A lot of people have asked me what is wrong with me. Why am I so negative about love or so pessimistic in even thinking it may happen. You see, this is the type of post I try to avoid. However, today, I will discuss some things that may clear up a lot of misconceptions or provide answers to those who care.

You see, my problem was the trust that came from being “in love,” and the meaning of real love, if there is such a thing. I don’t believe in two people being genuinely in love. I find it to be a fairytale for those who are hopeless romantics and believe in it. See, I am negative again.

Moreover, a lot of non-Arabs email me and ask me for advice about Arab guys or girls. Most of them are girls who have Arab boyfriends or want to marry one, blah blah. However, most of the emails I get are from skeptical ladies that ask me, “Are Arabs to be trusted? I hear bad things about being in a relationship with them… ” blah blah.

I can’t really answer them because I can never generalize. I mean let’s all be real here, yes, a majority of Arab men have this idea that a woman should be this and that. They can never understand or accept any other. I am sorry to say this, but it is true. Can you imagine being an Arab girl who falls in that category of being one of those women that Arab men will never accept?

The Arab society has this standard of men and women. A man can do whatever the hell he pleases, but a woman has to be a certain way. If she is not, then she will never be accepted or even looked at. She will never fit into a stereotypical closed minded society. Anything in the Arab society that is not understood, then it will never be accepted. See, I am negative again, send me hate mail.. I am waiting.

So really, what is my problem?

I have talked to several Arab girls who experienced the same thing as me. Some of their stories are worse obviously, but most of them are the same. A girl likes a guy, the story escalates, then something happens and problems start arising, lots of fighting and making up, and then one day, the one who just couldn’t handle it anymore (me), gives it a quit. I had enough. So I told him to leave me alone, I had enough after all these years. Let’s stay apart. In the back of my head, and from knowing him for many years, that it was just a time out. Leave me alone for a while to think and maybe scour other options.

Unfortunately, about 5 or 6 months later, he gets married to someone else, although we were together for several years, and it never popped into his head or ever dared to.

So, yeah, I am bitter, but I have every reason to be. I have no trust in Arab men because all they want is to have a girl by their side that makes them look good, says yes to them, and knows nothing about all the crap that they do behind their backs. Hate mail coming. But I am only talking about typical Arab guys. I know there are lovely open minded ones out there, but they are still hiding!

Like I said, I don’t want to generalize here, but yah. That’s why every time I am interested in a new guy, and try to get to know him, when things get a bit serious, I just end it. Maybe it is just this unconscious decision that I make. End it now, or the same shit will happen again. I always wondered if those guys ended up getting married 2 or 3 months later because they found the opposite of me.

It’s funny living your life knowing that you are the opposite of what guys wants. Not only that, over time you keep looking at your self in the mirror and thinking, ” I am really not pretty or ever wanted.” I think I just met guys that are like everyone else, the typical Arab guys, and I have not found someone outside the norm yet.

So, if you have been reading my blog, and many of you do, and scare the hell out of them with actually remembering what I wrote about my self or thought about a situation a year ago, then understand this: I am not crazy, I am not pessimistic or hateful, but I was just like all those other girls that got hurt, and I try to brush guys that I suspect will do the same thing.

Unfortunately, days pass, months pass, years pass, and that scar will not go away.

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I don’t know about you, but most likely you have seen people that you have known in the past working somewhere you never expected them to ever work at. People who are educated and have University or College degrees that end up working as cashiers at the mall, because when I asked them, they said that they were never able to find anything else. I really feel bad for them. I just keep thanking God that I ended up in the same exact profession I studied; otherwise, who knows how my mental state would be, and where I would be at now.

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I really find it so wrong, and it was something I complained about a lot in the past about this exact same situation. You were young, you decided to study something you are passionate about, but afterward, no luck. Let’s not bring the economy problems here. Those are people my age, and they should have been way into their careers by now. Honestly, I don’t know how people hire other people. Is it only based on skills? Personality? Group work? Appearance? I mean let’s be honest here, I still have no friggen clue why I got hired to this new job of mine. I feel that I lack everything I just mentioned. lol However, I have passion and I really love what I do, but I still walk in every day at work and think to my self, “Do I really work here?”

You know what I wish? I wish that I can just build an empire and hire those people where they belong. I would even spend the time to train them. I just think there is so much potential out there in those people that still didn’t get the chance that they deserve.

Maybe I am thinking of some type of utopia here that will never happen, but I think this way because I worked and met so many incompetent idiots that are taking the place of those people that never gotten a chance. I like equality in life, and I really try to fight for it and speak out regarding the injustice in anything related to equality. However, sometimes I feel that no one is listening, and things will never change. Or they will never change, because people don’t want to change.

But you know what, they used to say that the earth was flat, DaVinci was insane, people will never fly, man would never go to the moon, and God does not exist. (I had to throw in that last part, because you know me, I am annoying, and I like to stir debates.)

So I still hope things will change and everyone is happy!! Because like my dear mother always says to me, “Hope is what keeps us alive!”

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Almost literally.

Where do I even begin? You see, it’s great being busy. It’s super great being super busy, but when you are expected and required to be there anytime and working all day long, and even nights and weekends, then you get tired. My social life, like I had one, is pretty much contained in one place, with about 15 people and random strangers coming by all the time.

