I guess some people keep nagging and telling me that I am a traitor to my culture and country cuz I never talk about it. It is hard to talk about something that is so hard for you to get a hold of. Even though I am Canadian and I can go, but I just won’t feel comfortable at all. I guess it is just a dream until peace really comes. Whenever that may be.

Remember to donate any amount to Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, they accept PayPal.

This song is lovely..

Palestine

I know this one: Trouble 1, and this one: Trouble 2, and maybe this one: Trouble 3 are continually causing havoc. People want to comment so bad but end up emailing me instead. It has been going on for months and I have been ignoring these emails for a reason. However, I have been noticing a trend in the way Arabs are perceiving me because of the stuff I write on here.

So today I want to discuss a bigger issue. Why do many Arabs seem far too emotional when they start talking about themselves or when others talk about them?

Look at me for example. When I am pissed off and feeling like crap, I take unknown visitors words to heart and want to scream from anger at such pointless comments. I keep telling my self that it is about time to end this crap and get on with my life. Then from day to night I change my mind instantly without questioning the reason why I did.

Arabs are the same. I think it is in our blood or something. We seem to be so emotionally driven by anything that we always forget the bigger picture. So far in my whole 29 years of life, I have NEVER met an Arab who was NOT far too emotional about the most mundane things. Why is that? Are we just raised this way?

Is it too much love from the family or the emotional control from our families that caused this?

Also guilt! We are raised to always feel guilty. We feel guilty about anything. So to push aside such an emotion when we do anything that is remotely unapproved by authority, we end up doing stuff in secrecy without anyone’s knowledge to erase this guilt from our heads.

However, all the previous are excuses of the bigger issue. The real reason for all this is what we see on TV and read in the news. The way we react to it and our helplessness to do anything about it. We see how Arabs are treated and the crap that is said about us. We see our families in Palestine, our neighbors in Iraq, and the way the western media controls the oil driven Arab country’s way of life. So we sit there and watch how our culture is falling, how our traditions are dying,  and how the simplest means of life are controlled by others.

No wonder we are emotional.

Culture, Palestine, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I received an email today, and I thought to my self, “Did I just write this and email it to my self?” I do that a lot, but come on!! I always thought I was the odd one out with unprecedented thoughts, but I guess not!

So, a cute Palestinian girl from Finland emailed me today telling me that she is stuck in the middle, and it is something she realized later on!

She wrote:

Hi Mona!

I want to tell you something. I must say, that I like everything you write. It reminds me of my “inner-self” and the way I am in my heart. Rebellious.

I want to share the way I feel, as an Arab girl, with you. Mostly because I feel like you understand.

Let me add to this story; that I live in Europe. My mother is a European and my father is an Arab.

Now, I remember that there was an Arabic guy writing to you about marriages between Arabs and non-Arabs. In this case, the marriage didn’t last forever.  But believe it or not, it was not because they lived and had different cultures. There were other reasons.  I’d also like to say, that my mother re-married another Arab man. And she converted also to Islam. And their marriage has last this far.

Now I’d like to get back to the real story. It hasn’t always been easy to live in Europe as an Arab girl.

I have always been afraid that I’d say something wrong, if I express myself.

I was taught during my early teen life, that I had to be careful how I talked and expressed myself.

Now, in Europe they live differently. There are not any specific limits how you can express yourself, especially in the northern parts of Europe.

I was afraid of talking about my feelings with my family, just in case they wouldn’t accept the way I thought.  But I learned quickly I could talk with my good European friends. These friends also understood my Arabic culture. I want to say that I love many things in my culture, but I don’t like to feel insecure.

As I grew older and my friends started talking about guys, I felt I didn’t belong with my friends.

They went out with guys and talked about things with them. When they wanted me to talk with a friend of their, that was a guy, I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid I’d say something terribly wrong and they would think I am a bad girl. I started to worry so much about what others were thinking about my appearance. I started to worry what would happen if I lived a liberal life, like a European.

Maybe my family would reject me?  But I lived all my life among my friends and knew what kind of life they lived. I came to the decision that I didn’t belong to the Arab culture, nor the European.

I was something in the middle of these two.

Last year, I understood that I had to stop looking for other people’s acceptance. Because, in the end God, Allah, made me to the person I am. I love myself for who I am. I don’t say sorry for the way I think now. I maybe act more like an Arab girl, but there is also something European in me.

Before I could feel sinful and bad, but I think it was time to show people that I stand up for myself.

As I was younger I tried to be a perfect Arab girl. But I would have lied, not only to other people, but to myself. I am no less Arab than anyone else, but I have an opinion and I want to express how I feel without feeling ashamed or afraid of rejection.

So what do you think? Are you stuck in the middle too?

Blah Blah, Culture, Palestine, Religion, They said what?

I am at work early just so I can have few minutes of peace and quiet to write in this blog.

My niece who is almost 3 years old and speaks Arabic in a Palestinian dialect better than my sister and I combined!

When we went to Toronto to pick her mom and my niece up, when she saw me, she said, “MONA!” She still remembers me because it is very easy for her to say my name. My name is one of the easiest to pronounce!

At home, she cannot sit still. She is always asking “shu hay?” (What is this?) Or “Nroo7 barrah!” (Let’s go outside!) Or “Sukhon!” (Hot item!) Or “Ween XXX?” (Where is xxxx?) Or “Kharbany!!” (It is broken) … then she tries to turn it on (whatever it is) and says, “Zabtet!!” (Fixed!)

So yah.. it seems her parents taught her that everything is broken and that’s why she cannot touch it, because there is no hope to turn it on (toy, anything that moves, or lights.)

Otherwise, everything else is good. My brother just drives me insane, and when I am driving, he won’t shut up and keeps giving me instructions like no tomorrow. I just gave up on him and told him to drive my car and leave me alone. I rather be in the passenger seat instead. Jeez! Why can’t other drivers let someone else drive for them? I do!!

Anyways, I need to now go back to my daily routine of coding and coding, and oh, more coding.

Life of the Rebellious Girl.. all about complaining and coding!! See what happens when we sit behind the computer screen all day?

Blah Blah, Funny, Palestine, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I will be on blog sabbatical till Wed-nes-day! Sorry about the late notification.

In the meantime, to keep my blog active, I am assigning some blog tasks to my daily visitors and active post commentators. Here is what I came up with that sure will keep your senses stimulated.

Mais – your task is to ignite the fire.

Craig – your task is to keep the fire burning.

Charlie – your task is to ignite the fire in different places.

myblog – your task is to make the flame rise higher and higher.

Sarah – your task is to try to moderate the burning thoughts of others.

Janet – your task is to try in every way you can to put out the fire.

That’s it, let me see how creative you guys are in the comment area. Everyone else, your task is to sway the conversation from left to right and make the people I assigned the tasks go crazy trying to answer your thoughts.

Here is the topic: Israel v.s the world. What do you think?

Advice, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Ranting as usual!, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!