Every now and then, wait, actually who am I kidden? EVERY DAY, I have a major debate with my mother that ends with, “leave me alone!” You see, my mother and I have very different view points, even on the littlest things. It has nothing to do with my stubbornness and just wanting to always be in disagreement. On the contrary my online friends, I just cannot understand her way of thinking, or maybe she doesn’t understand mine. All I can say, she is the only person so far in all the 28 years of my life that I was never able to communicate with properly.

[source]

Enough complaining about communication. The catalyst is always that little brat that is half my age. I keep arguing with my sister that I am not a jealous person, because I do not care about others, and a person should worry about their own problems. Why should I be jealous of her, or other people? Jealousy is bad! It leads to envy and worse, it leads to a corrupt state of mind that only wants to be like someone else. However, my mother thinks that jealousy is a good thing, because it makes us strive to be better then the person we are jealous of, and we can learn from me.

Learn from them? How? If I am jealous of that person, what’s there to learn? I only have evil thoughts in my head if I am jealous, and it means I will curse the ground they walk on, because they have something that I don’t.

Do you see the problem? Maybe I know my self too well, that I try to avoid jealousy. I do not want to be jealous of anyone or anyone jealous of me, because I would end up being an evil person who envies others, and have no personality of my own. So, I know what that person wants, but do I want the same exact thing and get jealous cause of it?

I think there is a major difference between learning from someone to be better than them, and being jealous of them. Don’t you think?

Advice, Angry, Confused, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

I have some addictions that I like to confess to in my life, coffee and checking emails. I demand to get paid for checking emails all day! Did I also mention that if I don’t check my email at least 20 times a day, I will end up reading a book by tomorrow?

I hope the email job fairies that pay in 2009 currency value can hook me up. I can read emails all day and reply to people. I can say what’s on my mind and have a nice conversation. I can also sell weird convincing thoughts. It’s part of being a girl and a successful e-mail marketer. Do I even know what e-mail marketer is? I didn’t think so.

This is a look of my social networking day of work and coffee.

Note: you can add me to Facebook and Twitter. I communicate back. Email me. I email back. I am not one of those stuck up people with a popular blog and does not communicate with anyone. However, just give me some time to reply back. I maybe slow sometimes. Mentally and typing wise that is.

Just had a lovely fight on this humble blog and it escalated to Twitter.

Facebook announcement of coffee addiction.

Twitter announcement of coffee addiction.

This is my daily morning!

Emails emails!

Today, marks the end of 12 months of not having a job. Oh September! What will you bring thou?

All day long, I kept thinking, what have I done to my self? Although I will never regret any decision I ever made regarding work, but today, out of all the 365 passed days, I felt like I wanted to wake up in the morning and go to work. Oh well… I can wait, and keep on waiting. Until then, I will keep this full time job of blogging, checking emails, answering people, listening to their problems, giving courteous well though of advice, and enjoy being an active social networker and helping people out.

PS. I have great and amazing readers that try to help out with my dilemma of unemployment.

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

This post is more of a rant and a really pissed off one from people that ask me the silliest questions. I received an email from an Arab male, let’s call him Y.S. this morning asking me the following:

Y.S. emailed me saying,

I need to ask this, don’t mean anything wrong by my question though. Why has your blog turned from you sharing personal thoughts to this? Your blog posts now take up 20% of your main page and the rest is all advertisements. I’m not against the idea of you advertising but you now have a job, right? Do you still need to get that extra money out of blogging?

I wanted to point to his Wordpress blue default boring themed blog and start something nasty, but why should I direct it to him only? His observations are very lame, and he cannot calculate or understand or know anything about my life or my blog. Moreover, he was not the first person to ask me this question.

Why do I put advertisements on my site?

You see, I am not a business major, or know anything about marketing. I am a very simple person with computer and graphic skills. I majored at University in Computer Science. Yes, I have a University degree from an accredited Ivy League Institution. (Don’t get me started on that!) So, I am unemployed right now. However, I wanted to make something clear for those who do not know that, and have not been keeping up with my blog for at least the past year. Last August, I resigned from my old job, because it was pointless and I didn’t want to get a paycheque to browse the Internet, and sporadically take orders from a person who knows NOTHING. After a 6.5 year run, and sudden change in management, my patience became non-existent, and the only solution I found was to resign.

[source]

Back to advertisement on this blog. I had ads running on my site for over two years. If you have not noticed it, or never bothered, then that’s even better. I don’t want your experience on my blog to be that filled with advertisement about dating sites and cool summer refreshment drinks. God forbid! I don’t want that! Moreover, my latest blog design, that took me several hours to do and I am constantly maintaining it, I did for free. I did not hire someone to do it, because that would be stupid. Why would a web designer and graphic artist hire someone to design her blog since she is always on a tight budget and unemployed?

Therefore, the main home page is different then the rest of the site. Why? Because I didn’t want the sidebar to be filled with so many things. I also observe other top bloggers who are making 1000’s of dollars a month from their blogs, and how they designed their blogs. What do they represent first when a visitor is entering? You are lucky I have no pop-ups or anything, or you would have seriously complained and I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

My blog makes pocket change a month. Yet, I am offering monthly contests and giving back money to my visitors. Who in their right mind would do that?

You come to my site, I earn money from advertisements, and I am offering alternative ways (ie. Ramadan Contest) to get involved and earn some of that money as well. Wow! Isn’t that nice for a person that makes pocket change from her blog, she is unemployed, has some web skills, and a bit of business type skills that she learned off the net?

