I know I shouldn’t be complaining, but honestly, I don’t see the point of this blog anymore. Like I don’t know what I am trying to get across to everyone. Am I trying to throw out a message to the world outside of my head? Think about it, what am I trying to say every day? I don’t know, I feel that I can’t anymore because I have no idea what it is anymore.

I live a sad life, and I have become isolated in my own little bubble, and I just don’t know if it is worth talking about.

I am not a psychological experiment. So don’t try to analyze me anymore. I am just another girl out there who happens to be Arab, who happens to have a blog, who happens to write mediocre articles, and I … I …

I am expressive, I don’t lie, and I am a bit blunt. Traits of a person who is at the high ladder of being disliked.

So what do I really want to say. You see, the land I came from is in chaos. The exotic land of the middle east which I should be calling my second home is slowly turning to ruins, and what am I supposed to talk about anymore? How great it is that people are standing up for what they believe in, but they are doing it wrong and letting outside forces control their behaviour? And for what?

Also, I am not happy with my life. And the reason I started this blog 5 years ago was because I was not happy at all. Every year it just gets worse but I take it one day at a time. I feel blessed to survive day by day despite all the unwanted distractions, and I try to make the best out of it. It is hard. It is very hard, and you can say I have not cried in a long time, but I think I express it in anger instead.

Anger is not something I am happy about. The majority of the time I cannot control it, and I even regret it. You try being me. It may not seem like the most important thing in the world, and there a lot worse things going on. I should be putting my self in someone else’s shoe, but that doesn’t help but make me feel worse. So why can’t I put my self in someone else’s shoe that will make me feel better?

Like people say, “oh it could get worse?” Why can’t they say, “things will get better and look at this person and that?”

I have not been doing anything on my own or being creative for so many years. I am not doing anything that will make me feel or even appear better. I want to do something with my life that will make me in 20 years look back and say, “Ahh the hard times were merely just my own imagination.”

Really, I just don’t know what to say anymore..

“Is there anyone out there, because it is getting harder and harder to breath.. “

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

Where do I even begin this one?

I know many of you have viewed me as the “pessimist,” but I can’t help being me. I am just this type of person. Surprisingly, there are many things that make me happy. I get excited really quick, and about just the little things really. Maybe that’s why I am a pessimist because I view certain huge things as annoying obstacles or just whatever you know. But the cute little things just make me oh so happy!

For example, I get excited when I buy new electronic gadgets. It drives me to extreme happy mode. It is insignificant, selfish and materialistic happiness, but dammit, we do what makes us happy. Even if they are things that cost an arm and a leg.

I also get excited when I see happy fun people. I don’t get jealous or say, “what the fuck is wrong with them?” No, I like to share their joy and excitement. I don’t know why, but I feel I want to be part of their joy in order to be joyful as well. Sounds gay and totally stupid, but it works.

However, if it makes you guys happy to send me emails (like this morning from subscribed fans) to tell me that you want to have fun and a fucking good time, then you need to wake up from your dream land, because that ain’t happening buddy. You guys are serious FOBS who can’t even write English, nor have respect to women. But oh, I am a pessimist again. You guys need to make me happy and joyful, not fucking annoyed.

Selfish people. Learn to be happy! (Rolling my eyes, and lying through my teeth!)

So, what makes you people happy? Cuz I need to feel the happy vibe in order to stay happy. Don’t you guys want me to be happy? Happy is happy does!!

Categorize this!, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

This post may sound a bit blunt, but hey, I don’t care and I never do. Anyways, there are two things that really piss me off from two extreme types of people, especially Arabs: the religious fanatics and the political adversaries.

Why I don’t like them, actually I hate them and that’s why I am like fuzz people, why can’t you spend your time doing something better with your life instead of arguing these things day and night. No one cares and here is why:

Religion

I don’t care about religion. I think religion is from the heart and it is something we accept and we practice to please our selves and God. Why do I have to please you? Who the hell are you?

Politics

Last time I checked not every single one of you went to University or College to study some type of political sciences. Yet, the majority of you are political analysts, and you want to drag me into this. Hello, middle east, I don’t care!! No one cared about my Palestinian people as they have been suffering for over 60 years! You guys know shit about politics, yet all you guys do is talk about it like no tomorrow. Everyone wants to be a political critic. Political critics my ass! If it was that easy, humanity would have not or still not be suffering in some form or another politically, and even socially. So shut up, you don’t know any better.

P.S. I still love you guys, but you really piss me off.

Ranting as usual!, Whatever!

I would stop blogging and just end this site, but I can’t. I feel it is a part of me and I just can’t let go. It is like my baby! Blog baby!

Anyways, I have been having a horrible week. My work sucks ass. I work with a bunch of crazy people. I don’t even want to discuss it anymore than that. Crazy crazy. I am learning to ignore people at work really well.

So what’s new with the world? I spent it being pissed off that I don’t read news, don’t care but watch pointless TV shows so I don’t think or bother with the world. Ahh, life is tough for a rebellious arab girl. I am discovering that I am far too rebellious that I need to tone it down and not bother with anything. I want to stop caring about the world and everything in it and just focus on the number one priority, me.

It’s good to be self absorbed sometimes.

Blah Blah, Funny, Idiots, Whatever!

You know, this post may seem sappy but after so many years being alone, I have no idea what being in love is anymore. How do people fall in love? How do people share feelings for one another? Is it easy like before, or so complicated because we live in a world with various forms of communication?

So many questions, but what is the answer?

I don’t know what love is. I don’t even remember if I ever loved anyone or if I could call it love. Why are people so obsessed over “love”?

I want that tingly feeling that people talk about. I want butterflies in my stomach. I want this emotional tie with someone. I want this “thing!”

However, is it all just part of my imagination? Is it all just psychological nonsense?

I think I want lots of things in life, but I don’t know if this thing called “love” something I want forever, or just want to experience it once in my life to just say that I did. You guys know what I mean.

Happy Loving Tuesday!

Blah Blah, They said what?, Whatever!