Dear Lord! I have never been so exhausted. My life has become worse than studying for days to pass that damn discrete math final exam. I passed that course with an edge of a hair! Thank God that expensive piece of paper hanging on my office wall is worth all those sleepless nights. I call it the Discrete Math Degree and not Computer Science!

Anyways, what has become of my busy life; maybe a bit worse than Discrete Math! I think I make my self beyond busy in order to complain. Yet, once I am bored and I have nothing to do, I complain some more. When can I stop this never ending cycle of complaints?

If you have noticed, I haven’t blogged in days. Sunday, I was lazy and I did some reading. Monday, I worked on my project management assignment, and I did some coding for work at home. Yesterday, same cycle as Monday. However, this morning, I woke up, barely walked around the house and I was literally crying from my allergies killing me. Took some meds, but all day I felt irritated. I don’t know why.

Then when I got home, I was dead tired and I wanted to nap! But that is out of the question when the phone rings all the time and someone is always at the door!

I need a sloth like vacation, but not far away to a wonderful sea breezed island. I want it to be a vacation in bed. I want to spend days in bed and that’s it. I don’t want to even eat. Not even coffee! I want to sleep!

People

I know many of you have been emailing me. Some are thanking me for being alive and have a blog. Some honour me for the courage to be my self. (Yo, I keep it real!) Some complain about my old posts, (That’s why I limit the days the commenting is open for the masses.) And some, well, if they had my email address, then they would be sending me their pictures thinking I will look at them, or post them on my blog. Because somehow, my blog represents a dating site.

Do you see a little drop down menu on this site to search (male or female) and (age and location)? No.

Moreover, the most interesting email I got is from a guy complaining about religion. He was complaining about my religion and why Muslims are turning atheists. I don’t know. What do you want me to say? You want me to bring back old memories (link this old post), or should we continue on the never ending argument that if God exists or not.

Let’s put religion aside, and think about life.

My final reply to the previous question is the following: I cannot live my life knowing that human beings existed for no reason. I don’t want to believe that we evolved out of something else. Where did this something else (enter animal here) come from? Like it all goes back to where did everything come from? Some say bing bang theory, etc. But how did it all happen? Why did it happen, and for what reason?

I find it very hard to believe that life has no meaning, and we exist in this world for no reason. Do I believe in fate? I believe that some things we can control, but many things we cannot. I believe that people emphasize on far too many things, such as religion, culture, morals, ethics, etc, but forgot to look beyond all that and just focus on the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is simple. God, Allah, Yahweh, (higher devine power) put us on this little planet earth for pure amusement. He made us a little bit more intelligent in order to make something out of nothing. Do you see the trend here? Make something out of nothing. Before you were born, you were nothing. However, the moment you were born, you became someone. You grew, you started to create your own life out of nothing from before. What you do with it is your own choice, but you created it out of nothing.  You had a reason to create this life of yours to be something amusing for yourself.

Think about it now, stop asking why or how, and what’s the point. Just think of it as pure amusement. You can make your self cry, laugh, work hard, have no life, become a dead beat, etc. Therefore, if you cannot laugh now, laugh at the end. Life is an amusement park. Just go with the ride that you like, and don’t miss out on the cotton candy while you are there!

P.S. No matter how many arguments people throw at me, I still believe in God and my religion that explains some of the reasons why.

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Religion, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

I found my knight in shining armour tonight. . . . ok.. no, I was somewhere more depressing than that.

I just came back from a Syrian/Lebanese wedding. It was a huge one too. So, in the beginning ,when the groom’s and bride’s family and friends were giving the speeches, a different perspective of the groom was suddenly addressed.

In Muslim weddings, usually there is Quran recitations, Islamic moral thoughts, and best of wishes are given. That’s exactly what happened. . . . . . . then, the groom’s best man, a non-Arab non-Muslim gave his speech in the end, and I was like.. yep.. a truthful man addressing typical Arab behaviour.

The best man talked about the groom and how great he is, then he talked about his style and personality and then said, “Don’t ever mess with this guy’s hair. Even when we were clubbing and going all out, don’t ever mess with his hair. We had good times in clubs and stuff and that’s how we got to know him all these years.”

I was looking around left and right. Is anyone listening here? The 95% of Arabs/Muslims in this hall? The family, extended family? Etc.. ??? Am I the only one paying attention?

Then I thought, oh well, people are becoming more honest now a days. It is nice I suppose.

Moreover, when I saw the bride and groom more closely, and hearing that they also went to my high school with certain people I knew, I realized, no way. They are my age!! I knew I seen them before!

What a small world.

Blah Blah, Culture, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Lately, I have been feeling a big huge negative aura around me. However, I feel great inside. I think that I am on top of the world and I couldn’t be happier. So, why do I feel something is a little itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini not right?

I think I know why. I think that because I am at all time high, that eventually I will stumble down hill like I always do. Maybe that’s why I feel that there is negativity and I got to be careful about it. The thing is, there are no people around me to piss me off!

