained weight. Depression leads to eating, and that leads to not caring about other things in life. So I spent it working and eating. In the meantime, I was also giving money to the ass hole ex because he didn’t know the meaning of money. And boys like their toys and spending money on anything that they can show off with. Like cars, and gadgets. Long story short, I demanded my money back after I got sick of him. His family didn’t like me either because I was not a tooth pick, and was not white skinned. Arabs love to show off how great they are with an amazing history, but when it comes to something serious, like marriage, they want a girl who is white as snow, skinny as a tooth pick, with light eyes and light hair. Typical stupid Arabs.

So, things got better around 3 years ago. Father was employed, my brother was semi employed (part time), and I just worked and worked and no one gave a shit about how I felt or wanted from life. I blame my self for that, because I am not very expressive when it comes to telling people how I feel, especially to my parents. Telling them how I feel about anything is something I have to plan out in my head and make up some scenarios weeks ahead. By the time I try to implement my plan, my will power would have vanished, and I am back to point zero.

Around January of this year, the economy got a lot worse, especially for the US manufacturing companies. That’s who my dad works for, in other words, he does some high end custom business software for them. So, I spent it over panicking and trying to get a job just so I don’t feel bad, and the money situation at home would stay high. We would maintain our status as a middle class income family. My brother by that point was gone. He left last September out West where he got a nice ass job, and he has his own family to worry about. Yet, he still till this day complains about money and rent. I am like fuck. That’s why I don’t talk to him much, because all he does is whine and complain. It was not enough that dad bought him all the furniture that he owns now, and paid for 3/4 of his current car. No, he just complains and complains because he never felt that much responsibility. He is the oldest and most spoiled. He is the favorite because he is the only boy.

So, around the end of March, my father’s job was definitely in jeopardy. The manufacturing companies that his contracting company did most of their work were closing down. So they no longer needed my dad’s contracting services. My dad works from home for them, and he was pretty much finishing off lose ends. That was his job for about a month.

3 weeks ago, my dad’s contracting services were no longer needed, because the manufacturing companies were completely closed down. However, this time my dad saved up some money in US dollars. How long will it last? Maybe a year or so. My dad is not old enough, not even close to 60 yet, to be eligible for retirement. And me, well, about a month ago I gave up looking for work because I didn’t know why I was looking for work. Now that I think about it even more, why should I work? Why should I be the only one that feels obligated to work and pay an entire family’s bills. I just keep feeling that I will be stuck like this forever. I will never have the courage or care to say that I want to just have my own life. I just feel guilty to try to find my own.

Now, after all these years of working and just seeing money in my account that I couldn’t touch because who knew what will happen, is making me wish I had none. I wish I had no money. I wish I was not educated. I wish I was in a position that I didn’t feel that someone else needed me or think of needing me. I feel bad. I feel so bad when I know someone has no money or they are stuck in a rut. Maybe I just have this extremely good heart that I cannot find a way to tell my inner conscience to be selfish and stop giving shit about everyone else, and go find my own life.

I don’t know how, but it is a reason that I keep thinking about just getting married and go finding my own life. Or go win the lottery or something and buy my self an island with high speed internet. However, I don’t have the will power anymore to figure out what I want from life. I am just living it day by day. Barely spending any money. I barely have any bills, I don’t have a car, and I guess I always felt guilty or horribly wrong to buy one. That’s called selfish in my little messed up world. Yet, I keep asking my self, why did I work? What was the point to continue on and on for all these years instead of focusing on my self?

Also, no one has ever gotten me anything. I was never given a car or money for a car. I was never given money to buy my self a vacation or thought it was ok to spend my money on some extravagant self luxury. I just kept feeling that no one cared about me. She has a job, she can do it on her own. That’s when I felt that I don’t want to work anymore. Why should I? Why bother? Who cares. If I worked or not, I will always live my life like I can’t do anything.

This guilt thing is what is killing me. However, I am trying day and day to tell it to shut up. Just earn my money off this blog, enjoy my time doing nothing, or experimenting with some stuff that I like to do, technology wise. I don’t give a shit anymore about anyone or anything. I don’t even talk to other people. They give me a headache. I don’t want to hear their stories, or how they are enjoying their lives and their lives are moving along and new things are always happening to them. Also, I don’t even eat much anymore. I lost over 20 pounds that past 2 months, and I want to do nothing more than watch TV shows, and walk to the mall and buy my self a chocolate chip cookie and a cup of coffee.

I am trying to keep my self as low maintenance as possible. I told my mom, I got money in the bank. When you guys start needing it, it is there. It will be enough for a year or so. Because I surely don’t need it, and getting a decent job now a days is like winning the lottery, it’s all about luck. My mom works though from home, she fixes clothes and stuff. So she earns that extra cash to buy miscellaneous stuff. I never ask for money. I don’t need it. All I need is peace of mind and stop feeling guilty and obligated to please the entire world. My mom even told me that I am so polite, quiet, and a very good person, but people like me don’t survive in this world. I agree with her, because the way I am now is making me go down hill. Maybe it was all planned out from the beginning to end like this. My rainy day has come, and waiting for a shiny bright day now, is like waiting for ice to form in 20 Celsius degree weather. No way in hell.

