Is like trying to understand why God decided to make us suffer in this lifetime.

There are things that are not meant for us to understand, or ever find an explanation to. The person next to you right now, you have no idea who they really are. You cannot understand anyone.

The worst part is, most of the time you can’t understand or explain your self.

So what’s the point of life and interacting with one another if we cannot even understand it?

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

I don’t know why people don’t understand me. After all this time, after all these years. No body gets it. I am crazy now. I seriously lost every ounce of sanity. Also, my ear is fucking killing me and the pain is getting to my head now. I was debating to either go to the health clinic or just buy ear drops. the University Pharmacy charged me 11 dollars for ear drops! 11!! I could have gone to a normal pharmacy and gotten it for 5 bucks.

So I bought the ear drops so I can come back to work quicker and not have to spend time waiting. My ear is really hurting. I have a bump in the back of my hear from the infection. I can feel it and I know I have middle ear infection. I can’t even hear a thing from it except ringing.

Today is just a bad bad day.  And going back outside will make it worse. I have to just keep putting those stupid drops in my ear until I can bear walking outside again.

Angry, Ranting as usual!

A lady that I know that I see a lot talks to me about the holidays and stuff. Then she stares at me for a minute and says, “well, Merry Christmas… or holidays…. or whatever you people celebrate.”

I thought to my self, “whatever my people celebrate?” Hmm. I didn’t respond nor I told her happy Holidays and left it at that.

People can be judgmental from the way I look. Good thing I don’t have pointy ears and four arms, then they would seriously stare and wonder.

Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!, They said what?

I am currently suffering from really bad neck pain. It is going all the way to my right ear. The bad ear that I can hardly hear from.. So I am just going to lay down now. I really didn’t have much of a day. Just another Saturday.

Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!

My best friend, who I met from my blog about two years ago is born the same day as me, but a year after me. So she decided that it would be fun to come here and make a birthday party for both of us. She invited her gang, and I invited pretty much everyone that lives here using Facebook events. I don’t have many Facebook friends because I don’t find it necessary to add everyone and anyone for the sake of numbers. Anyways, I was thinking, birthday, great. I will be turning 27 in a couple of weeks, and I thought to my self, what the hell have I accomplished?

Nothing. I feel useless and I did nothing in my life to progress in any way. I am almost 27, and have a useless degree that people laugh at. Anyone who has any programming skills can do the job that I am doing. Just practice and work hard. That’s all. As for talent, and education, then nothing. I think the problem is that I am girl and a programmer. I get treated second class.

I mean honestly, what the hell was wrong with me when I decided to study this shit? I was happy and content being a Biology major. Doing lab work and having more of a social life. Now, I look at my life and what I did to it and I feel beyond depressed with my self. I have no life. I sit on the computer all day, and I can’t have a normal conversation with anyone. It’s like I forgot to talk. Also, I am always angry, moody, and just want to punch something. It’s like I am full with anger and rage all the time. Is this the side effects of being a programmer?

Now, as I am approaching my 27th birthday, I feel disgusted with what I have turned into.

Also, work is not getting any better. Work is fine in the morning, but once it hits noon, the boys just want to play computer games. It’s fine for an hour.. then it turns to two.. three.. four.. bam. Afternoon gone. I can’t concentrate doing my work since I am not that great at flash ActionScript and I am trying to learn it as quickly as I am developing a full fledged game. I just find it really hard to concentrate.

Also, why am I still working? No clue. I was told by my boss that if I make a demo, then there is a potential of getting donations for it. I am thinking. Good. I got something to look forward to. However, I don’t know if that will sustain only me or I am working to keep my co-workers employed too. Do they deserve the work? They don’t even want to do flash or anything. Just want to play games all afternoon and not care while I am doing so much work and learning in such a short amount of time. It is really making me depressed that I got a field of white hair the past couple of days at my forehead from the stress. Also, my neck was killing me all morning that I couldn’t move it. I never felt pain in my neck before. It is usually my back. But my neck seriously hurt.

I felt really sick and depressed. I left work and went to Taco Bell and I got my self a big bag of chips after. I am now eating it with my second can of coke. Great life I got eh?

I have nothing to look forward to. My contract ends in 23 days and there is no sign and no word of my status. My life sucks and I am sick of it. I want a job that is stable that doesn’t cause me such daily depressive moods.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!