I have been quiet about the bloodshed in Gaza the past, because the more I talked about it, the more I felt my heart was being squeezed to death. I couldn’t watch anymore dead children. It’s not right.

This week there was a plane crash in the Hudson Bay in NY of a huge civilian air plane. Everyone survived. However, this was the first thing that people asked, “was it a terrorist attack? Are the children ok?”

Why can’t the Western media have a heart to those kids in Gaza? What did a 4 year old do to deserve this?

Poll

I started a poll over a week or so ago about who started the war in Gaza. And so far, many people are truthful in knowing who the guilty party is.

The poll is still open:

More videos

I got this video from a Jewish man that lives in the US, and he is spreading his view points on Twitter of his discontent with what Israel is doing.

I saw the video and it was exactly how I felt, and how every Palestinian felt. The world does not understand and they refuse to understand. 1300 people died in Gaza, and over 5000 injured. Yet, the world is saying that Hamas needs to stop firing rockets and killing Israelis? So it is wrong for Palestinians to attack back? It is wrong for them to defend themselves? It seems to be. Because 13 Israelis died and only 2 or 3 were civilians that were killed from a bunch of stupid rockets. The world is going crazy cause of that! Yet, Israel is using white phosphoric weapons. Is that ok? Where is the justice? What is right and what is wrong? Really? Who is right and who is wrong?

I still believe that this world is run by a carnival of idiots, and we just sit and watch.

A Liberal Viewpoint

I found these videos on YouTube from a group called, The Young Turks. I thought they were reasonable. They were justified and well thought of. When you see and research both sides of the story, then your non-biased viewpoint is a bit more believable.

In Gaza Conflict – Which Side Is Using Human Shields?

Israel Strikes a UN Facility – Is it Intentional?

Now Israel said that it has called a cease fire. Let’s see how long that will last.

Angry, Confused, Palestine, They said what?, Video, Whatever!

The post from two days ago has spurred a lot of debate. I have avoided answering comments regarding the issue and decided to read what every person said twice. I gave every one of you twice the chance and two days! I have closed off the comments there because I noticed people were fighting with one another, and I did not want to get in the middle of it.

I think there was a bit of confusion on the entire subject matter. I got many very angry emails, concerned emails, psychological analysis emails, facebook messages, comments, etc, in the past two days. People’s real perception and understanding of why I said what I said was completely skewed and went off to another tangent. I was talking about a certain group of people from the past. That was all. I wasn’t talking about the present. I was not talking about people from this day and age that I know. I was not talking about people that I am even friends with.

Most of you have been reading each other’s comments on the previous post, so I won’t reiterate those. I will comment on a few key points that people kept mentioning and started fighting over.

Typical Arab Girl

Define the typical Arab girl to me? Please. I would like to know who she is. Introduce me to her and let me analyze her life style, and then I will tell you if she is even close to being an Arab. Last week, I went to the hair stylist, and the guy that did my hair was Palestinian/Lebanese. He said this to me, and it was probably the most astounding truthful thing an Arab ever said to me. If the guy was not married I would be all over him. (He was cute!) So, he said this, “Arabs here don’t even know the meaning of being an Arab. They pretend to be Arab and they think that speaking a language is enough to define them as being ones. Being an Arab is more. It is a lot more. It’s that fiery essence that non-Arabs don’t understand. It’s the will power and drive to love the true culture and morally great traditions. It doesn’t matter if you are Christian or Muslim. The true Arab is hard to find now a days.”

So tell me, where is that typical Arab girl? Or better yet, where is that typical Arab guy? Is it you? I will tell you this. Maybe I am was that typical Arab girl that people now a days define. However, now, I AM the REAL Arab girl. I am the fiery essence that is trying to find those real Arabs. Arab women and men fought in wars. They spoke to each other face to face. They are treated equally. God said that he will judge each person the same. Man or woman! When YOU people tell me to act like the typical Arab girl, then you pretty much defined the modern term of the phrase. Which is not me. I apologize that I WILL NOT BOW DOWN to anyone except God! I will NOT degrade my self to the new modern definitions and misunderstood traditions that some of you think is one of the primary answers to marriage.

