Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

This is a pretty interesting post, and the writer emailed me asking for advice about the strange actions that Arab girls seem to have with relationships.

He wrote the following,

I just wanted to randomly say I enjoy reading your blog. I admittedly found the site by searching the ‘net for advice on how to handle dating Arab girl when I myself am not Arab.

A few years ago I hit it off with a girl an old college friend introduced me to at a small gathering. We exchanged digits and found each other exchanging texts like teenagers; eventually the texts turned into 6 hour conversations over the phone, and once in a while, a discreet cup of coffee. I had developed feelings for the girl, and her, for me, but she had mentioned before that her parents were very much against her dating anyone that was not Arab. I told her I didn’t care about that, and in a heated moment, she agreed, and we started dating. The first month or two was quite fun – we experienced your typical new relationship bliss, which of course was done in secrecy, but nonetheless, quite the experience.

Near the end of the two months, she was taking a trip to visit family overseas. I had known this was coming, and it didn’t really bother me, but the trip itself seems to evoke a bit of anger and apprehension in her and we had a few little fights via Skype while she was overseas. When she came back from the middle east, she was very irritable all the time, and so I gave her space; I knew she was apprehensive about the whole thing, with her having strict parents and me being not-Arab or Muslim. Our trips to the movies and random car rides became less and less.

The emotional distance as indicated, of course, lead to her breaking up with me. I shied away from her, but she kept asking if I would stay in her life, so for the first time, I made the exception and became friends with my ex. We still had long phone conversations and texted each other constantly; she even decided to kiss me a couple of times. I still have many emails in my work email’s inbox sent over the course of a few months. There were jealous moments on both sides – me talking to other girls. her parents wanting her to meet men with the prospect of marriage in mind.

The friendship was dismantled completely in about 2.5 months, however. The thing about this girl, Miss, is that she is in her 20′s, has not completed college, but sits home playing around on her computer 4-16 hours a day. I, myself, was raised to be very different and independent, and have been so since my teen years – so this lead to some conflicting views as well. One day, we had an argument where some heated and silly words were exchanged. What I said to her left a mark, however, and even though we made up, there was still some tension there. All it took was an argument the next month to end our friendship, when she made it clear she did not want to speak to me again.

I know everything, though rather truncated and vague, sounds senseless and dramatic – especially coming from a guy – but I digress: I can be a jerk, but I am also very sentimental. I think maybe I am sending this email because it brings a heavy hearted feeling that goes well with some scotch and an Iron and Wine song.

I’m curious, though, what makes someone risk their family’s approval at the beginning of a relationship only to give up so easily? I suppose it isn’t even fair to ask such a question. While this girl was not “the one that got away” or anything, I still ponder what could have been, and notice her absence from my life is still rather… well, noticeable.

Your [usually] energetic and witty rantings/posts remind me of her at her best, and while that may not be the most flattering reason, it is what keeps me coming back. So if you took the time to read this, thanks.

Question was: “What makes someone risk their family’s approval at the beginning of a relationship only to give up so easily?”

My answer: If a girl, especially Arab girls who have lived their entire lives being raised in a very reserved culture, trying different things, even though they are wrong seem to be ok for a little while. As long as they try, then in the end, when it becomes serious they do the following:
1. Start fights or arguments that are pointless.
2. End it without any reason because if their family knew what was really going on, then it is up to the family to marry her off to some stranger or unknown relative from back home, or marry her to the one she loves only if he meets all the criteria in their list.

I don’t know what else to say, but the risk that some Arab ladies love to take is their way of living life at the edge. More of an adventure and a secret they can hide in the back of their heads to the rest of their lives.

Oh well, I am not really generalizing, but I would be lying if a bit of adventure and risk taking to try new things is not part of it.

I guess if a non-Arab really wants an Arab, is like a wolf trying to catch a young lioness cub from its parents. Picture that!

Article By – NewNewYorkCity.wordpress.com

Title: Oh Jerusalem

According to the (Christian) Bible life is the journey on the road from Eden (our first home) to the new Jerusalem. In the meantime, the Bible says we are to “give God no rest” until he makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth. We just might be seeing this work in progress today!

Jerusalem. Jerusalem is the city that Saint Augustine translated as “a vision of peace”, others translate it as a “city of peace”. In Arabic it is called “al Quds” which means Holy City. Jerusalem is first mentioned in Genesis in the Hebrew Bible when Abraham has bread and wine with the King of Righteousness in Jerusalem. Since the beginning of time men have killed each other for control of it, artists have drawn it, holy men have written about it and singers have sung about. Today it is a vibrant, complex city.

Currently, there are basically two Jerusalem’s, one mostly Jewish (west Jerusalem) and one mostly Arab (east Jerusalem) – although this is changing, in a controversial manner sort of like Cowboys and Indians or perhaps America’s south fifty years ago. One thing that is absolutely amazing is the economic differences (although Arabs are thriving in Israel in places like Nazareth/Galilee, Jaffa and Abu Gosh).

