I will tell you a little story of how a very quiet girl evolved to this!

I was very shy. I couldn’t talk properly, I couldn’t put my thoughts together in coherent sentences, or knew how to talk in public, or to others, because I just had this incredible amount of fear inside of me. I felt that whatever I say I will be judged and ridiculed by others. I felt that I had to portray my self in one and only one particular way and that is it! I lived that life up to my mid 20′s and then something changed me. I no longer liked me.

We all battle our inner selves, but it is only natural. However, in my case I was actually ridiculed for the most mundane stupidest unmentionable things. I didn’t know why or understand the reasons behind it, then one day, I put 1 and 1 together, and I realized that this is my life living in an Arab world but not on Arab soil.

Arab mentality drove me to the limit of insanity and extreme depression. Till this day I say, “whatever, YOU ARABS!” Don’t get me wrong, I do love being an Arab with high morals and great fundamental values. I appreciate that and I would not trade my culture or ever want to be someone else. I am grateful, but some things did not play well with me. I had to just end it right there and convince my self that this is not right. Who said it is right to begin with?

I am never going to try to change my roots. Never ever. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

But how did I change? When did I change? What helped? What didn’t?

I will not say this blog helped. This blog was a side kick to end the problems. It was more of a tool to find a solution and learn from others. I talked to the most incredible people and I have read the most intriguing stories from Arabs that helped me figure out what the real problems were. I know what the problem is now, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why most of you, although you know what so many of the problems are, cannot focus and tell your self that you had enough.

I am not telling you to stop or deny who you are, but I just want you to realize that you cannot continue living your life based on a culture instead of living your life based on YOU! Yes you!

This is my advice and I want you and I will be making it my mission in life is to make sure that Arabs break out of their shell. Break out of that multi-layered very thick Arab infused mentality of thick moldy exterior and wake up. The world around you is totally different and keeps changing, but the principles and habits are all skewed, and cannot keep sustaining you in this world. You will just end up being frustrated and angry all the time, as we can see now in the middle east. Just break that shell!

As I mentioned earlier, making this blog and writing in it since 2005 was really hard. However, it took me 5.5 years to break out of the shell. To be me, and not care about this person, or this mentality, and I just go up to anyone now, even a stranger and I can have a conversation. I can just say hi with my head held high and not care what they think of me or who I am or what I look like that day or why I even talk to a non-Arab or even another random Arab. I don’t need to justify everything, I just do it! Just do what you think you can do. If God judges us all individually, then why do we all have to live our lives the same way and judge each other collectively?

That’s why earlier in my previous blog post today I asked others if they can contribute something meaningful, truthful, honest, and can help others as well. But I found so much resistance from other Arabs because they were afraid to think or even break out of their shells. They are content. Fine. As long as you are happy, then that’s wonderful. But I know deep down inside of you, you wish you were someone else. Isn’t better to just be you then living in some dream. Don’t you think?

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Dear whomever,

I mean it, whomever. I am not mad. I have no reason to be mad. I have a reason to be frustrated and a bit irritated at the moment, but I always have my reasons. I don’t want to act like my old self and think of a million different possibilities, but you know what, this is life. I want to be more positive and carefree, but if I pretend to be that way, then I am not my self.

So, if I tell off people to their face, then don’t blame me. Honestly, I am tired of pretending to be nice. What did it ever get me in life? No where that I want to be. So be it. I am going back to my old self. Screw this fakeness and trying to be happy. I am HAPPY and ANGRY! I have double feelings all time and that’s what characterizes me as MOODY!

Gosh! That felt good to come out of my chest. And I didn’t swear or say anything horrible and shocking! See people, this is what we call being a NORMAL person.

Love you all, but beware.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Depressed, They said what?, Whatever!

I feel like dancing.

So I listen to old tunes, shake my head, and groove to the music. I guess music always makes me feel better about my self. It shouldn’t, but no one else makes me feel better about my self so I got to resort to something.

What am I saying? Maybe I am high on hot chocolate. I am just sipping it while contemplating the words to spit out in this blog post. Sugarlicious drinks always bring me some type of inspiration and a few caloric intake. But you know what? Who gives a shit! We live only once, and if it is a short or long life, hot chocolate won’t kill me, but will only make me more fun.

