This is the second part of yesterday’s post.. or in other words, today’s latest events. Ok, so this is what happened today! I went to work early, like always. So one of the guys came in soon after me and discussed what happened in yesterday’s meeting. I told him other things that have been going on and he told me, “Don’t worry about it. Just learn to say no.”

About 15 minutes later, I had to step out. I came back within 10 minutes, and the moment I got off the elevator, I could hear a loud women’s voice arguing. You must know, that the office suite is one of three on that floor. If I could hear her right off the elevator, then anyone else can.

I heard the raging voice, and I quickly ran down the hall way to another quicker access door to where my desk is. (The bosses are not there from today and all of next week). Then I told the other programmer, she is at the front angry and won’t stop complaining. He said, “Why?” I told him, “Don’t you remember yesterday?” (He doesn’t care at all really.)

I sat quietly on my desk working with my headphone on and groovy Mona music. Few minutes later, she raged down the hall with a frantic voice and said, “Good morning! This is the new tech support lady!”

When I heard that, I refused to answer back or even bother with her. She scares the hell out of me. I don’t understand her problem. She works in a small company that is quickly turning its focus to software only, and she is supposedly managing the customers. Why does she complain? She doesn’t even have to do anything technical at all. The work has been delegated equally to everyone that has the knowledge and experience to do it. Her job is to take off the load from me when people ask me stupid questions about how to find this in the software or do you have this yet? She does not understand that, and she thinks she is doing the “technical” part now.

She refused to talk to me most of the day, like I did something horrible to her. I didn’t do shit. All I know I was hired for one very important thing that is pretty much keeping the place alive and keeping her job. She just wanted to take advantage of me because I am nice and responsive. Now her scapegoat (me) is no longer available!

Technical to me means something totally different. To me technical is understanding technology and how it works. To me technical is solving complicated technical problems from years of experience and practice. To me technical is trying to figure out bugs, and quickly solving them in order for someone else to continue on using the technical product. That’s it!

You see, this is life. The majority of people who have a job are incompetent fools. Or they are people who only know how to do one thing, and do not ever want to learn or refuse to learn anything new. They are stationary in their fields, and to them change is a big stumbling block to their life! They hate it. They don’t want to do it, and they argue any way they can to not have to do it.

Unfortunately, if you are not ready for what will happen next week, then yesterday seems like last year in this rapidly moving world.

I didn’t complain at work. I didn’t do anything. People observe and see that I am getting beyond stressed. The company is growing so fast, and there are only two programmers, me and another guy. Not only that, somehow when I started this job, I automatically was thought of as the Technical Customer Support by computer illiterate women without the bosses knowledge.

Did I go to school to become a technical support? Did I even accept this job as a technical support to customers and illiterate computer women at work? No. They just kept piling the work on me and make me do it because I was the only one responsive. I was polite and I never said no. That’s my problem, I don’t tell people to back off because I have more important things to get done.

So today, we finally had the “meeting.” Oh, some old bitchy women were not happy with the decision. The bosses said, “Mona is no longer doing technical support at all unless it is critical.” In my head I was like YES! God answered my prayers and I am back to doing what I was hired to do. You guys should have seen me yesterday at work. Oh my Lord! My blood pressure was up the roof. I got a very bad migraine and I couldn’t see anymore. I could feel my hair turning gray from all the stress. I was about to explode.

Later in the meeting, one of the bosses said, “The problem is that you guys are taking advantage of Mona because she is PLEASANT and always says YES! She is very polite.”

See people! This is me in real life. I am very quite. I never say no and very nice to everyone. You guys should see me on the phone. The customers bitch at the women at work with their problems, but once they give up and tell me to talk to them instead, then the customers have a totally different tone. The customers love me and always say before they say good bye, “Thanks Doll!” Or they say, “Your amazing and that was so easy!” Or they say, “You are peach!”

I could be the customer support and nice to people all the time, and I am very successful at it, but I am a programmer. I like to think and problem solve.

Back to normal.. for now! However, the bosses will be away for a week.. I am scared!

I don’t care about nasty emails or nasty comments. I am immune to them and I don’t care who wrote them. I placed a big bold message on my contact page a long time ago that says that if you insult me, then I will publicly display it. If you posted the wrong email address, then you have wasted my time. Can you imagine if someone did both? It is like a hit and run situation thinking that they will never get caught.

A lot of people think outside of the box, which is great, and they pointed out different possibilities from the previous post. That is fine, except you guys missed the bigger picture. I do not purposely provoke people to reach this level of personal insults. I don’t do it to get attention. Some said that I don’t deserve it. Most people judge me from one post, and I got used to it. People cannot accept the difference, and I am very different.

