I have been receiving such abrasive emails and comments lately. However, I was not sure what I can categorize them as. I don’t even want to reply to any because I feel they are a waste of human time to even bother with.

So, if I didn’t reply to your emails, I either skimmed through them and I forgot, or didn’t want to bother continuing an argument with someone I will 100% never talk to or see in my life.

I keep wondering why people think the way they think. Is it a cultural thing, or a religious thing? Both are confusing me, because I am not sure why people cannot make up their minds in trying to justify a point by choosing one or the other. Most of them resort to an answer that satisfies themselves anyways. So, why can’t they stop trying to justify things based on culture or religion, if they are really only satisfying their own beliefs?

The Never Ending Melodramatic Tunes

People ask me the same things over and over:

• Why do I say the things I say, am I Muslim? Muslims don’t say such things.
• Why do I have such conservative Islamic thoughts if I don’t wear the head veil? You are only Muslim and have such thoughts if you wear one.
• Why do I attack culture and I should be proud of it instead? You can only be Arab and use that name if you are proud of it.
• If I am Palestinian, then why don’t I dedicate my blog to talking about Palestine and the genocides instead of about me? This site is too popular and always first on Google and have to be dedicated to Palestine, and not me.
• Why do I have non-Arabs commenting on my site and me siding with them? Arabs only talk, listen, and agree to other Arab’s thoughts.
• People blame me for hate towards something that I don’t hate at all, and start mocking me physically, mentally, my entire family, and think they know me more than I know my self. Too much time on their hands, and they do it because they cannot stand people doing it to them. So they take the first approach at it, and find it amusing and fun. I wonder what will happen if they realize that I am evil with words and I have no mercy towards stupidity?

Moreover, due to my utter confusion with such mentality, and my automated alerts when I get new emails from this site to my phone, I end up asking people on mobile Twitter instead. I cannot or even have time to go on my blog or do anything during work hours.

This is what I asked today on Twitter:

I got people replying to me with various view points. Some said that it is worse to be a religious fanatic, and others said that both types of ideologies are the same. Anyways, it ended up being more of a rhetorical question than a pure questionable thought that is necessary for every day survival.

Mystical Thoughts

I will tell you the awful truth though that I have been hiding with secret words on my site, and just clarify some misconceptions to those pea-brained idiots with serious language and mental disorders. So, if you are confused or have too much free time on your hand to argue with me, then I got some answers alright! I have been actually hiding them in each blog post for almost the past four years.

Here goes nothing.

I say the things I say because I don’t give two shits. I am me. You are you. Get over it! If we were all meant to think the same way and have the same beliefs, then we would still be living in caves wondering who will go hunt our winter supply of food this year before we hibernate for over three months!

Oh, you see, people like me are the ones that go beyond what is written, beyond what is known by others, and use that brain that God gave us. For those that believe in God, or only some higher being that cannot be explained, or nothing at all, I DON’T CARE! That’s your problem, NOT MINE! Don’t force an idea on me! I can chose for my self! Do I force anything on you? Would you like me to? I can be very convincing you know, and I would probably be sought after by the Pope, some Imam, or some Rabbi, and questioned for knowing the hidden secrets of this life!

You see, human intelligence was given to us for a reason. If accepting things the way they are satisfies you, then so be it. It does NOT satisfy me at all. I like to think. I like to question things. I know my limits and when not to cross the red line. I say what I have to say because I know someone else is asking it, and they don’t have to feel secluded in their own thoughts anymore. They search Google or Bing or whatever, and come to my blog and feel a little itsy bitsy feeling of comfort. It’s funny when you meet others that share the same view point as you. You feel a little bit of hope and satisfaction. Right?

So, I question things because I can! Can you? Do you dare?

Anyways, to each his own!

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Religion, They said what?, Visitor Taking Over, Whatever!

I am in no mood to write a well thought of blog post. I am no mood to rant about some people’s messed up mentality. I am in no mood to condemn the actions of Arab males that come to my site and write hate comments to provoke me. I am only in the mood to blame the most annoying, most obnoxious, most spoiled human on earth. That awful teenage little girl who brought the germs with her from school on Friday, and permeated the little microscopic critters all over the house!

