It has been 30 months since the birth of my blog. I thought about it the other day and wondered how in the world did this last? I seldom ever have a hobby that grabs my attention for so long. They were more of impulses and sudden interests that lasted a few days or weeks, and that’s it. I always needed a change and I just moved on. However, why blogging? Why this blog?

Why did I keep this blog alive although it caused so many personal problems? Why did I keep it when I knew that I had some people hating me for having it and wondering when will I stop? I think the reason I kept it going is simply because the more someone told me to stop, then the more I wanted to continue with it. Some people couldn’t believe what I wrote about them. (I mean really, I got a personal blog, of course I am going to write about the people around me.) Some can’t even understand why I think the way I do. Some can’t even imagine me ever being like this in real life.

So why this long? Really? 30 months is a lot. I know a lot of famous bloggers have been doing this for years, and their blogs have been the only voice they can speak freely about their life, and … well … I think this blog was my retaliation to everything that I couldn’t say out loud. I couldn’t tell others what I really thought. It was my scapegoat from reality.

A lot of people ask me about the validity about what I have written too. Is it the truth? A million times I have to repeat this, I honestly don’t want to spend my time writing a fictional post and making it all colourful like other bloggers I know, because I have better things to do! Blog is a journal. This is my journal.

Do I ever regret making this blog? Yes. I am just sick of the daily emails from guys looking for porn and want my phone number.

Do I ever regret telling people I know about it? Yes. I am sick of people I know speaking to me about something that I KNOW I never told them about, and they just bring it into a conversation thinking I wouldn’t notice or that I mentioned it before to them and they want a way to “comment.”

Do I ever regret keeping this site for so long? Yes. The longer I kept it alive, the more history there was to read.

Will I ever stop? Someday.

I am just not happy with what I have done. This blog is/was the most impulsive decision that I have ever done, and it continued on for two reasons.

1. I had to tell people off and I couldn’t do it anymore to their face or by email. I thought of it as their well deserved free publicity.
2. There are so many things that bother me in the world, especially about being an Arab, and I wanted to know that I am not the only one with these thoughts.

I didn’t blog yesterday because I wanted to stop. I really did. I wanted to see how it was if I didn’t blog. Would it have made a difference to my daily life? Did I miss it? Will I ever miss it?

Time will only tell …

Until then, the rebellion has to continue… for the sake of … ? me I guess …

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I decided to get my visitors involved again. I get people asking me for interviews of me to place on their blog. I also get many emails asking me almost repetitive types of questions. So I am going to open it up. Ask me ANYTHING you like and I will answer to my best of my abilities. Maybe to elaborate on a post or a situation that I have been vague about. I will answer as much as I can.

So place your questions in the comments and maybe tomorrow or after tomorrow I will post the answers.

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Finally.. I have spent the past few minutes reading everyone’s comments and paying attention. I have been just approving any comment and barely skimming through each one to weed out the ones that are insulting me. So I was reading everyone’s comments, I apologize I haven’t been replying, and I want to.. especially the past 4 or 5 posts. I was a bit off the end of week. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of the past week have been crazy and I was completely out of focus with my blog. All I did was write, but never really paid attention to what everyone was saying.

However, this comment about the post “Wow.. maybe I am unlikable” that I wrote a couple of nights ago struck me. I read it and thought, “I guess this is me.” I am unique and completely different. I never wanted to be different, but it happens that I am.. and I speak out about it.

mr.anonymous said:

From knowing you through this blog, and figuring things out about u..what this blog reflects..what u r when interacting with ppl. I’d say you are a unique woman, it takes a unique man to understand a unique woman, or at least appreciate who he’s dealing with.
And I’m not just saying that to be nice, it’s what I truly believe.

After this I realized, well I am unique, and I will only end up with a unique person who will accept me for being unique.

I am an Arab girl. I love computers. I am a professional and I actually enjoy working in the field. I am open minded, a bit crazy, emotional, and blunt. I don’t want to live my life living up to any standard to satisfy anyone but my self. I refuse to change for anyone, and I want people to accept that. I learned to accept people for who they are, and I will expect the same. I demand respect, and I will get it or else I end relationship/friendship without even giving it a second thought. I don’t bend easily, and I have a strong presence and personality. I am unique. God made me this way. None of these things I thought about or tried to shape up to give my self a unique persona, but they are my God given characteristics that evolved as I aged. This is me.. and only me.

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This week I ended up pissing off a lot of people but I did it simply by using random English words that are above the grade 10 level.

What I noticed that writing any phrase using the word “utterly” makes people really furious. Try it. Let us say you really pissed me off with what you did. Instead of me using an angry tone or words that are inappropriate, then I would express my distress by emphasizing how utterly ______ it made me feel. Or how utterly _____ the situation is. Be creative and politically correct. As long as you intend to be sarcastic, then using uncommon vocabulary that makes people say what? is completely appropriate.

I learned from blogging and excessive reading of books and articles online that words are the most powerful form of expression. Sometimes one line is enough to make your point. Sometimes it needs to be sarcastic, sometimes it needs to be well thought of, and sometimes it is just plain joyful to your heart that you did not have to resort to anything other than being clever with words.