You guys think I just get nasty emails or horrible comments? Think again. Many websites and forums discuss my “teenage immature writing style” by emphasizing the very old posts that caused and still causing a commotion. I just write this way. I don’t think hard and try to come up with sophisticated attention grabbing posts. That is never my intention when I write. I just write what is on my mind, and my mind is an infinite sized mass of ideas.

Let’s think outside the box for a bit and discuss an important issue. You see, many people think when I write about Canada, that I hate being an Arab and forgot my roots. If I write about being an Arab and loving it, then people think I don’t appreciate the land that I live in now with the “better” life, and I have to thank God because many people back home don’t have food and water. There is no happy medium. No one is ever satisfied with my way of thinking or living.

I discussed a very important subject with my mother yesterday. I asked her, “Why are Arabs back home in the Arab world have serious dislike to Arabs living here?” She said, “They are just jealous and resentful of the Arabs here. The moment they get a Visa or are accepted for immigration, they will leave everything behind such as: family, friends, and loved ones without hesitating to look back. It’s the land of opportunity and it is worth it! Some of us wish to go back home and live there, but we were kicked out and told to leave our homes. It’s not like we had a choice to be here. We are lucky someone accepted us to live a peaceful life with human rights.”

While I was snooping the internet searching for the essence of my Rebellious name online, all I found was mostly negative feedback from Arabs back home toward me. They hate my site. They call me names. They ridicule me and make an instant judgment that I live in USA and that’s why my thought process is like “this.” Not like there is no other Westernized country in the world that speaks English other than USA. No no.. Auto-Arab-Judgment. Speaks fluent English: USA. Has absurd but truthful ideas: westernized Arab in USA. Totally unashamed to speak the truth: totally USA.

I learned to accept the difference and move on, why didn’t you?

Isn’t it funny that a person would admit that there is something wrong with them?

Would you admit to the world if something is wrong with you?

The Disruptive Sleeping Patterns

So here it goes. I am a mentally disturbed person, and it is getting worse daily with my lack of sleep. I sleep for about 4 hours a day now. Why? I have no clue. I just wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep.

Yesterday night, I woke up at 2 am and I tried to close my eyes again and doze off, then I had a weird feeling that someone is shoving me and I woke up again! I know, I am mentally disturbed. The problem is that I go to work half asleep and the high dosage of caffeine is not helping.

Bitter Thoughts Resulted from People

Isn’t it funny that people spend 100’s of dollars on clothes and purses just to show off? Yet, they were cheap asses and horrible money managers and always ask you for money for gas or food? I wonder how they would feel if someone suggested for them to donate their money to I don’t know, some organization to help children and dying people in Palestine for example.

I am Not a People Person

I don’t like people. Simple as that. But you have to realize that people are the cause of my mentally disturbed thought process. Look at me! Do I write normal? Do I speak normal? Am I typical?

Emailing Back

For those people subscribed to my blog through email must realize that you CANNOT reply back me through those emails. The return sender on those emails are noreply@rebelliousarabgirl.net. I will not answer you back if you reply to them. Come to my site and comment, or send me a question through my contact page. It’s unbelievable the number of people that have replied in the former method and bitch at me for not replying back to them.

Enough ranting for today. Time to make some coffee.

Today is story telling day. So, there is this 26/27 year old girl that I know through my mom that is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. She is one of those girls that make little old me intimidated if I even go anywhere near her. She has black hair, green eyes, olive skin tone, perfect body, not too short and not too tall, and just has a beautiful and sweet personality.

She is of Lebanese descent. She got married right after highschool when she was only 18 years old. She has a 6 year old son now and she started smoking recently.

My mom asked her, “Do you plan to have anymore children? Your son seems lonely.”

The girl said, “No. I don’t plan to. I am having problems with my husband and mother-in-law.”

My mom knows her mother-in-law and told me no wonder this girl is having problems with her.

My mom asked her, “What kind of problems?”

The girl said, “My best friend found out from her friend that my mother-in-law is trying to hook my husband up with another girl so he will divorce me.”

My mom was mystified. Why would her mother-in-law want to get rid of her? Wasn’t the reason she was married at such a young age because she was probably the most gorgeous girl out there? (A catch like no other!)

My mom asked, “Why would she do that to you?”

The girl said, “Because I don’t listen to her, and she wants me to wear hijab, not go anywhere and wear what she wants.”

My mom said, “And what do you plan to do? Maybe you need to go take a course or continue your education.”

