I saw a very good commercial today on TV from values.com. Click to watch video. The site has inspirational quotes and ideas to help everyone live their life in a more positive manner.

The commercial presented an angry man at his day job at a deli who couldn’t stand dealing with people and the customers. He was just having a bad day, and then a man came up to him and told him, “Hey excuse me!” The angry man said screaming, “WHAT!” The other man said, “Great sandwich! Thanks!” That instantly turned the man to a completely different person with a smile on his face. Some one complimented him today and his whole day changed!

The commercial affected me a lot, because I need a boost of confidence since I have been feeling so low about my life and the life of this blog. Therefore, when I feel like I had enough and I just can’t take it anymore, good positive people pop out of no where to put a smile on my face.

I received this email a couple of days ago from a lovely lady that complimented me and brought up a lot of good points about Arab life.

She said the following,

Gosh, how refreshing it is to see an Arab girl stepping out and sharing her mind. I’m not Arab, but my husband is. He’s very modern and a great father, I love him. But it saddens me that although I live in an area with tons of muslims/arabs, I don’t have any Arab female friends. In fact, when I go to the mosque, or their community events, I am avoided like the plague. I’m a very modest, very articulate and cultured woman. I dress respectfully and even wear a hijab when I enter the mosque.

So I always ask my husband – what is up with this?? I tire when I hear muslims in the USA complain that they aren’t treated well, but they don’t try to be a part of society. If they would live outside of their little boxes, get to know their neighbors and coworkers, maybe the general Americans opinion of them would change for the good. (Same goes for Canada or any country they have exported themselves to.) I love my husband and his family is wonderful to me. It’s just something I wish the Arab culture would change about themselves for the betterment of the global community.

Ok that rant said – you’re adorable and I love your posts. Keep it coming. There is no sin in expressing your thoughts – otherwise Allah would have created women to be robots that simply cook, clean, and give their husband sexual satisfaction without the work of thinking so much. Wake up world!

Now, I want to discuss her first point about the way Arabs perceive non-Arabs, and how they seclude themselves or think they are better than everyone else. I don’t know what to say. I have seen it. I know lots of non-Arabs that have been through this and have emailed me about it. Why does the Arab culture do this to non-Arabs? I don’t know. They will never accept the difference. Look at me. I am the most unique example out there. I am an Arab with a slightly (180 degree) different opinion that 95% of the Arabs, and I am hated and ridiculed by my Arab culture. The 5% who are like me somehow found their way to my blog, and end up sending me compliments or stories of how similar their lives and opinions are. Good to know. It’s really good to know I am not alone in this world.

Anyways, I can’t solve this huge problem, but I can help by voicing my opinion and tell Arabs that they need to accept the differences. God doesn’t judge Arabs differently than non-Arabs. We are all human beings in the end. Same goes for non-Arabs that think that way too. We are all the same and need to learn to live together and accept the DIFFERENCES!

Put a smile on someone’s face today. Point out the positives and compliment them.

I didn’t complain at work. I didn’t do anything. People observe and see that I am getting beyond stressed. The company is growing so fast, and there are only two programmers, me and another guy. Not only that, somehow when I started this job, I automatically was thought of as the Technical Customer Support by computer illiterate women without the bosses knowledge.

Did I go to school to become a technical support? Did I even accept this job as a technical support to customers and illiterate computer women at work? No. They just kept piling the work on me and make me do it because I was the only one responsive. I was polite and I never said no. That’s my problem, I don’t tell people to back off because I have more important things to get done.

So today, we finally had the “meeting.” Oh, some old bitchy women were not happy with the decision. The bosses said, “Mona is no longer doing technical support at all unless it is critical.” In my head I was like YES! God answered my prayers and I am back to doing what I was hired to do. You guys should have seen me yesterday at work. Oh my Lord! My blood pressure was up the roof. I got a very bad migraine and I couldn’t see anymore. I could feel my hair turning gray from all the stress. I was about to explode.

Later in the meeting, one of the bosses said, “The problem is that you guys are taking advantage of Mona because she is PLEASANT and always says YES! She is very polite.”

See people! This is me in real life. I am very quite. I never say no and very nice to everyone. You guys should see me on the phone. The customers bitch at the women at work with their problems, but once they give up and tell me to talk to them instead, then the customers have a totally different tone. The customers love me and always say before they say good bye, “Thanks Doll!” Or they say, “Your amazing and that was so easy!” Or they say, “You are peach!”

