Today, I went to the gym for 2 hours in the morning. I then passed by Tim Horton’s and got me a cup of Java and a bagel. After that, I sat at home all day and did nothing but browse random websites and stumbling them. I was reading a lot of articles about creativty and management. I also figured out how to solve a Rubik’s cube that has been in my hand and bothering me for hours. I was only able to get 2 sides to have the same color. Damn those yellow and red sides that were pissing me off so much!

Other then that, I was a complete couch potato. I did nothing productive. It was an utterly boring day.

I need new hobbies and more challenging objectives in my daily life. However, I guess I needed a day to lay back and do nothing.

By the way, I HATE Facebook applications. There are too many of them and I can’t fit them on my profile page. So I end up removing them. Some are really stupid. Seriously, for you Facebook developers, test your applications first and make sure more then 2 or 3 people would use your crap. Bleah..

Time to sleep.. I need lots and lots of make up sleep. I am making up sleep for the past 8 years. I got 8 years to go! Zzzz

I promise I will write a better article tomorrow when I am not half asleep..

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

Today marked the beginning of incredibly unbelievable times. A shocking time. A time where I have never ever experienced joy and utter laughter in my life. I felt like I have finally accomplished something. Someone out there is realizing that I HAVE accomplished SOMETHING. I am actually GOOD at something! I finally realized that I may have a PURPOSE in life. Someone might actually recognize me for something! Yesterday, I was thrilled for two reasons:

1. I got a phone call from a department on campus for a job position that I didn’t even remember I applied to! I then discovered I applied for it about 3 weeks ago when I suffered from manic insanity depression mood. If you were keeping up you would remember what happened. Anywho… it is a technology teaching job and designer! In that sense.. more details later. I thank Sapphire who actually mentioned the idea that I would be a good teacher a couple of days ago in the comments for my post post about work. It’s funny how you guys can actually analyze my writing and behaviour and come up with such judgments. It seems to be true!

2. I went shopping yesterday and spent all night dancing!!

However, today was more exciting and sad.

1. I got a call back with exact interview time for that job (in two weeks) and there will be a panel of 5 people interviewing me. 3 professors, 1 manager, and 1 human resource lady. Wow. I was like FUCK! SCARY!

2. I began implementation and setup of my mini-business I am doing. Just a little bit more tweaks and I will be launching soon by early next week. I need a marketing plan implemented on the weekend. I am spending a lot so I can make A LOT!

3. Around 2 pm today, which was the same exact time the human resource lady called yesterday, (it seems to be their time to call people), another human resource lady called. The one in charge of the entire friggen University! I was dumbfounded! I kept thinking in the back of my head of what the hell did I apply for that the official University human resource lady is calling me for!

She said, “you available next week?”

I said, “sure..”

She said, “how about Wednesday.”

I said, “ok, no problem.”

She said, “I will e-mail you right now the full job description to review and please bring with you all your references.”

I said, “OK!”

She emailed me the official job description. A SEVEN page document. Then I read the title of the job position, and I said, “WHAT THE !!!!!” God just decided to send some angels my way. All that desperate prayer and depression has gotten God sympathizing with me so badly! Were you people praying for me too? Seriously! I LOVE YOU ALL!

Last Friday when I heard the news that our work will not be funded anymore, and going through an appeal process and next year will be ever so gloomy job wise if things are not going to go positively, a shining light hit my way. Friday night, when I was sad, crying, depressed, unsure of what I should do and what the future holds, I applied for a job position that was just posted the day before. (I apply internally on Campus since I work there and it is easier to do so.) The job is for a main programming job for the second or third busiest sites on Campus. A really important University job. I was like, whatever, I will apply for anything. I am desperate and I am scared.

Tuesday morning, I looked at the job postings with my co-workers, and it was gone. Job postings are held for at least a week on the system then taken off every Thursday afternoon. I was like huh, this is weird. Oh well. They probably took it off cause they found someone really fast. It is like a standard I have seen that jobs are placed at least a week on the system. From Thursday to Thursday minimum. So I was a little shocked and I was like, what the hell, who cares. I wouldn’t even be recognized for it.

BUT, I WAS! I WAS! *JUMPING HYSTERICALLY UP AND DOWN* I was called in for the interview for THAT position! I was more in shock today than I was yesterday! The interview for the first job is not for another 2 weeks, but seriously, what the heck!! I am speechless. I am so happy only because I was JUST considered. At this point I don’t even care if I get the job or not. I was RECOGNIZED. That’s all I care about. To be recognized for achievements so I know that I have done something in my life and others want me!

However…

4. I am sad because I don’t want either jobs. I really don’t. I want to stay at my current job. I have sincere emotional attachment to that place. I put up with it so much through bad and good times. I can’t imagine going off to work at the University and not going to that exact same place anymore. To not see my boss anymore and just thinking how much he had to put up with me for 5.5 years and didn’t fire my whining ass till now. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I shut my brain today. After all this excitement I have convinced my self to not think anymore. No more thinking about tomorrow. I am going to take things one step at a time and no more thinking.

