I received an email today, and I thought to my self, “Did I just write this and email it to my self?” I do that a lot, but come on!! I always thought I was the odd one out with unprecedented thoughts, but I guess not!

So, a cute Palestinian girl from Finland emailed me today telling me that she is stuck in the middle, and it is something she realized later on!

She wrote:

Hi Mona!

I want to tell you something. I must say, that I like everything you write. It reminds me of my “inner-self” and the way I am in my heart. Rebellious.

I want to share the way I feel, as an Arab girl, with you. Mostly because I feel like you understand.

Let me add to this story; that I live in Europe. My mother is a European and my father is an Arab.

Now, I remember that there was an Arabic guy writing to you about marriages between Arabs and non-Arabs. In this case, the marriage didn’t last forever.  But believe it or not, it was not because they lived and had different cultures. There were other reasons.  I’d also like to say, that my mother re-married another Arab man. And she converted also to Islam. And their marriage has last this far.

Now I’d like to get back to the real story. It hasn’t always been easy to live in Europe as an Arab girl.

I have always been afraid that I’d say something wrong, if I express myself.

I was taught during my early teen life, that I had to be careful how I talked and expressed myself.

Now, in Europe they live differently. There are not any specific limits how you can express yourself, especially in the northern parts of Europe.

I was afraid of talking about my feelings with my family, just in case they wouldn’t accept the way I thought.  But I learned quickly I could talk with my good European friends. These friends also understood my Arabic culture. I want to say that I love many things in my culture, but I don’t like to feel insecure.

As I grew older and my friends started talking about guys, I felt I didn’t belong with my friends.

They went out with guys and talked about things with them. When they wanted me to talk with a friend of their, that was a guy, I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid I’d say something terribly wrong and they would think I am a bad girl. I started to worry so much about what others were thinking about my appearance. I started to worry what would happen if I lived a liberal life, like a European.

Maybe my family would reject me?  But I lived all my life among my friends and knew what kind of life they lived. I came to the decision that I didn’t belong to the Arab culture, nor the European.

I was something in the middle of these two.

Last year, I understood that I had to stop looking for other people’s acceptance. Because, in the end God, Allah, made me to the person I am. I love myself for who I am. I don’t say sorry for the way I think now. I maybe act more like an Arab girl, but there is also something European in me.

Before I could feel sinful and bad, but I think it was time to show people that I stand up for myself.

As I was younger I tried to be a perfect Arab girl. But I would have lied, not only to other people, but to myself. I am no less Arab than anyone else, but I have an opinion and I want to express how I feel without feeling ashamed or afraid of rejection.

So what do you think? Are you stuck in the middle too?

Blah Blah, Culture, Palestine, Religion, They said what?

I will be on blog sabbatical till Wed-nes-day! Sorry about the late notification.

In the meantime, to keep my blog active, I am assigning some blog tasks to my daily visitors and active post commentators. Here is what I came up with that sure will keep your senses stimulated.

Mais – your task is to ignite the fire.

Craig – your task is to keep the fire burning.

Charlie – your task is to ignite the fire in different places.

myblog – your task is to make the flame rise higher and higher.

Sarah – your task is to try to moderate the burning thoughts of others.

Janet – your task is to try in every way you can to put out the fire.

That’s it, let me see how creative you guys are in the comment area. Everyone else, your task is to sway the conversation from left to right and make the people I assigned the tasks go crazy trying to answer your thoughts.

Here is the topic: Israel v.s the world. What do you think?

Advice, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Ranting as usual!, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Everyone please read this guest post!

“Okay, so I’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time, but haven’t gotten around to it until today because I assumed things would get better. But they haven’t. I have a big dilemma that I need help with and was hoping that you, the readers, would be able to shed light on my situation and guide me as to what to do. Here goes:

I am in my early twenties and have gotten divorced about a year ago. I was forced to move back in with my parents, against my will. I used to live in North America, but have now moved half way across the world to be with them. Basically, two weeks before I got divorced I assumed my life would resume the same way it had been going for the past few years; I had a job, friends, and lived in a city I love. The only problem with the situation was my husband, my now ex-husband, who I wanted to leave a few months after we had gotten married due to the many problems we had. I stayed with him for two and a half years. I wanted to try everything before giving up on this.

