Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Hi everyone,

Yes I know. I have not blogged in a while. I had my reasons though. First of all, I find that others are waiting for something. I have nothing to provide. I am not interesting. I was borderline suicidal a couple months ago, and I became someone I hate, but I tried to compose my self. Patience is something I value the most, and it helped me through a lot.

What I have become, and it will take me months to slow down from, if ever, that my verbal communications are without limits. I understand people, and I am not afraid to say what is on my mind. I don’t regret anything, and I stand with my point of view 100%. I am not ashamed of anything or think twice. I have endured so much crap in my life, especially the past two years, that my sanity was jeopordized at some points, and now, well, I have become “this”.

I will get back to my first point. I am constantly being watched. Either by my psedonym that I tried to flourish since 2005, or the name I was born with. I don’t get it. Why me? What is so interesting about me? What do I say, or portray about my self that is so interesting? It’s not. I am a very boring 32 year old. I am alone with my thoughts. I work very hard at anything I do, and I show it with my talents. I am very blunt and I stand with my opinions.

Enough of that. I am enjoying my new job. It is interesting and very mellow. I needed that because I wanted to step back a little bit. I get paid a lot, and I don’t do anything that requires that much energy or thinking of various solutions as I did in the past. I am focused on one thing, and that is it. So what did I do so far? I work really fast, and I need to slow down. Hmm, I portray my creative talents, and I love that. Oh, and I made one guy almost cry and walk out. I had to stop him at the door and calm him down. He apologized to me the next day, and realized who he is dealing with. He tried to justify my actions personally, but what was there to discuss? He is he, and I am me. Isn’t that nice? Oh well, sometimes you have to be your self to fit in. Or some people like a challenge. No? Hehe!!!

Hi everyone!

All of you know that I am happy beyond belief. My new work place are all young adults, like me and all University grads. Well most of them! He he! Not only that, but they all eat lunch together, and on Fridays, they pick a random resturaunt that they can walk to and eat out! MY GOD! I miss being social and going out. It will take me time to recover, but wohoo, I love this job!

Wow, I have never been excited in my life. I chose a place to work at and not take the first thing because I was desperate for it.

Well, for my previous job, my sister called me a bitch for what I did. She said it with a smile by the way, and we celebrated with a cake! A yummy delicious cake that I was free! Free to do what I want! This week, my old co-workers, well two of them only that I didn’t directly work with, emailed me to congratulate me on the new job. I love LinkedIn and Facebook by the way. Just update the status, and feel the love!!!

One former co-worker didn’t answer my question regarding the software and how things changed. Knowing me and how evil I really am sometimes, and what I did by leaving all of a sudden, made me think that it is about time they close that part of the company. Software and them was going down hill, and they were squeezing every bit of skills I had and so depended on me. I was border line insane. Never in my life I have seen people change their mind every day, and the bosses, husband and wife, couldn’t agree on anything. I was in the middle of it all. Not only that, but my woman boss decided a year and a half ago that it was too cold to live here, and one of the most expensive cities in the states was better to live at. She communicated with me via email or phone. Her husband drove us insane the weeks he was up here in Canada. She might as well make the company American, and hire American programmers. Oh wait, no, Canadian young programmers are way cheaper!

There are more shocking stories by the way. Like the time we were told that there wasn’t enough money to pay our salaries (a threat), but a week later the boss was talking how he bought a Porche and a Harley down in the States. Also, full time people if they get sick, their salary gets deducted for missed days. Is that wrong?? I went to work sick because I need the small fortune! (Whatever!)

Anyways, enough of the past. Now I know what I like and not like. I want to be comfortable where I am 40 hours a week. Is that too much to ask?

Well then, stay tuned for a special announcement on Monday!!

For now, I am calm. So many shocking things happened to me today that I had a !@#!@#$!@$!@$ face and oh my luck!!!! Strange things happen to you in your life.. Why not blog about it?

Stay tuned!!!

It’s at the edge of the door.

I can barely see it, but its smell is permeating the room.

It is a pleasant smell.

It is not so strong and just right.

Oh what I would do to see where the smell is coming from!

Where do I begin? People are amused by my silence. I am not what I used to be. I am not sure why I changed, but it has to do with a lot of factors. The biggest one and obvious one is that I am not happy with my life. How can I change that? I am trying, but nothing is working.

I try to find someone, but I think I ask for too much. Like any other girl who wants a life to share with someone else! Nop. That is not working. I am not meticulous or anything, but I want normality and quietness. Is that too much to ask or unbelievable to the imagination?

I think not.

My life is sucked right out of me every week day, because of the unknown and constant thinking. I leave back to my home and I am dead tired, that sitting on the computer to do anything, even play games, is torturous. It’s like I despise computers, but in the back of my head I adore technology. I hate my self in being in such a predicament.

When will anything change?

I noticed one thing though, that companies will call you none stop to get your money. Why don’t they give me money? Oh, technology, a girl, educated, thinks for herself? No, not on their agenda.

I come to work and half my co-workers don’t even talk to me or say hello. They are beyond ridiculous and I don’t recommend them ever being part of the team. I am partly to blame because I am a total b$^^#% that doesn’t like anyone crossing her boundaries. I am not stupid or inexperienced. To others they hate me for putting my self on top. Where else can I situate my self? It’s unbearale being around two-faced people. Just pathetic.

If I had one dream what would I do? Be a super hero and help others. Then they can call me your highness because I earned that title! Or maybe just not have to work for anyone. I think that is more of a realistic dream.