Occipital bone, lobe, internal, external, tissues, inion, squama, Grey’s Anatomy, etc. All those small words may mean something to you or not, but means a lot to me. Especially since I enjoy reading more about human physiology, then normalizing a MySQL database, and having the best time complexity in my algorithm.

I feel like I am betraying my profession, but I was a Biology major for 2 years before I switched into this endeavor. Today, I spent my afternoon searching why my skull has a little rigid area with too much depth near the neck. Somehow I ended up reading the evolution of the human skull through time, biological Anthropology papers (which I took a course in in University), and histology. I was more drawn to it. I kept reading, looking at diagrams, reading research papers, etc for over two hours. I really killed my afternoon. I was bored, fasting, and I didn’t have any energy to do anything productive. Well, reading is productive no?

As I was reading and enjoying my time learning about human physiology and histology, I felt utter regret of my life. I asked my self a million questions about my past, and the mistakes that I made. I don’t know why I went to major in Computer Science. I didn’t even like it that much. Well, I like programming, and making user interfaces a lot nicer and easier to use, but I hated the theory. The advanced pure mathematics that I had to study along side of it actually kept me sane, because I love math. However, I just kept thinking, what would I have been like now if I did continue studying Biology?

I guess when you are fresh out of highschool, you have certain dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, as time passes, your mind wonders into different possibilities and think other possibilities are better for your future. Don’t get me wrong, I loved computers at the same time. I loved making websites from the time the internet was a toddler still, and not many people knew what it was. However, I love science more. I like human physiology, learning about diseases and abnormalities. I love the history and genetics. I am looking back now to the year 1999 when I finished highschool and just entered University, and kept thinking, “Wow. I wish I can go back in time and slap my self silly to even have considered studying anything else. I could be doing my PhD now researching a cure for Cancer or something like that!”

Now, I am sort of stuck being a computer geek. I like it, but what did I get out of it? Look at me now. I have been unemployed for almost a year. I feel stressed out all the time, very depressed and extremely moody, my hair is rapidly turning gray, and I am not happy with my life. I try to start my own internet projects, and I have so many ideas that are unbelievable and could be the next big thing! However, I cannot sit down on the computer anymore for more than an hour without thinking to my self, “Is this my life? When can I start helping humanity out?”

My old job was a bit more humanitarian, because I made software for children with hearing problems. However, now, who am I helping? What’s my purpose?

I need to seriously get my self motivated again. People don’t have jobs anymore, and more and more people are stuck in a rut like me. I got to make the most out of my professional knowledge, and start something big soon. I need a real job again, with a real monthly pay cheque and even more. What do I lack expect motivation? The past is gone, I went off tangent, and I got to keep on walking that way. It’s a one way street now to the technology unknown. I hope the internet world will be kind to me, because people like me, and I know a lot, are not happy. We are tired, and we need to stop saying, “What if?” and start saying, “What can I do next?”

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!

Ladies and gentleman! Arabs and non-Arabs! I have returned home and writing from my beloved blog office!

Yeah baby yah!

The Goodbye

I hate saying good byes, especially when my 2 year old niece starts crying her lungs out and keeps calling my name. “Mona, Mooonaa.. MOOOONAA!!” My heart stopped, and I tried not to cry at the bag check in. It was just horrible. Now you guys know why I don’t like trips sometimes, or having to deal with such situations.

It can get a bit worse you know

On a lighter note, but is actually at a different tangent then saying good byes, something ALWAYS has to happen to me on a plane! Seriously, if I hear the word turbulence one more time, I am going to have a major anxiety attack. Coming from Calgary to London was the biggest and longest flight that I had to ever endure in Canada. It was awful! Above the province of Alberta, it was crazy weather. The plane wouldn’t stop shaking. It got to one point where I didn’t tighten the seat belt enough, that I felt my body lift up from the chair. My sister was going to cry and kept holding my hand in those awful seconds.

Then, when we were above the US State of Minnesota, more crazy turbulence. I didn’t understand how people were sleeping on the plane. The flight was late to leave anyways, it was delayed till 1:15 am local time, and we were supposed to land around 7 am in London local time. However, we reached London at 9:30 am. Ask me why? SURE! I will tell you why, and maybe if you were following my Twitter this morning, I sort of said why. This morning, we landed in Toronto to fill up gas!

A plane filling up gas 200 km further then its destination?

If you are still asking your self what the hell, then I will give you a simple answer, LONDON WEATHER IS HORRIBLE! If it is not raining, it is hot and humid. This humidity and crazy hot weather causes severe fog in the mornings. However, you ask your self, Gas? Weather? Umm? Mona, do tell us!

Ok, here it goes. We flew around London 6 or 7 times in circles. The captain was not allowed to land in London Ontario International Airport, and had to wait 30 minutes till the weather cleared up. Then, after 30 minutes, the captain said, “we will try to land. We were told the weather is permissible and cleared up a bit.” We looked out the window, the flaps of the wings got into position, we dropped in elevation, the plane barely touched the clouds, and two seconds later, VOOM! Accelerated upwards so fast and flew higher up! I felt I was in a rocket ship! I am like great, can’t land! Clouds are too thick and no visibility.

No message from the captain on the intercom. Nothing! I was like, umm, we are way higher up now than before. After ten minutes, the captain goes on the intercom and says, “Umm, we have bad news. We are going to land in Toronto’s Pearson International Airport because we can’t land in London, and we are running out of gas.”

You all know what went on my head in that very second! @#!@$#@!!@$!