The girl said, “That’s the other problem. Can you imagine me being divorced now? What am I supposed to do then with no education and nothing to do?”

My mom said, “Maybe you need to make your self busy and go get educated. Your mother-in-law will not leave you alone and you don’t benefit her son if anything happens in the future to him, but if she sees you applying your self and doing something, then maybe she will leave you alone.”

When my mom told me the story I was like what the hell? If such a beautiful girl is having problems, then no wonder why us average girls have even more serious problems. It’s those mother-in-laws that like to set their own rules that everyone has to apply that cause all the problems. They love to invent problems to ruin their childrens’ marriages.

One person last week told me that they would really appreciate a true friendship with me and only read my blog if it wasn’t hiding behind a pseudonym AND is more real.

Another person told me that I need to post more pictures of my self, because they can’t believe that I don’t look like a nerd. They need more proof.

A person emailed me once asking me why I don’t talk more about politics.

One girl asked me why I don’t discuss the real problems that Arab girls suffer daily from their families and culture.

This guy yesterday insulted me and told me that I am a horrible person hiding behind a wicked lying mask.

Lots of Arabs told me that I am the worst person to represent Arabs.

Lots of Arabs told me that because I live in the western world, that I am westernized and I should never talk about Arabs.

Religious fanatics told me that being rebellious is a sin.

Many people write me telling me that I am rebellious against religion, and I am spreading sinful thoughts and telling girls to not wear hijab.

Then Mais, the most avid reader of my blog and knows what I am really about, told me this, “… Youre very clever but you expect simple minded people to understand you?! Seriously, no wonder youre getting stressed!”

I Owe People My Thoughts

I feel like I owe the majority of people something, and that something being a closed minded opinion about everything. I will tell you guys something, I don’t go around advertising this blog daily on other blogs. I was really pushing it the first 1.5 years, but then I stopped. I don’t comment at all on any blog, which makes me a horrible social blogger, but I don’t want to advertise my self. (I do read some blogs, but only a handful.)

Do you guys understand my point? I don’t go after you to tell you to read what I write. I don’t go advertise it to drive traffic to my site. I don’t do anything. I secluded my self from the world; yet YOU search for me and read it. You subscribe to keep up. You care enough to find any way possible to read what I write, because you know deep down inside that there is something about me that grabs your attention and makes you think. You care enough about the words that I write here.

I don’t owe you anything and you don’t owe me anything. However, those people that think that I do have always made me wonder why.

Then I understood why…

One person who was extremely angry with something I have written the other day told me this, “I hate what you write most of the time, but you have to be careful, your website is popular and many people are getting affected by it.”

So am I supposed to feel guilty now?

Searching for a Common Thought

Early this evening, I decided to go search for various Arab blogs. I wanted to read what personal bloggers have been writing and see what I am missing. I couldn’t read beyond a paragraph in most blogs. Then I got frustrated and stopped reading any blog. Most of the blogs that I read were talking about some event that they have attended that was “fun.” Pictures of food from the best restaurant ever. Or they displayed pictures of their latest shopping endeavor or overly expensive gadgets that they have bought. Or some tried to talk about how their kids threw up on the carpet and they spent the afternoon cleaning.

Am I supposed to discuss that? Will that make me a better blogger?

Fine, how about this for a change:

I cooked today. I did my project management homework. I didn’t feel like cleaning anything, and oh, to top it off, I also went to the bathroom to empty out all that well digested food.

Shoot me now.

Oh, by the way, since you think that I owe you something every time you read my blog with such eagerness, how about you do the same and write something worth a damn on your blogs from now on, and think beyond your nostrils for a change!

Words of Wisdom

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell.
-Harry S. Truman

Ranting about Arabs time!

One of the biggest problems with the Arab mentality is accepting different opinions and lifestyles. I appreciate the fact that Arabs like to stay true to who they are, whatever they are, but seriously, do we need to make our one-sided “traditional” life decisions the only plausible ones that everyone has to follow?

Let me elaborate my point more clearly here. Arabs feel superior to other Arabs. Arabs feel superior to other cultures. Arabs believe that their lifestyle choices are the “clean” or “most ethical” ones. Why?

Jealousy

I think I discussed this a lot on my blog, but I have to keep reminding everyone that jealousy is a human characteristic. Yes, it is a characteristic that we CAN control. We can be jealous of the positives that other people possesses. That I believe will drive us to improve ourselves. However, jealousy that results in envy, negative emotions, and spite is not the healthy characteristic. Unfortunately, and yes, I will say it for the millionth time, negative jealousy is the number one cause of backward mentality.