I told her, “Damn you!! If you make me sick, I will HIT YOU! I will beat you up! STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

But no.. oh no no no.. she decided to cough on me because her utter joy in life is to see me in pain! She gave me the worst bunch of mischievous germs, and now I got STREP THROAT!

I am writing this post after I took my revenge from that sister of mine! I smacked her! I beat her up because I kept reiterating all weekend, “You make me sick, I will HIT YOU!” That little teenage nuisance loves to see me in pain! I cannot stop coughing! I took her anti-biotic prescription medicine, and I condemed her to an ever lasting cold! Damn that teenage girl.

It is enough that people think I am her! I am sick of it! Why do people think I am a teenage girl? I will not answering the door again to Arab women thinking I am that little girl that goes to their daughter’s highschool! ARGH!!

I blame it all on that brat.

Damn you cough! Damn you to hell!

Angry, Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?

I am not that young! I keep getting the ladies at work calling me hon! Or dear! And asking if I still live at home! OMG! Yah, welcome to my life now. I work with all grownups. The only ones that look young, because they are young, are the technical people. Which is me and someone else! The rest of the office are middle aged or almost retirement age ladies. Some even got grand kids! I still need someone to take care of me. You think I do my own laundry?

Good thing I realized from the beginning that I cannot converse with them. I don’t even converse much with anyone because I am so busy all day long to do that. Anyways, I am single. I don’t wear the wedding ring that symbolizes the eternal attachment to some lunatic guy who will accept such a crazy girl like me. And worse, I look like a 20 or 21 year old!

Bohoo! I want to grow up! I know I will not get wrinkles till I am 50 like my mom, unlike such fair skinned people who get wrinkles when they are 30. Jeez! Also, I will not start using the phrase, “25 years ago I graduated from University” till much later in life, but dammit!!!! I am 28, almost 29 years old! I know I cannot engage in a conversation about a husband, kids, mortgage, house expenses, but I can talk about … hmm … I can talk about … hmm.. ok I give up. To be normal I got to get married ASAP. Where can I find such a loser Arab guy who will accept me working 8.5 hours a day, and getting home dead tired to do anything else? Who wants to do the chores!!

Ahh.. I feel like I am soon going to have to grow up to fit in into this grownup society. Maybe I will think about this blog post again when I am 30. Let me enjoy the rest of my 20’s for now!

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Funny, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

This is going to be a long ranting post. So read on if you enjoy such a thing. I do. I love ranting. I feel that I can get everything out of my system and for the whole world to read!! And I honestly don’t care who reads it. What do I gain or lose if they read it? Nothing.

So, I am sick of looking for work. I am sick of going to interviews and trying to sell my self. I feel so violated. Selling my self? Sounds so wrong. Not only that, I have to fabricate a bunch of stories about my past and how awesome my work was and the things I did. Why lie? Why? Who am I kidden? My self? People? Don’t employers know that if you lie, you will get caught sooner or later? Like they can tell you know shit!

Actually, some companies are smart and will figure out if you know shit from the first interview. Some smart companies give you a test. I got some of those tests before, and oh boy! It felt like I was taking the final exam of all exams and was worth 100% of my overall final mark! Wow! It is scary. I start sweating and praying to the almighty Lord, and for those atheists, I am sorry, I believe in God. I have to. It makes sense to little me who needs to have a little bit of faith in life just to survive and sleep at night.

So interviews suck, and I know my luck. There is never hope. Getting a job now a days, in such a messed up world with unstable economy, is like winning the lottery. And I am known to be an unlucky person in everything that goes on in my life. So all I do is rant rant rant. And for those that know me and follow my blog, really really really hate me complaining about work. A reader of my site named Oussama commented on my Mundane is the Name from last week’s post where I complained that I am toast! No one will hire me and I have no motivation to do so! He bluntly told me that I should stop wasting companies time if I have no intention in doing well or caring about looking for work. I agree. I cannot do well, and I so can’t look for work. So I stopped looking for work. I did Oussama and everyone else a favour. Happy people?

