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This song is lovely..

So today I want to discuss a bigger issue. Why do many Arabs seem far too emotional when they start talking about themselves or when others talk about them?

Look at me for example. When I am pissed off and feeling like crap, I take unknown visitors words to heart and want to scream from anger at such pointless comments. I keep telling my self that it is about time to end this crap and get on with my life. Then from day to night I change my mind instantly without questioning the reason why I did.

Arabs are the same. I think it is in our blood or something. We seem to be so emotionally driven by anything that we always forget the bigger picture. So far in my whole 29 years of life, I have NEVER met an Arab who was NOT far too emotional about the most mundane things. Why is that? Are we just raised this way?

Is it too much love from the family or the emotional control from our families that caused this?

Also guilt! We are raised to always feel guilty. We feel guilty about anything. So to push aside such an emotion when we do anything that is remotely unapproved by authority, we end up doing stuff in secrecy without anyone’s knowledge to erase this guilt from our heads.

However, all the previous are excuses of the bigger issue. The real reason for all this is what we see on TV and read in the news. The way we react to it and our helplessness to do anything about it. We see how Arabs are treated and the crap that is said about us. We see our families in Palestine, our neighbors in Iraq, and the way the western media controls the oil driven Arab country’s way of life. So we sit there and watch how our culture is falling, how our traditions are dying,  and how the simplest means of life are controlled by others.

No wonder we are emotional.

So, a cute Palestinian girl from Finland emailed me today telling me that she is stuck in the middle, and it is something she realized later on!

She wrote:

Hi Mona!

I want to tell you something. I must say, that I like everything you write. It reminds me of my “inner-self” and the way I am in my heart. Rebellious.

I want to share the way I feel, as an Arab girl, with you. Mostly because I feel like you understand.

Let me add to this story; that I live in Europe. My mother is a European and my father is an Arab.

Now, I remember that there was an Arabic guy writing to you about marriages between Arabs and non-Arabs. In this case, the marriage didn’t last forever.  But believe it or not, it was not because they lived and had different cultures. There were other reasons.  I’d also like to say, that my mother re-married another Arab man. And she converted also to Islam. And their marriage has last this far.

Now I’d like to get back to the real story. It hasn’t always been easy to live in Europe as an Arab girl.

I have always been afraid that I’d say something wrong, if I express myself.

I was taught during my early teen life, that I had to be careful how I talked and expressed myself.

Now, in Europe they live differently. There are not any specific limits how you can express yourself, especially in the northern parts of Europe.

I was afraid of talking about my feelings with my family, just in case they wouldn’t accept the way I thought.  But I learned quickly I could talk with my good European friends. These friends also understood my Arabic culture. I want to say that I love many things in my culture, but I don’t like to feel insecure.

As I grew older and my friends started talking about guys, I felt I didn’t belong with my friends.

They went out with guys and talked about things with them. When they wanted me to talk with a friend of their, that was a guy, I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid I’d say something terribly wrong and they would think I am a bad girl. I started to worry so much about what others were thinking about my appearance. I started to worry what would happen if I lived a liberal life, like a European.

Maybe my family would reject me?  But I lived all my life among my friends and knew what kind of life they lived. I came to the decision that I didn’t belong to the Arab culture, nor the European.

I was something in the middle of these two.

Last year, I understood that I had to stop looking for other people’s acceptance. Because, in the end God, Allah, made me to the person I am. I love myself for who I am. I don’t say sorry for the way I think now. I maybe act more like an Arab girl, but there is also something European in me.

Before I could feel sinful and bad, but I think it was time to show people that I stand up for myself.

As I was younger I tried to be a perfect Arab girl. But I would have lied, not only to other people, but to myself. I am no less Arab than anyone else, but I have an opinion and I want to express how I feel without feeling ashamed or afraid of rejection.

So what do you think? Are you stuck in the middle too?

My niece who is almost 3 years old and speaks Arabic in a Palestinian dialect better than my sister and I combined!

When we went to Toronto to pick her mom and my niece up, when she saw me, she said, “MONA!” She still remembers me because it is very easy for her to say my name. My name is one of the easiest to pronounce!

At home, she cannot sit still. She is always asking “shu hay?” (What is this?) Or “Nroo7 barrah!” (Let’s go outside!) Or “Sukhon!” (Hot item!) Or “Ween XXX?” (Where is xxxx?) Or “Kharbany!!” (It is broken) … then she tries to turn it on (whatever it is) and says, “Zabtet!!” (Fixed!)

So yah.. it seems her parents taught her that everything is broken and that’s why she cannot touch it, because there is no hope to turn it on (toy, anything that moves, or lights.)

Otherwise, everything else is good. My brother just drives me insane, and when I am driving, he won’t shut up and keeps giving me instructions like no tomorrow. I just gave up on him and told him to drive my car and leave me alone. I rather be in the passenger seat instead. Jeez! Why can’t other drivers let someone else drive for them? I do!!

Anyways, I need to now go back to my daily routine of coding and coding, and oh, more coding.

Life of the Rebellious Girl.. all about complaining and coding!! See what happens when we sit behind the computer screen all day?

In the meantime, to keep my blog active, I am assigning some blog tasks to my daily visitors and active post commentators. Here is what I came up with that sure will keep your senses stimulated.

Mais – your task is to ignite the fire.

Craig – your task is to keep the fire burning.

Charlie – your task is to ignite the fire in different places.

myblog – your task is to make the flame rise higher and higher.

Sarah – your task is to try to moderate the burning thoughts of others.

Janet – your task is to try in every way you can to put out the fire.

