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I wonder how it feels to talk to someone. Like really talk to someone and them listening to you. I don’t think anyone has ever done that for me before.. 
That’s all we want. The rest of the world just wants it to stop. Please stop the bloodshed!
I can’t even watch the news, Israel is now doing a ground attack in Gaza. It’s a horrible horror movie taking place and the world watches. I go on Twitter, and I get attacked by the most ignorant people justifying the killing. Seriously, we don’t want anything but it to stop. Why you guys doing this? Why kill women and children?
I guess many of you want to know what happened the night he emailed me. Some of you were really angry and wanted to know! Really, it is not an exciting story, but a plain horrible story for me. You see, I tried to not talk about it the next day, because it hurt. I didn’t want to write in an angry tone, and I didn’t know how to put the words together. However, I told two people the story, and when I got to the end, they said, “what the hell? Does he want to rub it in, or just plain mean?”
He emailed me that night justifying the post I wrote about the wedding story. He confessed some parts, and tried to elaborate or correct other parts. Typical him. Then at the end of the email he said, “I have been trying to add you to MSN. I want to talk to you please. Can you add me?”
I didn’t know why in the world he wanted to talk to me after I trashed him. So I added him to MSN. I wanted to see what he wanted, out of curiosity you know. However, we all know that curiosity killed the cat.
Throughout the conversation I kept asking him what he really wanted. He kept telling me he wanted to be friends with me. He wanted to be friends again and talk and fill the gap of two years. He said that since we knew each other for about 6 years, that he did not understand why I hated him. Hmm. Ok.
I then said, “no.” I kept telling him that I was not going to keep him on msn, and I wanted to know NOW what he wanted. Why did he even bother to email me? He told me since he saw me the night before, many good memories spurred in his head, and it was the first time he went on my blog for a long time.
He then surprised me by saying, “I want to see you. How about Thursday or Friday? We go for Sushi.” I was a bit stunned and said, “No!” Why the hell did I want to see him? Why the hell does a married guy want to see me? I told him that I didn’t want to see him again, and if he accidentally saw me anywhere in this world, to never stare at me or try to talk to me.
After an hour of arguing, I then got horribly frustrated and I told him, “I am going to block you now if you don’t tell me what you REALLY want.” He then said, “fine. I have a list of things to say to you.”
He gave me a list of about 12 or 13 things.
Here are some of them:
1. Don’t talk about me in a bad way to anyone.
2. Don’t pray against me to God (ed3y 3alay).
3. We should be friends and please keep me on MSN so I can talk to you from time to time.
Etc. I cannot remember the rest, but those were the main points.
So I told him, “nice.. I won’t do any of those. So, stop the bull shit and tell me, how do you have the heart to marry someone so quickly after I have known you for 6 years?”
He then said this, and I wish I never read it. He said, “I love my wife more than anything on this earth. More than I love my self. She is part of me, and I love her so much. We didn’t want to get married this way, but this is what happened. I love her to death.”
I read that. My heart stopped, because in the two seconds of me reading that, 1000 memories permeated in my head of the same crap he used to say to me. I just went into shock, and I thought to my self, “My God . . . you are a fucking ass. I hope you live a miserable life. Love? Do you even know what love is? Is your love so great for her, that seeing me for one night made you want to talk to me so badly and remember every good memory, and then say that shit to me?”
I said, “bye.” Then I blocked and deleted him. I didn’t even let him finish what he was writing or cared to read anymore.
I spent the night crying and kept asking my self. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Was I really that horrible? Or this was his way to rub it in and get married to a girl from another country that knows nothing about him, and hoping to have a fresh great start. Who cares about love. He obviously can easily pretened to love anyone. Good memories? That’s what he remembered? Really. Didn’t he remember that when he decided to get married to any girl? My God. You see, guys like him are asses. And I know many girls who had similar or exact stories because the guys are weak and think they can play revenge by doing that. The problem is, they don’t marry out of love. They marry out of spite.
He requested that I didn’t pray against him or say horrible things against him. Well then, I guess I am so doing the opposite and I wish him a horrible miserable unsuccessful life. Amen!
The few seconds of this video explains it all.
I hate weddings and people and seeing people from the past that I should not have seen! Sorry for the end of the video. It was my way of cheering me up and being arrogant.
This is not a depressing post… Oh yeah it is. It is about my life. Obviously depressing.
Only 7 days till I turn 28. Yes. A nice even number. Not like 27 and its oddity. Like it makes a difference anyways. Just numbers, and also a waste of life. I can officially say that I am at the edge of my 20′s. I feel like I wasted what supposedly is the best years of my life. However, nothing turns out the way those story books portray life to be. Who cares about my age really. I think I bypassed that point when I turned 25, and suffered from a quarter life crisis. Oh it was not pretty. Can you imagine Mona being 50? Not a pretty sight.
Now, I guess because I am free, and I have too much time on my hand, I keep thinking, how does it feel to like someone again? I mean it. How does it feel to be in love again. Yes. Look at me. I am using that awful word again. Love. Till now I don’t believe in it like I used to, because I think it is like a whirlpool. It keeps spinning and spinning and carrying everything on its edges. And when the whirlpool stops, Bam! Everything falls.
It’s nice to see other people in love. It really is. It means there is hope that life is not so bad, and good things do come out of it. However, do you know what is worse? Seeing other people have depressing stories and asking for guidance. Or they think that I have “experience.” Whatever the hell that means. Many people ask me why it ended. And I repeatedly say, read the friggen blog. Read Year 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and don’t skip a month! It means read the whole thing, and then ask me. I am like this really bad person when it comes to answering questions, because I feel that I cannot elaborate again what I already said. So if I have not replied to your email the past week, don’t take it personally, because I used to suffer from depression.
A few days ago, I got people asking me why I hate guys. When did I ever say that? I make fun of everyone. Especially guys, and for a flavor, girls. I guess I covered both genders. There are equal opportunities to make fun of both all the time.
However, I don’t know how to love anymore. You know, love someone else, and go through all the steps. I think it is childish, or just not something I want to go through all over again. It’s like writing a huge ass thesis, and you accidentally delete it, and don’t know where to start now. Should you start all over or bang your head and hoping the agony is not as bad as what the upcoming inevitable consequences are?
Maybe I am just lonely, and it finally got to me. I am just realizing it now that I am, and I don’t know what I can do to stop this feeling. I think right now I am suffering from a bit of depression. But don’t worry. It is not so bad. I am fine. I have not gone to any shrink. I have not taken any drugs. I have not suffered from insomnia (thank God!). I am just suffering from this thing, and I cannot add any sarcastic comment to relieve this feeling.
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