This morning, I got an email from a very sweet reader of mine. She is young, educated, but confused. (Aren’t we all?) Therefore, she wrote this guest post because she needs advice, and I know my readers have different views on the subject, and even experienced it and can probably help out.

[source]

The following was written by a Palestinian Conservative Christian University student.:

It all started when I finally smiled, and this time It was for real. To start, there is about a 15 years age difference between Mr. Anonymous and I. The one with person that actually treats me so right is out of the picture for my family due to his religion. That it just plain ignorance. What I don’t understand is when my parents say that they only want to see me happy yet forbid me to see the man I am truly in love with. They contradict themselves. I am currently unhappy with my Fiancé and they are happy that I am with him just because he is of same faith. I don’t understand how they can be so happy for me when not a minute goes by that I am content with my relationship. I want it to end. I get disgusted by him. He is uneducated and control freak. We come from two totally different worlds. He comes from Jordan, and I come from America. Two different mentalities. He is also very obsessive and treats me like shit. There is absolutely no chemistry between him and I especially due to the language barrier him and I have.

What the heck? What the heck is the simple question I ask my self everyday that seems to have no logic answer (s). Why can they not just accept the fact that it’s my life and I should be able to make the decisions or MY own life. I am coming to a conclusion that my last resort is to run away with him. I am just so sick and tired of my family trying to control my lifestyle. I have been in contact with Mr. Anonymous recently and I have finally been able to breath again. He accepts me and loves me so much for who I truly am. I can be myself with and around him. That is something not permitted with Michael.

Updated: The writer of this guest post’s name in the comments is Anonymous. Address her if you would like to make any suggestions.

Advice, Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I had a pretty interesting afternoon trying to figure out why so many Muslims have turned Atheists. They seem to come out more now, and don’t care. You would think, that out of all the religions, a conservative one such as Islam, you would not have such a lack of faith.

A few weeks ago, when I learned that my cousins turned Christian, I was a bit dumbfounded. It is disappointing; however, it would have been worse if they completely lacked the faith of a higher power. At least they still believe in God, right?

In general, this lack of faith has a lot to do with where they are currently living, or what they are exposed to. Also, more and more Muslims are reading too much into their religion, and see how others are slowly destroying the image of it. Western media is trying to destroy it slowly. Muslims are lacking faith and don’t want to live this life, and are turning into a complete and opposite direction. I feel like we are back over 1400 years ago at the time of Jahiliyyah. I thought we ended this era. However, it doesn’t seem to be the case at all in such an exposed technology driven world.

[source]

I am not a Muslim scholar, or have the right to preach about any religion. All I know is that we are all raised a certain way. However, we all grow up to chose what is best for us. Some of us seem to lack faith, effected by media, or just read too much into a very simplistic religion. Why can’t people learn the basics of a religion? If everyone does that, no one would use religion in violent manners, to oppress others, or to manipulate other’s thoughts.

Also, what’s up with Muslims that say they are Muslims, but don’t follow the religion at all? What does it matter what others think of you religiously, if you don’t follow it or care enough to learn about it?

NOTE! Please, if you want to reply to this post, avoid talking about science, evolution, or the story of Adam & Eve. I don’t have time for never ending debates, and stick to the point of this article. Muslims that turned Atheists, or people who lack faith in their religion. Thank you.

Blah Blah, Confused, Featured, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Yesterday, I took a 30 minute break from designing, and watched a bit of Arabic Satellite TV. I watched a glimpse of a TV series where a woman discussed her childhood growing up with a father’s wife.

I noticed in the Arab world she is not called step-mother or referenced as a mother, although she would have raised her husband’s children from infancy, because the maternal mother would have died giving birth.

Why the hatred?

What puzzled me, and always have been, that the father’s new wife is always mean, hateful, and mocking of her husband’s children. She hates them with a passion, and treats them poorly. It’s like the evil step-mother from Cinderella, but in every household. I don’t think you hear an Arab marriage with a step-mother as a “good” one filled with love towards the children. It is rare to hear, or maybe that is the way Arabs portray the new father’s wife and over exaggerate the situation.

In some cases, it is true and not over exaggerated. Many women that marry a man who has kids, treat his children as inferior to her. She makes them work day and night, and hates them with a passion. Why?

Avoiding hell on earth

Many Arab families, when they lose the mother when the children are still in their prime, refuse and make sure their father does not re-marry, because they don’t want “a father’s wife” to treat them like dirt. I guess it is so common, that they try their best to make sure it does not happen. I guess the stories are true, and the way Arab women who do marry men with children act this way are so common within the culture. Why?

Treat others the way you want to be treated

Even though the majority of Arabs are of Muslim faith, you wonder why these Arab/Muslim women act this way towards children with no mothers. Why can’t they take the role of a mother? Is it the children’s fault? Isn’t it wrong to treat them this way? Some of these children are also victims of divorced parents, and are stuck between two step-parents. However, I don’t understand why the hatred? I don’t understand why those women would do such a thing. Can’t they put them selves in these children’s shoes for once?

