Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Hi everyone,

Yes I know. I have not blogged in a while. I had my reasons though. First of all, I find that others are waiting for something. I have nothing to provide. I am not interesting. I was borderline suicidal a couple months ago, and I became someone I hate, but I tried to compose my self. Patience is something I value the most, and it helped me through a lot.

What I have become, and it will take me months to slow down from, if ever, that my verbal communications are without limits. I understand people, and I am not afraid to say what is on my mind. I don’t regret anything, and I stand with my point of view 100%. I am not ashamed of anything or think twice. I have endured so much crap in my life, especially the past two years, that my sanity was jeopordized at some points, and now, well, I have become “this”.

I will get back to my first point. I am constantly being watched. Either by my psedonym that I tried to flourish since 2005, or the name I was born with. I don’t get it. Why me? What is so interesting about me? What do I say, or portray about my self that is so interesting? It’s not. I am a very boring 32 year old. I am alone with my thoughts. I work very hard at anything I do, and I show it with my talents. I am very blunt and I stand with my opinions.

Enough of that. I am enjoying my new job. It is interesting and very mellow. I needed that because I wanted to step back a little bit. I get paid a lot, and I don’t do anything that requires that much energy or thinking of various solutions as I did in the past. I am focused on one thing, and that is it. So what did I do so far? I work really fast, and I need to slow down. Hmm, I portray my creative talents, and I love that. Oh, and I made one guy almost cry and walk out. I had to stop him at the door and calm him down. He apologized to me the next day, and realized who he is dealing with. He tried to justify my actions personally, but what was there to discuss? He is he, and I am me. Isn’t that nice? Oh well, sometimes you have to be your self to fit in. Or some people like a challenge. No? Hehe!!!

I like to say that I am refreshed, rejuvenated, ready to conquer the world, and I am doing it with a big fat grin on my face!

After I decided to quit my previous job, because I was losing it mentally and physically, I decided to travel across the country to visit my brother and his family. He has a 5 and 2 year old. I decided that I will never ever have any children of my own. I would have to quit my day job if I do. I know my children will hate me because I am at the top list of “should never breed.” So, yeah! I had fun in the cold weather. I bundled up and watched TV. I did some sightseeing. Nothing exciting, but meh! I went out in the cold!!!

So, it was quiet and fun in a way. It was something I needed and I’m happy I did it. Happy happy joy joy!!

Today, it was my first day at the new job. I love it!! Not only I was introduced to everyone, and had an orientation of the entire company in the morning, I was taken out for lunch as new employee. I was like wow! Lunch? And I didn’t have to pay?? I love it! After I ate my chicken and goat cheese sandwich, we were given a fortune cookie. Mine was mind boggling that it was shared with everyone! It said,

“A new work opportunity will avail itself.”

WTF! I was like chaching!! My luck is on a role and my fortune for the first time ever is true! I love it!

I am at ease of mind… ahhhhhh!!!!

This may be a long post, or maybe it is short. Hmm.. I am smiling hysterically anyways. Hehe!

So, I met with the new company and they gave me a contract. I headed back to work and thought about it some more. So I asked my co-worker if we will ever get a performance review or a raise or anything. He said, “It is funny you asked. I emailed this morning to ask about job security or an indication we are ok for a few more years. They talked with me at noon today, and said yes, we are not stopping and we will have more meetings.” I said, “More meetings? That’s it?” That was my queue that things had to end. Soon!

After an hour to my self, I was determined to take the new job. I will sign the contract. Screw everything! I started cleaning my computer slowly. I didn’t want to make a big deal.

Tuesday came (yesterday), and I went to work in the morning. I felt physically sick. I kept going to the bathroom none stop. I fely sharp pain in my stomach. I kept looking at my watch. I had to sign the contract at noon. Just noon! At around 10:30 am, I didn’t know what happened to me. Everything was blurry. A sound in my head said, “You’re sick. Leave NOW!”

I emailed I was sick and left. Nothing of mine was left on my desk. I went to my car. I took the contract and walked to the new building. I sat in the cafateria. I had Subway egg salad sandwich. I ate it and sat quitely. Looking at the watch, and waiting till noon. 11:55 am came. I walked to the elevators and went to the company. My new bosses were not there, so I waited. People there at the office knew me. They knew my name! I was like wow.

So, they came. I signed over my soul, and said, “See you in two weeks!”

I went down the elevators and down the hall. I had the email in my drafts. I sent it. I resigned immediately. I walked back to my car and went home.

Bosses were not happy! In my head, I said, “I will not be soft. I will not be soft!”

I felt I was in heaven. Was I dreaming? I did it. I saved my sanity. All my ailments went away. I was free. Free at last! Free!

So, my brother said on MSN, “Come to me! Book your flight now!”

So I did, I booked it and I am leaving tomorrow, Thursday.

This morning, I got an email from my former boss saying I had to return the key immediately, and I had to transfer my knowledge to the other programmer. I started replying to her, but I was also chatting with my former co-worker. He said, “What you did was really immature and bad behaviour.” I said, “I was sick and I had to do it.”

