That’s my advice for today! lol

It’s me again. I have been blah for a while, but I am back to my normal self, whatever normal is. I remember when I was taking psychology at University, and we learned statistics and the norm, and I was like you are kidden right? I am not normal according to some analysis of a selected group of people! How absurd! That’s when I realized as a 19 year old that I am not even close to be defined as one.

You see, most girls would want to get married, settle down, have children, but I have no idea why I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t want to per say, but what’s the point? I lived 31 years and according to my backward culture, I am far too old and I could be a grandmother, literary. It’s ok! I just gave up with I realized, well, I am not that pretty. I do not have a wow ideal Arabic body. I am very outspoken, very opinionated and I don’t care what I say, because it needs to be said. Also, I don’t communicate with other people. I just go to work, come home and I don’t care to talk. I have 100′s of cell phone minutes that I don’t use at all.

I guess I never wanted to be labeled with that stereotype of a typical Arab and decided to seclude my self. I wonder if people even remember me or know who I am. Have you ever wondered if people still remember you? It’s like you are a walking dead person and people just think you are dead.

Oh what am I talking about. At times I wish I had my own home that I get to decorate my self. I wish I had a garden to plant herbs and flowers. I wish for many things, but I guess people like me are not meant to live the simple life and have to live their lives wondering and imagining things.

I know, a lot of lame comments I get. It’s better if I don’t write a lot to sway the attention for me, but I do appreciate all that still remember me.

Where have I been? Well, watching movies, staying warm, and going to work and hiding in my own office trying to stay warm. It it just the typical winter day.

I have been calm lately. I didn’t want to write because really, what is there to say? I am cold. I am Arab. This is not the weather that my body has evolved to over the years to withstand. I am supposed to be basking in the dessert heat, chilaxin with a camel and eating cactus. Wait, isn’t that a stereotype or just a dream?

What would be my dream right now? I would be lounging in a tropical area or dessert and looking at the clear skies thanking God I am still alive to enjoy it.

Where do you see your self right now?

1. If you are in charge, you don’t have to justify anything. You are in charge and you do what you want!

2. The world is slowly gearing to women in power. They have a lot of talent and bring personality to the team.

3. I like working with people. I really do because I think team work brings projects to life.

4. I am happy and I know it!

So how is everyone’s week? Mine was great. It was filled with happiness, drama, craziness, calmness, but in the end of the day, I feel ok. Odd I know, but I am trying to think the glass is half full!

Today I was told that no way I looked past 30. I said yeah! I should have been 50!

So that’s my story! Why don’t you tell me yours? What’s up with your lives my friend? Anything you care to share?

How is everyone doing? I feel a bit mellow today. I just want to lay back and do nothing. I feel it has been a long hard week. That’s my life every week. Once I reach the end of it I am like dear God! Then it all starts over again on Monday. Oh well!

I was looking at my archives and my emails, and I can’t believe I started my first blog entry in 2005. I don’t even remember 2005. I don’t even remember what I did yesterday, which makes me glad that I do have a blog and I can document my life. Even though I do come across as a pessimist, but I just speak my mind. Every body when they really say what is on their mind then it comes across as not so nice.

I have learned a lot about criticism and rejection from this blog. It helps in life because it really teaches you how to deal with people of every walk of life. I remember when I had my first website back in early 2000 or 1999, and people out of no where did not like me. I didn’t understand why. What was I saying that people didn’t like? I had to learn the very hard way that the truth is not acceptable. Speaking your mind and being who you are is frowned upon. I think I stopped caring in 2006/2007 when I realized that people actually spent their valuable time making hate websites about me and stealing my pictures as well.

I guess you can be loved in different ways.

What is so appealing about my blog and way of writing? Is it just the hard truth? Is it the things that people frown upon and I discuss it? I don’t do anything wrong in life. I am very honest and I learned that honestly is the best solution to all my problems. I sleep well at night. I don’t think and re-think over and over. I don’t hide anything. I am an open book and I learned to live life day by day.

