No one asked me why I have not been blogging lately. Exhausted, tired, no life. It’s funny how I used to write over 50 or 60 posts a month at my old job, and now, with this highly demanding job, I work far too much. Now you guys see the difference between the two?

All I hope for in the future that when I am 40 years old, I do not have a job with set human hours!

Anyone in the London Ontario area looking for a university computer science graduate with far too many years of experience? I am willing to switch jobs now, but I demand my job starts at 9 am and does not last for more than 8.5 hours a day!

Please and thank you.

I want to start a new trend this year. Every Tuesday, I want to post a song based on my mood or situation for the week. Today, I will start off this trend by Lady Gaga’s (@ladygaga) latest song, “Bad Romance.”

When this song first came, I was like holy shit! Someone is singing the TRUTH! How many of you were caught in a bad romance, and you just didn’t know how to get out of it? How many of you know people that are currently in a bad romance, and all you can do is just watch and see when it will end; peacefully one hopes though!

Gosh! Since this song came out, all I can repeatedly say in my head.. “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Rom-mah-rom-mum-mah! GaGa-oo-la-la!..” Then I cough in the end of that and say.. “ewww.. that was such a bad romance!”

I ran a poll the past week asking people if they are currently happy with their lives. Out of the 73 people that voted, over 50% said they are happy, but want to improve their themselves.

That actually makes me happy, because those people realized that their lives are fine, but there is more to hope for and look forward to. You are giving me hope too, because I don’t have to think that humanity’s way of thinking came to a halt.

What disappointed me though is not the negative poll results where people said they are not happy, or wondering why they turned out this way. On the contrary, I was disappointed that people thought that their life is absolutely fine. How boring is your life? Don’t you wish to improve? Don’t you wish you can improve? Aren’t you hopeful that something better will come along that will drive you to do something different with your life?

Change is not easy, and once you realize that you can, then nothing will stop you.

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie “Wedding Crashers.” It was pretty funny I might say, and it was really inspirational. I think I want to do that too once in a while. I just need someone to act out the part along side of me and I am set! But none of that promiscuous stuff!

I don’t know why I brought this up, but I guess it’s funny how people act sometimes, and leads me to think of something that is way out there! I wonder who’s wedding I want to crash first? Hmm!! I will start with small weddings in late April or even May! Right now I am busy, but I got to plan eh?

Anyways, I don’t know why sometimes I say I won’t do something again, but I end up being all nice and let things slide. As I thought about it some more, I think I do such things for a reason, and that reason being to see how far people will go to avoid telling the truth or mentioning anything slightly important.

I know I have been a total pigment of people’s imagination, and a person that people love to forget, but come on! I am still human. It’s nice for you to tell me some important things sometimes. Maybe I will even tell you congratulations. However, the longer you wait to tell me something, or avoid me completely like I am someone who is on the bottom of your list, then don’t expect me to be nice to you ever again, or even talk to you or bother. (I don’t want to really talk to you again, because I don’t know.. it dragged on too long now and I got tired of waiting to see if you will change your mind.) I may even wish you the worst of luck.

But I won’t do that.. I am not mean or envious. I just don’t give a crap about anyone anymore, because no one would do the same for me.

You are lucky I am nice, but I am way too smart and I know everything. It’s my motto in life; “know as many interesting things that you possibly can.” I don’t know though if some people are interesting at all, but sometimes God just tells me to get up in the middle of the night, and find out the truth without anyone’s help!

This is part three of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

My blog this year won so many awards, that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them! NOT!! (Didn’t I sound cheesy and dorky like the rest of the bloggers out there?) But yes, my blog won a lot of invisible mind boggling awards. I won people’s readerships. That’s the biggest award I can get as a blogger. I don’t care about best blog, or best writer, or best anything. Who cares? It’s like winning a virtual banner to advertise someone else’s bright idea that started the campaign.

Really, if the prize was money based, then people will be all over it! I would be so all over it!

So, I am gonna list the top blog posts this year by comments, my favorites, and ones that I should have never published, but found their way online cause of my insomnia or excessive amounts of coffee!

