I am blind as a bat during the day.

My mother agrees 110%!

I agree 220%!

If you come up close and examine my body, I have unknown scars and bruises. Some I don’t even know how I got them. Other times, I have no idea what scratched me and is making me bleed. I just find blood on my hands from hitting something I didn’t feel or remember hitting. I have a strong feeling that my sensory receptive signals are getting hijacked from a devious source!

Truthfully, I am pretty clumsy, or my mind just wonders off in another world. I tend to focus too much on one thing, (curse of being a programmer), and ignore my surroundings. I don’t know why, but I seem to always walk anywhere in the house and end up hitting something. That something is usually a door, because I don’t pay attention to where I am walking to. Doh!

My mother happens to be at the scene of my clumsiness and always says,

In English: “Damn that stupid door! Why the hell did it not see you?”

In Arabic: “El 3ama be 2albo la hal bab! Leesh ma shafek?”

Mona’s interpretation: “Daaaaaamn!!! that door, it loves to bump into me and say “hello!” *wink wink*

Blah Blah, Confused, Funny, They said what?, Whatever!

I reset my keyword search phrase listing 2 days ago. I wanted to show you guys that I am not the crazy insane girl that is spreading nastiness. Well, now I am, but I am trying to prove a point here. 50% or more of the people that visit my site from search engines are sick minded nasty people.

Warning! The following list contains horrible nastiness. Read at your own discretion. It is rated 21+! I wrote none of this, and I have no intention to discuss them. Read and make your own judgments. And don’t be surprised that the people that comment on my site or write me angry emails are one of those people that searched for something “very secretive,” but received something worse: ME!

The last two columns are the number of times the phrase was searched, and overall percentage.

If you reached this far, then you seriously have too much time on your hand. If you skipped it all, and read this, then you are smart and have better things to do with your life!

Angry, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Confused, Idiots, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

When you are with someone, but all the time you are fantasizing about someone else or even an imaginative person, then do you really care about this person you are with? Is he/she the one?

So, how do you know? When do you know? Is this normal? Because usually if you are into someone, you don’t think about anyone else, or so I was told. Anyways, don’t get your heads too caught up in this, because I have decided that I don’t want to be with someone. I just find it hard to relate to anyone anymore. Or I am just old and picky. I was never picky when I was 20. I was dumb when I was 20 and accepted any one.

Can you imagine if you are 20, accepted anyone, and got married? Hell, divorce, divorce and a herd of badly raised children!

[Photo Source]

I keep reassuring my self that people like me will end in divorces. I should just have fun in life and not worry about any commitments. Also, I am not a kid person. I can never imagine my self raising another human being. I can barely take care of my self. I don’t even do my own laundry. Uff!

I decided that I need to save up enough money, so when I am old, alone and commanding my online empire, then I can hire a live in maid.

By the way, I was watching some movie or show last week that I can’t remember, and it was discussing how tough women only appear on the outside, but they are afraid of commitments or having someone in their lives again. Therefore, they brush off everyone. Those damn shrinks! They know it all, and TV gave me that information for free! I saved a hefty some of money for that live in maid fund!

Blaaah.. I am down on my 4th mug of coffee today. You guys are lucky this is not a 1 or 2 am post. Those are always the scariest nonsense posts of all!

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Funny, They said what?, Whatever!

One of my major weaknesses is my ultimate paranoia from things around me. However, some of my paranoia is the good type, and others, not so much. I don’t know if it is a type of fear, but if I don’t know what’s going on around me, or what people are thinking, then I will get paranoid. I have to know. I don’t like to be in an unknowing state.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to know about other people’s lives, or what’s going on with them. That is called gossiping, and it is a waste of a person’s life when they do that. They could spend their time being more productive to better humanity, and not shove it down a psychological black hole. If they don’t talk, I don’t care to ask. All I know is, no one can effect me directly other than myself.

[Photo Source]

So, why do I feel this sudden paranoia? Well, I just like to know and understand everything around me so I will not be shocked. If I have to use ruthless means of getting my answers, so I will do it. As long as I am no longer paranoid, then I am fine.

Lately, my paranoia shifted into only one direction. I feel that I am paranoid from people’s thoughts. I wish sometimes that I knew what people are thinking, and why do they do the things they do. Sometimes I wonder why they are following me. Why are they still interested in what I have to say? Are they waiting to see if I will talk about them? Or are they waiting for my downfall? Unfortunately, I cannot sink any further down, and I am borderline insane sugar coated with stubbornness which makes it even ten times worse!