My mind cannot rest and relax. I am always apprehensive about something…

Moreover, I felt great about yesterday’s post. Yah! I felt like I am my old self and still had it! I didn’t want to lose my edge. I was fearful I was becoming soft and careless since I have been ignoring my other sites, occasionally keeping up with this humble blog, and being a horrible interactive social networker. I don’t know what happened to me. I think I was at an all time depression phase and never realized it. Why no one noticed it?

Do you guys remember my dreams of buying an island?

Do you guys remember my dreams of changing the way the world thinks (well my little world of being an Arab)?

Do you guys remember how I found fault in everything and bitched about it?

I miss my self. I miss who I was and not happy with what I have become. I feel like I am trying to aim to this one vague direction and ignoring everything else around me thinking I will reach that one destination. However, there is no destination. There is no point A to point B to point C. It is not a series circuit that I must follow. I don’t know what it is, but I cannot sit here and wait. I got to do something. Yah! That’s the spirit y’all!

Now where are those damn annoying blogger bookmarks in my browser gone to? I miss reading those shitty blogs. They make mine look like Febreezed manure!

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Dear Internet world,

It has come to my attention that there are several men that come to my site not realizing that I am pretty bitchy; hence, permanently carrying the forbidden name, “Rebellious Arab Girl.” I don’t like emails that are meant to be a joke or portrays an ounce of unintelligent thoughts. It makes me question how the world is being led. Is it going to be led by such unintelligent men that thrive for power and lack any respect to the opposite gender? Or is it going to be led by men that think that they can grab any woman’s attention by a few sugar-coated words and a copy of Romeo’s famous lines?

By the way, you ain’t no Romeo! And I ain’t no suicidal love-struck Juliet!

My age does not represent a desperate need to be with you. My culture has bestowed such twisted idiotic thoughts upon its people, that I no longer find any other reason for your unintelligent unthoughtful desperate emails other than being brainwashed by this culture! Do you want to be known as that guy who got a girl who thought of you as last in her list? A final desperate attempt? Such a sad being you are. Go to the sink now and wash your face. I can’t believe so many people like you exist. Yet, you call your self educated? What does a few degrees here and there compared to life’s lessons?

Do you even know what life is supposed to mean?

If life is meant for a person to get married and have children only, then is it fair for those that cannot conceive, cannot get married, widowed, divorced, un-loved, or living in low-class humiliation with no roofs on their heads? Why is the latter thought of as horrible, unacceptable or looked down upon if it is out of their control?

Thank you for your time and great effort in using a thesaurus, and for others, an online translator that skips a few conjunctions and prepositions. You are one unintelligent dumb ass!

Regards,

An unamused Rebellious Arab Girl

Angry, Culture, They said what?, Whatever!

Lately, a lot of random people have been contacting me telling me their stories. Most have sorrowful stories of love, betrayal, cultural interference, and the most famous question of all, “why me?”

I don’t have an answer, because like you and I, I ask my self, “why me?” However, when it comes to love and relationships, I sort of quit caring. I grew out of it. I don’t want it to be the main focus in my life. When I was younger in University, I had two main focuses: education and falling in love. Huh! Silly as it may sound, but when you only have one responsibility such as school, then finding something magnificent such as love is just as challenging.

Unfortunately, we grow up. We grow up and realize there are a lot more challenging things in life that we don’t want to deal with just yet. That is the reason why I prefer to stay in school and decided to enroll in continuing education at the University. It will cost me a lot, but I decided that as long as I have a job, I will create another focus. I cannot have one focus in life, and it seems I failed in love or I don’t want it, then I will focus in education instead.

How long will this continue on?

I ask my self this every day, when will I find another focus? I seem to be eliminating one focus at a time and finding another. I inevitably got rid of any friends because deep down inside of me I cannot commit 100% to them like real friends do. And because I cannot, I just decided to end it or I will be a horrible friend to have. Why would a person continue to be a horrible person to others?

As for love, you see, I try, but when I try, my head tells me no. My memories keep telling me what is the point! He will love you now, but will get married to the next person, any person in a month later!

It’s funny, one lady at work who is about 50 has a boyfriend and 3 kids, and she asked me, “Mona, why aren’t you dating anyone!” I said, “The older I am, the pickier.” She said, “That’s true.” I said, “I had a boyfriend for like 6 years, I broke up with him, and 3 months later he got engaged, and 3 months after that he was married.” Her reaction was unbelievable. Her chin dropped and said, “What the fuck? Who the hell does that?” Then another lady heard that and gasped in shock. In the back of my head, I said, “Hmm, good thing you guys don’t know anything about the way Arabs think about love and marriages, because this is common in this culture of mine. To get married to someone you don’t know and a lot of times never met before or conversed face to face is not so shocking.”

Marriage is supposed to be a result of love, but many believe that love comes after marriage, or is developed over time. However, when it does not work out, divorce is out of the question, and they end up living a miserable life. Therefore, what is better? To wait until you are 100% sure, or get married for the sake of marriage and hoping it will work out and love is never a main factor?

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!