I am sitting here eating yummy Hershey’s chocolate and thinking of so many weird things that happened during the day. I will begin by last night. It seems that I don’t sleep well at all lately and I needed reinforcement to get to sleep. So I finished reading a book and took sleeping pills. I haven’t done so in weeks. The reason I did this because I know I will be up till 1 or 2 am just sitting there wondering why I don’t sleep. It’s not that I am thinking of something or nervous about anything. So I managed to sleep around 11:30. I got up this morning still wanting to stay in bed. However I couldn’t. It takes me about 45 minutes to get ready in the morning. My hair alone is a pain and a half. So I went off to work and decided to stop at Starbucks. I needed extra bold coffee or I would seriously not have functioned at all today. That’s when the problem started. Since I stopped drinking coffee the past week, getting back to it full force makes me irritable and very nervous. It’s keeping me awake. For sure, but not a happy camper. So I went off to work and sat there working away on my Game. (Yes, I make kid’s game from scratch all by my self!)

I was at work from around 8:20am (took 15 minutes to get coffee and walk to work). So I worked away, and around lunch time we got some food and I just sat there working and listening to Friend’s (my favourite show) episode in the background. So the guys sat there playing. An hour passed. Still playing. Another hour passed. Still playing. So around 2:45 they stopped playing only cause one of the guys had to go to physiotherapy. I was like great. This happened yesterday also. I really didn’t care but at the same time I wondered if employees in other places did this. I guess when the cat’s away, the mouse will play. After a while and with my extreme lack of caring about work anymore (I got to the point where I am just winging and staying sticking around to see what will happen “next”). So I sat there for a bit more and I left around 3:30pm. I just thought, well I put in a full work day. I didn’t waste an hour for lunch since I eat at my desk and I will just leave. I am going to do this from now on as much as I can. Less rush hour traffic and I can get out and see the sunlight earlier!

So I got on the bus and for some odd reason there were many Arab guys. I had music on so I really didn’t hear or cared about what they were saying, but they were sitting there in bewilderment and excitement playing Sudoku together. So I just there watching and laughing in my head cause they were so slow. I wanted to just get it done for them. It pissed me off that they were stuck solving a row. After a few minutes a guy that looks Persian sat next to me. He was hot. Not hot in looks. No no….. He was body temperature hot. It’s like I was sitting next to a sauna. All that exothermic energy kept permeating to my right side shoulder and leg. I was like wtf. I wanted to get up but there were no other seats. I just found it strange that a person is that temperature HOT. It was awful, and it wasn’t even hot outside. It was perfect spring like temperature of 24/25c.

I couldn’t wait till there was another empty seat and HE got off all by him self and moved there. GOOD! I was like phew. I am cool again. So I got home and ate my dinner and headed to the gym. I do aerobic dance exercises daily. It is fun and I love music and what fun way to enjoy music then to dance to it? The problem is this is @!#!@$! old lady! She has short white hair and an Irish accent. She always always stands behind me. She doesn’t understand the concept of don’t get too close to other people if you already got enough room. So every time we had to make one step she took TWO and was right behind me. Like one foot space behind me. I swear, one day I will trip her or let her trip on me and make her break her damn leg so she can stop coming and stop standing BEHIND me. My sister finds it amusing and just watches and laughs.

My sister has a habit of laughing at anything she remotely finds amusing. So you can imagine how much she laughs during the class. She thinks every body is funny and acts stupid. One time even the instructor told us that we seem to enjoy our selves since we are always smiling and laughing. You know how us humans always think of what our purpose in life is? Why God created us and what will our destiny and future be like? In my sister’s case is laughing at anything!! AND embarrassing me from her constant laughter. It’s not normal smiling and hehe laughs. She laughs hysterically! The problem is, I am easily effected and I tend to laugh too. It’s a horrible domino effect and I just can’t help but laugh also. Try laughing when you are dancing the Cha Cha? :S

I got home after I bought more books from the bookstore. I just tend to read a lot before I go to bed. I like reading and keeps my mind stimulated with various thoughts and ideas. I used to hate reading and I never had time, but since I read so many blogs and I write a lot, reading suddenly became an interest and a simple past time away from the computer.