What is funny, and I think is totally funny, that over 75% of bloggers out there have some type of paid advertisement on their website. Yet, when a blogger like me, that has a pretty increasing and lovely audience that gets involved in daily commenting has advertisement, then she has completely committed a huge sin! An unearthly sin! A sin that is beyond any sin! A sin that is committed in cyberspace infront of the whole entire world! Her site is 80% advertisements and no more CONTENT! NO MORE THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT, AND THAT’S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE COMMENTING AND EVEN DOING THEIR OWN RESEARCH TO COMMENT BACK!

Wow! I think advertisement and making money off the internet, and being an Arab girl of course, really is looked down upon in my culture. Good thing I don’t ask anyone to click on my ads, then that would have seriously pushed it and I am no longer respected for the content on my site, and only trying to make money off people.

I am sorry people. I am sorry internet world. I am so sorry that I have advertisements on my site. Find me a full time job then in this city of mine that is not degrading and does not pay me in 1940’s currency value doing 2 or 3 people’s work, and take me out of my misery of having to sit at home all day trying to figure out ways to make pocket change from the internet.

Until then, and even after I get a job, I am going to have advertisements on this blog. If you like it or not, I don’t care. It’s pocket change, let me enjoy it and make contests on here to make people happy!

In conclusion, the advertisement will stay. You have no right to tell me why I have them since they are not harming you in any way. If you do not like coming to my site, or it is killing your internet bandwidth but still want to read it, then subscribe to my site via RSS.

PS. I am surprised that people don’t have the guts to go complain to websites such as Facebook, MSN, Yahoo, MySpace, etc that make billions of dollars from advertisements off you because you use their sites. Wow! It is always the small person that gets the hit eh?

Angry, Culture, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Scene One

Where at? The Mall.

Who? Two young Arab married couple.

Which one of them gave me a stare of bewilderment? The guy.

Why is it that being an obvious looking Arab such as myself, I get stared at by some married Arab guy with a wife right next to him? And worse yet, with a baby in their hands! I am like what the hell, why are you staring at me? Yes, I am an Arab! Yes, stop wondering if I was one and you want to be 100% sure! And no, I don’t wear a head scarf, but I am still an Arab!

Scene Two

Where at? Walking home.

Who? Arab guy and his girlfriend/wife/sister/I don’t care who it was that was next to him in the car.

Which one of them gave me a stare of “I wonder if she is an Arab?” The guy!

Suggestion to Arab males: When you are driving, LOOK FORWARD! Not to your left! God! You instantly become blind when you see a girl, and will cause an accident you cannot afford in that cheap car of yours! Blah!

Angry, Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!

Occipital bone, lobe, internal, external, tissues, inion, squama, Grey’s Anatomy, etc. All those small words may mean something to you or not, but means a lot to me. Especially since I enjoy reading more about human physiology, then normalizing a MySQL database, and having the best time complexity in my algorithm.

I feel like I am betraying my profession, but I was a Biology major for 2 years before I switched into this endeavor. Today, I spent my afternoon searching why my skull has a little rigid area with too much depth near the neck. Somehow I ended up reading the evolution of the human skull through time, biological Anthropology papers (which I took a course in in University), and histology. I was more drawn to it. I kept reading, looking at diagrams, reading research papers, etc for over two hours. I really killed my afternoon. I was bored, fasting, and I didn’t have any energy to do anything productive. Well, reading is productive no?

As I was reading and enjoying my time learning about human physiology and histology, I felt utter regret of my life. I asked my self a million questions about my past, and the mistakes that I made. I don’t know why I went to major in Computer Science. I didn’t even like it that much. Well, I like programming, and making user interfaces a lot nicer and easier to use, but I hated the theory. The advanced pure mathematics that I had to study along side of it actually kept me sane, because I love math. However, I just kept thinking, what would I have been like now if I did continue studying Biology?

I guess when you are fresh out of highschool, you have certain dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, as time passes, your mind wonders into different possibilities and think other possibilities are better for your future. Don’t get me wrong, I loved computers at the same time. I loved making websites from the time the internet was a toddler still, and not many people knew what it was. However, I love science more. I like human physiology, learning about diseases and abnormalities. I love the history and genetics. I am looking back now to the year 1999 when I finished highschool and just entered University, and kept thinking, “Wow. I wish I can go back in time and slap my self silly to even have considered studying anything else. I could be doing my PhD now researching a cure for Cancer or something like that!”

Now, I am sort of stuck being a computer geek. I like it, but what did I get out of it? Look at me now. I have been unemployed for almost a year. I feel stressed out all the time, very depressed and extremely moody, my hair is rapidly turning gray, and I am not happy with my life. I try to start my own internet projects, and I have so many ideas that are unbelievable and could be the next big thing! However, I cannot sit down on the computer anymore for more than an hour without thinking to my self, “Is this my life? When can I start helping humanity out?”

My old job was a bit more humanitarian, because I made software for children with hearing problems. However, now, who am I helping? What’s my purpose?

I need to seriously get my self motivated again. People don’t have jobs anymore, and more and more people are stuck in a rut like me. I got to make the most out of my professional knowledge, and start something big soon. I need a real job again, with a real monthly pay cheque and even more. What do I lack expect motivation? The past is gone, I went off tangent, and I got to keep on walking that way. It’s a one way street now to the technology unknown. I hope the internet world will be kind to me, because people like me, and I know a lot, are not happy. We are tired, and we need to stop saying, “What if?” and start saying, “What can I do next?”

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!