The Bible says that the final resurrection will occur in Jerusalem near the Mount of Olives so I thought I’d go check it out. On my way to the Mount of Olives I bought two bags of chips, two chocolate bars and a large water at an Arab store near the Damascus Gate near East Jerusalem. Amazingly it only cost about 15 shekels! It would probably be 30 – 50 shekels in the rest of Jerusalem. Nice!

From the Mount of Olives, (har zeitim in Hebrew), there is a beautiful overlook of the city that looks down on the Dome of the Rock aka Temple Mount aka land of Mount Moriah right near the western “wailing” wall, which dates back to the temple where Jesus frequented. It was VERY disappointing walking around as when I tried to enter the Greek Orthodox church on the top of the mountain I was told it was for Orthodox ONLY, confirming that Christian unity is sadly so weak as they continue to discriminate against each other! Its so disappointing when religions discriminate against each other, even worse when it’s seemingly within the same religion. Jerusalem is full of religious people excluding each other. I’ve seen Jews do it to Jews, this is an example of Christians doing it to Christians. The lack of freedom of worship is one of the big disputes of Islam and the West and also very much in Jerusalem. At the Dome of the Rock Muslims won’t let anyone but Muslims pray there. How quickly we forget that before God we are all equals. Why does religion so quickly try to do the opposite and divide people? Then it got worse, as I went across the street to the small church commemorating Jesus’ Ascension – this is basically in a mosque, I was saddened as this is one of the most pathetic sites I have ever seen, dirty and not maintained at all, and they charge 5 shekels to enter! Churches don’t charge to enter unless its also a mosque, I guess. Also, there is another much larger church in the distance (pater noster?) on the top of the hill behind this one but it has no clear entrance as I walked entirely around the huge hill looking for the entrance. There are some footpaths but due to security concerns I decided not to risk it as I was already in a much disputed area.

After walking around the Mount of Olives I decided to just sit down and enjoy the amazing view. Sitting there on the stairs I saw a tourist gimmick with a very Jesus looking guy in a royal robe riding up on a white horse/donkey being led by an Arab dressed like a sheik. They pull up not too far behind me. A few minutes later after hearing a noise I turned around to realize the Jesus actor and the sheik had walked off and the noise was of a soft plop and then a sound like a waterfall as the horse dropped a large deposit and just stared at me as I was staring at it – it was odd. A few minutes later the sheik came back and cleaned it all up, which was rather nice. This was the fanciest dressed guy I ever saw cleaning up after Jesus’ horse. Only in Israel!

Israel’s capital Jerusalem, the spiritual capital of the world – is a people and a place of immense diversity, where a plurality of unity is somehow, almost miraculously, maintained. Perhaps this stems from Jewish tradition of agreeing to disagree, (80% of the “Jewish Bible”, the Talmud, is people disagreeing with each other about the “right” way to worship God in various parts of life – but as a people they still stick together, for the most part.

I think one of the things that really separates Jews and Gentiles is the Jewish ability to make distinctions in everything. Ancient distinctions like: God/man, Jew/Gentile, Jewish, clean and unclean food, a separate day of rest, to modern distinctions in learning. IMHO, the Jewish talent for making distinctions is a key factor in why Jews are such a creative and innovative people who have contributed so much to humanity etc. I believe this “spirit of distinction” is the secret that amazingly preserved God’s people, Israel (as the Bible repeatedly calls them) without a national homeland for thousands of years. In 1948 when the country of Israel was revived from its glory days of Solomon’s temple and the Davidic Kingdom and and the miracle continues as we are now witnesses to this extraordinary event as God continues to regather His people, Israel, and Jerusalem is the center of it.

Rest, aka sabbath, or shabbat in Hebrew, is amazing in Jerusalem because it is so quiet and peaceful in Jerusalem each day of shabbat, when the rest of the week is normally hectic, noisy and frenetic. It is amazing. One really neat thing to see is to go to the Wall just before sunset before shabbat and you will see thousands of Jews spontaneously singing and dancing as they welcome in the God given gift of shabbat. I’ve never seen anything like it anywhere else and I think its one of my favorite things to see in Jerusalem.

Shabbat is a marker of time. A full day of rest each week. God’s people Israel also maintain the world’s oldest calendar. Is it really the year 1431 as the Muslims say, or is it really 2010 as the Christians say or is it actually 5771 as God’s people Israel calculate?

Finally, perhaps the greatest thing about Jerusalem and being at the Wall is that one can see that unlike the Muslims and Christians who fence off their holy places like at Mecca (only Muslims allowed) and the Vatican (sealed like a fortress), is that the Wall is basically just a huge open air space for EVERYBODY. Its an open library for prayer and learning (lots of books) about the things of God. Open to all. Awesome, God!

