That’s my advice for today! lol

Last Saturday, not yesterday, a week ago, I was bored and I decided to try my luck again with job hunting. I don’t even know why, but companies usually don’t answer right away or even answer. By the same day, not even an hour later, I got an answer from one asking for an interview. I was stunned. Then the next evening, the past Sunday, I got another one that asked me to come the next day, even at the lunch hour to talk. I was like ok?

So I went on Monday. It was a small business, not even 7 people, but the owner had a desperate way of asking me to come work. After conversing, and you guys know me! I think big, I love to organize the business, and I love to make things easy for the end user to utilize. The owner said, I will pay you the exact same salary you are getting now, and parking is free. So I am saving on parking? Wow! It was such an intriguing offer to leave my current job for that. Not only that, he wanted me to do management level work and development. I was like you are kidden me? Management work with this salary? So I told him no on the Tuesday.

He was not happy.

Did I mention that I didn’t go to the first interview with the company that answered me first because they won’t even pay close to what I am getting? But I will be getting an amazing atmosphere! Wow! Pay cut to work at God’s who knows place.

So back to the first employer. I said, “No thank you. This is not a career move that makes sense to me at the moment… blah blah…. ” I got a reply back with a very angry desperate tone. I told him I am too busy to think now, maybe I will have a definite answer in the end of the week.

What would you guys think when I said, “yeah whatever, I will answer you later?” REJECTION!

Friday came, and guess who emails me at 8:00 am? HIM asking if I thought about it and want to work for him. I was like dude, I appreciate the consideration, but no.

I knew a guy a few months ago who had the same approach in wanting to date me and I kept saying no, but he didn’t get it that I was not interested in him that way. He wasn’t my type. Now, this reminds me, earlier this week, my new co-worker, a very nice girl around my age asked me, “So what is your type of guy Mona?” That came as a surprise because I didn’t have an answer. I started with labeling some physical features, but then I kept thinking that it is wrong to judge someone on how they look. Then I kept changing my mind to stuff more related to how I looked. Tall, round face, olive skinned, educated, etc. She told me, “You love your self!” I said with a confused look, “I guess so… ”

Hmm yeah… Well, yesterday at the mall, I got my second ear re-pierced. Yes, now I have 4 active piercings. 1 was closed, and I re-opened it. Now I look like my old self. I still want to get one more piercing at the top of my left ear, but I can wait. I would pierce my nose, but then I would look Indian and I would itch my nose all the time. lol

So yeah, I had an interesting week. Sort of.

It’s me again. I have been blah for a while, but I am back to my normal self, whatever normal is. I remember when I was taking psychology at University, and we learned statistics and the norm, and I was like you are kidden right? I am not normal according to some analysis of a selected group of people! How absurd! That’s when I realized as a 19 year old that I am not even close to be defined as one.

You see, most girls would want to get married, settle down, have children, but I have no idea why I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t want to per say, but what’s the point? I lived 31 years and according to my backward culture, I am far too old and I could be a grandmother, literary. It’s ok! I just gave up with I realized, well, I am not that pretty. I do not have a wow ideal Arabic body. I am very outspoken, very opinionated and I don’t care what I say, because it needs to be said. Also, I don’t communicate with other people. I just go to work, come home and I don’t care to talk. I have 100′s of cell phone minutes that I don’t use at all.

I guess I never wanted to be labeled with that stereotype of a typical Arab and decided to seclude my self. I wonder if people even remember me or know who I am. Have you ever wondered if people still remember you? It’s like you are a walking dead person and people just think you are dead.

Oh what am I talking about. At times I wish I had my own home that I get to decorate my self. I wish I had a garden to plant herbs and flowers. I wish for many things, but I guess people like me are not meant to live the simple life and have to live their lives wondering and imagining things.

I know, a lot of lame comments I get. It’s better if I don’t write a lot to sway the attention for me, but I do appreciate all that still remember me.

Where have I been? Well, watching movies, staying warm, and going to work and hiding in my own office trying to stay warm. It it just the typical winter day.

I have been calm lately. I didn’t want to write because really, what is there to say? I am cold. I am Arab. This is not the weather that my body has evolved to over the years to withstand. I am supposed to be basking in the dessert heat, chilaxin with a camel and eating cactus. Wait, isn’t that a stereotype or just a dream?

What would be my dream right now? I would be lounging in a tropical area or dessert and looking at the clear skies thanking God I am still alive to enjoy it.

Where do you see your self right now?

1. If you are in charge, you don’t have to justify anything. You are in charge and you do what you want!

2. The world is slowly gearing to women in power. They have a lot of talent and bring personality to the team.

3. I like working with people. I really do because I think team work brings projects to life.

4. I am happy and I know it!

So how is everyone’s week? Mine was great. It was filled with happiness, drama, craziness, calmness, but in the end of the day, I feel ok. Odd I know, but I am trying to think the glass is half full!

Today I was told that no way I looked past 30. I said yeah! I should have been 50!

So that’s my story! Why don’t you tell me yours? What’s up with your lives my friend? Anything you care to share?

How is everyone doing? I feel a bit mellow today. I just want to lay back and do nothing. I feel it has been a long hard week. That’s my life every week. Once I reach the end of it I am like dear God! Then it all starts over again on Monday. Oh well!