After one minute, we saw Toronto’s CN Tower, and I thought, “yah, took him that long to spill it out that we are in Toronto. Someone would have panicked looking outside within a second of seeing that!”

So, we landed at the Toronto airport. However, we did not land in the domestic flights area, but in the international section. The captain came on the intercom and said, “well, we are in Toronto, but in the international section because we couldn’t land anywhere else. And none of you can get off the plane in this area anyways. So wait till more news.”

“Oh GREAT,” I thought. “I am in Toronto, and was supposed to be at home by now! I AM TIRED! NO sleep! I am scared shitless and I HATE planes!”

Fifteen or twenty minutes pass, and the captain comes on the intercom and says, “I would tell you guys Welcome to Toronto, but I don’t want to be here and none of you do either. We are going to fill up gas now, and be on our way back to London.”

Wohooo!!

The flight took 20 minutes, and we landed in London’s humid weather around 9:30 am. My hair went kaboom in two seconds!

The mother is back!

When we got home, mom started lecturing me on work, and told me to go study something else, or something extra, or whatever. I got instantly mad, since I have only been in the house for like fifteen minutes, and I said, “Listen, I don’t want to spend money now on more courses or whatever. I don’t have an income. The plan backfired mom. I need to start something on my own. There are no jobs. The economy is horrible. People are losing jobs left and right, and I am sick of going to interviews in companies where the owners are jack asses who had a simple plan, and became rich off of it. I am ten times smarter then them, and I am sick of this life and all this job hunting crap. No one wants to hire me! I will HIRE MY SELF!”

Mom wouldn’t stop arguing back, and from the lack of sleep and no food, I couldn’t move anymore. Then, I felt dizzy and extremely light headed. Unfortunately, the worst thing happened, and I was hoping I would not experience that again. I starting having uncontrollable heart palpitation. Did I tell you guys that I will die from a heart attack soon? I give my self another 10 years. Give or take a few if I CONTROL my ANGER!

So, I went to the living room and put my hand on my chest, and I tried 4 or 5 times to take deep breaths. The awful plane ride, the crazy weather, and crazy mother, have really put me on the edge. I stayed calm, and after a minute or two, my heart beats went back to normal. I think I had a lack of oxygen in my system.

Anyways, enough is enough. I am back, and ready to take over the world. One blog post at a time.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Thank you, They said what?, Travel, Whatever!

I am one of those people who do not use Facebook personally. I only use it for this blog, but my real account, with real people I know and relatives, I deactivated. So my involvement with that part of my world is non-existent because I don’t want to bother with them in this stage of my life. However, some news of some people related to me is not something I wanted to hear at all.

My brother said, “You know our so and so cousins in the US are no longer Muslim? They are Christian now and that’s the religion they have on their Facebook.”

I shockingly said, “You are kidden me right?”

My brother said, “I suspect they eat pork now too, and that’s not including the drinking. I think I glimpsed them doing so in a picture on their Facebook albums.”

I said, “Well, we lived with them and know how they were raised. That’s what happens when you are raised wrong and your step-mom is American and didn’t care to convert. Also they don’t know a word of Arabic. But changed their religion? Seriously?”

My brother said, “Yep, can you imagine how the family would feel if they found out, especially Grandma in Beirut?”

I said, “I am not saying anything. It is sad. Very sad and such a shame to the family.”

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Depressed, Idiots, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

May he rest in peace. The King of Pop, we all grew up listening to him, is in the hands of God now.

He is history, and today, a sad day in history. First, Farrah Fawcett died at the age of 62, and Michael Jackson at the age of 50.

Which songs will you always remember from the legend of our times?

These are my favorites:

Billie Jean – Michael Jackson

Beat It – Michael Jackson

Blah Blah, Culture, Depressed, My taste of Music

I decided today to sit down and watch BBC world news. Yes, I usually hate watching news, because it is so depressing. I prefer watching BBC though, because I can see the entire world! Unlike CNN and other news channels that are focused on certain things and forgetting the rest of the world’s real problems.

So, I am aware of a lot of news topics because I skim headlines every day, but to watch them is so disgusting. I keep asking my self, “What year is this? What’s wrong with our world?” I think problems in the world are like bad marriages. A dual to the death! Seriously, some countries, NORTH KOREA, need to stop with the nukes. What’s the point of bombing and killing each other? What is the result? Also, that goes for the rest of the world powers that have nukes. Seriously, what’s the point? Have these world powers not learned anything from history? Till now, 2 or 3 generations later, cancer cases are still common in Japan from the nuke’s effect from over 60 years ago.

It’s not funny. They can get an instant result of destruction now, but why should generations and generations to come have to suffer from it? It’s like global warming. We are idiots ruining the planet, but most of us don’t care about the future, and only care about now.

Also, Taliban problems, Middle east problems, European and world economical problems. Oh My GOD! My head hurts. Biggest mistake is watching the news. As adults, we need to step back and enjoy the smell of fresh air. We are ruining humanity and future generation’s hope of living a prosperous life, because we lack proper education in history and human ethics. Technology and science should be used to better humanity and to solve problems that can be avoided in the future, not to create them.

I am ashamed of being an adult right now and being a part of this generation of murderers. It’s like me a year ago going to an interview at a company that makes military equipments to send of to Iraq and Afghanistan. I am glad I didn’t get that job. I didn’t want to be part of a team of people that were involved in any type of military power. That’s why I do not like military people or any form of military supremacy. I believe in diplomacy and arguing your way to find a solution. That’s my philosophy as an educated person that knows that life is a lot more than spending it hurting one another.

If we all smacked each other, will we learn anything or get the result we really intended?

Blah Blah, Depressed, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!