Differences

The only successful people I ever met in my life are the ones that were willing to accept the difference. They accepted differences of ethnicity. They accepted differences in mentality. They accepted differences in life. They accepted abrupt changes in the world. They learned to cope with the what life is really about. Once they accepted the difference, their minds opened and accepted endless possibilities. Life no longer seemed black and white, and they ended up leaders in a gray but open playground.

Role Models

The problem with the Arab culture is the lack of role models. There isn’t a group of people that raise their hands and say, “I want to be a better person. I want to make a difference. I want to use my God given talents to the best of my abilities and become something memorable. I want to help others become better people too.” I never heard of role models. I don’t even know if there is such a phrase in the Arabic language. They only think of the “I”, and not the “We.”

Thinking

Thinking is a gift from God. It is our duty as human beings to think. God differentiated us from animals by this gift. We have to use it. We have to think. If I really want to get my point across, I have to discuss religion. Arab culture justifies everything based on religion. Even though only 80% of Arabs are Muslims, and I will not generalize about that fact, but religion has to be separated completely from the culture. The culture ruined the religion. Yes, it did. Islam is so much more, and if it is truly understood and followed at its simplicity, then none of this nonsense that Arabs come up with that justify their behavior based on religion would ever exist.

Since Arabs love to justify their Arabized actions based on religion, then why are women still treated as second class citizens? God created us as equals, but I don’t see it being applied in the Arab culture.

Why is free thinking outside the “religious” doctrines forbidden?

Why aren’t women allowed to be educated at a higher level, and even most to even be literate? Isn’t the first thing that a true Muslim should do is read? Why is man allowed to read, and women can’t? Why is man allowed to think, and women can’t?

Why am I better than you?

Finally, I will get the real point. Arabs love to directly show their superiority complex to other Arabs. If your Arab neighbor bought a gorgeous new pair of shoes, then you will bluntly tell them, “Mine are better and more expensive.” If your Arab neighbor went to a doctor, then you would tell them, “My doctor is smarter and better than yours and that’s why you are always sick.” If your Arab neighbor bought a new house, then you will tell them, “Where did you get the money? Who gave it to you to make such a purchase?”

Congratulations is a common and most used word in the Arab vocabulary, but it is always followed by the justification that I am still better than you, or how did you get that and who helped you? I wish sometimes they were really better, like evolving as a culture, not being classified as third world nations, and giving their citizens basic human rights.

I think too much, but I will never stop.

I know I have been writing pathetically stupid posts the past week, but I have been hiding my true anger and discontent of people’s actions. I am very angry, and writing this post will not calm me down that easily, but it helps a bit.

People piss me off

I am sorry to say this, but in general, people have serious problems. They don’t understand the meaning of “Leave me alone. I am not a child. What the hell do you want from me? I don’t want to be your friend. I am not this lost soul that you feel obligated to save.” Oh, and for that person, don’t bluntly lie to me saying you don’t go on my blog. After you insulted me, do you expect things to change for better or worse? You think I am stupid or something? I have an IP address tracker that emails me on every visit, and one of my statistics tools sees behind those stupid anonymous proxy sites and reports back to me the real IP address. I got over 5 statistics monitoring tools, and I check them almost every day to see where people are coming from, because that’s what a website owner does to make sure everything is alright and no one lies to me. It also helps me stop those stupid hackers from the middle east to get into my blog again by running those stupid scripts and sql injections.

Secondly, let’s think of this logically, even though my intelligence was questioned a million times, and so was my horrible grammar and English (You know us foreigners with our bad English! We just can’t help it!), I am not offended, but it really makes you on my list of past memories that will never be revived.

Anyways, I am sick and tired of people talking to me. No one understands the pressures from my job every day, and the crap I have to endure from stories about Arabs when I get home. No one gives a crap, and that’s why, I have no reason to give a crap about anyone. If I bluntly tell my parents to leave me alone, why wouldn’t I do that to you?

My parents feel sorry for me

Finally the guilt is creeping up on my parents. They know I don’t talk to any human being, and I don’t go anywhere. And they know that I am taking courses toward my certification to fill that empty gap in my life. They don’t know the real reason why I became like this, and I am not going to open a huge debate of how much I want to seclude myself from this bitter world filled with liars. I am not going to explain to them my discontent of this Arab mentality that I am forced to live by every day. I am not going to explain to them that I have met and known enough people in my life that I choose to act like a bitter 60 year old.

I am tired of explaining.

I work with the wrong people

You guys think I like my job? I do sometimes, but most of the time no. It was fine in the beginning, but the more I know people at work and the mental age gap that is hindering production, the more fearful I am of the way things are going. I just can’t wait to leave work at 4:30 pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes I work over time if I was told explicitly to get things done ASAP.