Why look for work? Start my own business!

Sure, I can start my own business, but you see, I sat at home for many months contemplating if this is the lifestyle that I want. Do I want to be a web entrepreneur full time and venture into the unknown? So I tried. I wrote down ideas! I wrote down many ideas and possibilities! However, I lacked motivation. I needed someone to tell me, do it. Do it now! Do it dammit! MONA START WORKING! What are you waiting for Mona? Are you waiting for all the money in the bank to deplete? Are you waiting for a miracle from God and money to start pouring down like rain?

What are you waiting for Mona? You cannot start a business or anything! You need motivation!

So, who is willing to motivate me? You see, the problem is that I lack faith in my self. I don’t know why or how that happened. I was never like this. I think I started losing faith in my self every time I got rejected from a company after an interview. And believe me, I went to a lot of interviews. Obviously, my resume rocks and I stand out. That was never a problem. My problem was that I couldn’t put all my thoughts in one place, and since I am a 100% introverted person, being interviewed by more than one person scared the hell out of me. I would always feel my heart racing, the palm of my hands start sweating like crazy, and I start forgetting my name. And oh my name. MONA IS SUCH AN EASY NAME TO FORGET!

So I stopped looking for work. I don’t want to ever go to an interview again and feel like I am having a heart attack while trying to sell whatever skills I have. I think I have skills. I think I am smart. However, do they know that? Do they believe that? Who will believe it when my heart is racing so fast and I am about to have an anxiety attack?

Many people told me that the only way, especially in this city of mine, is to network. You must know many people Mona. You need to network and keep friendships with people that will help you get a job in the future. Sure!! I thought about it. I really did. However, I feel like a two faced suck up who only wants to make friends with you just so you can help me out! It’s like you owe me something in return of a fake friendship. I don’t want anyone to owe me anything or me owing them anything! I don’t want to get a job knowing that someone else had a hand in it. I feel like I owe them that for life! That’s not me. I can’t do it.

You see, the only thing I didn’t lose so far in life is knowing that I can do it. I think I can do it on my own. Why not? What’s wrong with me? Other then being a very introverted person who has been lacking faith in her self? Well, only because I kept getting rejected! I hate being rejected! Getting rejected sucks ass! It’s the worse feeling on earth, and that’s why I stopped going to interviews or looking for work. I hate rejection! But, I hate feeling that I can only get a job because I know people that know other people! What is this, a job market or mafia?

My people will call their people and will try to hook you up by at least getting you an interview. ??????

I can GET AN INTERVIEW by my self dammit! I don’t need that! I revamped my resume and it rocks! It is the best looking resume ever! Straight forward and to the point! This is me! Like it or not! I will go to an interview if you believe in me! Not because someone else told you that she can do it! Don’t put this idea in my head that the only way to find work now a day is through networking. I am a social networker! Look at me! I have a blog! I have hundreds of Facebook friends! I have several hundreds and even over a thousand Twitter friends! I can social network. I can talk to people who know people. However, is that what I want? To use them to find me a job!? I want good friends in my life, and be happy. Not to use them!

Mona, YOU CAN GET A JOB without any help! That’s what I keep telling my self. That’s the only faith I have left in my self. That’s what kept me going, but I gave up today. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t look for work anymore. I am tired of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone knows? What can I do anymore!!

[source]

So, I wrote this post 3 days ago, and people are wondering and waiting. They are wondering what I am talking about. Maybe I was talking about work. Maybe they are waiting for that final decision in my life that I will make. And yes, it was that I will stop going to interviews cuz I am sick and tired of them. I am sick of looking for work. It’s a tiring process that exhausts your well being. I cannot do it anymore. I am exhausted.

I wrote this,

I really wanted to write a very smart, clever, and sophisticated blog post today. However, due to unruly circumstances that are beyond my control, I was only allowed to write two sentences today.