If I have been ignoring or not answering your email, then I do apologize. I am just at a loss of word sometimes. (Yeah! ME!) Also, I do not want to put any advertisements or promote any products. I get a lot of those emails, and I don’t want to clutter my website. I want to redesign it one day, if I have time, and try to be a rebellious Arab girl with a different theme and point of view. For now, let’s all stick to this and see how it goes. It is only the first week of January and things are crazy already. It’s a leap year. It’s 2012. I wonder what scary movie they have up the works on December 12, 2012.

My brain is unstable. I really need more coffee eh?

Time for me to find something to do. Peace!

Wasn’t I complaining yesterday? Well God reads my blog and told companies to call me and meet with me ASAP today! So I did. I can’t believe that I just left work for an hour and met some owner of some start-up company. They look at my resume and listen to me talk and they are baffled. I hide behind a mask. Too bad the position doesn’t pay what I want and it is only 6 months. I was like dude, I got a full time position, crappy, but at least full time. The offer is not that appealing. And he kept saying, well I would hire you know because I like you. (He is WAY too good looking. Total eye candy. Too distracting in a very small company. I would never accept it. Maybe in a different universe.)

So that was my adventure for today. 9 years of experience and hell, I should move to another city and end my misery from this one. Companies here don’t want to pay but suck the blood out of you.

At least I am still desired for my brains.

Anyways, on a more serious note. I get a lot of people emailing or commenting that I am a pessimist, my blog sucks, etc, whatever. Why do you keep reading it if you don’t like it? Why comment on the negatives and never comment on anything else? You guys are giving me second doubts why I opened up this blog again, but you know, I don’t care. I am just mentioning it because I can. Most people hate me because it is my blog and I exercise dictatorship to its full power here. Most people think it’s quite offensive and so wrong, but I don’t care. I don’t go to anyone’s blog or say anything nasty at all to them. It’s not my style and very childish. Oh, I guess I have to end this post with telling all those haters to GROW UP!

Smile! I have to go to work tomorrow. I will learn to survive 6 – 7 day work week for no clear end goal whatsoever.

I will stop complaining now.

Why don’t you try to work 6 or 7 days a week? And for what? The purpose? The rush? There is no rush and no purpose. There is a need to be fast, quick, and always first. But are you? Why develop and be first or try to be if no one really cares and you are just one fish in a pool of 100′s! Why develop a half ass product that is untested just so you can be first. Would anyone want it?

No.

So why be first? Why not be secretive and be better? Wouldn’t that make sense? Innovation is not the best anymore. It’s staying on top and finding a spot in the game.

Things hasn’t changed at work, but got worse. I gave them a chance and I wanted to see where they were heading, but all I can do is just say yes and look for another job. Hopefully God can hear my plea and I can just walk out and move on. I need to find something that will treat me as a person with the skills to do my best and not do a half ass job in order to reach an imaginary goal.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Didn’t I tell you guys this is going to start off as an awful year? I hope God keeps my sanity, because I lost my patience long ago and I am just contemplating if I should go into work anymore or pretend I am sick until I find something better. I hate this city, but what can I do? I am stuck here. I just need to wade it out. I just don’t know for how long I can take this. Don’t know at all.

So, let me explain to you what an Arab really is. You see, us Arabs are culturally reserved and justify everything with old conservative traditions mixed with religion. But you know, we do like all sort of people, especially other Arabs. Almost everyone in our neighbouring area is our cousin of some sort. So if you see us arguing with someone, it is usually someone we know and related to us. We like to discuss world politics and problems, but we don’t really get out of our comfort zone and do something totally different, but use violence instead.

We go to work, raise the kids, and force them to be doctors or engineers if they are a boy. If it’s a girl, then she is luckier, she has to still be educated and be married at 21, but before then is way better. Arab girls my age usually have teenagers by now.