The typical Arab girl in this day does not have an opinion. She is a slave to her husband. The words that comes out of her mouth are carefully weighed to satisfy her audience. She doesn’t step out of the box of the new made up traditions and be her own self. Why you think the rest of the world thinks that Arabs are backwards and women are treated badly? It’s because women themselves don’t want to think outside of that box anymore, and try to be something more than what society expects them to be. Like I mentioned a few weeks back about the coffee serving tradition. That’s how low Arabs have become. They judge a girl by her servitude to others. That’s exactly what they are doing by applying such a tradition to Arab girls as a judgment for marriage.

Compromise

Of course we all compromise. Why were you people trying to explain to me something that I already knew? We all compromise. We argue, we give our opinions, we come to a conclusion to satisfy each party. That’s the way the world SHOULD work. However, no one should degrade themselves or agree in order to satisfy the other, but they are not even close to satisfying themselves.

Emails

I got a few interesting emails. I decided to share some points within the context of the email that I want to elaborate on.

Person 1 said:

Computer programmer? Why weren’t you a psychiatrist? I completely agree with the bad things happening to good people. Devout Muslims are being labeled terrorists. Pretty girls that mess around marry rich husbands and hide their secrets in the closet. Guys with money mess around and marry innocent girls that are raised to be wed off. Some guys are dogs, some girls are bitches. “That’s just the way it is”. Dont think about stuff too much or you will lose your grip on reality. Canada must be crap eh…

This person did not leave a valid email. Why? No clue. That’s their choice to be honest. This email pretty much sums up how life is now a days. Maybe it has been like this for a long time. Who knows. However, if I think too much, I won’t loose grip on reality. It actually makes me cringe from disgust on how reality really is. It opens my eyes to the truth. Reality is horrible and sometimes I wish I can shut it off because it is painful.

Person 2 said:

… I think the difficulty you are having is the same difficulty that I am having right now. Although you deny it and you may not want to admit it, I think you may still have feelings for that guy and that’s why it’s harder for you to move on. Well, maybe its not him you need to let go, but the way you felt when you were with him.

The person that wrote this email was briefly a friend of mine, and he has been realizing over time that finding a real Arab girl who actually tells people her real feelings is not easy to find. However, I didn’t get a chance to answer that part of his email. I was pretty sure that he wasn’t the only one that thought that was the reason I say some of the things that I say. Hmm. No. You see, the past is a great lesson to all us. It makes us grow and make better decisions for the future. Why would I have feelings towards a typical two faced living a double life selfish bastard? You tell me if that is logical?

We need to be honest here and explain a few things. I was a typical Arab girl with him. I was the most typical every day Arab girl that you would ever meet. Was it good enough? No. I tried and I tried. Then one day I quit trying. I saw how bad it was to act a certain way to satisfy someone else. I saw how it felt to be degraded to make someone else happy.

One day I exploded. One day I said to my self that I had enough. This is not a life. This is NOT what I want from this life. This is exactly the opposite of what I was meant to be in this life. I want to be someone who is respected. Someone who works hard to achieve higher goals in life. I want to be recognized for my talents, and my life’s achievements. I didn’t want to be judged by my salary. I didn’t want to be judged by the people that I talked to, if they were an Arab or non-Arab, or a girl or guy, and if the conversation that I had with them was proper to his standards. I didn’t want to be judged by every action and every word that came out of my mouth.

I was in rage. I was mad. I was not going to sit quiet anymore and accept this typical Arab life style. It was not me. It was not meant to be me.

Therefore, I raged. I rebelled. I made this website because I could not stand it anymore. I knew I was not the problem. I knew I was not the only one. Guy or girl. Arab or non-Arab. Why the hell do we conform with traditions or rules that satisfy everyone else but us? Is it right? Is this life?

I am not a doormat. I will never be.

Negative Thoughts

Some have pointed out that I am very negative and should be a bit more optimistic. Sure. Optimism is good. However, I have to disagree. I think pessimism is better because it DRIVES US to do greater things. If we are optimistic all the time, then we would only sit and wait for good things to happen. That’s not me. What drives me every day is the NEGATIVES that I want to change to POSITIVES in any way I can. I will complain. I will try to fix. I will try to challenge others. I will speak out. I will not sit down and take it anymore. Positive my ass. Sure.. think positive. Forget the negatives, but when they come to you, hope to God you are ready. I doubt you have any idea then how to solve them.