It’s ok, I am not stressed or complaining. I am just stating why I have been sluggish in my writing or doing other things in my life. I can’t do much! Well, if I had time, I would be watching movies, shopping at the mall, and not sitting on the computer.

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My company is small, but the niche is big, and we are the first ones doing software for that niche. Which is super great! I am slowly given the higher responsibilities of managing the software product since I am very active and interactive with everyone else; it being outside or inside the office. I even do software demonstration and explain things in plain old English. (Like teaching!)

The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life as a software designer is translating technical jargon to plain English. It’s hard, but I am slowly training my brain to do so, and it is very challenging.

Many of you have noticed that I am very critical and very harsh in judging other people’s websites, which I think 90% of the websites on the internet are hideous, but I am a damn picky person! I like things pretty! I like things that are “wow!” I like things user friendly! I like things to stand out from the rest!

See my mentality?

Who wants to marry a girl like me now who is almost literally stuck to something else in life?

Some people have or had a serious problem with me getting this new job. I have become distant or pretty much unreachable. I just work too much, and I am expected to do so. It’s fun, challenging, and I feel that I am needed. Having to throw all that away for other people, especially a guy or whatever, is really not going to make me happy. If you think I should learn to balance it out, then dudes and dudettes! Seriously! I don’t even have time to do my own laundry or cook edible dishes that other humans will enjoy. Does it look like I can balance anything out? I have focus problems.

Right now I am happy, but I don’t know what will happen to me or the way I think in 5 years. Because believe me, 5 years ago I didn’t think this way. 5 years ago I wanted to get married, settle down and be like everyone else. However, trying to be like everyone else is a big chore, and something you have to convince your self to do. I am not easily convinced anymore. I am very stubborn, I like to analyze all the possibilities, and then make a final decision. My decision right now to enjoy having a career and getting somewhere in life.

Oh, by the way, for those that repeatedly tell me that they can’t believe that I am a nerd, and don’t look like one at all, then beware! We are worse than those people who do look like nerds!

Blah Blah, Programming, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

After the events of the year 2001, and the way the world portrayed us as Arabs, the psychological well being of Arabs have been affected dramatically. When something negative is said to a person who happens to be of Arab descent, then the first thing they say, “Oh, they know we are Arab, that’s why they treat us badly and hate us!”

In reality, when a non-Arab communicates with us, 99% of the time they have no clue where we are from. We are mistaken to be anyone else but Arab. And those from other cultures are mistaken as us. It all depends on what we wear really. Which is usually an Islamic attire, and not really an Arab related one. However, for those of us Arabs here that wear nothing that distinguishes as from the rest, then the likelihood of anyone figuring out our real ethnicity is slim to none.

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So, why do Arabs constantly blame everyone else?

Us Arabs like to justify everything. We have to have a reason of why someone treated us like crap, or not giving us the level of utter respect that we deserve. Something in our heads keeps telling us that we are better than everyone else, and we must be treated the best way possible. Unfortunately, when you live in such a multicultural land, you are just like everyone else. Unless you are some famous Hollywood actor walking in the streets, then most likely, no one gives two shits about you.

So why am I mentioning all this?

You see, my lovely mother that I adore dearly, is a big time social butterfly. She knows people. A lot of people. And 99% of those people are Arab. So she keeps telling me random shit about what they say. The moment I hear it, and her believing it, makes me want to scream. My mother thinks that Arabs in this city, especially the older generation, gets treated badly or not given the proper customer care in anything, because they are Arab.

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How did they know anyways they were Arab?

The moment she says that, I say, “Everyone treats everyone badly. You should see the customer service horror stories I read on the internet from “Non-Arabs!” Being an Arab has nothing to do with it. Why do you Arabs keep thinking that if the world doesn’t treat you well, then they are against you because you are an Arab!?”

Then my mom screams at me and tells me, “Aren’t you ARAB?”

When the conversation reaches that level, I just get up and leave. I don’t know why parents have to say that. We have no shame of being Arabs. Our generation has no shame with our identity and roots. We just disagree with a lot of things that you say and think. Things changed drastically. We are just like everyone else. If you believe you are different, walk the streets like you are an alien, then most likely you will unconsciously think that.

You define your roots. Your roots don’t define you.

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Featured, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Some of you have noticed that I was online live and chatting with the lovely watchers for over an hour last night. Around 9pm EST. I was just testing if the chat room will work with the camera. I had a bit of problems, but now everything should be good to go.

So, for those that don’t read this post, or any other announcements, I don’t have a mic! The microphone does not work. End of story!! So don’t ask, or try to suggest anything!!

Otherwise, everything looks good and ready to go. The live stream window is on the sidebar of my site, and you can see me there. However, I suggest you actually go to the live stream to see me and chat with me. http://www.livestream.com/rebelliousarabgirl

Suggestion

I suggest that for those that want to chat with me to come prepared with one question. It will be a group chat room, and I need time to keep up with everyone. So one question at a time so everyone will have an opportunity to talk to me.

If you have a long question or several questions, then email me about them. A chat room is a not a place to do that.

Times

Afternoon:
14:00 EST or 19:00 GMT

Evening:
20:30 EST or 01:30 GMT

I may be online for over an hour in each chat session. Depends on the number of people.

See ya then!!

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