I’m not feeling well and I don’t feel like writing anything or saying anything. Just awful day. I think I am loosing my mind. Sooner or later I will loose everything. I’m just not meant to be living this type of life. I need a long vacation. My dream is to go to Hawaii. That is my dream. At least before I die that is. To go there. In this far away island in the middle of the ocean.

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I was looking through my things. Trying to find a small notebook or something to write on. So I found an old notebook. I opened and it had poems in it. I read through them. And I didnt even know it was mine. I read them and I was suprised that I felt like I was reading them for the first time. It is like reading something I never seen b4. Then I sat there trying to understand and remember why I wrote such things. And I have no recollection. After reading them twice. I sat there and wondered has my life changed. My way of thinking. I read it. And I was like. That’s true. Life has not changed. It is the same words. Same meanings. I remember that notebook from highschool. Probably 1998 or 1997. Such a long time ago. And from then till now. Same way of thinking. I have not changed and I don’t think I ever will. It’s amazing. Who ever said people change it’s all a bunch of bull. People don’t change at all. You can never change. People are the way the are forever. From the day they are born till they die.

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I think the worst aspect of being a human is having emotions and a brain that keeps thinking non-stop. I am so sick of thinking. So think of being treated like I am nothing. I think it begins with the fact I am the only girl at work. And I get treated like I am nothing. Prejudice? yes.. fairness? obviously no.. But that day will come when I will write a big fat complaint. I am fed up with everything. I really am. I am tired of being educated and those beneath me get treated better. I am sick and tired of all this crap. I’m not gonna give up. But I will wait. I am patient.. that is my only strong point. I will do my best to win this little war that really has ignited long time ago. I don’t know really what I am saying.. but I will prove to my self I am not weak and I will be better then them all.

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I can’t stand my life. I am so sick of this job and all the liars and show offs around me. I’m just tired of coming to work every day and I hear a different story.. all lies.. stupid thing. I am not gonna explain in detail.. unless someone asks me for details. I am just so depressed and tired of coming here every day. I have white hair now of all this stress and all the shit I have to go through. I am trying my best to segregate my self from everyone. Just coming here. Doing my work then leave to go home. Simple as that. Aah ahh.. I want to write more but I might as well pretend to work like everyone else who doesn’t give a shit anymore.

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I just got to work.. and no one is here yet.. yaaaay.. Now that’s a good start of my day.. I need coffee! I will make some now!

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