Anyway, so I thought, okay, I am going to get divorced and move in with my brothers, who still live at home (in North America) and continue with my life (this was the original plan my family and I decided). But two weeks before I got divorced my family presented me with the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make: stay living in NA without the support of my family, and basically be disowned by them, or move overseas and start a new life here. Of course, at the time, even though I badly wanted to stay, I moved. I felt like I had no option and I didn’t want to lose my family. They are Arab and Muslim and don’t think that it is right for a Muslim girl to be staying by herself, unmarried, without her family (technically I would have stayed with my brothers, but they didn’t consider that acceptable-even though they are mahrams). They are worried that the gossips back home wouldn’t ever leave me alone. I told them I didn’t care what people said, because I’ve learned through my tough marriage, that people will always talk no matter what.

So I packed up all my stuff, of which I had brought less than half of with me, and sold my furniture and everything else, and prepared to move. It has been a year, and I’ve been very depressed about being here. I am living in a foreign country amongst people who don’t understand me or even try. I left my life and have no job here (I can’t legally work here), I don’t go to school, and I spend my days day-dreaming about what if I had taken the other route. I talk to my friends on the phone, msn, whatever, but of course it is not the same. My parents don’t let me go out without their permission, and don’t let me see people who they don’t know. Basically anytime I make a new friend, I have to have them over for a meet-and-greet with my mom so that she approves of them, and lets me go out with them. I can’t stay out past 9 PM, nor can I get around without asking my dad for rides everywhere. There are no buses here and the only other form of transportation I can take is a taxi, which he doesn’t let me take. I feel trapped, spending most of my days wishing and hoping I can go back. Staring at the window looking at people going about their daily lives and not feeling as though I am a part of it. I sleep a lot, and am home pretty much 95% of the time. I don’t get along with my parents, but I came here to prove to them I am an obedient daughter. And they don’t even seem to realize the sacrifices I’ve made for them.

My whole life I’ve been controlled. First by my family, and being forced to be homeschooled in grade 8, after I’d already been going to a public school for most of my life. I fell into a deep depression which was only briefly alleviated when I got married. I married someone I didn’t love (we talked maybe three times before the marriage took place) and of course, it wasn’t surprising when it ended. He was always lying to me and cheated on me several times. And I only got married to leave my parent’s house thinking I would have a better life with someone (who I thought at the time) wouldn’t be able to control me as they have. My parents are typical Arabs and are very narrow-minded and don’t see my point of view on anything. They’re constantly making me feel like I’m a bad person because I disagree with them on a lot of religious matters, and they are constantly judging the way I look, act, and who my friends are. I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything to warrant this behaviour from them. But they’ve always been like this, and I was stupid to think they would change and be open minded.

Anyway, back to my present situation here…I feel trapped with no way out but the alternative my dad presented me with before I came here. If I leave, I will not be able to contact my family or have anything to do with them, and basically be disowned. But if I stay I feel like my mental sanity is at stake.

I’ve tried to adapt, for a whole year, but it’s been in vain, since my family doesn’t understand me or even care that I am depressed all the time. The only way I feel like I’ll get my life back is to leave. But I’m scared and worried that they’ll do good on their promise to disown me, and I will get punished for it on the day of judgement, for not listening to them. I need help, and if anyone knows of any alternative solution to my problem, I am all ears…Thanks for listening.”

Advice, Confused, Culture, Religion, They said what?

I got an email a couple of days ago asking the following question:

“Why do Arab men marry a dozen women and have 100s of children? Arab women don’t protest about them doing so? Please gimme a reply or post about it on the blog if you have time. Thanks.”

1. It is Muslim men, not Arab men. Only 80% of Arabs are Muslim.

2. They marry up to 4 maximum.

3. If you are a guy and have the ability to keep one girl, then applause and a standing ovation to you my friend. If you can manage 4, then dear God! You must be super patient and can comply to too many demands. We love to demand!