Everything happens for a reason.. and I am just going to follow whatever I was meant to do in this life, just one step at a time.

This is currently my favorite song because this is how I am feeling right now. This is just the way I are! Do you also like me the way I are??

“The Way I Are” by Timbaland!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

Or maybe not. Lately, at work I have not been doing anything. I haven’t for a while, and hearing last Friday’s news that all of us will no longer have jobs early next year is really sad. About 600 – 800 people. At times I think that maybe it is good to end things. To look forward for a change. I knew working for universities and grant funded organizations will not last forever. I do like a job that I love to last forever, wouldn’t we all? So, the enthusiasm at work has been really low. I never seen this many people depressed in my life. I look and wonder, wow, this is how depressed people look like. Wow.

Once you had that feeling, and seeing someone else having that feeling, it makes you wonder why life really sucks. I am not sad because of my situation. I rather be off work, I have an excuse for a nice little 2 or 3 months vacation. I just feel really sad for other people. At the same time, I will not miss the salary. I could care less about money at the moment. I will in a year or two, but not anytime soon. I planned and planned for all this. I promised my self that I will never ever be broke ever in my life. I saw what it did to other people, and I never plan to ever be in that situation again. One thing I am good at is planning for the worse case scenario.

So what is my best case scenario. No clue. I guess I want to be a millionaire and retire by 35! Don’t we all?

I guess my dream is to be a manager and lead people to contribute something positive to our world. I guess I like the satisfaction in helping others. I like it. I got used to it and I think it is a good life objective to have. I guess I am more humanitarian in my way of leading my life. I like helping others to get them to do something great!

Wow, I am being dorky today.

Aah… I guess I was thinking about this for a while of what I would really miss about my work for the past 5.5 years. Jeez. I don’t know where to begin. When you spend the age of 21- almost 27 in one place at the prime of your young adulthood you would remember so much fun times. I guess once you realize that you have to move on to bigger and better things, then you finally know that it is time to grow up and do something big and exciting in your life.

I like being young, and enjoying my 20′s. I enjoy it more with other fun people as well.

The past 3 days had made me feel closer to people at my work. Is it because we all share the same feelings now? A feeling of depression, denial, and realizing how life sucks. At this rate, I will not have to go to a psychologist anymore. I seem to be experiencing the same feelings as most of the people I know. Oh Lord! I am seriously living in denial.

I hope really for the best. I do pray to keep this job, although it drove me nuts most of the time, and things will hopefully change and we can stay to do better and greater things. I have plans, and I want the drive again to do something about it. Right now, I am at an all time low. No motivation. No caring about anything. I am just so mellow and light headed all the time. I don’t even eat out and I want to have a chicken burger and sushi so bad! **drooling for Crispy Salmon Sushi** All I buy is coffee. Boring! I am just getting food from home and barely eating once I get home. I am saving the money to start my business. The food I eat out = the money I could spend starting a small business.

I am just at an all time depression mood. Facing the reality of my current situation is really hard. Very hard. All my life I felt rejection and unloved, and now, soon, no job! Maybe it is a sign that I need to change my life completely. All that complaining I have been doing is nothing really. Reality is what I have to really complain about.

Reality SUCKS!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

Hello Everyone, I have come across more and more blogs that keep talking about me. I am sick of it. Listen, I can talk and say whatever I feel like and I will take the shit for it. I will accept it if I know I was guilty about it. You want to argue with me, EMAIL me. I will not accept comments on my blog that belittle me in any way. It’s my site, and it is my blog. It’s my right. I will delete it and ban you. I want my blog to be a place to positively communicate and discuss important issues. So can everyone else who hate me or don’t want to say anything positive to leave me alone. You hate me, stop bothering me!

The net is such a broad place. I know many people have been banned as they think. No, you have not been banned at all. You have been banned coming from other sites that I don’t want to have any association with at all. “If anyone wants to see my site, use the front door!” The wordpress banning software works most of time, not 100%. I don’t care, as long as most of the people can get the message. But honestly, I feel hurt, sad and disgusted by what is going on.

I know whoever is behind it can still access my site and take comments and quotes from it, I don’t mind. I don’t have anything to hide. It is a public blog. You want people to judge me as a person from a few words I say, then sure. More power to you. You want to convince people by a few things I said and not me as a person. Then sure, more power to you!

Don’t you think it is silly you are wasting your time fighting and making fun of a person you don’t know and will never know at all?