I replied to her, a very long email that stated the following first. I said, “I have no idea what he was working on. If he left or something happened to him, I had no idea what to do.” I ended the email after a long winded speech saying, “Be careful, others will leave too, but in their own way.”

That was that. Vacation!! I am going to the other side of Canada! God is great and works in mysterious ways. I love it!

To continue on from yesterday… so, at around 9:25 am, I went on the elevator, because I turned back obviously, and went to the interview.

I met the secretary that opened the door for me, and she walked me to the conference room. Two guys came in. A young guy and a much older man, who was the president of the company, and they talked for an hour. They asked me more questions. The one question that the president asked me and I am sure most companies would not recommend you bad mouthing your current employer answer came up. You guys know I am blunt. You guys know I am honest beyond belief that I don’t care who is around me and what I say. I tell it like it is!

So I told him why I want to leave. He was shocked in his own way. (I will tell you later the reason why.) He said, “If things changed, would you go back to them or reconsider?” I said, “no.” The president asked me the final question. He asked me, “What are you afraid of me asking you?” I looked at him for a few seconds and I said, “nothing.” He then asked, “What are waiting for excitedly for me to ask you?” I said, “hmm.. nothing?” He looked at me and smiled and said, “Fair enough.”

Therefore, the ultimate test came up. I was given the skills test. 10 pages. 10 questions. My hand hurts that my writing sucks. But I had a job on the line! So I did it! Most of the questions were simple to me. I was like, really? That’s what I was asked? The interweb is my friend!! I know it backwards and forwards.

After an hour, I gave them my test. They left me alone in the conference room and I was given a newspaper to read while I waited. I looked around on the boards and saw so many charts, money values, etc. I was like wow. They got it made!

After less than 5 minutes, they both came in and smiled excitedly. The president said, “We gave that test to many candidates, and you are the only one that did amazing on it. You are highly skilled!”

Somebody recognized talent. Finally.

He then said, “Do you want to work for us?”

I WAS LIKE WHAT? I HEARD WHAT? I was beyond dumfounded and I nodded my head and said, “Yes.”

He said, “Perfect! Can we meet again Monday (as in yesterday) and have a contract and NDA for you?” I was like ok.

WOW! I said noon on Monday. Wow!

So Monday came. They met with me again. Two more guys came in and met me too. I was beyond happy, and scared a little. I was excited in my own way. The president told me, “You know we have been looking for you for a year.” I was like, “What? How?” He said, “We have been posting this job everywhere, and interviewed so many people. No one came close to you.” I was like, “Wow!” Therefore, I was given the contract and NDA to look at. I had 48 hours to agree with their rules. I took it home, but my mind was made up.

I emailed last night and said, “I will sign the contract.”

And I left it at that.

More drama, and I mean drama happened today. Well, stay tuned tomorrow to read the rest of the story!

Hi everyone,

I know some of you are dying to know what’s up. Simple story. I shall tell the tale of an Arab girl who saw, talked and tested!

It was two Tuesdays ago. I got a reply early in the AM hours saying, “Well, we are this company, but Kijiji puts us as something else in the building because it is so big.” I apologized for the misreading, and less than 12 hours a reply? Not only that, I was told in the email the dates and times that are best for an interview on the phone. I said Friday.

So, I was nervous as hell, or tired of looking for work everywhere. You be the judge. So, yay! A phone interview. They don’t want to see me. Saves me the trouble of going to the place anyways. Phone. Yes. Phone!

15 minutes conversation and they finally said, “Salary expectations?” I was tired of looking. I was tired of asking. I was so tired! I said, “I want more than what I am making now.” He said, “Ok, that is great!”

Less than 20 minutes later, I got an email asking me to come for 2 – 3 hour interview. The interview included a skills test. I said sure!

At my current employment, I asked for time off for a medical appointment. No problem!

I had the interview last Thursday. It was a building that is walking distance from where I was at. I was nervous beyond belief. I think it had to do with the fact that I didn’t study. What am I to study anyways? What kind of programming test is it? Ahh!!

The interview was scheduled at 9:30 am. Knowing me and how punctual and air headed I am, I left early to see the place. I reached the building at around 9:10 am, and I looked at the elevators that I saw first. The elevator set was for parking. I eyed it carefully to see how many levels. Six total! Wow!

I knew they were not the elevators that I wanted to go on. I turned around and saw a corridor that had more prestigious elevators. I eyed it from afar. I was like, hmm, 3rd floor. They had names of some of the companies there on the wall. I wanted to read them, and out of no where I heard a voice and shadow of a man next to me.

Without any hellos or any introductions, he looked at me and said, “Are you working in my building?”

I said under my breath, WTF!

I looked at the signs and read them, and said under my breath, “Hmm no.”

He said, “Then you are here for an interview?”

I was tongue tied, and I saw the name of the company on the wall, and said, “There it is.” I didn’t want to look at him and said, “Hmm yes.”

As bone headed as bone headed can be, I turned around and started walking away. I have no idea what just happened. Of all the people in the world, I had to see him! He was my project management teacher. I had dinner with him few months ago. He made me so mad and I became bitter because of him. Why him? WHY!

But was he my good luck charm?

Stay tuned for more tomorrow….