Avoid the marriage to begin with

What puzzles me is that a woman accepts to marry a man that has children, and hates his kids. Does she love her husband then? Or she married him for “other” reasons? Arab women really confuse me and make me wonder how shallow and arrogant they are. If you cannot handle such a life, why did you go into it in the first place?

What do you think? Is it a common thing within many families, and not just Arabs?

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I had an itch last week that I had enough of this place. I think my brother, his wife and insane but cute daughter really put me on the edge.

I know that extending my vacation for an extra two weeks was a mistake. It cost me money, and sanity. I did it for my bratty sister, and to look for work. However, the economy, people’s attitude, companies that fear hiring people anymore and taking any chances, really is not helping my job search.

So, I gave up looking for work in this amazing city. I rather go back to Ontario, to my home, and to my house, and live in dignity. Yes, I mean it, my dignity.

Things I cannot stand

Sleeping on the couch is not so bad. Don’t get me wrong, I still do hate it with a passion, but it is not because it is a couch. Oh no! The placement of the couch is what annoys me. In reality, according to Arab culture, we are guests. I don’t care if it is my brother’s apartment, but we are guests living off a suitcase. I don’t need to stay awake and trying to sleep at 12:30 am or 1:00 am because the lights are on, the keyboard clicks won’t stop, and sometimes the talking won’t stop.

I understand that we all have the need to chat with our families back home, and the time difference of 10 hours is really annoying, but why do it all day long! Especially late AM!

Then you will ask me, “Mona, it is only 12:30 am or 1:00 am. You got nothing else to do?”

I agree, I got nothing to do. However, I am awaken every single day at 7 or 7:30 am by my niece. Even my sister cannot get much sleep and awaken extremely early by sudden head butting and jumps up and down on her stomach by a 2 year old.

Where’s the mom?

She is asleep till 11 or 11:30 am. If my brother does not come home for lunch, then she is asleep till 12:00 pm or later.

This morning, my sister complained that she suffered from constant hits and not able to sleep cause of my niece. His wife said, “This is her way of saying good bye. So you guys don’t have to remember her. ”

What the hell?

The stomach takes 4 – 5 hours to digest food

Last week, my brother didn’t come home for lunch because he had a lunch meeting. Fine, doesn’t matter. Well, his wife didn’t wake up till like 12:30 pm or was it 1? I cannot remember. Then, she didn’t make any food, and then she asked us if we were hungry or should wait till 5:00 pm till my brother came. I said, “I don’t think you should wait that long.” She said, “ok.”

3:00 pm came. 3:30 came and then she started preparing some food and left. My sister is still a growing teenage girl and I could see her restless, and kept going to the kitchen and back wondering what junk food she can grab to munch on. Then, my brother’s wife came and said, “you guys hungry?”

Then around 5:00 pm when my brother came, the food was done. Ok fine. I could have made anything for my sister to eat, but one thing I was raised to do is not touch anything that is not mine, because not everyone likes someone else touching anything. Also, my sister and I are really quiet and not demanding. So we just wait and not say anything cause we feel it is rude.

Religion is not parts, but a whole!

The one thing that I do not like is people lecturing me on religion. You can be as religious as you want, but you cannot convince me of many things that you cannot apply towards your life. The 5 pillars of Islam are one thing, but living life modestly and respectfully is another.

My brother’s wife does not wear Hijab (head cover) either. However, wearing tight clothes and showing off every part of your body is not COVERING! Why do people don’t get it?

Also, we don’t swear in our house or insult anyone. We are not allowed. I only swear on this blog because it is built up anger, and just thoughts in my head. However, I don’t use foul language or insult. So why does my brother’s wife do, and my brother picked it off of her? I keep telling my brother to friggen stop swearing. Not only that, he starts saying horrible things in the name of God against everyone! I am like what the hell?

His wife also has temper issues and she thinks she is tougher then my brother, and snaps at him all the time. She also has serious anger issues with my niece, and a lot of times does not even watch her. No wonder why the girl is uncontrollable. She rather spend her time on MSN or web camera all day, then bother raising a child! Then with simple things like change her diaper or feed her, she tells my brother to do it because she is busy chatting. She even leaves her diaper unchanged for hours, and does not bother!

And I get blamed if I fed my niece some candy cause she won’t stop crying?

I don’t get it… People, and I know her especially, look down upon me because they think I am the independent person who does not care about “culture” or “religion” as they think because I was the Arab Girl that was raised in North America. I don’t need to show every single religious and cultural tradition every single minute of my life. I have been living in North America since I was 11! I think I adapted by now, and I live life a lot more modestly and respectful then people that came here much older. I don’t want to appear as the odd one out, and think everyone and everything around me is satanic.

I can go on ranting, but there is more ranting soon after I leave this place. This was just part one! There are so many things, and reasons why I hate being here and don’t want to live here anymore.

Living with your parents is a lot better and respectful! I miss my mom and dad!

Angry, Culture, Ranting as usual!, Religion

I wrote an article a while ago regarding Honour Killings, and an avid reader of my site wanted to give their take on it as well.

This is the guest post by Peaceful Melody regarding Honour Killings in the Arab and Islamic nations.