Am I pessimistic or what? Is my life great or what? Yah, sucks to be me, but that’s my life. I have every single reason to complain about it. And I will from today till the day God feels that my life should change. I am tired of stressing about it. It’s not worth it anymore. Not at all.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Weddings. Parties. Special love events. People being happy. I think I just mentioned everything that I have never experienced in my life.

Usually I would be suffering from the inside and wishing that every single cell of my body is deteriorated, but last night, the wedding party I went to was not so bad. I didn’t feel like I was old, hopeless and about to commit some self atrocity. Maybe I am today, but today is different than last night people. Hello! Anyways, so, I went to a wedding, and all I wanted to do was congratulate the couple on a wedding well spent. Everything about it was so overly done that I felt bad for the groom. Then I was told that both the bride and groom had to spend on this wedding. No wonder, I don’t think the groom or his family had that much money to spend on a wedding and put a down payment on a brand new home, etc. He was no doctor, dentist or lawyer. Not even close!

Don’t you guys love that we live in a materialistic world? Damn capitalism! It just makes us want more and more!

So I didn’t feel so bad. Usually weddings, engagements, anything of that nature, or just hearing people are about to get married, makes me sick from the inside. I want to lock my self up and not talk to anyone in this world! Why? Because I am like everyone else who has horrible luck. I can’t stand any happy event or hearing about it. I keep asking my self, why not me? What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong in my life?

Then I realized that my site is what people like to use against me or the only way to know what’s wrong with me. Umm. Thanks! That’s exactly why I made it. I suck at talking. You try going to a shrink and trying to utter two sentences together without shedding a tear. Yes, that’s me. That’s my life. So, this interweb, blogs, online diaries, or whatever you want to call it, is a place for people like me to say, life sucks. It really does. The majority of people who think they are happy now, will end up like me, or keep lying to themselves that life is great! Yah.. life is great! Bull shit! Wake up sunshines! Life is not that pretty and bright!

So, this morning my mom asked me if I am still looking for work, since I have not gone to any interview for over a month now. I changed the subject and told her that I am sitting on a bank. Do I need a job? What’s the point of working if all I do is rack up the cash for a rainy day. My rainy day has come, and I don’t necessary need one. What’s the point? Why should I just spend my life working? For what? What do I get out of it? What have I enjoyed the past 7 years from this work world and earning money? So I can just look at my bank account and see a large exponentially increasing number that I cannot use for anything fun or worth living for?

What’s the point of working if people don’t appreciate your work, and you get treated like crap? Being a girl is way worse because you get under paid, don’t get extra stuff like benefits or anything from your job, and never thought of as someone who can do something new and beneficial for the company. Especially if you are in the technology field, you are hardly trusted or ever taken into consideration.

Which brings me to a good point. Last night, we were sitting with these very old Lebanese couple that have been in Canada for over 30 years. The guy said this, “I am so proud of this generation of Arabs that live in Canada. Men and women, all getting educated and have power in their hands. They are more involved and have a name for themselves now in these lands. 32 years ago, more or less, the first Arab graduated from The University of Western Ontario. Now look at how many there are today. Something to be so proud of. Us Arabs are getting somewhere in this world. Who cares about money. Money comes and goes, but education is power.”

I thought to my self, ahh.. ahhh.. sure!!! Education is power! I used to think it was a 40,000 dollar piece of paper that is laminated and hanging in a kick ass frame on my wall. If this paper holds some type of super power, then I don’t see any shiny lights coming out of it. Not even a tiny spec of illumination! It should have been made to glow in the dark or something so I can believe it. Seriously.

Oh well.. my time has come to snap out of it, and just enjoy my long long long long long long long long vacation. It seems to be a continuing one. Maybe I should just create my self a job. It’s called self employment, but I rather call it, “when all else fails, hire your self.” Now I need a job title. How about, Online Content Editor and Communications Specialist. Now that’s a kick ass title. Who wants to hire me to do some consultations eh? I can tell you my secret of driving crazy traffic to your blog and always be in the 1st page of Google, and being in the top 100,000 websites in the world according to Alexa. Seriously, I am resting at 73,398 right now. Wouldn’t that be something that will increase your monthly website income, like me! I make money from writing about anything. The day that I start writing anything useful to others, is the day that I actually used that piece of paper for something beneficial to the world.

But isn’t writing about being a true Arab stuck between two cultures beneficial? Umm. Your call. I just have subscribers and readers waiting for me to crack every once in a while. Now those are the best posts ever! ¡Dios mío!

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!