Again, I don’t want to get into politics, nationalism, or anything of that nature. However, someone the other day has decided to insult my view points about some stupid entertainment topic in a strictly Arabic forum, by saying that the reason I like this person or dislike that person because I am a fucking Palestinian bitch.

You see, I would rather have people insult me for being me. I could be stupid. I could be a fucking bitch. I can be anything. However, sticking in Palestinian is really uncalled for. Many of you will go on and say the following:

1. They were probably not Arabs, but Israelis or whatever who are against Palestinian. (Obviously everyone’s stupid answer because they don’t want to admit that there are shitty Arabs out there that come from closed minded nations with no respect to anyone. They think they are the only Arabs. And I am blowing this out of proportion. HELLO! This is not the first time this happened. Maybe 121093819238 time!)

2. They were probably joking. (Sure they are joking. When you insult me, my entire nation, and others who are of Palestinian decent that read it on a huge public forum, then it must be joking.)

3. How did they know you are Palestinian? (Few weeks ago I said I was a Palestinian living in Canada, because someone has asked me. That was weeks ago! People follow my every word waiting to turn it against me. Can you imagine if they found out about my blog?)

So, I have been really pissed off lately. Many of you will say ignore, who cares. But you see, it hurts. It seems like a continuous trend and makes me feel so sad that such things will never end. Instead of sticking together as Arabs, nationalism separates us.  Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to write for two days, because I didn’t know if I was shocked or disappointed from my fellow Arabs. At times I wonder why they would stoop that low, and is it really a problem between Arab nations that they can’t get along. If the internet, a global village with every single type of personality and mind set out there, is showing a fraction of this much hatred, then how are the people within the nation thinking?

It baffles me that I see such idiotic reactions. Most of the people that insult me on my blog are Arabs, because they can’t stand it that I am saying something that should not be said or no girl should dare say, but come on! Do Arabs have to stoop that low and insult each other in such a lame way? I also go on YouTube and watch Arabic clips, and like I said days ago, thank God I can still read Arabic, but on such large websites, Arabs have zero respect to one another. They curse, insult, make someone seem like a tiny spec of dirt under someone’s shoe, but why? Because instead of saying, oh I don’t like this person, or I don’t think it is good enough, or just plain ignore, they start insulting them from top to bottom. Like this person was Satan on earth, and should be ridiculed for everything he/she is worth.

When will Arabs change? Many Arabs are infesting the internet with such mentality, and making our cultural values that they continue to boast about seem like nothing at all anymore, and just a lie. And I get people saying, oh, you are making Arabs look bad with what you write on your blog. ME??? I make Arabs look bad because of a stupid title such as Rebellious? You think the word Rebellious is putting Arabs down? You Arabs are putting ME down when insulting me for something I am born with. You are insulting me because I am a female who has an opinion. You are insulting me because I dared say something that you could not stand, the TRUTH! So what do you end up doing? Yep, you know. If you can’t beat them, insult them from head to toe. That’s the Arab philosophy.

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Depressed, Palestine, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

What happens when you try to weight both critical life options in the palm of your hands and try picking which one is more important, like job or marriage? Answer: you end up with a bad migraine and a mother who will never understand you. Actually, no one understands me, and I am trying so hard to keep it that way to eliminate the migraine!

Yes, I have been suffering from severe migraines. I do see little specs of light, and my head feels like it is going to rip from the inside and explode! That’s what happens when people only mention these two things to me. I get people who won’t stop talking about work, and keep giving me endless advice thinking they know best. So what do I inevitably end up doing? I ignore them until my mind settles and I am back to normal. I try to tell them, “ok, you know best. You know it all, but I am not in a state of mind to listen to it!”

Then, you got people like my mother, who thinks that it is about time I got married, because I am beyond old and I am approaching the God forbidden word, THIRTY! I have been forced to have this conversation with her the past week, but she won’t get it. This is her constant nagging:

Mom: “How do these girls find guys to marry, and they are much younger than you. They find a guy and it doesn’t seem so hard. Or they go on the internet and find them one.”

When I hear that, I want to shoot my self. I want to open the window in my bedroom and jump out of it. That way I can permanently damage a body part, and not have to hear her nagging me with the same phrase over and over.

I answer her: “I do not go out of the house. I am not going to find a guy off the net that I can only interact with through a screen. And yes, I blame you guys for all this!”

If you are wondering what I am blaming them for, then I will make a long story short, I ain’t going to discuss it ever on my site or to anyone outside my family. It is no one’s business how I ended up like this. The past with the ass hole was bad enough, however, the future is going to be a lot worse if my parents don’t change. It is not my fault I am stuck in a rut cause of them. It is not my fault that I am unemployed (they actually drove me to quit my job because they noticed I was about to crack, and they didn’t like my job at all from day one), and now I can’t find a new job and get out of this town. There are a lot of things that I blame them for, but it seems they don’t care. I also blame them for one last thing, the white or grey hair growth since I was 25. And yes, I blame most of it on being an Arab!

Mom: “How come all those girls have jobs? Why can’t you get a job?”

When I hear that, I want to go and lock my self in a room and scream my lungs out!

Mom: “How come your friends are getting married now. They are younger than you right? That’s why.”

I answer her: “How can people that went to highschool with me, and were in the same classes with me in University be younger than me? Mom, you are going to be shocked now, but they are older than me! I was the youngest one in the group. Remember I was born in December! And the rest of the girls I knew where 1 or 2 years and even 3 years older! Why is it that everyone that is getting married or engaged now is YOUNGER THAN ME?!”