At this point on in my life I will be using the power of words to make my point clear to people I know in real life. That’s what I lacked all along that has separated my real life from my blog. I needed to connect the two. I ask my self a lot of why I blog. I am trying to express my self truthfully with the power of words, and I have been having a hard time doing that in real life. However, I just learned that I can express my self in real life the same way I do on my blog. I just have to limit my anger and use the power of sarcasm and proper vocabulary to express a thought quickly. If I only spend 10 - 15 minutes sometimes to write a blog post without having to re-edit what I have published, then I can do the same thing in real life. I just have to use that powerful form of expression. Clever well thought of phrases with a hint of sarcasm!

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I took this psychology test and I got pretty accurate results. I say not bad not bad.

Your personality type:

Quiet, kind, and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other’s feelings. Interested in serving others.

Careers that could fit you includes:

Interior decorators, designers, nurses, administrators, managers, secretaries, child care/early childhood development, social work, counselors, paralegals, clergy, office managers, shopkeepers, bookkeepers, homemakers, gardeners, clerical supervisors, curators, family practice physicians, health service workers, librarians, medical technologists, typists.

What did you get?

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I got this from a friend via email.

In Zimbabwe, Africa, you will find the magnificent Victoria Falls at a height of 128m. The location is known as ‘The Devil’s Swimming Pool’. During the months of September and December, people can swim as close as possible to the edge of the falls without falling over!  These falls are becoming well known amongst the ‘radical tourist’ industry as more and more people search for the ultimate experience.

Would you dare?

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I always go to the electronic game’s store at the mall and check out anything that grabs my interest. So I decided to buy a PS3 game.

My favourite type of game genre is action RPG. I love playing a game that has a great story line, and good action. So I decided to check out the game Folklore.

I bought it a couple of days ago, and today I got the time to play it for a bit and check it out. I say it is a pretty good game! So far I am impressed and the graphics are amazing.

I think I found a new obsession that I needed. I got sick and tired of sitting on the computer all day, and I am so tired of PC shooting games. I can’t wait for the weekend so I can play Folklore all day!

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One thing I hate about the Capitalist world that we live in is the idea of job hunting. I am not saying I favor communism where everyone is treated equally and everyone has a job, oh no, no (although it crossed my mind a million times.) I am talking about the annoyances of all these job sites that have all these useless positions. I wonder sometimes why they post these positions and if they ever do reply back to anyone or are they just doing market research trying to find out how many people out there “might have ALL the skills” for a future potential position at their organization. Can a person have ALL the skills? Half the jobs I read are meant for 3 or 4 people team, and it turns out to be a one person job. How? They except people to be robots I swear.

So I did the horrible deed today, although I feel like crap and I am sick and tired and I feel like fainting constantly from anger and depression and hatred of my life. I really do hate my life at the moment. Not because of my job, nor cause of being mentally and physically sick, oh no. It is because I let all this anger and physical ailments build up to the point where it seriously hurt. I mean it. It hurt. I had a nervous breakdown last night, and this morning I said to everything in my life, “f*^#$^%# it!” I don’t care anymore.

I really don’t. So when I regained my semi consciousness later on in the day, I decided to apply for every single job out there in my city that has anything to do with technical work. From little programming jobs to managerial. I didn’t care anymore. Who ever calls I will say yes, I will come for an interview. No more being picky.

I want to work and be useful in a job I would like getting up to go to every day. I want people to say, “yes, Mona knows how to get things done and is an amazing asset to our organization!”

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I have updated my site and fixed some CSS issues today. I have been doing some house cleaning and checking out other successful bloggers and how they keep their blog alive. So I added an interesting FAQ page with many crazy questions and answers, updated my About Me page, and I got everything lovely and tidy!

I decided I will not be changing my template this Christmas break because I am going to be super busy with another project I want to launch by the new year. I will still keep my blog extra active and will try to come up with different approaches to writings especially when it comes to cultural issues.

The problem with cultural issues that someone out there will decide I have written something offensive and will start attacking me and then calling me closed minded for not agreeing with them. Typical visitor reaction. The problem with the blogsphere that people don’t realize that my site has 100’s of reader a day. I have the common 10 - 15 commenters a day that participate, but my reader base is huge. I am trying to figure out the number of RSS readers compared to actual visitors.

I am trying my best to be more broad in my articles and not try to be very biased or have one view of one particular subject matter. I don’t really want to focus about the fact I am an Arab. There are a lot more important things to discuss and I want to do that and it will cause a lot less controversy and problems because I hate fighting and wasting my time responding to closed minded arguments.

You visitors. Yes you, the person who is reading this! Let me ask you this questions. Why should I agree with you all time? You don’t agree with me so I simply will not agree with you. Is there another compromise?

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Hi guys, here I am doing this again. The opportunity for anyone to ask any question and I will answer it as honestly as possible. I won’t answer anything till tomorrow or after. So ask away and don’t be shy. It can be about me, any of my previous posts, anything about my thoughts and ideas. Anything. Post your comment in this post only. Thanks!

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