I could be the customer support and nice to people all the time, and I am very successful at it, but I am a programmer. I like to think and problem solve.

Back to normal.. for now! However, the bosses will be away for a week.. I am scared!

Canada won the most Gold medals ever in Winter Olympic history.

Canada beat USA in Men’s Hockey game today. It was an over time game and the intensity was beyond description.

Canada won!!

Canada celebrated..

We maybe the nicest people in the world, but we are mean on the ice! We can’t help it, we love our ice and snow!

Now let’s sing!!

I decided that today is a positive day, and we should all think positive. Deal?

Every time I talk about Arabs on my website, I get the two or three or dozen guys and gals that write this to me, “Mona you are wrong! You are giving us a bad image!” I am going to bluntly say this, “I am not wrong, and not giving anyone a bad image.”

I am only stating an opinion of my life experiences and surroundings. My surroundings and people that I have interacted with are totally different than yours or hers or his living somewhere else. That’s reality and it is inevitable. However, I am not giving anyone a bad image. I have no intention to give anyone a bad image, because I am the last person on earth to talk badly about people. I don’t gain or lose anything if I do, so why do it?

I will tell you guys something. You see, although I write so much criticism on this blog about various topics that pertain to my culture, but I love, adore and respect it. When you love something so much, you criticize it to make it better. You make your voice heard and try change it. My way of pertaining this love is to talk about the positives and negatives. It’s like criticizing a musical ballad. It’s still beautiful, people listen to it, but you have to criticize it so the next time a new music ballad is made, it would be much better.

Outcome of the Continuous Criticism

Over 60% of my daily readers are none Arab. But why? Simple. They relate to me. They feel they have a connection to me as a human being. I am no different than them. I just happen to know another language, have a different religion, but I am a girl with similar problems and opinions about life. Therefore, they have a different view of what Arabs really are now, because I try to represent one as being just another human being like everyone else.

Over 60% of my daily readers are none Arab. Again, why? Simple. They are interested in cultures, but they don’t know where to find someone talking about it so freely, and discussing the goods and bads like anyone else. No one is perfect, but some think that their culture is anyways, and rebuff any negative opinions toward it.

This week, a lady emailed me a very pompous message saying that she loves my blog, because she loves Arabs and is married to one. Not only that, she moved to an Arab country because she does!

My response: Sweet!

Enlightening me with your Thoughts

Finally, I have been so busy with life, and I know many people have been emailing me asking me questions and awaiting a response.  I apologize that I haven’t replied yet. I am behind with over a week’s worth of unanswered emails. I usually don’t reply to all of them. Maybe only 90% of them, and the other 10%, well, somethings I don’t have an answer for.

I can’t answer a question about married life to an Arab and the problems that arise. I don’t have the experience to do it, so why make up something? I am just trying to not give you an opinion about something that I have no experience with just to make me look like I know everything. I am not Dear Abbey. I don’t know everything, but I do know a lot, because I really think hard and is very logical (programmer’s brain).

Therefore, bear with me people. My life is hectic as it is. My daily blogging has drastically decreased since I started this new job of my mine 6 months ago, and it got way worse when I started taking classes again in January. I am trying really hard here, and my blog is not the number one priority in my life anymore like it used it be for the past four years. It is just number three!

The beauty of all that I have written today is that I am thankful to be alive. That I have a good active and busy life, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that my culture grows again to stamp its prestige in history.

I feel like laughing today. I am not sure why, but it seems that I need a good old laugh. Maybe even a little chuckle every now and then. I just need pure entertainment in my life because damn it people, life sucks ass and dumb people make it ever so amusing.

I have not done this in a while, and I need to regain my blog’s mojo. Therefore, I went through my site’s statistics of peoples’ keyword searches that landed them on my humble blog. Oh the ridiculousness.

Google Key Phrase Searches and My Answers

1. “arabic girl sleeping and woke up naked”
I read that and said, Jeez Louise! What kind of spell was casted to get her clothes off while she was passed out?

2. “why are arabs so ugly”
I am ugly. Does everyone agree?

3. “why am i like this”
Who ever wrote this asked the internet why they are like that? And they are supposed to get a correct response? My only response, because you suck!

4. “i hate capricorns”
I hate you too.

5. “how do you know me”
No no. The question is, HOW do you know ME?

6. “arab girl making point”
Us making a point? Well, usually we try to by thinking first, then making that point.

7. “who arab girls think are pretty”
I think everyone is beautiful, because God made them beautiful!