If every person thought positively then we will still be living in caves. We would be hoping that a space ship created by some aliens crash lands infront of us with all the answers that we thought positively that one day will happen. Stop living a dream! Challenge your self. Think of the worse case scenarios so you will end up thinking of better ways to fix them and make them better. That’s why God gave us brains to think. God didn’t say to sit and wait. He said work hard and he will help us achieve our dreams if we were meant to achieve them.

This is life. Accept it! Also, STOP denying the facts of life and reality, and wake up from your dreams. I woke up the hard way. I was hit by a stone and told to wake up.

Wake up! Wake up!

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

My mom has been driving me crazy lately with my hair. She obviously does not want me to cut it. Last time I cut it was last February, because she made me mad. So I chopped it all off till my neck. Now, it is back to were it was before. Long. Long. Long. I need to trim it because my hair does not look normal at the edges. I am thinking I will get a proper hair cut in 3 months. That’s how long I am going to give my hair a chance to grow, hopefully to my ideal length. Anyways, so what is mom complaining about lately, that involves my hair?

She said, “your hair is TOO dark. I have to fix it.”

I said, “NO! My hair is dark. Any lighter and it will be obviously fake! I am sick of it! I like dark hair.”

Mom is not convinced. I like my hair almost blackish in colour. That’s my hair. I am dark. I am tan and have dark hair. I am not my sister. My sister has light light brown hair and she is whitish. Total opposite of me, and she thinks she is SO GREAT because her hair is SO LIGHT compared to mine. You know what I say to her when she starts bragging? Yep, YOU guessed it!

Anyways, so I decided to cook today, because I am sick of my mom cooking anything and putting meat in it, and I have to pick my food to avoid chunks of meat! My God it is annoying to do after a while. Plus this afternoon was the first day I was free. I have been running around the past week, and after this morning, I am done running around for a bit. I need a break. Although I am unemployed, I feel that I do far too many things during the day! I want to be a lazy unemployed bum! Not an active unemployed crazy loon!

Finally, I had time to clean my office and bedroom. My office was so filled with junk and books all over the place, that I couldn’t even sit in it. I got papers everywhere! And novels everywhere! I decided that I need to show that I am a geek, and place some of my computer books in a more visible spot in my book case. Rearranging books is a pain in the neck! Also, looking at some of my computer books, I kept thinking, which book I never opened before? Seriously, half the books I have, I never opened. I just bought them and let them sit there. I have more notes and binders though. I think a lot of trees were cut cause of me!

These are some of my books. Not all computers. Which book do you think I never opened before?

Also, after all the snow that London have received the past week, I decided that I should not go outside anymore. It’s not just snowy, but SO COLD, that gloves don’t even keep me warm at all! It’s like -20c outside and windshield a bit less than that. Or maybe way less! You know, once the temperature goes below -10c, then that’s it. I hibernate!

Being inside and taking photos of the snowy tree is a lot better! Trust me! :kiss:

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I got some foolish emails from some people today. They complain to me that I should use my rebelliousness for the better of my Palestinian people and not talk about anything else. Hmm, those people come to my site searching for “arab girl”, “arab porn”, “arab f*** girl”, “hijab F*** girl”, “Muslim F*** girl,” etc, and they land on some unrelated post. They search through my site using my search bar that I so happily see what people search for, and they don’t get what they want. I think to my self, “hypocrites?” I don’t think that is a strong enough word to describe such Arabs.

Other people email me asking, “well, you never seen a war before. You have no idea how these people are feeling, and you are just sitting there comfortably in Canada.” True, I never been in a full fledged Israeli war. I was not born in Palestine to see anything. I was not in Lebanon in 1982. I was not in Lebanon in 2006, but I had a ticket booked for August of that year and the war started in July. I never seen the monstrosity of a true war. I apologize. I do not understand it completely. I apologize for me caring about other human beings, which happen to be the people that share the same ethnicity as me.

In 1990, the Gulf war started. I was in Riyadh, KSA still. I was 9 years old and school closed for over 2 months maybe. My family lived on the edge of the city near military bases and royalty areas. We were well equipped for a chemo or biological war. Each one of us had a gas mask and we all lived in fear. We would hear sirens go off every night. You know what sucks the most about a war? Night time and seeing missiles above your head colliding with each other to form a huge explosion. At least there was a retaliation of some sort. A fair war you could say.

Well, one night, I was out in the balcony playing. The sirens didn’t even go off, and all I saw was many missiles and explosions in the sky. My mom had to rush to the balcony to find me and hide me. I was frozen. My face turned blue and mom carried me inside because I couldn’t walk. Some life for a 9 year old eh?