I was looking at my archives and my emails, and I can’t believe I started my first blog entry in 2005. I don’t even remember 2005. I don’t even remember what I did yesterday, which makes me glad that I do have a blog and I can document my life. Even though I do come across as a pessimist, but I just speak my mind. Every body when they really say what is on their mind then it comes across as not so nice.

I have learned a lot about criticism and rejection from this blog. It helps in life because it really teaches you how to deal with people of every walk of life. I remember when I had my first website back in early 2000 or 1999, and people out of no where did not like me. I didn’t understand why. What was I saying that people didn’t like? I had to learn the very hard way that the truth is not acceptable. Speaking your mind and being who you are is frowned upon. I think I stopped caring in 2006/2007 when I realized that people actually spent their valuable time making hate websites about me and stealing my pictures as well.

I guess you can be loved in different ways.

What is so appealing about my blog and way of writing? Is it just the hard truth? Is it the things that people frown upon and I discuss it? I don’t do anything wrong in life. I am very honest and I learned that honestly is the best solution to all my problems. I sleep well at night. I don’t think and re-think over and over. I don’t hide anything. I am an open book and I learned to live life day by day.

If I have been ignoring or not answering your email, then I do apologize. I am just at a loss of word sometimes. (Yeah! ME!) Also, I do not want to put any advertisements or promote any products. I get a lot of those emails, and I don’t want to clutter my website. I want to redesign it one day, if I have time, and try to be a rebellious Arab girl with a different theme and point of view. For now, let’s all stick to this and see how it goes. It is only the first week of January and things are crazy already. It’s a leap year. It’s 2012. I wonder what scary movie they have up the works on December 12, 2012.

My brain is unstable. I really need more coffee eh?

Time for me to find something to do. Peace!

Wasn’t I complaining yesterday? Well God reads my blog and told companies to call me and meet with me ASAP today! So I did. I can’t believe that I just left work for an hour and met some owner of some start-up company. They look at my resume and listen to me talk and they are baffled. I hide behind a mask. Too bad the position doesn’t pay what I want and it is only 6 months. I was like dude, I got a full time position, crappy, but at least full time. The offer is not that appealing. And he kept saying, well I would hire you know because I like you. (He is WAY too good looking. Total eye candy. Too distracting in a very small company. I would never accept it. Maybe in a different universe.)

So that was my adventure for today. 9 years of experience and hell, I should move to another city and end my misery from this one. Companies here don’t want to pay but suck the blood out of you.

At least I am still desired for my brains.

Anyways, on a more serious note. I get a lot of people emailing or commenting that I am a pessimist, my blog sucks, etc, whatever. Why do you keep reading it if you don’t like it? Why comment on the negatives and never comment on anything else? You guys are giving me second doubts why I opened up this blog again, but you know, I don’t care. I am just mentioning it because I can. Most people hate me because it is my blog and I exercise dictatorship to its full power here. Most people think it’s quite offensive and so wrong, but I don’t care. I don’t go to anyone’s blog or say anything nasty at all to them. It’s not my style and very childish. Oh, I guess I have to end this post with telling all those haters to GROW UP!

Smile! I have to go to work tomorrow. I will learn to survive 6 – 7 day work week for no clear end goal whatsoever.

I will stop complaining now.

Why don’t you try to work 6 or 7 days a week? And for what? The purpose? The rush? There is no rush and no purpose. There is a need to be fast, quick, and always first. But are you? Why develop and be first or try to be if no one really cares and you are just one fish in a pool of 100′s! Why develop a half ass product that is untested just so you can be first. Would anyone want it?

No.

So why be first? Why not be secretive and be better? Wouldn’t that make sense? Innovation is not the best anymore. It’s staying on top and finding a spot in the game.

Things hasn’t changed at work, but got worse. I gave them a chance and I wanted to see where they were heading, but all I can do is just say yes and look for another job. Hopefully God can hear my plea and I can just walk out and move on. I need to find something that will treat me as a person with the skills to do my best and not do a half ass job in order to reach an imaginary goal.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Didn’t I tell you guys this is going to start off as an awful year? I hope God keeps my sanity, because I lost my patience long ago and I am just contemplating if I should go into work anymore or pretend I am sick until I find something better. I hate this city, but what can I do? I am stuck here. I just need to wade it out. I just don’t know for how long I can take this. Don’t know at all.

I made a new year’s resolution. I want to be mean to some random stranger on the Internet. I am always the victim. I am always given horrible traits and people make judgments without knowing me. I want to do it too!!!

So, who wants to be a volunteer?

I guess no one wants to raise their hands. I don’t blame you guys. I cannot for the life of me go to any person’s websites and be mean to them. I can’t even say anything if I am not satisfied with their opinion. I just go on to the next site and not bother. It’s called turning the other cheek and ignoring.

I don’t know what to do this new year. I want to make a diary of tasks I want to do every month. I want to check them off to see if I can achieve any of them. I need to get my self a journal or task book or whatever and start my journey. I have to start doing something different and check it off my bucket list of things to do this year.

Didn’t the Mayans predict we will die this year!! It will be all over! Oh well. I might as well do something in the meantime!!

What should the Rebellious Girl do?