Fun. What a crazy word that is. I don’t even remember the last time I had fun. I think I am just too serious. I am a very serious person and I need to step it down a bit and have some fun in life. Like going out somewhere, like out of the house for instance. That’s always fun! But I am trying to achieve something more important because I am an intellectual person.

Me. Intellectual? No I don’t think so. I never was or ever will be. However, I am a bit too smart for my liking and way over analyzing. I blame computer science. Female. Computer Science. Programmer. Such a wrong combination. I am not smart because I studied that crap. I was just smart enough to make use of it for my own desires. The desire of being the one creating something and not just being the end user.

It’s funny that I mentioned end user. We are all end users. We are using the internet to bring us all together and in the end of it all, there is us. Us. We. You and I and them. We are all brought together in this virtual medium and it only seems that we may never come together and have some fun at a party that I will be hosting.

Can you imagine me hosting a party? It’s like asking Charlie Sheen to shut up. Never will happen! However, the sound of it is awesome and we should do it one day. So you guys organize it and get it all sorted out. It’s not that I don’t have money or anything to make it a really awesome party. Remember I am smart and I create stuff and people like me actually can afford to do stuff in life. But I, like 95.5% of the world who suffer from some form of attention deficit, I cannot plan shit. So one of you anal people out there who love to be super organized and want everything oh so perfect should do it.

Invite me. Don’t forget! I came up with the idea!

What am I saying. The chocolate is wearing off. Fuck this shit. I just need to relax and get the point.

I am sick of men. How about that? Sorry for 50% of the world, but fuck it. Men piss me off. Through out half my life, I couldn’t for the life of me find a normal guy who doesn’t lie, who is honest, sweet, truthful, fun to talk to, smart, good to others and just wants to live a simple life. I just give up. I am 30 and I give up.

Fuck it.

Angry, Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

If you have been living in a bubble, then you don’t know what’s going on in the middle east. One lady yesterday asked me while I was waiting to get my car serviced this, “Where is Tunisia?”

I know that the middle east seems oh so small and only constitutes countries like Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Iraq, Syria, Palestine, Jordan and Egypt, but seriously, if you are 25 years old or above, start a learning mission in your life! Learn about countries in the world. Learn about different cultures. Learn about general historic movements in the world. And finally, learn about dictatorship and the true meaning that us Arabs are tired of being quiet!

The world is a small bubble now because of the instant media and people driven social networking. I don’t even know if I watch or hear the news anymore using the traditional methods. The internet. The internet has killed them all!

Let me tell you about Tunisia. I know you are wondering why a Palestinian girl is going to talk about Tunisia. Well, in 1990, I visited the country. I was 9 years old and I spent summer vacation there for about 2 months. It is the most gorgeous Arab country I ever visited. The locals are amazing friendly people, and it is a very touristic country. Everywhere you go there are tourists from Europe and the rest of the world.

It is funny that I am 30 years old, and the majority of Arab presidents rulers are still the same ones!

Ahh, I am waiting for a few more presidents to be kicked out too. They are long over due.

So, please take this poll and predict which Arab country will loose its ruler next!

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I know many of the Arab countries I didn’t mention are monarchies or still have newer presidents, but it is hard for a monarchy to end quickly. But anything is possible and unexpected! 2011 has witnessed 16 days of craziness so far!

Yikes!

Angry, Blah Blah, Confused, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

I am permanently banning people. Some of you people are beyond rude and miserable little creatures. You take the time of day to come here to insult me and you do not even know me. Do I know you? Do you know me? No. So why do you even give a crap about what I write? How do you feel from the inside when you insult other people? Do you like it if someone did it to you? Or is this a one way streak and you are ice cold with no heart? It’s winter, I don’t blame you.

All I can say is, in order for you to continue with your miserable little lives, go to another blog. Or spend hours on YouTube. Or since you claim to be intelligent beings, go read a book.

If you comment on my blog without thinking, and then wonder why you cannot come here anymore, then know that I am awake and reading everything. I may not reply to everyone, but I read everything.

Go to sleep people or find a job or something productive to do with your lives.

P.S. I ban mostly Arabs from my blog because they think they can freely insult me since I am one of them. I wonder if they dare do it to anyone else! Maybe their mentality will change a little bit when they get burned with the same lighter.

Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!