It sounds weird when I try to push my self. Push my self towards what exactly? I do feel aimless, but why? You see, I guess my life so far has gone up and down so much, and now, since it is steady, I feel it is not changing to any direction. At the same time, I don’t know to what direction I want it to go. I don’ t really know what I want. and that is the cause of my constant aggravation.

Do I want a guy and get married? I don’t know.

Do I want to change my career and find something that will challenge me a lot more? I don’t know.

Do I want to act like I don’t care and just have fake friends around me to satisfy my ego? I don’t know.

You see, at my age, life seems like an enigma. I have no clue what will make me happy, and I have no clue what is causing my utter despair. I just want to find this happy medium that will satisfy me, but I am not easily satisfied. However, I am not that hard to please, but at the same time, I don’t want to settle for anything because I have to or time is ticking.

I am just a mess of thoughts. I know too much. I think too much. People like me are only meant to discover things and make humanity better, and not worry about themselves. The moment I start thinking about this person, me, Mona, then I get huge migraines. The past 3 or 4 days I suffered with huge uncontrollable migraines, because I spent it thinking about me. The moment that I stop and think of the bigger picture and humanity as a whole, then I feel different.

So, I am thinking that I am only meant to worry about everything in this world except me. That will stop my emotional turmoil so I can wake up every morning not dreading it.

Life, it is not like a box of chocolates, but more like sour candy with a crinkly facial expression of weird satisfaction in the end.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

Let’s see, I feel like crap. I am having a horrible long weekend, and I assure you, I am not at an all time low. On the contrary, I have been sitting in my office sulking in my chair and dozing off. That’s how much the world means nothing to me anymore. I rather nap instead.

As a result, my head is hurting me a lot. A horrible migraine! I decided that instead of me continuing on this conversation and telling the world that I am a bit, oh how can I say this eloquently, crazy; that it is better for you to tell me what you really think of me.

So what do you really think of me? This Mona. This Rebellious Arab Girl.

Ah.. Rebellious Arab Girl. The worst thing that can happen to the modern Arab civilization.

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

It’s that day again. Yep! You guessed it. It’s Valentines day, and I will carry on the same old tradition as I did for the past 3 years. I gathered all my readers and asked them to help me boycott it! I can’t believe that people still think that loving a person should be a one day special thing. What about the rest of the days of the year? What about those other people that don’t have anyone to love?

There ya go!

Also, I posted a poll that was running on my blog for the past two weeks, and so far these are the results. I am so disappointed. Most of you live in la la land!!

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History of my utter despise of Valentines Day

• February 14, 2006
• February 14, 2007
• February 14, 2008
• February 14, 2009

Angry, Random Thoughts, Whatever!

Guess where I am? Yep! At home in my pajamas surfing the internet and reading! I requested demanded a day off today in lieu of me working far too much. And the best part is, Monday is Family Day here in Ontario, and I get another day off too. Four day weekend! Yah baby! I will finally be able to catch up with the rest of the world.

I wouldn’t say that my work is very stressful, but it is very demanding, and I wanted some leisure time. A time where I don’t have to think of Ajax requests, or how to get the financial back end working with the front end, and I don’t have to keep listening to those older divorced women talk about the dates they find through e-Harmony site.

Time for me!

People

I know that people are the cause of my daily ranting and why I am always angry, but seriously, I do have every reason to sometimes. I know many people that I talk to through Facebook or GTalk have this one sided view of me. They think that whatever I write on my blog is me and that’s it. They think I am this cynical, Arab bashing, narcissistic, over generalizing girl who doesn’t read anyone else’s blog.

Yeah, I don’t read other blogs as much as I like, but you guys have to realize that I don’t have time. I try to, and if I do, I rarely comment. I am not this famous person that thinks I am better than you and shouldn’t bother with what you say. I am not a full time blogger like those famous bloggers out there that do this for a living. On the contrary, I am just this 29 year old girl that works all day at a high demanding job, is far too tired when she gets home, and on top of that, does home work and studying for her PMP certification. (About 2 year estimate till I get certified.) You can see that I made my self far too busy that I cannot satisfy everyone, or even anyone. How I ended up in this state? I am just a human being that wants more out of life.

Life

You see, most girls have a goal to find that “special one” and get married. That’s their first and sometimes only mission in life. I used to think like that when I was 24 or 25. Then, as I was stuck in the working word earning money and seeing how everyone else around me is progressing and being “something,” then I got jealous. I am a jealous person when it comes to success. I want more. I want people to say that Mona did something productive and important in her life.

Honestly, as I am growing older and my pessimistic view of love and marriage is ever so growing inside my head, my career seems to take priority. Don’t get me wrong, I try really hard to meet someone or talk to a guy. Unfortunately, It’s always the same conversation with every single guy that goes like this,

“Why aren’t you married? Look at you! Are the guys in your city idiots? Marry me!”

Unfortunately, they would be living 500 km away, and I would think, funny! They judged me from a picture and a two minute conversation. And like I said earlier, people who read my blog judge me by what I write, and most of the guys hate it. So there is no happy medium, and I got to the point of giving up, sort of.

Fear

If I really wanted to be honest here, and if you read this far, you have to realize that yes, I am a bit fearful. I am a bit fearful of being hurt again. I don’t want to love or be in love. I fear an end result that may or may not happen. The older I get, the more sensitive I am about everything. I don’t want history to repeat it self. I am trying really hard to change the way I am so I don’t end up in such a state again.

What I really don’t understand is those promiscuous girls, or girls that go from one guy to another to find the one that quickly says, “Yes, marry me now!” I feel that those girls don’t really know the meaning of love, and are so insensitive about others and care about the number one person, them.

Oh well, this is life. We keep running toward a goal that we set or others set, but we don’t know how to get there sometimes. We just keep trying any road hoping it will get us there or even close to there. Ah life, what a mysterious journey.

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

Today is story telling day. So, there is this 26/27 year old girl that I know through my mom that is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. She is one of those girls that make little old me intimidated if I even go anywhere near her. She has black hair, green eyes, olive skin tone, perfect body, not too short and not too tall, and just has a beautiful and sweet personality.

She is of Lebanese descent. She got married right after highschool when she was only 18 years old. She has a 6 year old son now and she started smoking recently.

My mom asked her, “Do you plan to have anymore children? Your son seems lonely.”

The girl said, “No. I don’t plan to. I am having problems with my husband and mother-in-law.”

My mom knows her mother-in-law and told me no wonder this girl is having problems with her.

My mom asked her, “What kind of problems?”

The girl said, “My best friend found out from her friend that my mother-in-law is trying to hook my husband up with another girl so he will divorce me.”

My mom was mystified. Why would her mother-in-law want to get rid of her? Wasn’t the reason she was married at such a young age because she was probably the most gorgeous girl out there? (A catch like no other!)

My mom asked, “Why would she do that to you?”

The girl said, “Because I don’t listen to her, and she wants me to wear hijab, not go anywhere and wear what she wants.”

My mom said, “And what do you plan to do? Maybe you need to go take a course or continue your education.”

The girl said, “That’s the other problem. Can you imagine me being divorced now? What am I supposed to do then with no education and nothing to do?”

My mom said, “Maybe you need to make your self busy and go get educated. Your mother-in-law will not leave you alone and you don’t benefit her son if anything happens in the future to him, but if she sees you applying your self and doing something, then maybe she will leave you alone.”

When my mom told me the story I was like what the hell? If such a beautiful girl is having problems, then no wonder why us average girls have even more serious problems. It’s those mother-in-laws that like to set their own rules that everyone has to apply that cause all the problems. They love to invent problems to ruin their childrens’ marriages.

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!