8. “what is sunnah wedding dress”
Dress that doesn’t show your cleavage and your ass.

9. “italians are arabs”
Well, if we go back to history, Italians are of Roman descent. Romans conquered the middle east, then those Arabs went all over the place and everyone started mating like wild monkeys and the gene pool spread out. So Italians can be Arabs and Arabs can be Italians. It’s the whole spreading the love thing through out ancient times.

10. “arab girl with doctor in office”
*Chuckle* Who the fuck comes up with this shit?

11. “arab girl freend program com”
No freend program for you! FAIL!

12. “i know something you dont know”
I know everything you don’t want to know!

13. “i am not the typical arab girl that you think i am”
Oh yah, do tell, and email me and let’s “talk!” Me like you already dudette!!

14. “dance of arabian mohajabat”
Mohajabat (vieled women) dance? The Blasphemy!! Do they have a special dance?

15. “why am i scared of arab people”
Because we look like you, a HUMAN BEING!

16. “any one share bed with arab girl”
And Google was supposed to answer that for you?

17. “what age do arabic boys have to marry”
When mommy says so!

18. “is 30 very old to get married for an arab woman”
Yes, and since I am 29 now, next year hopefully, my life would be over and I will be ancient and I should DIE of humility!!

19. “how do arabs show affection of love”
Good question. I don’t know.

20. “gırl arab to marry ı need lots of pıcture to see”
Let me guess, arranged marriage?

21. “beauty standards for women arabic”
White. Super skinny. Small nose. Fake eye brows. And if she can afford it, fake boobs and a well shaped huge ass.

22. “why are arab girls so hot?”
I thought earlier someone said that Arabs are ugly. MAKE UP YOUR MIND PEOPLE! Jeez!

23. “who are aquarians not compatible with”
Capricorns. Ask me, I KNOW!

24. “should a girl poke a guy on facebook”
LOOL! You are kidden me right? Poke him! Poke the hell out of him till he virtually does it back!

25. “why do we follow our heart”
It helps if you do, or you would be labeled as heartless. DUH!

26. “how do muslim girls have fair skin”
They are born with it, they don’t make it! Jeez! We are all different!

27. “im arab and people keep staring at me”
Maybe they are checking you out. Take the compliment!

28. “arabic girls want immgration”
Damn right they do! And to this side of the world, and they will marry any loser from here, even if he is a drunken Arab fool with the worse rep in town!

29. “why do arabs like dark skin girls?”
I thought they liked fair skin girl? Oh man.. make up your minds people! I am confused!

30. “arabs get engaged quickly”
Yep.. purely ridiculous; hence, people’s constant question, “do Arabs actually love?”

31. “why does arabic girls hav dark eyebrows”
Maybe because 98% of Arabs have dark hair… ???

32. “arranged marriage out of loneliness”
You mean arranged marriage was a result of loneliness.

33. “why arent there more arab people in my town”
Tell them to move there! Free Visa!! They will populate it so quickly!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately, and I know most of you who are reading this are saying to yourselves, “Oh no, not again! Wait, isn’t that why I am here?”

Interestingly, what I have noticed as a blogger for over four years is that you become your blog. You are it, and it has sucked you in and there is no way out. I have been checking out a lot of famous people’s blogs, and even active bloggers who think that their little voices will make a difference (which it does, kudos to them!). I discovered that they are successful not because of the money they earn, and not because of their voices or messages they are trying to convince others with, but with their perseverance and learning on their own to think about life from all angels, and to take constructive criticism and even ignorant insults.

It’s hard, believe me. It is very hard to maintain a blog. In the beginning, I thought of it as a little ranting area and that’s it, and it will not last long because I have zero patience and short attention span. However, things changed, and people kept wanting more, and even wanted my feedback on issues that were so foreign to me. It helped me stay on track, and build on something that I have created. I started this, and I think of it as one of the highest achievements so far in life. Corny as it sounds, but it is true.

Being a blogger helps you in many ways. It helps you improve your writing skills. It helps you think every day, and come up with new ideas and keep your brain active. It helps you build a community and bring people together on issues that are hardly ever discussed.

Comfort Zone

On those days where I am really depressed, and feel that the world is against me, I turn to this little website for comfort. Someone out there sort of agrees with me, right? Which is better than nothing eh? You guys will not believe the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, but something sparked inside of me and told me, “Hell no! What are you about to do and why?”