Moreover, I sat there thinking about people. How people you don’t like are friends with people you like. How can you avoid them while hanging out with your friends? I just find it hard. To me I love to be friends with everyone, but I am not a social person. I am not drawn to people and friendships that easily. I tend to avoid people. Friends to me are more of people that I met by chance. Or I have known them for years and friendship seem to have evolved. To me it is hard to be open or trust people. I did that a lot in the past and it caused me a lot of grief and regrets. I donno, but if I can just change in that aspect in my life. This tolerance of people. It’s so hard, I need to develop better people skills as you would write in your resume. By the way, when I read resumes and see that line I seriously laugh. How can you have skills with people? So silly!

Anyways, I will sleep now and leave you guys with this clip from the Simpson’s movie trailer. It is hilarious. I can’t wait for next weekend to watch it! I have been waiting for it forever! This part is hilarious!!

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

Oh man, today was such a boring day. I woke up and did nothing! I even went jogging for a bit than I got tired and walked all over my neighborhood. Damn there were expensive huge houses that I never seen before. I was amazed and I wished I was living in one of those mini-estates. I kept walking around and wondering what those people do for a living. Doctor? Lawyer? Business? I just kept guessing as I was walking by. My favorite neighborhoods were the ones with lots of trees that made it look like a forrest almost. It was nicer to walk in. So after that I just felt tired. I went home, ate lunch and I felt horribly tired that I fell asleep watching TV on the sofa. I just felt so weak. Till now I feel weak. Then I tried to put one and one together and remembered that all this week I have cut down my caffeine intake. Only twice this week I drank coffee. The days that I did I was full of energy. I was awake. So am I really addicted that I am sleepy all day cause of it?

I want to cut down on coffee and sodas (cola ) I miss cola. That sweet bubbly taste that I miss so dearly. Aah.. (I’m fantasizing!)… But every now and then I will get my dose of java by drinking a caffe mocha. I love that drink!! hehehe.. I miss coffee!

Note: Image used is from http://negative-infinity.deviantart.com/art/Coffee-Love-15581176

Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post

Today was a very exciting day for me. I was browsing facebook as I usually do when I am bored and out of no where I decided to search for this girl I knew in Elementary school in Saudi Arabia. I search for lots of people to see what they are up to in life. So I was in KSA till grade 6. So that was 15 years ago! I am really bad with names, but I remembered this girl for two reasons; we were minority in the class and she is Lebanese, and two, she is blond with blue eyes. Gorgeous girl. So out of curiosity I search for her last name in facebook. To my luck, I found someone that was blond and blue eyed and lived in Lebanon now. I didn’t want to add her to my friend’s list until I was sure. So I asked her a simple question, “Did you live in KSA when you were little? In Ryadh?” She replied after a couple of hours of me asking that and she said yes! I told her the exact school name and she said, “I remember you. You look familiar. You still have those same cheeks.”

That phrase brought me joy and happiness! I couldn’t believe it. Someone from such a long forgotten past remembered me. She didn’t avoid or pretend or forgot me. She said she knew. She remembered. She couldn’t believe it. We were 11! And now 26 and such a world apart! She wanted to talk to me more and added me to msn. Life changed so much, but how can you forget people you knew when you were little? Just simple life. Simple Childhood. I missed it so much. I was taken away from it so quickly without consideration.

After the gulf war many of us foreigners as they called us either went back to our homelands or found somewhere else to go. This is life’s reality. We all took a different path in life.

What brought me more joy that she remembered, she was curious, and wanted to talk more. She wanted to see me again! I was happy for once. I felt that a 15 year time period have vanished from my head. I had a 15 year empty gap in my head. Amnesia of this hard and horrible life. It was all forgotten and I felt I never lived it. I felt I was still a child and we were kids talking again. For a few moments I was happy. More than happy and filled with joy and laughter.

