I know I have been writing pathetically stupid posts the past week, but I have been hiding my true anger and discontent of people’s actions. I am very angry, and writing this post will not calm me down that easily, but it helps a bit.

People piss me off

I am sorry to say this, but in general, people have serious problems. They don’t understand the meaning of “Leave me alone. I am not a child. What the hell do you want from me? I don’t want to be your friend. I am not this lost soul that you feel obligated to save.” Oh, and for that person, don’t bluntly lie to me saying you don’t go on my blog. After you insulted me, do you expect things to change for better or worse? You think I am stupid or something? I have an IP address tracker that emails me on every visit, and one of my statistics tools sees behind those stupid anonymous proxy sites and reports back to me the real IP address. I got over 5 statistics monitoring tools, and I check them almost every day to see where people are coming from, because that’s what a website owner does to make sure everything is alright and no one lies to me. It also helps me stop those stupid hackers from the middle east to get into my blog again by running those stupid scripts and sql injections.

Secondly, let’s think of this logically, even though my intelligence was questioned a million times, and so was my horrible grammar and English (You know us foreigners with our bad English! We just can’t help it!), I am not offended, but it really makes you on my list of past memories that will never be revived.

Anyways, I am sick and tired of people talking to me. No one understands the pressures from my job every day, and the crap I have to endure from stories about Arabs when I get home. No one gives a crap, and that’s why, I have no reason to give a crap about anyone. If I bluntly tell my parents to leave me alone, why wouldn’t I do that to you?

My parents feel sorry for me

Finally the guilt is creeping up on my parents. They know I don’t talk to any human being, and I don’t go anywhere. And they know that I am taking courses toward my certification to fill that empty gap in my life. They don’t know the real reason why I became like this, and I am not going to open a huge debate of how much I want to seclude myself from this bitter world filled with liars. I am not going to explain to them my discontent of this Arab mentality that I am forced to live by every day. I am not going to explain to them that I have met and known enough people in my life that I choose to act like a bitter 60 year old.

I am tired of explaining.

I work with the wrong people

You guys think I like my job? I do sometimes, but most of the time no. It was fine in the beginning, but the more I know people at work and the mental age gap that is hindering production, the more fearful I am of the way things are going. I just can’t wait to leave work at 4:30 pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes I work over time if I was told explicitly to get things done ASAP.

Although some people at work noticed my talents, and that’s what they want, a person that can do it all, but them also noticing my discontent with some things thrown at my face is making them fearful. Sure, I can do it all, but I am only human. I am trying to learn from this other guy at work, and just work at the bare minimum to what I was hired to do. It’s hard to do so when I want to do more, I want to prove myself, but is it worth all this pressure? Am I getting compensated enough for it? No!

Also, like I mentioned in the paragraph before last, the age gap is killing me. I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers anymore, because I am sick of listening to them, and them asking the stupidest nosiest questions. Then they talk to me like a five year old, and want me to talk to them only in utter respect. Who the hell are they? I bow to no one or give any respect except to God. I don’t care anymore that I should be nice to older people, screw them. They have no respect for me, why should I be for them?

Attitude change

I have to become even more bitter or I won’t survive with such people. My plan is to be as calm as possible till I finish my certification courses, which will take two years, and find another job. In the meantime, since I have no real friends that want to ever listen to me or talk to me, I will use this blog as a ranting area instead. I know you guys will listen to me, email me your thoughts, and tell me that you have the same problems too. When you do that and tell me your stories, I don’t feel alone, and you don’t feel alone, and I am more at peace with myself and can sleep at night.

I am sorry, but I have to excessively rant a lot more from now on, or I will go crazy or very physically sick.

Finally, this song has been keeping me a bit sane the past couple of days. I like the words. No wonder. So me.

Muse: “Uprising”

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Some people continue wanting to get in touch with me.

Some people keep sending me SMS thinking, “oh, things are normal again. Been a few days, and she must have forgotten.”

Some people have no idea that I am serious, very revengeful and I would rather be left alone.

I really like being left alone. I don’t want to talk to people, or know their stories, or fill my brain with too many thoughts about someone else and forget me.

Can people leave me alone and let me concentrate on my life?

I am a bad friend and should never have friends.

I am a bad listener.

I am just a bad person who needs to be left alone and forgotten about.

I want my space.

I want to re-evalaute everything about me.

I want to find out my mistakes.

I want to correct my life.

I do not give a crap who reads my blog and what they think of me after so many years.

I just want to be left alone for a very long time till this phase ends.

Is that too much to ask?

Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

A lot of you who have been keeping up with my blog, especially the past couple of days, have noticed that my year started out with a bang! Who knew it would be that exciting? I wish every month was like this, but minus the pointless trash talk that leads to no where.

I wish I could really engage in a debate that was not initiated with personal attacks. I am tired of those. Honestly, I always wondered how famous bloggers, that have been doing this for years, manage to keep their calm and not act irrationally. It takes a lot of guts. In my case, it was really personal. It was not someone I did not know at all. It was someone (guy, non-Arab) that I knew for YEARS! Many many years. Sad that things had to end this way. Anyways, time to move on.