This morning, I had the itch to shut down this blog, and I have more reasons to do so than to keep it. It has nothing to do with my professional life, or me being scared. Surprisingly, last year, while I was looking for work, I thought of it as a road block to why I wasn’t accepted in the professional world, but then I realized, who cares? It’s like people not accepting me for who I am, and I don’t need them in my professional life or being a part of theirs. Then I thought of it some more as a road block for real friendships, and that’s why people don’t like me anymore for who I really am, but again I realized, who cares?

I know a lot of people will start bombarding me with comments and tell me, “Stop saying who cares!! Because you do!” I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t, but I won’t lie to you even more and tell you that I really do. It’s that middle zone that I can’t really explain on this blog, because I don’t know how.

Barriers

I realized that I can’t put a red line between me and others, but at the same time, I cannot let others create this line and choose to jump in and out whenever they please. I feel used. I feel hated and then suddenly loved. I feel that there is something about me that I cannot understand, but others do. I can’t get a grasp on what makes me totally different than others, but at the same time, I don’t understand why they treat me just like any passer by they met in their life.

I am a person with very deep feelings. I suffered a lot growing up, and I keep on suffering because I don’t know what to do. I say what I want to do, but I feel that I am not taking the necessary actions. Is it being scared? Is it too hard? Is it beyond my limits? Maybe it is all those combined, or maybe I just don’t know where to start.

Change

I keep encouraging people to change, and to think outside of the box, but I cannot do that. I am the one that is preaching, but I cannot practice what I preach. Why? I keep asking myself why. It got to the point that people are continuously telling me that they feel sorry for me, and I am the one that needs help. It just makes me feel labeled as only a thinker, and not a thinker with actions, or maybe that’s what I want to believe.

Fortunately, after I re-read this post before publishing, and the hour and a half I spent thinking and writing it out, I realized that there was some action on my part. I did something. I clicked the publish people. I am heard, and someone else will get affected by my words and react to them. I guess I am doing something eh?

I know I have been writing pathetically stupid posts the past week, but I have been hiding my true anger and discontent of people’s actions. I am very angry, and writing this post will not calm me down that easily, but it helps a bit.

People piss me off

I am sorry to say this, but in general, people have serious problems. They don’t understand the meaning of “Leave me alone. I am not a child. What the hell do you want from me? I don’t want to be your friend. I am not this lost soul that you feel obligated to save.” Oh, and for that person, don’t bluntly lie to me saying you don’t go on my blog. After you insulted me, do you expect things to change for better or worse? You think I am stupid or something? I have an IP address tracker that emails me on every visit, and one of my statistics tools sees behind those stupid anonymous proxy sites and reports back to me the real IP address. I got over 5 statistics monitoring tools, and I check them almost every day to see where people are coming from, because that’s what a website owner does to make sure everything is alright and no one lies to me. It also helps me stop those stupid hackers from the middle east to get into my blog again by running those stupid scripts and sql injections.

Secondly, let’s think of this logically, even though my intelligence was questioned a million times, and so was my horrible grammar and English (You know us foreigners with our bad English! We just can’t help it!), I am not offended, but it really makes you on my list of past memories that will never be revived.

Anyways, I am sick and tired of people talking to me. No one understands the pressures from my job every day, and the crap I have to endure from stories about Arabs when I get home. No one gives a crap, and that’s why, I have no reason to give a crap about anyone. If I bluntly tell my parents to leave me alone, why wouldn’t I do that to you?

My parents feel sorry for me

Finally the guilt is creeping up on my parents. They know I don’t talk to any human being, and I don’t go anywhere. And they know that I am taking courses toward my certification to fill that empty gap in my life. They don’t know the real reason why I became like this, and I am not going to open a huge debate of how much I want to seclude myself from this bitter world filled with liars. I am not going to explain to them my discontent of this Arab mentality that I am forced to live by every day. I am not going to explain to them that I have met and known enough people in my life that I choose to act like a bitter 60 year old.

I am tired of explaining.

I work with the wrong people

You guys think I like my job? I do sometimes, but most of the time no. It was fine in the beginning, but the more I know people at work and the mental age gap that is hindering production, the more fearful I am of the way things are going. I just can’t wait to leave work at 4:30 pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes I work over time if I was told explicitly to get things done ASAP.

Although some people at work noticed my talents, and that’s what they want, a person that can do it all, but them also noticing my discontent with some things thrown at my face is making them fearful. Sure, I can do it all, but I am only human. I am trying to learn from this other guy at work, and just work at the bare minimum to what I was hired to do. It’s hard to do so when I want to do more, I want to prove myself, but is it worth all this pressure? Am I getting compensated enough for it? No!