Then I decided to cheat and add two more!

Stay tuned!

Some people wondered. Some people are waiting, and one person named Tekkaus asked me to add two more sentences to complete the thought by saying:

Clever with words….but too bad we have to wait huh! Perhaps more than 2 sentences in your next post? :p ….

So, I will finally do him and the rest of you a favour and add two more sentences to relieve everyone, and I promise this is going to be it. No more ranting about looking for work, because I gave up. I really did.

Here it goes. Two more sentences:

I got hired today.

I will start tomorrow morning.

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

I have not written a post in a long time telling people what is going on in my life. I seem to have gone off to a different tangent and started a community blog to ask questions. It’s ok! I enjoy discussing society issues. It effects me as much as it effects any one of you in a way. However, I want to talk about events going on in my ever so boring life as well. It’s good to look back at it in the distant future. Because we all know, that everything written here will be forever stored in the Google search engine database. Or maybe the CIA database or some world secret agency that Dan Brown discussed in his books! I know you ARE WATCHING!

This reminded me of a time I wrote a post talking about space and if people really did land on the moon in 1969. Within minutes, I got a guy that works at Apollo who tried to prove me wrong in the comments area. And oh yah!! The IP address was that of a government agency. My advice for future blog writers or newbies, YOU ARE BEING WATCHED!

My Ever So Mundane Life

Well, my daily schedule has been more than mundane. I wake up in the morning, check my emails, check more emails, and reply to emails. Sometimes I write down various thoughts on my notebook that is sitting infront of my monitor which has been collecting dust for the past month. Today, I came up with many new thoughts, and explored so many online options, but then kaboom!!! Brain dead! You try fasting all day and having no caffeine in your system. By the time it is 12:00 pm, I am dead tired and want to do nothing. So waking up late is not an option for a person like me who wants to do something.

Anyways, so yeah. My blog has been doing better, but not financially better. I need sponsors or more people willing to advertise. You try being unemployed for such a long time like me. I am trying, but I wish I had more will power to start what I was supposed to start over 6 weeks ago! I am so lazy and unmotivated. I know what the problem is though. Every time I go to a job interview, I bring my hopes up that maybe this is it. This is it and I will stop trying to figure out ways to make money and settle down in a job! However, we all know my luck.

MunMun has been bestowed with bad luck in this life. I doubt it will ever change!

You know what pisses me off now? I don’t care anymore if a company rejects me and hired someone else that they think is better at sucking up and memorizing useless information. My problem is that most companies don’t reply back. It’s like they expect you to get the hint. I don’t understand why they hire human resources and make you sit in a room with 2 or 3 executives and a human resource representative. What’s their job? Can’t they take time out of their ever so busy schedule and tell you, “We didn’t want you. Take a hike to the next company!”

I am also getting psychologically frustrated every time I go to an interview, and I cannot think for the life of me. I keep getting worse and worse, and no longer know what to say or what I want.

[source]

A lot of things piss me off in this world, and they make me question the whole entire work structure. Who is in power? Who can get a job? Why they got it? How much of a suck up a person must be? How many questions can a person answer on the top of their heads with complete strangers around them in a small room wondering if what is answered is what these people wanted to hear?

Enough ranting! Work makes me depressed. Life makes me depressed. I want to scream every day, but I don’t have the energy for it. I don’t want to work at home or even sit in my blog office anymore. I am sick of it. I am sick of wondering what is the point of having several years of work experience and a University degree if you cannot make any future use out of them.

I think my problem is, and I know what it is, that I am not a suck up or try to sugar coat everything I say. I can’t. It’s not me. So, right now, at this moment, without further ado, I am toast! I will never ever get a job ever again!

I am just waiting for Ramadan to be over this weekend and go back to 4 or 5 cups of coffee through out the day, and thinking of executing that plan I have written on pages and pages in the ugly 3 subject red coloured spiral notebook. Gathering software requirements kicks ass. It’s the only thing that I aced with flying colours. Implementation will be the challenge. Maybe I should take up drinking. Drinking soda again that is!

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!