4. Women don’t protest cause they have not been reading my blog. Shame on them! No, just kidden! I don’t really have an answer, but some women accept being the “other” lady.

Is this a way for Muslim men to no commit adultery?

I don’t know . Maybe back in the middle ages, but not in this modern age. Mmany men can’t afford to marry another girl, so he cheats. It’s the bad economy and expensive lifestyle of needing cell phones and unnecessary gadgets, cars, expensive furniture and stuff you know.

Anyways, good luck for those men that marry more than one. I salute your bravery for putting up with us ladies!

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Dear Lord! I have never been so exhausted. My life has become worse than studying for days to pass that damn discrete math final exam. I passed that course with an edge of a hair! Thank God that expensive piece of paper hanging on my office wall is worth all those sleepless nights. I call it the Discrete Math Degree and not Computer Science!

Anyways, what has become of my busy life; maybe a bit worse than Discrete Math! I think I make my self beyond busy in order to complain. Yet, once I am bored and I have nothing to do, I complain some more. When can I stop this never ending cycle of complaints?

If you have noticed, I haven’t blogged in days. Sunday, I was lazy and I did some reading. Monday, I worked on my project management assignment, and I did some coding for work at home. Yesterday, same cycle as Monday. However, this morning, I woke up, barely walked around the house and I was literally crying from my allergies killing me. Took some meds, but all day I felt irritated. I don’t know why.

Then when I got home, I was dead tired and I wanted to nap! But that is out of the question when the phone rings all the time and someone is always at the door!

I need a sloth like vacation, but not far away to a wonderful sea breezed island. I want it to be a vacation in bed. I want to spend days in bed and that’s it. I don’t want to even eat. Not even coffee! I want to sleep!

People

I know many of you have been emailing me. Some are thanking me for being alive and have a blog. Some honour me for the courage to be my self. (Yo, I keep it real!) Some complain about my old posts, (That’s why I limit the days the commenting is open for the masses.) And some, well, if they had my email address, then they would be sending me their pictures thinking I will look at them, or post them on my blog. Because somehow, my blog represents a dating site.

Do you see a little drop down menu on this site to search (male or female) and (age and location)? No.

Moreover, the most interesting email I got is from a guy complaining about religion. He was complaining about my religion and why Muslims are turning atheists. I don’t know. What do you want me to say? You want me to bring back old memories (link this old post), or should we continue on the never ending argument that if God exists or not.

Let’s put religion aside, and think about life.

My final reply to the previous question is the following: I cannot live my life knowing that human beings existed for no reason. I don’t want to believe that we evolved out of something else. Where did this something else (enter animal here) come from? Like it all goes back to where did everything come from? Some say bing bang theory, etc. But how did it all happen? Why did it happen, and for what reason?

I find it very hard to believe that life has no meaning, and we exist in this world for no reason. Do I believe in fate? I believe that some things we can control, but many things we cannot. I believe that people emphasize on far too many things, such as religion, culture, morals, ethics, etc, but forgot to look beyond all that and just focus on the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is simple. God, Allah, Yahweh, (higher devine power) put us on this little planet earth for pure amusement. He made us a little bit more intelligent in order to make something out of nothing. Do you see the trend here? Make something out of nothing. Before you were born, you were nothing. However, the moment you were born, you became someone. You grew, you started to create your own life out of nothing from before. What you do with it is your own choice, but you created it out of nothing.  You had a reason to create this life of yours to be something amusing for yourself.

Think about it now, stop asking why or how, and what’s the point. Just think of it as pure amusement. You can make your self cry, laugh, work hard, have no life, become a dead beat, etc. Therefore, if you cannot laugh now, laugh at the end. Life is an amusement park. Just go with the ride that you like, and don’t miss out on the cotton candy while you are there!

P.S. No matter how many arguments people throw at me, I still believe in God and my religion that explains some of the reasons why.

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Religion, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!