This morning, I received an email from Brian Heck’s mother that he passed away on December 30, 2009. He was a daily reader and commentor on my blog. He loved Arabs and Islam. I was even wondering yesterday why Brian has not been on my blog for a while. I never knew it was that reason.

I never met Brian, but he was a kind person. He would always communicate with me via my blog and email, and send me custom music that he created just for me to listen to and share with the world.

I am still shocked! I went to his Facebook profile and saw the cause of his death, and I am still shocked of why he did it, but sometimes people with depressive symptoms can’t control their emotions, and evil just overrides their judgements. I just received back an answer form his mother and she said:

Brian was struggling with depression associated with a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder.  Brian did not like taking the medication due to the severe side effects. He became very depressed on Dec. 30th and ended his suffering by jumping off of an overpass.  Brian was diagnosed with this about 4 years ago and has struggled to remain focused.  He felt very deeply the pain and suffering in the world and it was a heavy burden for him. His goal in life was to teach English overseas and help people around the world, but he just could not get over his sadness and hurt for the people of the world. All who knew Brian were very shocked as he was a kind and gentle soul that laughed, helped friends and strangers with any need he could assist with. Do read the messages on his memorial page at www.MeM.com.

His mother sent me a link to his obituary. http://www.mem.com/ContentDisplay.aspx?ID=18319452 I am still in shock!

May he rest in peace.

Updated @ 6:30pm

This is the music he made in early 2008 called Rebellious Arab Girl, but I created the video and posted it in my account. So talented.

Culture, Depressed, Religion

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie “Wedding Crashers.” It was pretty funny I might say, and it was really inspirational. I think I want to do that too once in a while. I just need someone to act out the part along side of me and I am set! But none of that promiscuous stuff!

I don’t know why I brought this up, but I guess it’s funny how people act sometimes, and leads me to think of something that is way out there! I wonder who’s wedding I want to crash first? Hmm!! I will start with small weddings in late April or even May! Right now I am busy, but I got to plan eh?

Anyways, I don’t know why sometimes I say I won’t do something again, but I end up being all nice and let things slide. As I thought about it some more, I think I do such things for a reason, and that reason being to see how far people will go to avoid telling the truth or mentioning anything slightly important.

I know I have been a total pigment of people’s imagination, and a person that people love to forget, but come on! I am still human. It’s nice for you to tell me some important things sometimes. Maybe I will even tell you congratulations. However, the longer you wait to tell me something, or avoid me completely like I am someone who is on the bottom of your list, then don’t expect me to be nice to you ever again, or even talk to you or bother. (I don’t want to really talk to you again, because I don’t know.. it dragged on too long now and I got tired of waiting to see if you will change your mind.) I may even wish you the worst of luck.

But I won’t do that.. I am not mean or envious. I just don’t give a crap about anyone anymore, because no one would do the same for me.

You are lucky I am nice, but I am way too smart and I know everything. It’s my motto in life; “know as many interesting things that you possibly can.” I don’t know though if some people are interesting at all, but sometimes God just tells me to get up in the middle of the night, and find out the truth without anyone’s help!

Depressed, Funny, Idiots, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

I kept seeing commercials on TV that eHarmony.ca is a great site, and they can try to match you with someone.. blah blah. So, I was so excited today. I was like yes, time for change! Maybe this site is better since it is more commonly used, advertised on TV, and so much buzz!

Therefore, I got so excited! I signed up, and did this long in depth survey with so many psychological questions that will help find me a match better. Not just where you are from and that’s it like the other sites. This could be great I thought. They spent so much time creating all this, and I will do my part and spend the 15-20 min filling it out!

The percentage completion line kept going up that I am progressing from question to question, page to page, and finally, I was done. I clicked the magic button. I was excited and waiting for the next screen with pictures of people or more options, but this is what I got:

Click on the image above to see it bigger and be able to read the text.

Am I unlucky or what? There is no hope.. *sigh*

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

This is part three of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

My blog this year won so many awards, that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them! NOT!! (Didn’t I sound cheesy and dorky like the rest of the bloggers out there?) But yes, my blog won a lot of invisible mind boggling awards. I won people’s readerships. That’s the biggest award I can get as a blogger. I don’t care about best blog, or best writer, or best anything. Who cares? It’s like winning a virtual banner to advertise someone else’s bright idea that started the campaign.