Call the people ignorant. Savages. Violent. Animals with two feet. Whatever we want to call the people that kill for ‘honor’, we must always realize that it still happens. That no matter what we call them, or what we do, 5000 women yearly are still getting killed for ‘honor’. First lets point out that ‘honor killings’ is a retarded part of cultures around the world but mostly (and sadly) located in Muslim countries. They were reported in Egypt, Iran, Jordan, Lebanon, Morocco, the Syrian Arab Republic, Turkey, Yemen, and other Mediterranean and Gulf countries. Or in other words ‘in the hands of damn ignorant middle Easterners’. It is condemned by Islam totally and rejected by all status of Islamic scholars and is known as ‘cultural’.

Christians and members of other faiths also participate in the acts in the middle east. Now in Turkey when honor killings happen in mostly Kurd inhabited areas they are claimed as ‘suicide or accident’. And the historical killings ‘sati’ can also be considered honor killings in which the widow is burned alive after her husbands death. This kind of killings happen in mostly South Asia. Though many honor killings are done in the Middle East, most of the honor killings are done in Pakistan and South Asian countries, or immigrants from those nations to Europe (Ex. England has seen more then a dozen honor killings from immigrant groups). There are a few reasons why honor killings take place: 1. When a women commits adultery, or is presumed by her paranoid family to have committed 2. When a women wants divorce and does separate from her husband. 3. Refusing to enter an arranged marriage 4. Being a victims of a sexual assault 5. Falls in love with a man outside her faith or town Now those reasons all don’t call the woman ‘the guilty one’ because all of the things she is a victim in expect maybe number one which she might be innocent still.

Why are they done? Because the family thinks that by that way the girl brought dishonor to the family and the family names ‘was thrown down the drain’ by her actions. It is committed by the females family. Sharif Kanaana, professor of anthropology at Birzeit University states that honor killing is: A complicated issue that cuts deep into the history of Arab society. .. What the men of the family, clan , or tribe seek control of in a patrilineal society is reproductive power. Women for the tribe were considered a factory for making men. The honor killing is not a means to control sexual power or behavior. What’s behind it is the issue of fertility , or reproductive power.[wikipedia] An Amnesty International statement adds: The mere perception that a woman has contravened the code of sexual behavior damages honor. The regime of honor is unforgiving: women on whom suspicion has fallen are not given an opportunity to defend themselves, and family members have no socially acceptable alternative but to remove the stain on their honor by attacking the woman [wikipedia]

Why is it surprisingly not stopped or has a strict law against it? Because countries where its culture (ex; middle east and south Asia) or religion (ex: Hindus in India) to kill the government won’t stop it and sees it as a ‘private issue’ for the family and not the state. Does religion permit honor killings? In Islam honor killings are totally rejected and has no proof in Islam. There is no specific saying in the Quran which condemns it, but it is forbidden by all interpretations of Islam, whether from an extremist to a moderate to a reformist, all honor killings are rejected. And honor killings are mentioned in the Quran when the killing of a young girl to protect family honor, which is strongly rejected in Islam. There is a difference between culture and religion, and because the culture of honor killings are located in Muslim nations it is confused.

Shaikh Atiyyah Saqr of alazhar fatwa committee said this about honor killings: Like all other religions, Islam strictly prohibits murder and killing without legal justification. Allah, Most High, says, “Whoso slayeth a believer of set purpose, his reward is Hell for ever. Allah is wroth against him and He hath cursed him and prepared for him an awful doom.” (An-Nisa’: 93) The so-called “honor killing” is based on ignorance and disregard of morals and laws, which cannot be abolished except by disciplinary punishments. {wikipedia}

What do I think about it? Well as a Muslim girl from middle Eastern parents and roots i think that honor killings are one of the most disgusting murders and deaths in human history of killings. I seriously condemn this to the core of condemnation and don’t know what drives family members to kill a women. I think its for illogical reasons and a family does not form a name based on acts of the females. I think a families good name and reputation comes from good deeds, and if some things considered bad by them happened, its should be put into the past and they should get on with their life. It is absolutely embarrassing to have it in Muslim countries and I’m embarrassed by the peoples open ignorance. What is very embarrassing is not much laws are against it, for example in Pakistan where a women is considered very worthless in society and women are stuck in jail for zina and not men, and where no law is against honor killings. I think ignorance should be put into an immediate stop and people who commit those crimes should be punished harshly by the government.

I spoke too much, but gave so little to the women who are suffering in hands of their families for crimes that they did not commit. Those women might be dead, but are forever in our hearts and minds. And tomorrow when honor killings are stopped, at that day i know when i look up to the sun and see its shine, i know that each ray is a girl who’s life was ended harshly telling the world who stood up against those killings ‘Thank you’. And to that I’ll smile to the sun. I hoped you like the article that took me two days to write and this is the international campaign against honor killings: http://www.stophonourkillings.com/index.php And in memory of Du’ua Khalil Aswad, a Yazidi girl recently stoned to death for loving a Sunni man in Iraq. Rest in Peace

Confused, Culture, Guest Post, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?