This morning, my mother came up to my blog-office (yes that is the name of it now), and she was all giddy. She excitedly said, “look up my last name on the internet. My cousin’s daughter, 28 like you, first name like her grandmother’s, has a picture online, and looks like YOU Mona!”

[source]

You may wonder why in the world my mother would be on the internet. You see, my household is your typical home. My mother has her own computer in the basement, my dad has a computer, and my sister has a computer. Each person has a computer! However, I have a kick ass desktop, a wickedly awesome laptop, cell phone with 3G internet networking, and an office! I am fully loaded eh?

So, my mom only knows two things:

1. Internet Explorer.
2. Yahoo.com

I know! So old school! But hey, better than nothing.

Us searching for that relative

I did what she wanted, and searched for her last name on Google. Both my mom’s family and my dad’s family are very Palestinian. Meaning, both their surnames are very well known to be found in certain regions. Therefore, we make an assumption that a person born with the same last name is related to us, and not many of us are online! I told her, “what link did you click on? A Facebook public profile?” She said, “no, what is this? Google? No, I didn’t use Google.” I then nodded my head and gave mom a dissatisfied look, and went to the address bar and typed Yahoo.com to use it for searching. She then looked at the search results, and she said, “That one!”

It was a Plurk profile, and I saw the picture. I angrily said, “mom! She looks nothing like me!” She said, “no no, she does!” I said, “NO! God! She looks like no one! I look like no one! Why do you insist? Because she is related to us?”

What happened this morning reminded me of another event that happened two or three years ago.

Them searching for us

One day, out of the blue, I got an email to my work address, because my about me work profile is online, from a guy with the same French spelling of my last name. Yes, there is a British spelling, (my current distant cousins living in Jordan spell it that way), and French spelling, or how Lebanese would spell it. However, the first name threw me off. The name was Elias, a biblical name. I thought I entered the Twilight Zone or something when I saw it. I got a cousin with a hardcore Biblical name? Interesting.

I read the email, and he thought I was his cousin Mona, the daughter of his uncle George, who fled from Australia, and is hiding somewhere in North America.

I know, totally bazaar!

I emailed back and told him, “you must be mistaken. I am not who you think I am. Are you Palestinian like me? My parents are born in Lebanon though, and I am Muslim.”

The dude had a serious problem with what I said. He emailed back saying, “How dare you deny your roots and religion! Our family is Lebanese and Maronite Christian. Why are you lying to me? Are my uncle and you afraid to be found?” Blah blah blah.

WOW! The confusion! After that day, we realized that our last name is shared by a Lebanese Christian family. Very interesting.

Just remember, your last name may not be yours only!

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I have been listening to the news lately about elections taking place in various countries this month. I am not interested in politics, or who are the people running, or how much money they bribed the people to vote for them. What grabbed my attention is the people outside of their home lands, those that have been living abroad for many years, have been voting like crazy at their home countries foreign embassies.

I am going to generalize for a bit to a certain but obvious group of people that live abroad.

Most likely, you left your country voluntarily and have been living outside of it for so many years. Most likely you have a dual citizenship, and allowed to vote for a leader back home. So, you left to find a better life outside of your home country, or better education, or better work placements for financial stability, or the obvious, many of you left your country because of political unsettlement, civil wars, or for just a plain new experience.

What puzzles me, is that thousands of people living for all those years outside their home lands, stand in line for hours and hours to just vote for a new political leader in the country they have not been living in for ages, and most likely don’t want to live in again. The country that they decided to leave, decided to not go back with their knowledge and education, decided to not go back to help stimulate the economy by starting new business ventures to compete with other nations, and decided to not introduce the positive things they learned living abroad to enhance the life situation and thinking of their people.

Yet, those people want to vote for a new political leader for their home lands? Why? Are they doing it to just be part of something because they can? Are they doing it so their name is recorded as a person that voted? Seriously, why?

I question those things because I will never understand it. I suffer from a psychological problem and an ideology that I have been brain washed with growing up. I have this thing called diasporic discontent. I keep asking my self, why? Why us? So, why so many people doing that? They voluntarily left their country, but still want to be politically a part of it? Some of us didn’t voluntarily leave it. Some of us were born outside because we were forced to, and labeled as refugees. In Canada, we were labeled as Stateless. Stateless? How can I be stateless if my birth certificate says that my nationality is Palestinian, and my father and mother are Palestinian? But it is all politics!