I may not know or experienced a true war. But for children to see missiles above their head, and you wondering why they don’t run away or hide so quickly, is due to the fact that kids are scared to death and freeze. They can’t move and wonder to them selves, “Dear God! Why are adults so stupid, insensitive and not care about us!”

I know many people that were in Kuwait during the Gulf war and probably had worse experiences. I know many people from Lebanon and Palestine who had a lot worse. I went to Lebanon right after the war in 1991. The country was just recovering from a 15 year civil war. It was not fun to see all those ruins. War is not fun. Destruction and killing of other human beings is not fun to see or hear about.

Now you wonder why I am bitter and don’t give a SHIT about Arab countries or Israel or any organization. They are all stupid and think violence is the answer. We are still alive! Us children that saw wars! We saw it and we are sick of it. That’s why we left and finally found a place where people are NOT stupid and NOT fighting for power or religious control. WE left because WE had to! Many Arabs come here because they have to! We ran around from country to country to find another place to live. We wanted to live and stay away from shitty political rules, religious fanatics, and stupid organizations!

Is that ok with you? Do you mind me being in Canada now?

Angry, Blah Blah, Palestine, They said what?, Whatever!

I will call the war in Gaza from now on the “War to Kill Children.” Why? Simple. When you kill as many children as you can, you don’t have to worry about them growing up and joining some fanatic religious organization. Target UN school. Target homes. Target, well, everything. Who cares. Kill them all. That’s the philosophy of a true war to annihilate an entire culture.

This war in Gaza is tearing me apart. I can’t work or do anything but read the news. I try to spread the news through Facebook or through Twitter. However, Twitter has been such a horrible place lately. Too many attacks. Too many people sending me hateful comments or comments that argue back a fact. How the fuck can anyone argue a stated fact? Tell me how in the world can you, a logical intelligent person argue facts? Can’t you see videos? Can’t you see pics? What? Photoshoped? Video edited? Is that your argument?

I am not supporting either side. I am totally against any organization. I am neither with Hamas or Hizbollah or Iran or Israel or US. I don’t give two shits about any of them, and I don’t agree with any of them. I believe that children and women should not be a target in any war. Even US would never go into a war and start killing anyone. They have a bit more sympathy than that.

13 days and Arab leaders sitting on their asses doing nothing but have closed door meetings with no conclusions. No wonder why I don’t like Arab nations. They probably say, “yah.. let them get rid of Hamas. That’s the intent of the war.” Sure. Hamas is the MAIN target in this war. If it was true, Israel could have easily gotten their ground troops from first day, went to every house and did a search. Capture those they “believe” are with Hamas and detain them. Simple. Wouldn’t that have been easier? Wouldn’t have that been the most logical solution to avoid civilian causalities?

Many people ask me why I complain so much about the hateful comments on Twitter. Why was I a target to hate and they aren’t. Simple. I am Palestenian and I write how much I am disgusted with what is going on. That’s it.

What are people saying to me? I will show you all the Tweets I have been getting.