By the way, let me make this clear. I didn’t start the hate. I had no association with it at all; all I kept getting is more and more commentary about it like I give a crap. You can insult me, make fun of me, do whatever. However, there are REAL pictures of me stolen from my facebook account and altered to make fun of me. Seriously, don’t you people think that is ethically wrong? The pictures are more than a year old. You can think I am ugly or hideous looking, then haha, like I care? God made me this way, if you think I am ugly, then really it is GOD’s choice. Go argue with GOD about it. Anyways, someone in the past had my facebook account and I added them as a gesture and I like interacting with people and making new friends. Those blogger friends are no longer on my facebook, and they haven’t been for a long time. Those pictures are not posted anywhere online and not coming from my blog or anywhere else. I am 100% sure of that. I did the research and googling and the only explanation is that they are taken from my FACEBOOK profile.

I am sorry, you can think I am bad, awful, resentful, hateful, but stealing my pictures and or giving it to someone else (whoever was on my facebook and think it is funny to make a joke out of me and I only had a few bloggers who were on my facebook and I know exactly who is behind it), then please stop this. It is beyond childish and disgusting. It is a law suit waiting to happen. I contacted blogger and they are investigating the issue and there are many US copyright laws against this. I am sorry, but seriously, I don’t have time for childish plays. If your main intention is revenge against me and make fun of me and hurt me, then you are successful. In the end, I blog for my self and I say whatever I want. This site is mine and I am free like any other blogger out there to say whatever I want. If it offends any of you, well, there are A LOT more blogs out there written by non-Arabs against us. It is sad when they have a stronger voice, and we are blogging and commenting on other blogs about this silly issue against each other instead of looking at the bigger picture of the world.

You can call me a RAG hag, and the person who used to call me a RAG has written the same acronym before on his blog. It is funny, really. I am quite amused and I just laugh about it.

By the way, I can ban you and you can still see my site. Anyone can. I cannot control proxy servers, or hidden IP’s. I can’t control the rubbish on the internet, and the many visitors that come by. It’s ok. I don’t care. I am not blogging to satisfy anyone but my self.

If you think you were successful in hurting me, then yes. Thank you. You made your point, stole my pictures, and laughed about it. That was your main intention, and you succeeded. Congratulations.

Thank you,

-Mona

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

The past few days, my mom has been just hearing news about her friends and friend’s daughters with breast cancer. I can’t stand hearing stories of people dying or going through chemo-therapy. I just hate the thoughts of sickness. So two Arab women are suffering now, and have little time to live. This is their story, and hope everyone can learn from it and avoid this deadly sickness. Things happen for a reason and it is all in God’s hands.

Story One:

My mom’s friend is a Lebanese lady who has been divorced for many years now. Her ex husband and her son are back home in Lebanon, and she and her mom live here in Canada, and so does her sister. We have known them for years. However, lately, her other sister came from Lebanon suddenly to visit. It turns out that her sister, the one living here, has been diagnosed with breast cancer and has 2 – 3 months tops to live. The lady is in her early 50′s.

Why does she have 2 – 3 months to live? Well, she knew she had a problem from 2 years ago. For a small lady, her breasts grew so large in such a short period of time that she was too afraid to go ask the doctor about it. Fear.. our worst enemy. How did everyone find out she has cancer? Simple, she was on her way home, and someone from her apartment building found her unconscious in her car laying on the steering wheel. She was rushed to the hospital, and every doctor was amazed by what happened. They questioned why she didn’t get treatment the moment she felt pain and noticeable change. The lady simply answer, “I was scared to know the truth.”

So the doctors cannot help her anymore. A surgery is too late, chemo-therapy is not going to help, and they are giving her 2 – 3 months to live.

May God help her and not let her suffer in the afterlife as she is suffering now in this lifetime.

Story Two:

My mom knows a Palestenian family who has a daughter who is younger than me, 24 years old. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer. She was a recent computer science graduate, and she got a job in Toronto and she was to live with her friend. The moment she got to Toronto, she confided in her friend that her breasts have been hurting her for a while. Her friend’s father is a doctor, and told her to immediately go see him. The moment he examined her, he told her to go now to emergency. He obviously felt the lumps. She had surgery, removed the lumps, her parents here in London were notified, and she has to go through chemo-therapy. She is a gorgeous smart girl.

Now, she no longer goes out, wears a wig, suffers from the pain, and what did her mom think of the whole situation? She kept telling her daughter, “God is punishing you. You must have been doing something behind our backs all the time, and this is the end result.” WTF? Seriously, what is wrong with Arab Muslim moms? Instead of comforting her daughter through this turmoil, she assumes that she has been doing crap behind her parent’s back? Oh dear lord, what is wrong with the world? I thought that when humans suffer on earth, God is being merciful so he won’t make them suffer for many bad deeds in the afterlife. I just can’t believe how parents think. It’s so shameful.

May God help her and not let her suffer in the afterlife as she is suffering now in this lifetime.

So I am calling out and telling all the ladies out there that don’t be afraid. Always check and self diagnose or go to the doctor when you feel any pain. It can happen to anyone at any age.

In Canada, breast cancer foundation can be found here: site.

Angry, Random Thoughts, They said what?