Really, Arabs are cool. They are just misunderstood because they are so passionate about the little things that really have no significant value, but they are important to them. We like to be loud in public and we are the ones that say Bebsi and not Pepsi. We have heavy accents and we translate things in our head purely from Arabic to English without realizing that no one is understanding us and think we are demented.

We like being Arabs! 80%+ of us are Muslims and the Quran is written in the language that we speak and write. We have rich culture and history and we are happy how we turned out. We live our lives in peace and only care who is getting married next, who graduated first, and if the grandkids are fed and raised properly. We are just like any other culture.

We love who we are. Really. But it is so funny because the Arab world occupies over 13,000,000 square kilometres of land mass and we still live in diaspora and leave our homelands. We just like to be all over the place and never satisfied sometimes.

I could say more, but I will get hate mail right now. Oh well. I like being an Arab. It’s in my blood and no matter how much you try to change your self, no matter where you live, you cannot change or deny being one. It’s awesome!

Peace!

I am deeply touched.

I feel now that I have never left. Maybe I was on a rebellious hiatus? Who knows.

So what have I been doing for the past 5 months. Really? Only 5 months. That is sad. I couldn’t make it half a year even without staying away.

You won’t believe that I actually feel alive. I really feel that I belong somewhere and people are actually hearing what I have to say. No one really did the past few months. I felt alone in the world that I created. I go to work, I do my homework for my business continuing studies class and sleep. That was my life. Also, because I stayed away from blogging I did really bad in that class. I got a B+! OMG! Don’t even get me started on how I got that. I was routing for my A, but you know, when you spend so long not being able to express your self, words in school or anywhere else that requires pointless reports become meaningless.

It was very difficult for me to write. I don’t know why. Why is it hard to write anything? A word that is attached to another. It is so simple, but so hard to do sometimes. Most of you have no idea what I mean when I write. Isn’t writing supposed to be filled with hidden messages that absolutely make no sense except to the writer? What if I told you that half the time I have no idea what I am saying either?

I have a lot of stories that pertained to work. Did I tell you guys that I was at the edge of quitting? I even said point blank, I will QUIT! Now I have my own office and I will no long go to other interviews. I hate going to interviews, and now I am interviewing people. I am a project manager/everything else that pertains to software. Too bad no one yet to hire, and a lot said that they will come for an interview but never show up. I hope their excuse is that they are dead!

Yesterday I was thinking that I can run this entire software part of the company by my self. And I could! I can sell, maintain customers, and make software. I am all in one, like those cool HP printers! Anyways, I should go back and pretend to work again.

So, what is your new year’s resolution?

You may be thinking, oh here we go again, but seriously, yes, here we go again. And this time, I won’t shut up.

Lots of crap happened and is happening in the Arab world. I can’t even believe it, but I think it was about time. I just think there is a smarter non-violent way of articulating one’s thoughts. However, how could you tell that to people that don’t know how to use their intelligence for something useful. What has the Arab world done in the past 100 years?

The world is progressing, and they are quickly going backwards. Yes, freedom! Democracy! How are they planning to get it? Kill as many people and blame the government! Use the most powerful tool known to humans, the media, and abuse it! Such a furtive maneuver! Who is going to stop them?

Yeah, there are elections coming up in the Western World. Go figure.

However, what amazes me is my parents. They are glued to the television watching news and saying, “Oh no! Syria.. poor Syrians! Blah blah!” You guys know me, I can’t stand hypocrisy, even from my own parents. I tell them, why are you bothering? No offence to any Syrians out there! But seriously, 64 years and no one gave a shit about us Palestinians. Now the media is covering Syria and Palestinians can’t even get recognized as an independent sovereign state.

My parents think I am crazy, but you know what? I don’t even talk to Arabs here, do I care about them 1000′s of miles away?

My God! I pay a lot of taxes in this good old Canada. At least it is damn cold, I get free health care, and they accepted me as a citizen. I can’t say that about any Arab country.

God help them.