Blog: A Heart’s Echoes
Author: AH
Article: The Sinking Rock

When you throw a rock into the ocean, you hear a splash and then you don’t see it again. It sinks to the bottom, and you think it’s gone for good. On the surface, everything seems the same, but according to the laws of physics, displacement of water had occurred, and the ocean isn’t the same.

Same thing happens when others pass by our lives. Maybe they touch a heart, cause a smile and then leave. They think that they’re gone forever, but deep down inside their memories burn so deeply, that the ocean of our being isn’t the same again.

Think of the last time someone cast a rock into your ocean, and then call them to tell them thank you. For they might not have realized how much they’ve changed your life, because on the surface, everything seemed the same, but deep down inside, the ocean was not the same.

Quote of The Day,

“Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people’s lives we’ve been in. Were we part of someone’s life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.”- One Tree Hill

Blog: Castle of Words
Guest blogger: Jamila
Article: To be a Gossip Girl!!

So in the recent months or so, I have been in the center of gossip central, I felt like one of the gossip girls. Truth be told, ALL WOMEN GOSSIP! Don’t deny it, you do in some kind of way, you may not call it gossip, maybe you may call it, passing of information, looking at her at a critical point of view or reflecting on her mistake. But it all comes down to gossip.

Webster Definition – one of the definitions is “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others”

But what bothers me the most is women who deny that they gossip; they act all righteous and create a major drama when they find out from another source that a certain someone was gossiping about them. They will go on to calling the person names and go how dare you talk about me blah blah blah! But at the end of the day, they do the same thing.

Look at it this way, will give the characters initials H, S, and D. The scenario is H found out through S that D was talking about her and her current situation. and how did S know that D was talking about H , is because S and D were sitting together and talking about H, both of them commenting on H’s situation. But then S goes and tells D that H was gossiping about her and her situation. So the fact that H and S are talking about D, isn’t that gossiping to?

I am not saying that gossiping is good or bad, am just saying that ALL WOMEN DO IT, so don’t be surprised if you hear someone talks about you or gossip. Just let it go, and move on. Don’t create drama as if you never gossip because you do. It’s in our nature to talk about others, whether in a good way or in a bad way. We do it!

http://www.jeljabry.blogspot.com/

Blog: Destination Unknown
Guest blogger: Nicole
Article: Growing up in Creative Chaos

Some of my friends grew up in a good old fashioned southern home. Mom and Dad (which they more than likely referred to as Mama and Daddy) with a few brothers and sisters, barbeques on the back porch with Lynard Skynard and the Allmand Brothers playing on the boombox, grandma bringing over the pound cake and a big Georgia Bulldog flag hanging on the front of the house.

I did not.

Words like set & lighting design, acrylics and charcoal, toe shoes and leotards, ink wells and parchment, bodhran and violin float through the halls of my home. While classical music streaming through the stereo on Sunday morning, followed by lunch with coucous or hummus and other oddities were placed on our table.

There was a kitchen witch hanging from the ceiling in the kitchen. Dream catchers were bought at festivals. All of the art work had to be done by an actual artist (more than likely my mom.) You weren’t allowed to touch the beautiful pens used for calligraphy by my father. I was not allowed to take my dance costumes or shoes out to play in. My sister collected odd musical instruments. I spent afternoons memorizing my lines from a play, while my other friends went to softball practice. My summers were spent in dance classes or theater classes or a writing workshop. I watched from afar as my neighbors ran outside to hang out by the pool and play volleyball.

I still remember coming home one afternoon and finding my sister covered in plaster with straws coming out of her nose. Mom was making masks. I remember stepping over newspapers on the floor, some were wet with paint, with beautiful pictures coming to life on a canvas. When I would walk into some of my friends homes, their mom would be baking or watching the soaps or scrubbing the tub.

Needless to say – in a house filled with creativity comes chaos. I say that gently.. but honestly. The house was less than organized. My mom loves to live by the mantra “A Clean House is a Sign of Insanity.” The bizarre, the different, the cultural, anything against the societal norm was embraced.

With that being said – I fought against it as long as I could. As I grew up and made it through college, I went for a more “normal” vibe. Tried as hard as possible to be more “conservative” and look and act a certain way. I walked away from my more creative past. Separated myself from my family and their “way of life” as much as possible.

But when I am shopping, or reading, or thinking – it is all creative chaos. I have since returned to my roots and find that it is so deeply ingrained in me – that I can never be that “societal norm.” I think I walk a fine line – safely working in a more “corporate setting” with a sprinkling of creativity. I am drawn to a more bohemian lifestyle, but surrounded by people who would prefer an afternoon of football and nachos.

I have since married a beautiful egyptian. He’s a writer, a lover of english literature, a believer in the power of the pyramids and mystics of the ancient. He loves to be in love and is thrilled to attend theater, art openings, symphonies, and festivals. We read poetry together. He is in touch with his emotions and is not afraid to be sad or thrilled.
He brought “life” back to me.

But at the same time – in his culture – the “wifey” is expected to keep a perfect home. I grew up in creative chaos.

Where can you strike the balance between the two?