That’s a scene I had in the kitchen earlier today. It’s ok. No damage done. Just some screaming and anger from my side, because my mother does not understand AT ALL!

That’s another problem that I suffer from. When you are stuck 4 months face to face with people, and you have no excuse to get out of the house. (Mine used to be work and school.) Inevitably, you start developing a serious personal problem like I am now. You start hating your self, hate interacting with people, and wishing you can accelerate time until you reach a point in your life that God has written for you that is just a tad bit different than it is right now!

Oh believe me, I am not angry. Why would I be angry? Angry is not a strong enough word to describe how I am feeling right now. Maybe a bit furious and about to explode. Maybe I am about to commit horrible atrocities on my self if I cannot resolve this problem anytime soon. Maybe my social interaction with other human beings is about to diminish, if it hasn’t already, and end up being anti-social like I was a few years ago. I honestly don’t know how else to describe my utter disgust from my life right now. If I say I hate my life, then I would be lying. I am beyond that state. I am far from it, and I am on the other side of the playing field now.

Some people would suggest a drink for me. It’s ok, I don’t drink. However, I went earlier to the mall and I devoured a Haggan Daz icecream in 45 seconds, and ate a Kit Kat Chunky in 1 minute. This is the first time I have eaten chocolate in weeks. I think the chocolate effect has worn off now, and that’s why I ended up writing this horrible post.

God help me.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

I got a silly email this morning from an idiot named Rebecca. She does not like Arabs. The media’s power permanently brain washed her tiny head. I am surprised she was able to find my site using the world wide interweb.The biggest invention in modern human society!

This is what she wrote:

Name: Rebecca

Dear Mona (Rebellious Arab Girl): You gave 13 reasons why you hate being Arab, but you did not mention: Arabs invented airline hijacking, destroyed the World Trade Center along with 3,000 innocent lives, 9 out of 10 terrorists are Arabs, there are no real Arab democracies, the Arab world is totally backwards and racist, Arabs tell ridiculous lies about non-Arabs, and distribution of wealth in the Arab world is extremely uneven. Sincerely, Rebecca

This is what I replied back:

And the western world tells ridiculous lies about the Arab world. Everyone uses their media power and backwards mentality to tell its people what they like and spread hatred.

By the way, I wasn’t being sarcastic. You offended me by your stupid email. I may not like some Arab cultural matters that effect me personally because I am an Arab, but don’t go blame an entire civilization for one or two idiot’s actions.

Where is Bin Laden now? USA bombed the hell out of two countries, and was able to remove a president from its power over an entire nation, but where is Bin Laden? It’s like playing Where’s Waldo with a blind Satellite dish. All the money and power of USA, and they can’t find a guy hiding in the mountains? Funny… isn’t it?

I think you need to look beyond your nose for two minutes and think logically. You make your self seem like a closed minded fool.

Don’t ever come to my site again or email me. You are not worth my time anymore.

Bye!

Then in an instance after I submitted the email, I got an error message back saying that her email “delivery to the following recipient failed permanently.”

She was too chicken shit to deal with the Rebellious Arab Girl. Sorry, I meant, just an Arab Girl who is like everyone else, cannot stand this backwards mentality, and won’t take shit from racist people who only have two brain cells!

Angry, Idiots, They said what?, Whatever!

The other day, I was having a normal boring conversation about a new theater that is opening near our house. I so want it to open soon, so I can go watch new awesome movies in style.

Mom: I heard they are going to open a bar in it.

Me: In a movie theater? Next to a school and in the middle of a residential area? Who told you that nonsense?

Mom: That’s what people are saying.

Me: No! That’s what backwards dumb old Arabs say! They don’t think of anything positive and fun ever in this city! EVER!

Mom: Why do you always say Arabs this and Arabs that? Aren’t you an Arab? Don’t worry. I just made it up.

Me: Yeah right. You never come up with stupid ideas like that. You just hear things and believe them like a blind person believing others that the traffic light is now for pedestrians.

Mom: Shut up. End story.

I got up and left. I didn’t want to continue this nonsense conversation. I wonder how many people in the Arab community of this God for saken town has heard that gibberish. A bar in a huge new theater? What next? A strip club in the mall?

ARABS in Canada! Go back home and see the crap that the Arab world is doing. It makes Canada seem like a conservative little town!

Angry, Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, They said what?, Whatever!

Stubbornness is one thing that I suffer from, but my continuous battle with this thing called conscience, is taking over my life. I know I do, think, or say things that make me wonder after a day or two that there is seriously something wrong with me. Then my stubbornness tells me to shut up. I am not going to admit that my conscience makes me feel guilty about certain things, but I try too hard to just tell it, “It is not the time for it! Leave me the hell alone!”

How do you know if your conscience is taking over? Well, when you continuously think of the same topic and certain people, then you cannot help but suffer from the following:

1. Dreaming the same thing over and over, and make you want to bite someone’s ears out knowing you are guilty or did something wrong.
2. Always feeling that someone is watching you, reading your thoughts, blog, or whatever that you publicly display without thinking twice.
3. Keep wanting to turn back time so you can correct a mistake by ignoring or not even bothering to begin with.
4. Not being able to� focus on anything you are doing for more than 20 minutes.

I think I need to start taking happy drugs so I can actually play the part of a person who doesn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. I want to live a happy life! Worry free! Guilt free!

Man, why am I thinking too much of a Utopian life? I think I need to just get off the computer, go read a book, or take a nap. Hehehe, I said nap! I feel like a 5 year old! Can I be 5 again?

Angry, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!