I was reading this article on CNN about work and friendship. They highlighted the advantages of having friends at work, and the bad parts. When I was reading it I was laughing at every point, from the good, bad and ugly. I really couldn’t relate to any of them. I am scared of my co-workers and I am afraid to get close to them. I try but at the same time I back off cause I am scared of what they really think of me. So over the past few months I just became defensive and I just do my work because I am afraid my work will get jeopardized cause of them and I get blamed.

I think the problem is that I am the only girl there and 1 against 4 or 5 guys is not good odds at all. Well, I guess I am always going to be an outcast.

I am on vacation now. I wasn’t planning to do anything but stay as far away as possible from work. I needed a brake from everyone. So I will just be leaving the house and hanging around the city and see what I can do.

Anyways.. I am watching Beverly Hills 90210 marathon since 12 this afternoon.. hehehe.. I used to never watch this show when I was little. I guess it was too much.. Now I am enjoying it.. but I am still addicted to watching Friends re-runs. 

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

I do have a few phobias. However, the worst one is my utter fear of clowns. I have a fear of clowns since I was little. I hated that big stupid red nose and stupid pointy side hairs. I don’t mind Krusty the clown from the Simpsons, but it is a cartoon. So who cares. I just can’t stand toy clowns or real clowns. Especially that stupid Ronald McDonald; he scares the living crap out of me.

I will explain how I developed this fear. Since I was little I was spoiled silly with various types of dolls and plush toys. So I was well rounded. As a new school year started, my mother would put away all our toys in boxes or in the closet.

I remember my closet as it is right in front of me now. It had two sides that open up. Dark cherry brown colored. When you open one side, at the top there is a pole where you hang the clothes, and at the bottom little drawers. The other side when you opened it had a bit of large space in the middle and just drawers. In that large space is where my mom used to put all the toys.

I never had a problem with clowns. However, when I was little I used to love watching horror movies. My brother is almost 5 years older than me, and he loved it too. I watched it out of curiosity. How many children have seen Child’s Play and Nightmare on Elm Street before going to bed? (Raising my hand!)

So one night, my brother kept telling me, “that clown toy in your closet that mom put will come out and kill you.” (Boys!) I was scared. So every night I would open my closet before I slept to make sure the clown was still there and not alive. Just a dead lifeless toy. (I was 6 at the time).

Night after night, it became a routine check up. As a child I didn’t know any better, and I believed scary movies, and my annoying older brother too!

So one night, out of fear and the routine check up, I had a nightmare that woke me in the middle of the night breathing heavily. I dreamt that the clown only got out of the closet past mid night and that’s when it carried the knife!

From that day, from my childish fears, I kept hating clowns. I never ever bought one or ever thought they were humorous in any way. Clowns are ugly, stupid, and people who dress like one are just plain stupid! Clowns scare kids and not make them laugh. Making stupid balloon animals and having that stupid painted smiley face drawn on the clown face is not funny!

Damn I hate clowns.. and now they make stupid movies with killer clowns in it for the adults to enjoy. Whatever! Clowns should be banned! It was funny back in the old age when they were called jokers. They made the King laugh because he didn’t want to endure dealing with wars and diplomacy anymore. So he hired a clown (joker) to take out his misery. Damn kings.. couldn’t they just smoke up something and drink them selves silly than to hire a stupid idiot to dance around and sing like a jack ass.

I hate clowns!

Angry, Sleepy Post, Whatever!

Some nights I just can’t sleep. I just look out my window and look at the stars and wonder… if I was a star, would anyone else be looking at me too?

I donno, at times I just want to clear my mind and just look outside to the clear skies and look at the stars. It gives me hope and relaxation. To see something so far, yet it is so close to the eyes. It’s just quite lovely. Such a mystical feeling. Just looking at a star. Try it one night, and see how beautiful nature is to see.

Sleepy Post

I have been browsing the net all evening trying to find new and interesting things about the blog world. I found lots of info and lots of history about blogging. Lots of interesting things happened to people over time I guess. I also was looking at social bookmarking tools that can help me keep up with the latest news in RSS feeds of blogs I like. This way I can save time and I can check only blogs I like from anywhere that have been updated. So I joined netvibes and I will use it as much as I use iGoogle and other dynamic websites to keep me up to date with the world.

I also saw some tips about blogging and how to enhance your blog. The tip that is repeated everywhere, is keep updating your blog. It’s because of all those bots that crawl through your site from search engines trying to index you. If you have updated content daily, then numerous search engines will keep crawling though trying to get new content. I think the problem with some bloggers out there is that they post sporadicaly and sometimes go a week or two without posting. Why? Some of them honestly, and I keep up with lots of blogs, don’t really know what to talk about.

I find blogging easy. Talk about things that you may talk with a colleague or a person who is just a friend or buddy. Just find an interest and theme to your blog and stick to it. Lots of bloggers just like the idea of visitors and people commenting. To them it gives them the drive to write more. It’s always good to have a motive, but in reality, you need more than just visitors to keep your blog alive.

The blogging community according to technorati is around 71 million bloggers. Not a bad number eh?

So keep on blogging, and if anyone wants to share their blog with me than tell me. I love to read and I am interested in diverse thoughts and new blogs. I am more interested in real personal blogs. Those are my favorite.

So time for me to play with netvibes and then sleep. Nightz Nightz.

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

Today I realized that summer will be over in a month and half and no more of this constant temperature change. One day it is in the 20′s and this week has been brutally hot in the 30′s. With a really bad ozone layer over Canada, sun protection is a must. I never been so red and almost burnt as I did in this country. I can’t wait for winter! The snow is great! Anyways, today was just another day. I went to work and I got a lot done. I am almost near completion of version 2 of the game I am making. I want to get it done by the end of August. Hopefully before! It is hard work and at times I feel so unmotivated. Also my boss is on vacation for the past 4 weeks and I feel at times that the people at work are becoming too loose and unmotivated. However, what can I do? I just get paid and work. I just want to finish my work now and ignore people and problems.

Also I have been checking out more movies to watch. I got so many and I have been going a lot to the theater this summer. I sometimes go a year without going to the movies. The next movie I am interested in watching is Star Dust. I think it will be entertaining and different. I haven’t seen Claire Danes acting in a long time. I liked her as an actress since the days of My So Called Life. Damn I loved that show.. but they ended it! I wanted to see what happens next.

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post