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Comments & Reactions

1. April 28, 2009 | It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a conspiracy theory!
2. June 7, 2009 | The Arab Blogorette
3. June 16, 2009 | I think it is time for change!
4. August 25, 2009 | Why are Muslims turning Atheists?
5. August 30, 2009 | Analysis: It is much harder to get rid of her
6. September 7, 2009 | Arabs marrying non-Arabs
7. September 18, 2009 | Window shopping for a bride
8. October 27, 2009 | Symbols of being different

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Monaism & Love

1. January 15, 2009 | Are good people always the victims of life?
2. March 31, 2009 | How accurate is this?
3. April 20, 2009 | Airports think I am a perv!
4. May 21, 2009 | A way to relieve stress
5. July 15, 2009 | Teaching a child the basics of the internet world
6. September 6, 2009 | No Comment
7. September 24, 2009 | I am sick and tired of looking for work!!! NO MORE!
8. December 4, 2009 | The typicals
9. December 26, 2009 | I am the master of my choices

Top Blog Pots 2009 | Those That Should Have Never Been

1. January 28, 2009 | The blogging world is run by monkeys
2. May 4, 2009 | I thought I held the title of taking things too seriously
3. June 20, 2009 | The media has been following me for over two decades
4. September 26, 2009 | I don’t like talking about sex in public

When you are bored, you come up with the following pointless blog post that you should NOT click publish on. However, I do that about 50% of the time, but who’s counting?

If I had a choice in world matters concerning Oxford Dictionary entries, I think my blog title should be considered as one in the following manner,

Rebellious Arab Girl
re⋅bel⋅lious Ar⋅ab girl
/rɪˈbɛlyəs/ /ˈærəb/ /gɜrl/

–noun
1. a female defying or resisting some established authority, government, or tradition; insubordinate; inclined to rebel; who happens to be a member of a Semitic people inhabiting Arabia and other countries of the Middle East.

You can tell I am bored. Maybe I should go bake some cookies, or sleep. That pot of coffee didn’t do shit today! I think it is just winter; short days, cold nights, and a reason to whine more, or waste time reading through the dictionary.

Yes, I am a seeker of knowledge (geek). I read useless articles and entries on Wikipedia, the Dictionary, and Encyclopedia Britannica to kill time. That’s one of my hobbies. Sad isn’t it?

Any lamos out there like me with shameful hobbies? Speak up. Don’t be shy. No one will know.

One of my major weaknesses is my ultimate paranoia from things around me. However, some of my paranoia is the good type, and others, not so much. I don’t know if it is a type of fear, but if I don’t know what’s going on around me, or what people are thinking, then I will get paranoid. I have to know. I don’t like to be in an unknowing state.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to know about other people’s lives, or what’s going on with them. That is called gossiping, and it is a waste of a person’s life when they do that. They could spend their time being more productive to better humanity, and not shove it down a psychological black hole. If they don’t talk, I don’t care to ask. All I know is, no one can effect me directly other than myself.

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So, why do I feel this sudden paranoia? Well, I just like to know and understand everything around me so I will not be shocked. If I have to use ruthless means of getting my answers, so I will do it. As long as I am no longer paranoid, then I am fine.

Lately, my paranoia shifted into only one direction. I feel that I am paranoid from people’s thoughts. I wish sometimes that I knew what people are thinking, and why do they do the things they do. Sometimes I wonder why they are following me. Why are they still interested in what I have to say? Are they waiting to see if I will talk about them? Or are they waiting for my downfall? Unfortunately, I cannot sink any further down, and I am borderline insane sugar coated with stubbornness which makes it even ten times worse!

However, how did I reach this level of paranoia? I just find it odd that people still care to know about what Mona is thinking. What is Mona doing? What is happening in Mona’s life that is so interesting, that it must be known. I know my blog is some type of public display where a portion of my brain keeps reassuring me that it is fine to keep this blog journey alive, but for how long?

What if I end it? What will happen then?

What if I closed down this blog? Will people still care? Will they go beyond this way of knowing, and actually talk to me as a human being?

I know people read my blog because I am honest, although I was told repeatedly that I was exaggerating and I am lying, but all I did was nod in disagreement from their ignorant thoughts. It is hard to explain to people why I think the way I think and write it online, because I cannot express my self to others face to face. I am talking about people I know in real life, the rest of you are what I will call from now on, “The Watchers.”

Moreover, I blame myself actually for reaching this point in my life where I am a person in an internet medium, and that’s it. My blog is reaching its 4 year journey, and I believe I have become an object in a cyber void.