For those that think I was a bit heartless, then tell me what would you have done differently? Come on now. Don’t be shy. I think you would have done a lot worst, but meh. I am too old for that.

Anyways, enough chit chatting about the past. Let’s go on. So, let me talk about my work. After a very stressful day on Monday, and not so crazy on Tuesday morning, the end results on that afternoon were beautiful! Magnificent! Amazing! Stupendous! I don’t know how many more adjectives I can keep blabbering on, but hell yah! After 3 months and a week of creating something from scratch, the application was amazing! A certain group of professionals in USA loved it! I guess my company will be diving into the US market soon. Sweet!

What more can I ask for? It’s like being an inventor, designer, artist, and thinker all in one.

Did I ever mention that I love what I do as a web application developer? Amazing work I tell you. If you are an aspiring programmer, learn web development. That’s where the future is going, and the internet will consume the world!

Therefore, I slept early yesterday around 9:30 pm, and I woke up refreshed and feeling happy! Yaay! If anyone tries to ruin my mood again, I will use my secret weapon: the keyboard!

Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

I kept seeing commercials on TV that eHarmony.ca is a great site, and they can try to match you with someone.. blah blah. So, I was so excited today. I was like yes, time for change! Maybe this site is better since it is more commonly used, advertised on TV, and so much buzz!

Therefore, I got so excited! I signed up, and did this long in depth survey with so many psychological questions that will help find me a match better. Not just where you are from and that’s it like the other sites. This could be great I thought. They spent so much time creating all this, and I will do my part and spend the 15-20 min filling it out!

The percentage completion line kept going up that I am progressing from question to question, page to page, and finally, I was done. I clicked the magic button. I was excited and waiting for the next screen with pictures of people or more options, but this is what I got:

Click on the image above to see it bigger and be able to read the text.

Am I unlucky or what? There is no hope.. *sigh*

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

This is part five and the final one of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

The Questions

Q1. “What have you learned this year Mona?” several people have asked me.

Q2. “What are you planning for next year Mona?” several people have asked me.

Q3. “What is that change you thinking about next year Mona?” several people have asked me.

I am going to answer all those questions later in this post, but I want to talk about something a little bit more serious. It is more of an advice to the younger Arab generation, and even young adult minds that are still exploring life. You see, the world is changing dramatically, and an entire culture is more interested in money, silly artificial things, living life in an non-progressive way, being overly narcissistic about nothing, and gossip endlessly to ruin someone else’s life. Don’t deny it and tell me that I am wrong. You know I am not making this up, and it hurts you that this is the case.

I feel sorry for my culture. I wish all of them can just look at themselves in the mirror and say, “I want to change for the good of my people.”

It’s funny, but Arabs rise in joyful uproar when they hear that an Arab did something great in the world and gone down in history. If they are so proud of one person’s achievement out of a million, then why can’t they teach the new generation to achieve such high goals in life?

My suggestion for every Arab out there reading this blog post to think hard. To think really hard inside of you and say, “I can be better than everyone else! I was not born to do nothing in life. I can do something recognizable and magnificent too!”

Mona’s 2010 Resolution

Due to unruly circumstances the past week, I began my resolution a bit earlier. You see, I am glad 2009 is ending. I have never hated a year in this decade as I did this year. I changed. I am admitting it. I changed because it was about time to. I didn’t realize that I was, but life slaps you in the face so hard, that you have to. You have to weed out everything in your life that is causing you grief. You have to only think of your self. Nothing is worth it.

The Answers

So, if I had to answer the questions above I would say,

A1. Majority of people are selfish pieces of shit that forget everything that had any meaning, and forget that you ever existed. Also, people only want to use you so they can excel in life.

A2. I have many plans. My first plan is that I am going to continue my education and get some high end management and business certifications. If all goes well, I should be done in a couple of years and would inshallah possess in my hands something really powerful. Afterward, if things go really well, I will be enhancing my career and moving on to bigger and better things.

A3. I want to change who I am. I learned so much in the past decade, that when I look back, I am still dumbfounded that I have survived it. So, if I wanted to continue this change, I would try to see what other talents I have. What else am I capable of achieving in this life? I am not going to stop or ever plan to. I want to be something in life, and I want it big. I know I am smart, patient, and ready for the challenges. So I can do it.

Moreover, my real resolution for 2010 is really this,

To not give two shits about anyone anymore. I want to show my true colours. Also, I want to be more blunt, and not give two shits about anything. I want to be more heartless and not fall into anyone’s foolish games. I have no reason to trust anyone anymore. Almost everyone I have met is a fake inconsiderate piece of shit, and they live in denial and too afraid to show their true colours. However, people like me will find out. Even if it means to use ruthless unethical maneuvers to find the truth.

Happy 2010! You all deserve happiness if you really wanted to.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!