That’s it, let me see how creative you guys are in the comment area. Everyone else, your task is to sway the conversation from left to right and make the people I assigned the tasks go crazy trying to answer your thoughts.

Here is the topic: Israel v.s the world. What do you think?

Yesterday, I was watching television and my mother calls me. She was holding the phone and talking to this women at the same time.

She tells me, “Mona, there is a guy, 29, Palestinian, Engineer Mechanical, and is from Hamilton. Do you accept?”

In my head, what is this, a men bazaar?

I hesitated for a second, but she said Engineer. No offense to any Engineer, but seriously, no. (BAD EXPERIENCES!) But if he was exceptionally gorgeous and very nice than maybe I will consider it!

Then I walked back to the living room and continued watching television.

After my mother finished her conversation on the phone, she comes and says to me, “How long you want to stay like this? How will you meet people?”

I said, “I am sorry, but I don’t like to be an object that people look at while they are window shopping for the perfect one. It is funny that they go look for girls from other cities. They couldn’t find any where they live? The big metropolitan area!”

She said, “So what will you do then? Stay like this?”

I said, “I am fine, I never complained, and I honestly am happier this way!”

She said, “His father owns a gas station and he works there too.”

I said, “You got to be kidden me even more! He couldn’t even get a job as an Engineer? DOUBLE NO!”

See what you can discover about people from not even meeting them? I am so prejudice and such a bull headed loser. Oh well, at least I am not divorced or living a miserable life like some people I know.

P.S. I know many of you will object to my messed up mentality and I am old and ancient, but I had very bad experiences in my life. Honestly, I rather be alone for a while because love is not something I want to experience again (ever really) without a good solid head thinking properly at the same time.

I know the song is about nature and what humanity has done to it, but what caught my attention is toward the end of the song. The end of the song emphasizes on the Holy Land, and the innocent people that are dying, because they are attached to the land.

Why can’t humans ever accept that we are part of the earth, and we stay dear to it with all our hearts and souls. I wish I was in Palestine. I wish I was living there and knowing that I am fighting for it. This land, so alluring and captivating, makes it worth fighting for.

They took everything from the Palestinian people, and when my poor people turned around and said, “We had enough! We will defend our selves and fight back,” then they get blamed and are labeled as terrorists.

I read it, and then I thought of my self. I turned to my selfish being and thought, “Is this a curse that is being passed on us Palestinians? Even some Arabs? Even me as a blogger?”

I write my thoughts, my opinions, and share it with everyone on my blog, but I am the one that gets blamed and ridiculed for it. It’s like I am supposed to shut the hell up when everyone is not in agreement with me. I have to shut up, stop writing, and suffer emotional pain because some idiot or two out there did not like what I said.

Where is the freedom of being a human being? The world is rapidly changing, science is explaining so many things, and technology is advancing at incredible rates. We are slowly trying to understand the world around us, we can even see photos now of the universe millions of light years away, but we are still arguing about the same issues and solving it the same way humans did since day one. When we fight, we make sure to hurt the other person in any way we can, either in a physical or mental way. That’s all we are cable of still mastering in utmost perfection.

When we start opening our minds to other possibilities than arguing, (who started it and what method should be used to annihilate the other), then we will advance as human beings to understand the world around us, and really use that God given intelligence to better humanity and just enjoy the journey of life.

Finally, as long as there is one Palestinian living in this world, the name Palestine will live on. Same goes for each of you out there from different nations, religions, and ideologies.

My blog this year won so many awards, that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them! NOT!! (Didn’t I sound cheesy and dorky like the rest of the bloggers out there?) But yes, my blog won a lot of invisible mind boggling awards. I won people’s readerships. That’s the biggest award I can get as a blogger. I don’t care about best blog, or best writer, or best anything. Who cares? It’s like winning a virtual banner to advertise someone else’s bright idea that started the campaign.

Really, if the prize was money based, then people will be all over it! I would be so all over it!

So, I am gonna list the top blog posts this year by comments, my favorites, and ones that I should have never published, but found their way online cause of my insomnia or excessive amounts of coffee!

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Comments & Reactions

1. April 28, 2009 | It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a conspiracy theory!
2. June 7, 2009 | The Arab Blogorette
3. June 16, 2009 | I think it is time for change!
4. August 25, 2009 | Why are Muslims turning Atheists?
5. August 30, 2009 | Analysis: It is much harder to get rid of her
6. September 7, 2009 | Arabs marrying non-Arabs
7. September 18, 2009 | Window shopping for a bride
8. October 27, 2009 | Symbols of being different

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Monaism & Love

1. January 15, 2009 | Are good people always the victims of life?
2. March 31, 2009 | How accurate is this?
3. April 20, 2009 | Airports think I am a perv!
4. May 21, 2009 | A way to relieve stress
5. July 15, 2009 | Teaching a child the basics of the internet world
6. September 6, 2009 | No Comment
7. September 24, 2009 | I am sick and tired of looking for work!!! NO MORE!
8. December 4, 2009 | The typicals
9. December 26, 2009 | I am the master of my choices

Top Blog Pots 2009 | Those That Should Have Never Been

1. January 28, 2009 | The blogging world is run by monkeys
2. May 4, 2009 | I thought I held the title of taking things too seriously
3. June 20, 2009 | The media has been following me for over two decades
4. September 26, 2009 | I don’t like talking about sex in public

The movie is called “La7n el 3awdah.” And if I can translate that properly, it means something like, “The Tune of Return.”

I was deeply moved near the end of this video, and I couldn’t hold a tear. That’s me! Miss emotional!