Being a blogger is my ultimate paranoia from the future. I feel I have reached this state from monitoring what is going on around me, and I do not like it. I have to re-think many things soon, and see if I want to continue this on after December 23rd of this year. Will my life change back again to what it used to be? Or has my personality evolved too much, and it reached a state of no return and I must go on?

See, after proof reading this post, you can tell that my paranoia has reached a new level. All I can do is wait and see the affect it has on some people. Unfortunately, I feel that things will never change, and I will remain in this state until I end it with my own two hands.

Guess what! Well, I never explained to my lovely readers the nature of what I do at work. Well, simple. I am the computer programmer. I make web applications. Very fancy dynamic websites that not only look good, but they function well!

I wonder how much my bosses will sell those custom modules for!

Anyways, I am working on implementing a community right now. The part I have been working on is the simplest part. Guess what I am implementing from scratch? Yep, you guessed it! I am creating a blog!

How did my hobby become my life?

I thought writing in a blog was fun, but try creating one from scratch. I should work for Wordpress.org. Seriously, also, I do all that fancy quick interface stuff like Facebook dynamic visual craziness. I am slowly becoming a Javascript and Ajax guru. Maybe Yahoo or Google can hire me later in life!

I feel like I am still behind, and I need more time to mature as a computer programmer.

On a side note, I need to seriously get the new module or feature I have been eying installed and ready to go on my site. I couldn’t the past weekend because the stupid thing I downloaded wouldn’t work with my template. Argh!! I hate hate hate editing someone else’s awful code. It’s like my worst nightmare!

If you put your head on the pillow, do you fall asleep right away? Or do you toss and turn and end up counting sheep till one million and sixty eight thousand?

I am super sleepy. The days are shorter, the nights are longer, and Mona loves two things in life: computers and sleep.

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Now this is what I call a useless pointless blog post. If you read this far, then you must really like reading this crap that I write daily. So, what kind of pillow do you have? I got an old one. I think cotton, but soft. I need to get new ones though, and new bed sheets. Maybe I should redecorate my bedroom this weekend and go all out! That’s my new thing for the week then! See what I came up with writing and thinking useless sleepy thoughts?

Sleep.. Zzzzz…

For the past year, I have been complaining all day long with my unemployment status, and I put it the first and only thing on my list. Thankfully, I have been employed now for almost 4 weeks, and I couldn’t be happier. However, what do I long for or complain about now?

It’s not that I don’t long for anything, but sometimes I feel that I am bored out of my mind, and other times too exhausted to think. The exhaustion I can get used to by getting fully accustomed to my job. I am just working extra hard, because they hired me to get a huge project done ASAP. Like coding and testing an entire application by end of December! Argh! I am working with someone else, so it is not as bad as it seems. However, there is a minor learning curve I have to master quickly while I am working. That’s what is exhausting me, and I know the exhaustion will diminish over time.

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Therefore, exhaustion is just a temporary thing. We all established that thus far. So, what is making be bored to death when I am at home? I try to waste my hours by cleaning, cooking, reading books, etc, but I don’t feel satisfied enough. I just don’t have anything or anyone to complain about! I can’t complain about the unfairness of the work place like my previous job. Also, I can’t even complain about the people at work, because no one is obnoxious, selfish, and a show off like my previous job. I got hired into a nice place with nice and sweet people!

Does that mean I am nice and sweet?

I didn’t think so either. They know nothing yet! Let’s keep it that way!

Anyways, I need to figure out now what I want from life. Something new I need to look forward to so I won’t be bored. The more tedious and worrisome it is, the better. And no, you and you, and even you don’t even say it! I don’t want to get married! I don’t want to search for someone! Let them find me! I am just tired of looking. Well, I have not been looking lately, because the more I tried to look, the more I felt I was desperate for marriage. However, I believe that I am more desperate for someone to just like me for being me. Let marriage come way later, but that first step, love and understanding, is what I am really looking for.

I think I am dreaming here because no way will a guy (Arab guy), ever waste his time understanding someone else. Especially someone my age who is as complicated as hell in her thinking. But you know what, maybe it is better that way. Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.

Until then, I will find something else to complain about.

My deep thoughts are still leaning towards creating something big on the net. I don’t know if I want it as another blog, or something more of a community. We will see how I feel about coding on weekends from now on, and if it is something I am willing to do anytime soon. Maybe I just need a new hobby. Like collecting stamps or applying to be a contestant on Jeopardy! (Addict to the show by the way!) Hehehe.