Also, like I mentioned in the paragraph before last, the age gap is killing me. I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers anymore, because I am sick of listening to them, and them asking the stupidest nosiest questions. Then they talk to me like a five year old, and want me to talk to them only in utter respect. Who the hell are they? I bow to no one or give any respect except to God. I don’t care anymore that I should be nice to older people, screw them. They have no respect for me, why should I be for them?

Attitude change

I have to become even more bitter or I won’t survive with such people. My plan is to be as calm as possible till I finish my certification courses, which will take two years, and find another job. In the meantime, since I have no real friends that want to ever listen to me or talk to me, I will use this blog as a ranting area instead. I know you guys will listen to me, email me your thoughts, and tell me that you have the same problems too. When you do that and tell me your stories, I don’t feel alone, and you don’t feel alone, and I am more at peace with myself and can sleep at night.

I am sorry, but I have to excessively rant a lot more from now on, or I will go crazy or very physically sick.

Finally, this song has been keeping me a bit sane the past couple of days. I like the words. No wonder. So me.

Muse: “Uprising”

Some people continue wanting to get in touch with me.

Some people keep sending me SMS thinking, “oh, things are normal again. Been a few days, and she must have forgotten.”

Some people have no idea that I am serious, very revengeful and I would rather be left alone.

I really like being left alone. I don’t want to talk to people, or know their stories, or fill my brain with too many thoughts about someone else and forget me.

Can people leave me alone and let me concentrate on my life?

I am a bad friend and should never have friends.

I am a bad listener.

I am just a bad person who needs to be left alone and forgotten about.

I want my space.

I want to re-evalaute everything about me.

I want to find out my mistakes.

I want to correct my life.

I do not give a crap who reads my blog and what they think of me after so many years.

I just want to be left alone for a very long time till this phase ends.

Is that too much to ask?

A lot of you who have been keeping up with my blog, especially the past couple of days, have noticed that my year started out with a bang! Who knew it would be that exciting? I wish every month was like this, but minus the pointless trash talk that leads to no where.

I wish I could really engage in a debate that was not initiated with personal attacks. I am tired of those. Honestly, I always wondered how famous bloggers, that have been doing this for years, manage to keep their calm and not act irrationally. It takes a lot of guts. In my case, it was really personal. It was not someone I did not know at all. It was someone (guy, non-Arab) that I knew for YEARS! Many many years. Sad that things had to end this way. Anyways, time to move on.

For those that think I was a bit heartless, then tell me what would you have done differently? Come on now. Don’t be shy. I think you would have done a lot worst, but meh. I am too old for that.

Anyways, enough chit chatting about the past. Let’s go on. So, let me talk about my work. After a very stressful day on Monday, and not so crazy on Tuesday morning, the end results on that afternoon were beautiful! Magnificent! Amazing! Stupendous! I don’t know how many more adjectives I can keep blabbering on, but hell yah! After 3 months and a week of creating something from scratch, the application was amazing! A certain group of professionals in USA loved it! I guess my company will be diving into the US market soon. Sweet!

What more can I ask for? It’s like being an inventor, designer, artist, and thinker all in one.

Did I ever mention that I love what I do as a web application developer? Amazing work I tell you. If you are an aspiring programmer, learn web development. That’s where the future is going, and the internet will consume the world!

Therefore, I slept early yesterday around 9:30 pm, and I woke up refreshed and feeling happy! Yaay! If anyone tries to ruin my mood again, I will use my secret weapon: the keyboard!

I kept seeing commercials on TV that eHarmony.ca is a great site, and they can try to match you with someone.. blah blah. So, I was so excited today. I was like yes, time for change! Maybe this site is better since it is more commonly used, advertised on TV, and so much buzz!

Therefore, I got so excited! I signed up, and did this long in depth survey with so many psychological questions that will help find me a match better. Not just where you are from and that’s it like the other sites. This could be great I thought. They spent so much time creating all this, and I will do my part and spend the 15-20 min filling it out!

The percentage completion line kept going up that I am progressing from question to question, page to page, and finally, I was done. I clicked the magic button. I was excited and waiting for the next screen with pictures of people or more options, but this is what I got:

Click on the image above to see it bigger and be able to read the text.

Am I unlucky or what? There is no hope.. *sigh*