Twitter Hate

1. weloveISRAEL @rebelliousgirl had u had rockets raining on u, and civilans, after u gave up land, and made a ceasefire that was broken? 8 minutes ago from mobile web in reply to rebelliousgirl
2. israelforever @rebelliousgirl NY Times? Objective? You MUST be joking. #gaza about 1 hour ago from TwitterFox in reply to rebelliousgirl
3. DaMav @rebelliousgirl Maybe 50 more Fatah murdered by Hamas? #gaza about 1 hour ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
4. ecnyc7 @rebelliousgirl: U & yr people descend from adulterous, sodomistic idolaters who sacrificed their own children to idols. Nothing has changed about 2 hours ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
5. weloveISRAEL @rebelliousgirl no one hates you, we just disagree with ur opinions and r bothered by what ur nation has done to us. about 12 hours ago from mobile web in reply to rebelliousgirl
6. infidelsarecool @rebelliousgirl your vastly misinformed. Pictures of dead people do not tell the whole story. you have no clue who Hamas is, do you? about 17 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to rebelliousgirl
7. infidelsarecool @rebelliousgirl what’s there to agree on? Hamas will NEVER accept anything less than complete annihilation of the Jews. #gaza about 17 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to rebelliousgirl
8. axelvincent @rebelliousgirl you mean Hamas Canadians??? #gaza about 20 hours ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl</li>
9. ircpresident @rebelliousgirl You stick to reality my lady, sticking to facts make you another Great Expectationsh hero & I’m the Ghost of Christmas past. 6:50 PM Jan 6th from TwitterFox in reply to rebelliousgirl
10. ircpresident @rebelliousgirl You are idiot enough like all the Arabs who still can not separate between the Government’s ass and Egypt. 6:36 PM Jan 6th from TwitterFox in reply to rebelliousgirl
11. katzeroo @rebelliousgirl The location is irrelevent. Hamas is taking up positions there. That’s why the IDF is operating there. #Israel #gaza 1 day ago from TweetGrid in reply to rebelliousgirl
12. mikiha @rebelliousgirl i prefer all the citizens of gaza DEAD DEAD DEAD then one israeli civilian dying GAZA 2 days ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
13. Defeat_Terror @rebelliousgirl maybe u look into hamas eyes and ask them why did they start this war? #gaza 2 days ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
14. thetruthseekerz @rebelliousgirl i dont have a life that is why i am reading the crap you are tweeting sheehs #dumb #biatch 2 days ago from twhirl in reply to rebelliousgirl
15. david_sasson @rebelliousgirl #Gaza That’s because the Hamas leaders are hiding behind woman skirts! 3 days ago from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
16. raffal007 @rebelliousgirl don’t u think Palestinians will be better off without Hamas?. 10:09 PM Jan 3rd from TwitterFon in reply to rebelliousgirl
17. balex @rebelliousgirl Thank you for spreading misinformation. Hamas want a better economy? is that why they’re firing rockets at civilians? 8:09 PM Jan 3rd from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
18. stalyn_says @rebelliousgirl explain to me the 70 virgin thin again? how perverted that mind set is. yet you guys are the pure ones. 7:57 PM Jan 3rd from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
19. WendyRosenfield @rebelliousgirl I admit killing civilians is wrong. Can you? Sending bombers onto crowded Israeli buses is a Hamas tactic. Is that ok? 4:36 PM Jan 3rd from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
20. GuyNesher @rebelliousgirl when Israeli children and women were dying from hamas rockets, did you twitt to protest ? #Gaza 4:02 PM Jan 3rd from web in reply to rebelliousgirl
21. GuyNesher @rebelliousgirl True, but please tell me, where can i find your twit again the hundreds of missiles fired at israeli civilians ? 10:27 AM Dec 27th, 2008 from web in reply to rebelliousgirl

Many people told me to block them, and I did. I have blocked over 30 people off Twitter so far. Most are hateful propaganda Twitter bots. Some suggested I should make my Tweets private. But No. I will never. I want to spread the word in any way I can. That’s the only power I got, and I will use it 100% to my advantage. Also, over 100 people added me to Twitter the past week. I get an email every time someone ads me, and half I do not accept because I don’t know who they are or they are bots.

Today, I got an email from a friend of mine through this blog that is in the US military and has been to Iraq, and he told me this.

This Gaza conflict is making me mad and Isreal has gone too far. If I were US president I would really help Palestine. Isreal claims to be going after Hamas targets yet so many innocent civilians are getting killed. I may be wrong but it seems like Isreal is attacking a large area to take out a smal target within a much smaller area. Heck if the US military did that we would be in a world of hurt.

My high school was predominantly Jewish. I was one of the few Arabs there. I remember non Jews would say they are Jewish just so the traditional Jews don’t give them a hard time. I think there are Jews who are racist. Where I’m from in California there are traditional Jews whose family heritage is from Israel. If someone wasn’t Jewish or were Jewish but their roots were not from Israel they didn’t want to talk to those people. I’m fed up with how Jews until this day go to the extreme wanting sympathy because of what happened to them in Europe during the 40s. I never see Black people wanting sympathy for what they went through in the US for 400 years. They would like peoples understanding, that I can agree with. Same with the Armenians, the generation that went through the 1915 genocide get emotional about what happened and I’ll say that too is understandable, because of what they experienced. With Jews, they use all sorts of ways to gain sympathy and it gets annoying.

I think that’s enough for today. I just watch the news, read articles from all sources (None Arabs), and read many blogs such as Sabbah’s! That’s how I am keeping up with the news, and I spread it as it happens.

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Palestine, They said what?, Tweets, Whatever!