I know I may come across as an egotistical biatch with a head full of narcissism, but I don’t like pushy men! I really don’t like guys throwing them selves over me. I think because I get so worked up that I end up going with it before realizing that what the hell! WOOOO HOLD UP! I was in la la land for a second!! I like men who are as bad and egotistical as me. We are a match made in heaven that way!

I used to be nice, care free, very open minded, love to talk to guys.. but now, I am totally the opposite and I am far too old to give a crap anymore. I am a bitter old woman! I am not even flattered by compliments. I think I lost that glowy happy feeling in my heart. I blame my culture. I also blame my self for being so gullible in the past.

I am happy the way I have turned out. Why can’t men be like me? Life is more interesting that way. I get to complain. I have fun in life. I like being envied too.. jealousy is a killer, but oh well, we all going to die some day.

I know!!! Most of you really hate me now.. but I never excepted love back. I like to earn it the hard way.

Did I mention that I have a horrible temper?

Yikes!

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If you guys only knew that I have lived the most peaceful life the past few days. No one emailing me harassing me and asking me why I am rebellious. No one condemning me to the pits of hell from reading the title of the site. Oh, and no one bugging me and asking me, “Mona, why haven’t you been blogging?”

Obviously, I was lying through my teeth. There were a few crickets and mosquito here and there. But you know what, it was still peaceful and the waves were low.

After Ramadan, I promise to be more active, more verbal, and beyond arrogant to satisfy your and YOUR egos.

It’s good being me and having this adorable blog. I love you Rebellious Arab Girl blog!

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Since the days are very long, we have to wake up around 4 am to eat so7oor this Ramadan, and 2 hours after that, I have to be up and ready to go to work!

This is me getting out of bed these days, just like a baby sloth!

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Life is stringing me along day by day and it has not been merciful. Either I try to fight for what I believe in, or die with shame for not trying.

This is part 1 of the series of Mona’s Discontents:

I have a strange mentality, but there is no point of me trying to change it, so I try to embrace its eccentricity. When I was a child, I never followed anyone. My parents didn’t even have to warn me about peer pressure or who I should not talk to. They knew well enough from my strong personality that I do not like walking behind anyone, doing something that everyone else is doing, or following someone else’s lead.  Over time, my personality has formed and lead me to be very patient, a good listener, and have the ability to make my own choices after I carefully studied them.

Therefore, I do not like people who live their lives following others. I cannot comprehend or even try to understand why they accept to live such a life. These people lack inner pride, they cannot make a decision without consulting someone else, and are in dying need for someone to boss them around. I do not understand why, and no way on earth can I live my life like that. How people can wake up every day to live life this way? I have no clue.

Why am I mentioning all this now? You see, I have met many two faced people in my life, and those two faced people are the ones that grab those suckers and make them their followers forever. Let’s say I want to hire someone now, who do I look for? Do I look for someone I knew in the past that I want to keep controlling forever because I am in a higher position now to do so,  or should I look for someone new and different that needs a chance in this world, or should I do hit two birds with one stone and teach the weak to stand up and make a change in their life and hire the new for a change of meeting new people in my life? I do not want to play it safe, because I love to take risks and have faith in other human beings.

Another example, there are many people that complain so much about their work or politics or government but they do nothing about it. Why is it so hard for someone to get off their ass and start doing something? Even if it is something so tiny and maybe not that magnificent, but it is a tiny spec of new hope and change. Blow up like me people! Complain! Say something! I did and look where I am this week? No one dares say a word to me now and I like it. I take charge because I am confident enough to do it, and my life is not worth being someone’s follower.

You may think I am far from arrogant.  However, I am discontent with the world around me, and I have higher expectations of myself and other human beings. This is the real me: patient, full of perseverance, and wants to lead and not follow.

Enough ranting for tonight. My eyes are aching, the heat is blazing, and I am tired of drinking over 4 cups a day of coffee.

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Dear Lord! I have never been so exhausted. My life has become worse than studying for days to pass that damn discrete math final exam. I passed that course with an edge of a hair! Thank God that expensive piece of paper hanging on my office wall is worth all those sleepless nights. I call it the Discrete Math Degree and not Computer Science!

Anyways, what has become of my busy life; maybe a bit worse than Discrete Math! I think I make my self beyond busy in order to complain. Yet, once I am bored and I have nothing to do, I complain some more. When can I stop this never ending cycle of complaints?

If you have noticed, I haven’t blogged in days. Sunday, I was lazy and I did some reading. Monday, I worked on my project management assignment, and I did some coding for work at home. Yesterday, same cycle as Monday. However, this morning, I woke up, barely walked around the house and I was literally crying from my allergies killing me. Took some meds, but all day I felt irritated. I don’t know why.

Then when I got home, I was dead tired and I wanted to nap! But that is out of the question when the phone rings all the time and someone is always at the door!

I need a sloth like vacation, but not far away to a wonderful sea breezed island. I want it to be a vacation in bed. I want to spend days in bed and that’s it. I don’t want to even eat. Not even coffee! I want to sleep!

People

I know many of you have been emailing me. Some are thanking me for being alive and have a blog. Some honour me for the courage to be my self. (Yo, I keep it real!) Some complain about my old posts, (That’s why I limit the days the commenting is open for the masses.) And some, well, if they had my email address, then they would be sending me their pictures thinking I will look at them, or post them on my blog. Because somehow, my blog represents a dating site.

Do you see a little drop down menu on this site to search (male or female) and (age and location)? No.

Moreover, the most interesting email I got is from a guy complaining about religion. He was complaining about my religion and why Muslims are turning atheists. I don’t know. What do you want me to say? You want me to bring back old memories (link this old post), or should we continue on the never ending argument that if God exists or not.

Let’s put religion aside, and think about life.

My final reply to the previous question is the following: I cannot live my life knowing that human beings existed for no reason. I don’t want to believe that we evolved out of something else. Where did this something else (enter animal here) come from? Like it all goes back to where did everything come from? Some say bing bang theory, etc. But how did it all happen? Why did it happen, and for what reason?

I find it very hard to believe that life has no meaning, and we exist in this world for no reason. Do I believe in fate? I believe that some things we can control, but many things we cannot. I believe that people emphasize on far too many things, such as religion, culture, morals, ethics, etc, but forgot to look beyond all that and just focus on the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is simple. God, Allah, Yahweh, (higher devine power) put us on this little planet earth for pure amusement. He made us a little bit more intelligent in order to make something out of nothing. Do you see the trend here? Make something out of nothing. Before you were born, you were nothing. However, the moment you were born, you became someone. You grew, you started to create your own life out of nothing from before. What you do with it is your own choice, but you created it out of nothing.  You had a reason to create this life of yours to be something amusing for yourself.

Think about it now, stop asking why or how, and what’s the point. Just think of it as pure amusement. You can make your self cry, laugh, work hard, have no life, become a dead beat, etc. Therefore, if you cannot laugh now, laugh at the end. Life is an amusement park. Just go with the ride that you like, and don’t miss out on the cotton candy while you are there!

P.S. No matter how many arguments people throw at me, I still believe in God and my religion that explains some of the reasons why.

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