I just wished all day I was a child again. Just innocent and not have to think about anything in life. What made me happier that she is a week younger than me and also a Capricorn. That was double joy to me! Capricorns find each other; even a world apart.

The strange part was, that I wished I still lived in the Arab world. I did miss it, but only for those simple reasons. A simple childhood that I forgot and I remembered again. I wished I was still there, to grow up there and not here in these strange lands. I wish I just didn’t have to leave and just live in my own land. No matter how long I live here and no matter what any of you think of me, I am not a western girl. I am more Arab than anything, but I hide it and don’t want to appear so for a few personal reasons. However, I will never deny who I am. I just want to just go back to these simple joyful days. Just to go back and relive the life I was meant to live.

I wish destiny didn’t play its role and we made our own fate and decided everything in this life. To not let others decide it for us. Not anyone but us.

Every time I am sad and reminiscing the past, I remember this song from the movie Anastasia. Listen to the words carefully for this song “Once Upon a December”. You will realize then why I chose it and how sad life has been. Just remembering things brings a person inner joy.

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post

Hehehe.. I got excited. I had to write before I went to sleep. I finally finished my new design template and all I can say.. I LOVE IT! I am more than content and excited. I finally got a design and inspiration to create this new template from browsing the net! People out there have great taste! I am so happy! Check out the new features in my site. I used lots of javascripts. So if you are reading a post and click “look back” button in the end you will see something so exciting!

Also check out my radio station from last-fm site. I got also a photo album. So pretty! I will only post pictures I like to share. I am into nature and beautiful things. So I will add more form time to time.

For now I am going to sleep. I have been working on this site for 3 days! Coding is not easy and CSS was a bitch! But I love CSS, it is like speaking English to me. Simple and easy!

Funny, Sleepy Post

Imagine this, you are sitting in a room talking with a group of people and there is a deep conversation happening. You are in the midst of talking and arguing and discussing a certain subject, and then you realize, everyone argues for no reason and in the end they all come to one conclusion. Why is that the case?

I am here thinking about this because it happened to me far too many times. The arguments, the lashing out, and the mass hysteria that only ends to one conclusion. So why all the arguing and thoughts thrown all over the place? So I thought about it some more, the reason people argue and want to prove their point or share their ideas just to be part of the group environment. To be heard. So I thought about political groups. For example democracy, everyone has a voice. Most people want to argue and prove their point, and in the end, one decision seems to be made. The long arguments and negotiations were just a form of free speech. Nothing more, nothing less.

So I thought about it some more. In Arabic culture, especially the Arab world, speaking out is not an option. Arguing back is not an option. No matter what you say, no one listens. Not only in politics but also in a house hold. In a family. Maybe your family. All the same. So in the end, if you talk or not, the conclusion is all the same.

For some, it’s best to save your breath and just not talk.

However, I can’t live by that. I don’t talk much but I seem to just lash out and get angry really quickly when I hear something I don’t like. I think my reasonings are very different and I am one of those that will not accept a conclusion or a final answer. I don’t need a group of people to decide or end up making a stupid collective decision that is safe. Why not take a risk? That’s the problem with the world today. A lot of things are moving fast yet the mentality and the change of one self is still so slow. The problem is how to take that risk and try something new. When people say, “oh you don’t like change” or “you will never change” is complete BS. How can a person not change? We all change. You think I am the same as I was 5 years ago, or even 10 years ago? I don’t think so. The change is not extreme or sudden. That’s the problem. That sudden change, how can we suddenly change and try to make things different? How can you convince others to change and not just spit out ideas to exercise their freedom of speech or just be part of a conversation?

The problem with people in the world is all talk, no action. When will it change? More importantly, when will I change to the better?

I am in love with this song because I love the first sentence.

So this is who I am,
And this is all I know,
And I must choose to live,
For all that I can give,
The spark that makes the power grow

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post