If someone out there gives me the power to go vote, then I will think about it first. Will I feel good afterward? I have a very sentimental attachment to my home land. I find it an honour to brag about. However, telling me that I can vote for someone over there, but I have no intention of going back, seriously makes me a traitor to who I am. Obviously, if you ask any Palestinian out there, they would tell you they will sell everything no matter where they are in the world, if they are allowed to go back home and live in peace. Voting is not really an important factor, and kind of stupid to do it from far away. We rather just live there, go back, rebuild it, then just going to an embassy and casting a vote to someone that will not effect us directly.

So why bother to vote? Just go back if you care so much. Some of us are not so lucky to do that!

Angry, Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!

Today is Blog About Palestine Day. An event that was introduced by a great Palestinian blogger that uses the online pseudonym Za3tar.

If you guys are wondering why this day was chosen, and you lack the knowledge of the history of Palestine, then I got one date for you: May 15, 1948. You do the math, and remember what happened, because we will never forget.

I didn’t know what to say really. I think I talk enough about it throughout the year. Yesterday, I have talked about a silly event that happened online with other Arabs who don’t really care about our whereabouts. We are just a number to them that live, die, or are born somewhere in this world.

So, enough said. I decided that maybe I should tell people that I am here through some self portraits. Unfortunately, I am very far away from my land, but I believe that being Palestinian is pretty damn awesome.

You try and live your life knowing that you are something else. You withhold dear to you more than just a name. Your blood is always boiling and have this fiery essence burning inside you. You feel obligated that you have to tell the world that you are here and you will NEVER give up! It is amazing, and I can’t find anymore words to describe being one.

And to finish this off, a lovely poem by Mahmoud Darwish. May he rest in peace.

I Come From There

I come from there and I have memories
Born as mortals are, I have a mother
And a house with many windows,
I have brothers, friends,
And a prison cell with a cold window.
Mine is the wave, snatched by sea-gulls,
I have my own view,
And an extra blade of grass.
Mine is the moon at the far edge of the words,
And the bounty of birds,
And the immortal olive tree.
I walked this land before the swords
Turned its living body into a laden table.

I come from there. I render the sky unto her mother
When the sky weeps for her mother.
And I weep to make myself known
To a returning cloud.
I learnt all the words worthy of the court of blood
So that I could break the rule.
I learnt all the words and broke them up
To make a single word: Homeland…..

Updated: Za3tar posted this amazing article about ancient history of the Palestinian land that people in the world ignore. Why ignore ancient history? It is for all of us to learn about.

Angry, Culture, Palestine, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Again, I don’t want to get into politics, nationalism, or anything of that nature. However, someone the other day has decided to insult my view points about some stupid entertainment topic in a strictly Arabic forum, by saying that the reason I like this person or dislike that person because I am a fucking Palestinian bitch.

You see, I would rather have people insult me for being me. I could be stupid. I could be a fucking bitch. I can be anything. However, sticking in Palestinian is really uncalled for. Many of you will go on and say the following:

1. They were probably not Arabs, but Israelis or whatever who are against Palestinian. (Obviously everyone’s stupid answer because they don’t want to admit that there are shitty Arabs out there that come from closed minded nations with no respect to anyone. They think they are the only Arabs. And I am blowing this out of proportion. HELLO! This is not the first time this happened. Maybe 121093819238 time!)

2. They were probably joking. (Sure they are joking. When you insult me, my entire nation, and others who are of Palestinian decent that read it on a huge public forum, then it must be joking.)

3. How did they know you are Palestinian? (Few weeks ago I said I was a Palestinian living in Canada, because someone has asked me. That was weeks ago! People follow my every word waiting to turn it against me. Can you imagine if they found out about my blog?)

So, I have been really pissed off lately. Many of you will say ignore, who cares. But you see, it hurts. It seems like a continuous trend and makes me feel so sad that such things will never end. Instead of sticking together as Arabs, nationalism separates us.  Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to write for two days, because I didn’t know if I was shocked or disappointed from my fellow Arabs. At times I wonder why they would stoop that low, and is it really a problem between Arab nations that they can’t get along. If the internet, a global village with every single type of personality and mind set out there, is showing a fraction of this much hatred, then how are the people within the nation thinking?

