When you are bored, you come up with the following pointless blog post that you should NOT click publish on. However, I do that about 50% of the time, but who’s counting?

If I had a choice in world matters concerning Oxford Dictionary entries, I think my blog title should be considered as one in the following manner,

Rebellious Arab Girl
re⋅bel⋅lious Ar⋅ab girl
/rɪˈbɛlyəs/ /ˈærəb/ /gɜrl/

–noun
1. a female defying or resisting some established authority, government, or tradition; insubordinate; inclined to rebel; who happens to be a member of a Semitic people inhabiting Arabia and other countries of the Middle East.

You can tell I am bored. Maybe I should go bake some cookies, or sleep. That pot of coffee didn’t do shit today! I think it is just winter; short days, cold nights, and a reason to whine more, or waste time reading through the dictionary.

Yes, I am a seeker of knowledge (geek). I read useless articles and entries on Wikipedia, the Dictionary, and Encyclopedia Britannica to kill time. That’s one of my hobbies. Sad isn’t it?

Any lamos out there like me with shameful hobbies? Speak up. Don’t be shy. No one will know.

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

I always get numerous comments and emails from people saying, “Oh you are so brave, I couldn’t have a blog or say the things you say.” I always read them and laugh. To be honest, I just find it funny, because when I write on this site, I don’t do it because I am brave. I just don’t care or worry about who reads it. Even though there are some people that I know in real life that read this blog, I got nothing to hide or be ashamed of. If you agree or disagree, what do I gain? When you insult me, then I get mad; otherwise, I am always open for debates.

Also, I get people asking me how I do it? How do I write this way? I don’t know. I guess the older you get, the more expressive you become about the things you dislike. In my case, I dislike a lot of things, because I live between cultures. It’s not easy to live your life in the middle, and you can’t live your life one way or the other, because people around you will not accept or ever understand why you are like this.

Finding a happy medium is hard. It is really hard, and it is something I struggle with all the time.

For example, I don’t talk about my self much at work. If someone asks, then I answer, but I have no reason to talk about anything personal. Since it is Christmas season, I just say, “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.” I don’t find it wrong to say that, but I have met some Arabs/Muslims that won’t even say it. Fine, whatever, you are not going to go to hell if you wish another religion to enjoy their holidays. You live around them, and you work with them, then have some respect, or they won’t respect your beliefs.

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I wouldn’t call this brave, but the idea of finding a happy medium that will satisfy everyone and let you live a comfortable life is something you have to work harder at. Discussing it with others that live a similar life as you is even harder. It’s hard convincing people with a thought, but that is not the intention of my writing. I want you to think about the things that I write. Even if you disagree or agree the first time you read it, then it should make you end up thinking. It’s not nonsense that I write, but it is something real. Real is what sells. Remember that!

In conclusion, I love thought provoking ideas, and writing them out publicly for the entire world to see, and engaging in a debate about them is very satisfying. If you would like to classify this as brave, then I have more reason to continue on writing.

Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Today at work, a conversation came up, and us IT (techies) people get side tracked instantly when someone mentions anything related to an electronic device. Once we hear such things, a light bulb flashes above our heads, and we throw everything we are doing and “geek talk.”

The boss came in and didn’t like it! He smirked and said, “I am paying you guys to program!”

I said smiling, “I am I am! Look!”

He said, “Yes I know.. but this conversation you guys are having is endless!”

I know! What to do eh? Once someone mentions anything related to technology to us, then it is like entering the black hole of techi fun!!

Thinking about all this, I need a new toy electronic device. I don’t think I have enough in my blog office. I need more!! I don’t know what though, but it has to be powerful, new, amazing, extraordinary, and affordable! Any suggestions from my lovely watchers?

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

On a normal day, an argument with my mother is just part of the daily agenda. However, she brought up a good point of the idea of listening, which made me think today, and you know I love to think.

My mother has a serious problem with the way I was raised. She repeatedly tells me that I never listened to her and that’s why I ended up like ZIS! Which is true, I never listened to her because I know she will never listen to me. I don’t ever discuss personal things with her. If I do, then her perception of the way I think will lead to a huge fight, because I am beyond stubborn and refuse to think like everyone else. (You can tell I don’t have a close relationship with my mother… at all!) For her, anything that is not at her level of thinking is not acceptable. Which is fine, that’s the point of half of this blog, to retaliate of her way of thinking, which is like 90% of Arab mothers from the olden generation.

So everyday she tells me that I don’t listen to her, and I don’t talk to her, blah blah blah. The same daily tune that goes in one ear, and comes out the other. It got to the point where I say, “You know what, I am too old. Leave me alone!”

Then she tells me, “Why don’t you have friends or talk to anyone?”

I say with a deadly stare on my face, “No one my age wants to talk to me! They are all married and don’t want to be friends with a person like me! And you know it is TRUE!”