However, how did I reach this level of paranoia? I just find it odd that people still care to know about what Mona is thinking. What is Mona doing? What is happening in Mona’s life that is so interesting, that it must be known. I know my blog is some type of public display where a portion of my brain keeps reassuring me that it is fine to keep this blog journey alive, but for how long?

What if I end it? What will happen then?

What if I closed down this blog? Will people still care? Will they go beyond this way of knowing, and actually talk to me as a human being?

I know people read my blog because I am honest, although I was told repeatedly that I was exaggerating and I am lying, but all I did was nod in disagreement from their ignorant thoughts. It is hard to explain to people why I think the way I think and write it online, because I cannot express my self to others face to face. I am talking about people I know in real life, the rest of you are what I will call from now on, “The Watchers.”

Moreover, I blame myself actually for reaching this point in my life where I am a person in an internet medium, and that’s it. My blog is reaching its 4 year journey, and I believe I have become an object in a cyber void.

Being a blogger is my ultimate paranoia from the future. I feel I have reached this state from monitoring what is going on around me, and I do not like it. I have to re-think many things soon, and see if I want to continue this on after December 23rd of this year. Will my life change back again to what it used to be? Or has my personality evolved too much, and it reached a state of no return and I must go on?

See, after proof reading this post, you can tell that my paranoia has reached a new level. All I can do is wait and see the affect it has on some people. Unfortunately, I feel that things will never change, and I will remain in this state until I end it with my own two hands.

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

To scare the human race, throw a few virus names around that are attached to the most common seasonal one, the flu. Yes my friends, I think the Swine Flu, or H1N1 virus is a complete hoax. It’s not any worse than the flu virus that 9 out 10 of you people suffer in some form at least once each year.

What happened to?

When I heard about the Swine Flu, I was like oh, no more SARS? What happened to that? Also, what happened to the the bird flu? It’s more likely to kill a higher population since birds are always above us in the sky. They carry the virus, and throw their shit everywhere without saying, “Excuse me, taking an air dump!”

I got the flu last year. I was horribly sick. I was so sick, that my body ached from head to toe. I had a severe fever but felt that my body was freezing to death, and I couldn’t sleep. You know what I did? I fought it off and took over the counter cold and flu medicine. Vaccination? Doctors? What? It’s flu! Suck it up! Stay in bed, and rest!

My last wishes, and online blog Will

If I was meant to die on that day when the flu virus was taking a toll on my body, because my immune system gave up, then so be it. My online Will is the following: this blog will never have a successor. It will be frozen in time at the time of my death from a flu virus, or any other virus.

You know, if I had to chose, I rather die from a heart attack than a flu. Influenza is for wimps! We can fight it!

Conspiracy Theory

All this crap that people have been saying, “oh, the government is behind it, ooh… pharmaceutical companies are making billions, blah blah.” Well DUH! The economy sucks ass, and those companies don’t want to lose anymore, or go out of business. So, they came up with a flu virus that is more airborne and affects a mediocre immune system for days. They are racking up the cash each day they got you sick. Side effects, well, a common flu can kill people, so why wouldn’t this be any different?

Common commercial headline I have been seeing and hearing lately: If you are a senior citizen, small child, or pregnant lady, you are at a higher risk of getting the H1N1 virus. In their heads: The rest, well, who cares about them? We are targeting those other guys first and see how it goes!

When thousands of people a day are dying from dangerous diseases like Malaria, Hepatitis, STDs, AIDS, Cancer, etc… Then you wonder, why aren’t there more funding put into researching a solution, and more vaccination being put into those diseases? Why is the money going to convincing people that the Swine Flu is more dangerous, and world naive governments are rushing into buying this vaccination? It’s the biggest medical scheme in world history.

To researchers, smart people, and people with extra money: help fund the research and time in finding a solution to fatal diseases. The common flu takes different forms every year and we can fight it off with our strong will and self-protection. Think about the bigger picture people. I am so sick of how hyped up this stupid H1N1 virus has become.

If I get the flu again, I will say I got H1N1 flu, so I can write in my online diary that I was a victim of a world conspiracy.

Conclusion

How many of you predict that in 10 years time, that all those people that got vaccinated from the H1N1 virus, their immune system would have weakened, and they would be susceptible to anything in nature? Pharmaceutical companies got returning clients for the next decade! Wow…. Their business analysts are geniuses!

Blah Blah, Confused, They said what?, Whatever!