I guess being a blogger taught me a lot about life, especially friendships. You see, I feel that I am better off being friends with all of you, my daily readers, because the people I met in my life and was friends with for a short or even a long time really did not work out.

I don’t have a problem with people, but people have a problem with me and feel that they can use me or get whatever they want out of me, because I am too damn nice and selfless, and then treat me like left over bones. I am the last one on their list.

I don’t want to force anyone to make me one of their priorities in life. I am not selfish at all. I just feel that I am a bit more worth it. I want to feel that someone really appreciates my friendship because of the person I am. I am tired of people taking advantage of me or only think of me as a friend when they need something.

It’s funny the number of people that went after me, pretty much hounded me just so they can ask me for something. It sucks, and that’s the reason I am afraid or just unsure if I can ever trust anyone. However, virtually, through this blog, I feel that some of you people out there are a lot more appreciative of who I am. You are more appreciative and willing to listen to me and converse. I never experienced that before with any of the friends I had in the past.

No one ever wanted to listen to me, and I just kept it inside and stayed quiet. That’s why I am a very quiet person in real life. I try to talk, but I don’t know who to trust and if they are really willing to listen to me. It’s really hard to find a friend to listen to you, and that’s why I feel that all of us are living in the wrong places. Fortunately, this blog brought all of you and I together. So I feel a bit better I guess and not alone.

I know I am late in posting a song that I am enjoying listening to this week, but here it is. This song inspired me, and I really like the lead singer of OneRepublic. He is cute!

“All The Right Moves” by OneRepublic

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, My taste of Music, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

It sounds weird when I try to push my self. Push my self towards what exactly? I do feel aimless, but why? You see, I guess my life so far has gone up and down so much, and now, since it is steady, I feel it is not changing to any direction. At the same time, I don’t know to what direction I want it to go. I don’ t really know what I want. and that is the cause of my constant aggravation.

Do I want a guy and get married? I don’t know.

Do I want to change my career and find something that will challenge me a lot more? I don’t know.

Do I want to act like I don’t care and just have fake friends around me to satisfy my ego? I don’t know.

You see, at my age, life seems like an enigma. I have no clue what will make me happy, and I have no clue what is causing my utter despair. I just want to find this happy medium that will satisfy me, but I am not easily satisfied. However, I am not that hard to please, but at the same time, I don’t want to settle for anything because I have to or time is ticking.

I am just a mess of thoughts. I know too much. I think too much. People like me are only meant to discover things and make humanity better, and not worry about themselves. The moment I start thinking about this person, me, Mona, then I get huge migraines. The past 3 or 4 days I suffered with huge uncontrollable migraines, because I spent it thinking about me. The moment that I stop and think of the bigger picture and humanity as a whole, then I feel different.

So, I am thinking that I am only meant to worry about everything in this world except me. That will stop my emotional turmoil so I can wake up every morning not dreading it.

Life, it is not like a box of chocolates, but more like sour candy with a crinkly facial expression of weird satisfaction in the end.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

Let’s see, I feel like crap. I am having a horrible long weekend, and I assure you, I am not at an all time low. On the contrary, I have been sitting in my office sulking in my chair and dozing off. That’s how much the world means nothing to me anymore. I rather nap instead.

As a result, my head is hurting me a lot. A horrible migraine! I decided that instead of me continuing on this conversation and telling the world that I am a bit, oh how can I say this eloquently, crazy; that it is better for you to tell me what you really think of me.

So what do you really think of me? This Mona. This Rebellious Arab Girl.

Ah.. Rebellious Arab Girl. The worst thing that can happen to the modern Arab civilization.

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

It’s that day again. Yep! You guessed it. It’s Valentines day, and I will carry on the same old tradition as I did for the past 3 years. I gathered all my readers and asked them to help me boycott it! I can’t believe that people still think that loving a person should be a one day special thing. What about the rest of the days of the year? What about those other people that don’t have anyone to love?

There ya go!

Also, I posted a poll that was running on my blog for the past two weeks, and so far these are the results. I am so disappointed. Most of you live in la la land!!

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History of my utter despise of Valentines Day

• February 14, 2006
• February 14, 2007
• February 14, 2008
• February 14, 2009

Angry, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

Guess where I am? Yep! At home in my pajamas surfing the internet and reading! I requested demanded a day off today in lieu of me working far too much. And the best part is, Monday is Family Day here in Ontario, and I get another day off too. Four day weekend! Yah baby! I will finally be able to catch up with the rest of the world.

I wouldn’t say that my work is very stressful, but it is very demanding, and I wanted some leisure time. A time where I don’t have to think of Ajax requests, or how to get the financial back end working with the front end, and I don’t have to keep listening to those older divorced women talk about the dates they find through e-Harmony site.

Time for me!

People

I know that people are the cause of my daily ranting and why I am always angry, but seriously, I do have every reason to sometimes. I know many people that I talk to through Facebook or GTalk have this one sided view of me. They think that whatever I write on my blog is me and that’s it. They think I am this cynical, Arab bashing, narcissistic, over generalizing girl who doesn’t read anyone else’s blog.

Yeah, I don’t read other blogs as much as I like, but you guys have to realize that I don’t have time. I try to, and if I do, I rarely comment. I am not this famous person that thinks I am better than you and shouldn’t bother with what you say. I am not a full time blogger like those famous bloggers out there that do this for a living. On the contrary, I am just this 29 year old girl that works all day at a high demanding job, is far too tired when she gets home, and on top of that, does home work and studying for her PMP certification. (About 2 year estimate till I get certified.) You can see that I made my self far too busy that I cannot satisfy everyone, or even anyone. How I ended up in this state? I am just a human being that wants more out of life.

Life

You see, most girls have a goal to find that “special one” and get married. That’s their first and sometimes only mission in life. I used to think like that when I was 24 or 25. Then, as I was stuck in the working word earning money and seeing how everyone else around me is progressing and being “something,” then I got jealous. I am a jealous person when it comes to success. I want more. I want people to say that Mona did something productive and important in her life.

Honestly, as I am growing older and my pessimistic view of love and marriage is ever so growing inside my head, my career seems to take priority. Don’t get me wrong, I try really hard to meet someone or talk to a guy. Unfortunately, It’s always the same conversation with every single guy that goes like this,

“Why aren’t you married? Look at you! Are the guys in your city idiots? Marry me!”

Unfortunately, they would be living 500 km away, and I would think, funny! They judged me from a picture and a two minute conversation. And like I said earlier, people who read my blog judge me by what I write, and most of the guys hate it. So there is no happy medium, and I got to the point of giving up, sort of.

Fear

If I really wanted to be honest here, and if you read this far, you have to realize that yes, I am a bit fearful. I am a bit fearful of being hurt again. I don’t want to love or be in love. I fear an end result that may or may not happen. The older I get, the more sensitive I am about everything. I don’t want history to repeat it self. I am trying really hard to change the way I am so I don’t end up in such a state again.

What I really don’t understand is those promiscuous girls, or girls that go from one guy to another to find the one that quickly says, “Yes, marry me now!” I feel that those girls don’t really know the meaning of love, and are so insensitive about others and care about the number one person, them.

Oh well, this is life. We keep running toward a goal that we set or others set, but we don’t know how to get there sometimes. We just keep trying any road hoping it will get us there or even close to there. Ah life, what a mysterious journey.

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!