She said, “Well, you cannot live your life like this. What about Lisa? Why doesn’t she come over anymore? Do you still talk to her?”

I sigh of her constant questioning and say, “She doesn’t have time for me or talks to me. No one does or cares. I am satisfied with my life. I never complained. You are the one complaining!”

She said, “It is just nice to have at least someone listening to you, to hear your thoughts, and to converse with you.”

Then a flashing thought came to my head, “Some people hear my thoughts alright. Not just ONE person. Unless that ONE person keeps commenting on my blog with different names and from different locations all over the world, which would be funny.”

I then told my mother, “I don’t care who listens to me, if anyone at all! Conversation is OVER!”

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There you go people! I just analyzed one of the major points of having this blog: because no one wants to listen to me in real life, not even people who say they are my friend, then I resorted to writing here. I made this blog because no one wants to talk to me in real life and understand me, because I ended up living in the worst place possible, and being naive in my choices of friendships and even love interests.

I rather be a floater all over the world and find people who will listen to me and want to be my friend. Also, to not feel alone and to have at least someone share some point with me so I feel normal. Being alone is the worst feeling possible. (You can predict that one day I will blow up and just drop everything, and leave to somewhere far far away and start a new life!) From my experiences so far in life, and being too nice and naive in my choices, people want to take advantage of me, and use me for their own personal gains, either it being intellectual, money wise, or work wise, etc.

I always wondered if I possessed mediocre intelligence, acted like a total sheeple, possessed no special life skills, and was a poor bum living in a rut, would I have real friends then, and even someone out there liking me and wants to be with me and not get married to someone else after 2 or 3 months after he has known me for years?

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

A lot of people have asked me what is wrong with me. Why am I so negative about love or so pessimistic in even thinking it may happen. You see, this is the type of post I try to avoid. However, today, I will discuss some things that may clear up a lot of misconceptions or provide answers to those who care.

You see, my problem was the trust that came from being “in love,” and the meaning of real love, if there is such a thing. I don’t believe in two people being genuinely in love. I find it to be a fairytale for those who are hopeless romantics and believe in it. See, I am negative again.

Moreover, a lot of non-Arabs email me and ask me for advice about Arab guys or girls. Most of them are girls who have Arab boyfriends or want to marry one, blah blah. However, most of the emails I get are from skeptical ladies that ask me, “Are Arabs to be trusted? I hear bad things about being in a relationship with them… ” blah blah.

I can’t really answer them because I can never generalize. I mean let’s all be real here, yes, a majority of Arab men have this idea that a woman should be this and that. They can never understand or accept any other. I am sorry to say this, but it is true. Can you imagine being an Arab girl who falls in that category of being one of those women that Arab men will never accept?

The Arab society has this standard of men and women. A man can do whatever the hell he pleases, but a woman has to be a certain way. If she is not, then she will never be accepted or even looked at. She will never fit into a stereotypical closed minded society. Anything in the Arab society that is not understood, then it will never be accepted. See, I am negative again, send me hate mail.. I am waiting.

So really, what is my problem?

I have talked to several Arab girls who experienced the same thing as me. Some of their stories are worse obviously, but most of them are the same. A girl likes a guy, the story escalates, then something happens and problems start arising, lots of fighting and making up, and then one day, the one who just couldn’t handle it anymore (me), gives it a quit. I had enough. So I told him to leave me alone, I had enough after all these years. Let’s stay apart. In the back of my head, and from knowing him for many years, that it was just a time out. Leave me alone for a while to think and maybe scour other options.

Unfortunately, about 5 or 6 months later, he gets married to someone else, although we were together for several years, and it never popped into his head or ever dared to.

So, yeah, I am bitter, but I have every reason to be. I have no trust in Arab men because all they want is to have a girl by their side that makes them look good, says yes to them, and knows nothing about all the crap that they do behind their backs. Hate mail coming. But I am only talking about typical Arab guys. I know there are lovely open minded ones out there, but they are still hiding!

Like I said, I don’t want to generalize here, but yah. That’s why every time I am interested in a new guy, and try to get to know him, when things get a bit serious, I just end it. Maybe it is just this unconscious decision that I make. End it now, or the same shit will happen again. I always wondered if those guys ended up getting married 2 or 3 months later because they found the opposite of me.

It’s funny living your life knowing that you are the opposite of what guys wants. Not only that, over time you keep looking at your self in the mirror and thinking, ” I am really not pretty or ever wanted.” I think I just met guys that are like everyone else, the typical Arab guys, and I have not found someone outside the norm yet.

So, if you have been reading my blog, and many of you do, and scare the hell out of them with actually remembering what I wrote about my self or thought about a situation a year ago, then understand this: I am not crazy, I am not pessimistic or hateful, but I was just like all those other girls that got hurt, and I try to brush guys that I suspect will do the same thing.

Unfortunately, days pass, months pass, years pass, and that scar will not go away.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts