When you are bored, you come up with the following pointless blog post that you should NOT click publish on. However, I do that about 50% of the time, but who’s counting?

If I had a choice in world matters concerning Oxford Dictionary entries, I think my blog title should be considered as one in the following manner,

Rebellious Arab Girl
re⋅bel⋅lious Ar⋅ab girl
/rɪˈbɛlyəs/ /ˈærəb/ /gɜrl/

–noun
1. a female defying or resisting some established authority, government, or tradition; insubordinate; inclined to rebel; who happens to be a member of a Semitic people inhabiting Arabia and other countries of the Middle East.

You can tell I am bored. Maybe I should go bake some cookies, or sleep. That pot of coffee didn’t do shit today! I think it is just winter; short days, cold nights, and a reason to whine more, or waste time reading through the dictionary.

Yes, I am a seeker of knowledge (geek). I read useless articles and entries on Wikipedia, the Dictionary, and Encyclopedia Britannica to kill time. That’s one of my hobbies. Sad isn’t it?

Any lamos out there like me with shameful hobbies? Speak up. Don’t be shy. No one will know.

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

One of my major weaknesses is my ultimate paranoia from things around me. However, some of my paranoia is the good type, and others, not so much. I don’t know if it is a type of fear, but if I don’t know what’s going on around me, or what people are thinking, then I will get paranoid. I have to know. I don’t like to be in an unknowing state.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to know about other people’s lives, or what’s going on with them. That is called gossiping, and it is a waste of a person’s life when they do that. They could spend their time being more productive to better humanity, and not shove it down a psychological black hole. If they don’t talk, I don’t care to ask. All I know is, no one can effect me directly other than myself.

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So, why do I feel this sudden paranoia? Well, I just like to know and understand everything around me so I will not be shocked. If I have to use ruthless means of getting my answers, so I will do it. As long as I am no longer paranoid, then I am fine.

Lately, my paranoia shifted into only one direction. I feel that I am paranoid from people’s thoughts. I wish sometimes that I knew what people are thinking, and why do they do the things they do. Sometimes I wonder why they are following me. Why are they still interested in what I have to say? Are they waiting to see if I will talk about them? Or are they waiting for my downfall? Unfortunately, I cannot sink any further down, and I am borderline insane sugar coated with stubbornness which makes it even ten times worse!

However, how did I reach this level of paranoia? I just find it odd that people still care to know about what Mona is thinking. What is Mona doing? What is happening in Mona’s life that is so interesting, that it must be known. I know my blog is some type of public display where a portion of my brain keeps reassuring me that it is fine to keep this blog journey alive, but for how long?

What if I end it? What will happen then?

What if I closed down this blog? Will people still care? Will they go beyond this way of knowing, and actually talk to me as a human being?

I know people read my blog because I am honest, although I was told repeatedly that I was exaggerating and I am lying, but all I did was nod in disagreement from their ignorant thoughts. It is hard to explain to people why I think the way I think and write it online, because I cannot express my self to others face to face. I am talking about people I know in real life, the rest of you are what I will call from now on, “The Watchers.”

Moreover, I blame myself actually for reaching this point in my life where I am a person in an internet medium, and that’s it. My blog is reaching its 4 year journey, and I believe I have become an object in a cyber void.

Being a blogger is my ultimate paranoia from the future. I feel I have reached this state from monitoring what is going on around me, and I do not like it. I have to re-think many things soon, and see if I want to continue this on after December 23rd of this year. Will my life change back again to what it used to be? Or has my personality evolved too much, and it reached a state of no return and I must go on?

See, after proof reading this post, you can tell that my paranoia has reached a new level. All I can do is wait and see the affect it has on some people. Unfortunately, I feel that things will never change, and I will remain in this state until I end it with my own two hands.

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

Guess what! Well, I never explained to my lovely readers the nature of what I do at work. Well, simple. I am the computer programmer. I make web applications. Very fancy dynamic websites that not only look good, but they function well!

I wonder how much my bosses will sell those custom modules for!

Anyways, I am working on implementing a community right now. The part I have been working on is the simplest part. Guess what I am implementing from scratch? Yep, you guessed it! I am creating a blog!

How did my hobby become my life?

I thought writing in a blog was fun, but try creating one from scratch. I should work for Wordpress.org. Seriously, also, I do all that fancy quick interface stuff like Facebook dynamic visual craziness. I am slowly becoming a Javascript and Ajax guru. Maybe Yahoo or Google can hire me later in life!

I feel like I am still behind, and I need more time to mature as a computer programmer.

On a side note, I need to seriously get the new module or feature I have been eying installed and ready to go on my site. I couldn’t the past weekend because the stupid thing I downloaded wouldn’t work with my template. Argh!! I hate hate hate editing someone else’s awful code. It’s like my worst nightmare!

Blah Blah, Geeky, Programming, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post, Whatever!

If you put your head on the pillow, do you fall asleep right away? Or do you toss and turn and end up counting sheep till one million and sixty eight thousand?

I am super sleepy. The days are shorter, the nights are longer, and Mona loves two things in life: computers and sleep.

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Now this is what I call a useless pointless blog post. If you read this far, then you must really like reading this crap that I write daily. So, what kind of pillow do you have? I got an old one. I think cotton, but soft. I need to get new ones though, and new bed sheets. Maybe I should redecorate my bedroom this weekend and go all out! That’s my new thing for the week then! See what I came up with writing and thinking useless sleepy thoughts?

Sleep.. Zzzzz…

Blah Blah, Sleepy Post

For the past year, I have been complaining all day long with my unemployment status, and I put it the first and only thing on my list. Thankfully, I have been employed now for almost 4 weeks, and I couldn’t be happier. However, what do I long for or complain about now?

It’s not that I don’t long for anything, but sometimes I feel that I am bored out of my mind, and other times too exhausted to think. The exhaustion I can get used to by getting fully accustomed to my job. I am just working extra hard, because they hired me to get a huge project done ASAP. Like coding and testing an entire application by end of December! Argh! I am working with someone else, so it is not as bad as it seems. However, there is a minor learning curve I have to master quickly while I am working. That’s what is exhausting me, and I know the exhaustion will diminish over time.

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Therefore, exhaustion is just a temporary thing. We all established that thus far. So, what is making be bored to death when I am at home? I try to waste my hours by cleaning, cooking, reading books, etc, but I don’t feel satisfied enough. I just don’t have anything or anyone to complain about! I can’t complain about the unfairness of the work place like my previous job. Also, I can’t even complain about the people at work, because no one is obnoxious, selfish, and a show off like my previous job. I got hired into a nice place with nice and sweet people!

Does that mean I am nice and sweet?

I didn’t think so either. They know nothing yet! Let’s keep it that way!

Anyways, I need to figure out now what I want from life. Something new I need to look forward to so I won’t be bored. The more tedious and worrisome it is, the better. And no, you and you, and even you don’t even say it! I don’t want to get married! I don’t want to search for someone! Let them find me! I am just tired of looking. Well, I have not been looking lately, because the more I tried to look, the more I felt I was desperate for marriage. However, I believe that I am more desperate for someone to just like me for being me. Let marriage come way later, but that first step, love and understanding, is what I am really looking for.

I think I am dreaming here because no way will a guy (Arab guy), ever waste his time understanding someone else. Especially someone my age who is as complicated as hell in her thinking. But you know what, maybe it is better that way. Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.

Until then, I will find something else to complain about.

My deep thoughts are still leaning towards creating something big on the net. I don’t know if I want it as another blog, or something more of a community. We will see how I feel about coding on weekends from now on, and if it is something I am willing to do anytime soon. Maybe I just need a new hobby. Like collecting stamps or applying to be a contestant on Jeopardy! (Addict to the show by the way!) Hehehe.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post