Really, if the prize was money based, then people will be all over it! I would be so all over it!

So, I am gonna list the top blog posts this year by comments, my favorites, and ones that I should have never published, but found their way online cause of my insomnia or excessive amounts of coffee!

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Comments & Reactions

1. April 28, 2009 | It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a conspiracy theory!
2. June 7, 2009 | The Arab Blogorette
3. June 16, 2009 | I think it is time for change!
4. August 25, 2009 | Why are Muslims turning Atheists?
5. August 30, 2009 | Analysis: It is much harder to get rid of her
6. September 7, 2009 | Arabs marrying non-Arabs
7. September 18, 2009 | Window shopping for a bride
8. October 27, 2009 | Symbols of being different

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Monaism & Love

1. January 15, 2009 | Are good people always the victims of life?
2. March 31, 2009 | How accurate is this?
3. April 20, 2009 | Airports think I am a perv!
4. May 21, 2009 | A way to relieve stress
5. July 15, 2009 | Teaching a child the basics of the internet world
6. September 6, 2009 | No Comment
7. September 24, 2009 | I am sick and tired of looking for work!!! NO MORE!
8. December 4, 2009 | The typicals
9. December 26, 2009 | I am the master of my choices

Top Blog Pots 2009 | Those That Should Have Never Been

1. January 28, 2009 | The blogging world is run by monkeys
2. May 4, 2009 | I thought I held the title of taking things too seriously
3. June 20, 2009 | The media has been following me for over two decades
4. September 26, 2009 | I don’t like talking about sex in public

Advertising, Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Blog Review, Categorize this!, Confused, Contest, Culture, Depressed, Facebook, Funny, Geeky, Guest Post, Happy, Idiots, Interview, My taste of Music, Palestine, Programming, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Recipes/Food, Religion, Sleepy Post, Squibby, Tagged, Thank you, They said what?, Travel, Tweets, Video, Videocast, Visitor Taking Over, Whatever!

Every day, I wonder about the people that I have met in my life. I feel that everyone I ever met served some type of purpose to help me grow as a person. Unfortunately, no one understood me or accepted me for who I am, but I am only talking about people I generally met through life. What about people that I considered friends?

Having a steady friendship with anyone is a big time chore now a days. I don’t know why either! I feel that I have to sacrifice who I am, or change my personality to adjust to theirs. It’s like I need to do something on my part to satisfy them and keep them in touch with me on a regular basis. If I don’t do something, they won’t do anything on their end either.

[Photo Source]

The problem with me I am a giver. I like to give, but I hardly ever ask for anything in return. I don’t mean it in a material sense, but like saying hello, how you are, and that’s it. I don’t ask for anything. I just believe that all the friendships I ever had were based on using me. I am only remembered by people when they need something.

I think that is another main reason why I kept this blog alive. On a daily basis, I feel that I am alone. I am always alone, and I can’t seem to find people to accept me for who I am or even remember me. So I made this blog to see if someone out there cares. Do people out there care to read my thoughts and see what I am thinking? Do they want to talk to me and get to know me for who I am? Are my thoughts messed up and I am the one with problems, or I just can’t understand people?

I don’t need to change who I am on the internet for people to accept me. That’s why I keep this up.

However, why do I need to in real life? I think I just met all the wrong people in my life, or maybe I accept everyone for who they are, but not everyone is like me. That’s the problem, not everyone is like me, and I cannot find many people who will understand people like me.

If I had to analyze my personality in depth, I would say that I am too honest, very accepting of others, very reserved, and likes to give and not take.

Unfortunately, analyzing myself is not going to help me in life. All I can do is learn about others, grow as a person from meeting so many different people with eccentric personalities, and live my life knowing that there are people out there that maybe like me for who I am. I have not met them yet, but I am hopeful. And maybe they want to actually be friends with me, and not expect me to do everything their way, only think their way, and to have the same exact interests as them.

We are all different, but some of us are rare individuals that need a bit more understanding of why we think and do the things we do.

Blah Blah, Depressed, Featured, Random Thoughts, They said what?