Although some people at work noticed my talents, and that’s what they want, a person that can do it all, but them also noticing my discontent with some things thrown at my face is making them fearful. Sure, I can do it all, but I am only human. I am trying to learn from this other guy at work, and just work at the bare minimum to what I was hired to do. It’s hard to do so when I want to do more, I want to prove myself, but is it worth all this pressure? Am I getting compensated enough for it? No!

Also, like I mentioned in the paragraph before last, the age gap is killing me. I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers anymore, because I am sick of listening to them, and them asking the stupidest nosiest questions. Then they talk to me like a five year old, and want me to talk to them only in utter respect. Who the hell are they? I bow to no one or give any respect except to God. I don’t care anymore that I should be nice to older people, screw them. They have no respect for me, why should I be for them?

Attitude change

I have to become even more bitter or I won’t survive with such people. My plan is to be as calm as possible till I finish my certification courses, which will take two years, and find another job. In the meantime, since I have no real friends that want to ever listen to me or talk to me, I will use this blog as a ranting area instead. I know you guys will listen to me, email me your thoughts, and tell me that you have the same problems too. When you do that and tell me your stories, I don’t feel alone, and you don’t feel alone, and I am more at peace with myself and can sleep at night.

I am sorry, but I have to excessively rant a lot more from now on, or I will go crazy or very physically sick.

Finally, this song has been keeping me a bit sane the past couple of days. I like the words. No wonder. So me.

Muse: “Uprising”

Every single day, I have to do the inevitable deed of checking my emails. The emails I receive from this blog are funny, really. Actually, any email now a days that you get from another human being is really funny. People still spend time writing emails? Emails are so last year! But hey, for some it is still the solid sure way to get an answer.

Aha, and I will give them an answer alright!

New Rule

Any email that you send me through my blog and any comment you post on this blog is mine. I can do whatever I want with it. I can post the email (but I am nice and I will ask you first sometimes), and I will delete comments whenever I want.

I am the one that maintains this website. I pay for the domain name and monthly hosting. Therefore, I can do whatever.

You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe you anything.

I am Not Hot

I have been getting some weird emails lately. I will post some, but no names.

Dude 1

hello girls just want tell im very kind person quit very shy and helpfull if youe intresting in my personalty pleae you could contact my eamil address i will not dispoint you meny thanks

My answer: I thought the blog’s title was Rebellious Arab Girl, and not Rebellious Arab Girls. And I am only interested in people who spell don’t worse than a 3rd grader.

Dude 2

Hello dear. My name is XXXX. I receive yout comment and wish to contact you. I am living in Jeddah looking for a hot girl for longterm relationship. Please reply. And if u need my picture then please ask.

My answer: Of course I need a picture to prove that you are worthy to drag around a mannequin under your arms!

Dude 3

how i can marry an arab girl

My answer: ???

I got a lot more weird ones, but some of them are just people who blog hop and have no idea where they are and who they are talking to.

See what happens when I work with more than 85% women in one place? I get grilled with many questions, and my answers are either told after a 5 second pause in order to think of something that is not too personal and reveal my evil side, or blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

You guys know I am stubborn and very opinionated, so whatever comes out of my mouth is usually a very stern opinion that has its reasons. So, one lady that is beyond joyful and upbeat (freaky I know!), who has children almost my age asked me the following question:

“Mona, so how old are you?”

I said smiling, “I am 29.”

She said, “Oh dear, you are still a baby!”

In my head I was like fuck! I am not a baby, or even that young! It’s 29!! Not 19! Uff.

Then she asked, “Well, are you planning to get married?”

I unconsciously replied back, “No. Never.”

She said, “My kids are like that too. What’s wrong with your generation?”

I said, “Who wants to get married and raise kids in this world? Look at how corrupt it is.”

I wanted to start blaming her generation, but I didn’t want to appear more evil than I already am.

She said, “It doesn’t matter. It’s your choice how you raise your kids.”

I said, “Of course it is, but I cannot prevent them and lock them up forever so they won’t get affected by the outside capitalistic materialistic chauvinistic selfish world.”

She said, “True.”

Then I walked away, and I did not want to continue that conversation, because it will lead me to an endless argument. It would be an argument that philosophers (me) would classify as the following: “The biggest generation gap in history of thinking endless argument!”

Adults born before 1980! Funny and living in happy town. Young Adults! Confused. Unfortunately, some tend to rebel cause they have to find fault in everything. Sucks to be me.