It baffles me that I see such idiotic reactions. Most of the people that insult me on my blog are Arabs, because they can’t stand it that I am saying something that should not be said or no girl should dare say, but come on! Do Arabs have to stoop that low and insult each other in such a lame way? I also go on YouTube and watch Arabic clips, and like I said days ago, thank God I can still read Arabic, but on such large websites, Arabs have zero respect to one another. They curse, insult, make someone seem like a tiny spec of dirt under someone’s shoe, but why? Because instead of saying, oh I don’t like this person, or I don’t think it is good enough, or just plain ignore, they start insulting them from top to bottom. Like this person was Satan on earth, and should be ridiculed for everything he/she is worth.

When will Arabs change? Many Arabs are infesting the internet with such mentality, and making our cultural values that they continue to boast about seem like nothing at all anymore, and just a lie. And I get people saying, oh, you are making Arabs look bad with what you write on your blog. ME??? I make Arabs look bad because of a stupid title such as Rebellious? You think the word Rebellious is putting Arabs down? You Arabs are putting ME down when insulting me for something I am born with. You are insulting me because I am a female who has an opinion. You are insulting me because I dared say something that you could not stand, the TRUTH! So what do you end up doing? Yep, you know. If you can’t beat them, insult them from head to toe. That’s the Arab philosophy.

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Depressed, Palestine, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Why do I feel that I have to think a 1000 times before I utter a word online? On Twitter, on Facebook, or any social network, people take every single word I say seriously and blame me for it. They criticize my grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. They criticize my mood if it is sad, happy, crazy, etc.

This is what happens when you have too many people following you and reading your thoughts online.

Am I angry? Am I happy? Am I worried about all this? Nah! I just find people really weird and I am normal. You are weird, and I am normal. I am weird, and you are normal. I am so weird, and you are so normal. Are we done now? Happy?

Now, some of you would say, “Mona! Act like your self and be the Rebellious Arab Girl you claim to be!” Ok fine. I will be.

DAMMIT PEOPLE! STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT WHAT I SAY! I LOVE YOU ALL (you know I am lying), and without you, this site would have not stayed alive! Should I not appreciate everyone for that?

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Moving on to a more serious discussion, here is a political thought, and you guys know me and politics, I avoid it with all my heart. But what the hell?

[link]

UNITED NATIONS — Israeli President Shimon Peres on Wednesday called a U.N. investigation accusing Israel of recklessness during the war in Gaza “outrageous” and said the Jewish state will not apologize for defending its citizens against Hamas missile attacks.

…

“We think it’s outrageous. We shall never accept it. We don’t think that we have to apologize because we have the right to defend the lives of our children and women,” Peres told reporters after meeting U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon to convey Israel’s anger about the board of inquiry’s findings.

I lost count on the number of causalities after 5 days into the massacre earlier this year. How many people died in Gaza? What kind of weapons did Hamas have compared to the planes, missiles, crazy unheard of weapons, killer gas, etc, that Israel used?

My take as a small little refugee Palestinian that was forced to live on the other side of the world is, Umm, where shall I begin! Let me make this as simple as possible, and use my blog as an example. Let’s say that I wrote my opinion on this blog, based on something I am completely unsatisfied with, and I had no fear or reason to not do it. I did it for the sake of having to do it. It’s in my blood and I had to express my view point, or else I was going to burst from the inside.

Later, someone got mad at me and had a completely different opinion (like we saw the other day when I talked about religion, God, and natural disorders), and instead of dealing with it in a civilized one to one battle through email or just another blog post from their side, they make an entire new website dedicated to hate my guts and spread horrible rumors to attack me. The damages are not only emotional and hurtful at that moment, but are permanently stored on the interweb forever, and dedicated to diminish my honour, for as long as internet shall live. I classify it as permanent internet damage.

How am I supposed to react after that? Should I disappear, or fight back in my own little way?

That’s the Palestinian way of thinking. Every single one of us, born outside Palestine, born inside, lived as a refugee, or born and raised in Europe or the West, we are all think the same.

Anyone out there disagree with our way of thinking? If you do, then it is fine. No one can convince you to balance power when trying to solve a problem. It seems only ethical, but what the hell do I know? We seem to be living in the dark ages till now and I was not aware of it!

God help us all.

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!