During working hours, I tend to spend my day gazing at the computer screen or answering un-welcomed phone calls from high-maintenance customers. It is funny that I don’t remember signing up for this job as half of it being the customer support. Even though other employees were told that I was not to be the one given full responsibility of such a task, but alas! Slowly over the past few weeks, I was dealt the responsibility again.

Out of 4 technical people, 2 being programmers, I am the one they confide in. Is it me, or maybe I am the only one that can explain things in proper terms that do not confuse anyone? I am the only nice and polite person on the phone that people seem to like listening to and understand properly. Technical-jargon? Blah! However, on a positive note, the less people in the world that know about the machines, the longer us little people stay employed.

Now I should get to the main point of this post. Since I am the one that all the ladies at work trust in handling such technical inquiries by disturbed customers, then it makes perfect sense that I am willing to help one of the ladies create a blog. She asked me if she should start one, what did I think of bloggers, and how to even start one? How can Mona say no to that? Encouraging the masses to write out their thoughts to the world and expressing themselves freely? What a task that I must attend to without any hesitations indeed!

Yes my online friends. I helped a lady at work, who is over 50 years old, single, and more hyper than an energizer bunny start a blog.

I signed her up for free with wordpress.com. She spent a few days, no actually few weeks contemplating the idea of what to write, and what the purpose of a blog really is. I told her this bluntly, “You want to be published for free? Can you write a paragraph or two without run-on sentences and lame attention grabbers? If so, you can publish a blog. It will be better than 95% of the blogs out there.”

Surprisingly, no one asked me how I know such tremendous details regarding blogs. No one asked me how I pointed them to the most famous blogger’s websites, and explained the riches and popularity they have received over time. No one asked me how I can easily set one up. No one asked me why I know all this information regarding this open medium of published thoughts.

Either the ladies are not-so-analytically-savvy, or maybe they disregarded these questions and assumed since I am the friendly technical person, that I know everything. And when I mean everything, my brain capacity is meant to be extraordinary filled with all kinds of information like an encyclopedia. I think being a female in a field were the seemingly complicated machines are taking over people’s lives, then I must know everything else in the world!

I would link to her wonderfully expressive blog, but you know what? Let’s keep it on the down low and for no person in my employment ever knowing that I am a professional blogger with various years of experience in this field. I like my privacy and no one questioning me for having this explicit side of me.

 Loading ...

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

Dear Internet world,

It has come to my attention that there are several men that come to my site not realizing that I am pretty bitchy; hence, permanently carrying the forbidden name, “Rebellious Arab Girl.” I don’t like emails that are meant to be a joke or portrays an ounce of unintelligent thoughts. It makes me question how the world is being led. Is it going to be led by such unintelligent men that thrive for power and lack any respect to the opposite gender? Or is it going to be led by men that think that they can grab any woman’s attention by a few sugar-coated words and a copy of Romeo’s famous lines?

By the way, you ain’t no Romeo! And I ain’t no suicidal love-struck Juliet!

My age does not represent a desperate need to be with you. My culture has bestowed such twisted idiotic thoughts upon its people, that I no longer find any other reason for your unintelligent unthoughtful desperate emails other than being brainwashed by this culture! Do you want to be known as that guy who got a girl who thought of you as last in her list? A final desperate attempt? Such a sad being you are. Go to the sink now and wash your face. I can’t believe so many people like you exist. Yet, you call your self educated? What does a few degrees here and there compared to life’s lessons?

Do you even know what life is supposed to mean?

If life is meant for a person to get married and have children only, then is it fair for those that cannot conceive, cannot get married, widowed, divorced, un-loved, or living in low-class humiliation with no roofs on their heads? Why is the latter thought of as horrible, unacceptable or looked down upon if it is out of their control?

Thank you for your time and great effort in using a thesaurus, and for others, an online translator that skips a few conjunctions and prepositions. You are one unintelligent dumb ass!

Regards,

An unamused Rebellious Arab Girl

Angry, Culture, They said what?, Whatever!

Lately, a lot of random people have been contacting me telling me their stories. Most have sorrowful stories of love, betrayal, cultural interference, and the most famous question of all, “why me?”

I don’t have an answer, because like you and I, I ask my self, “why me?” However, when it comes to love and relationships, I sort of quit caring. I grew out of it. I don’t want it to be the main focus in my life. When I was younger in University, I had two main focuses: education and falling in love. Huh! Silly as it may sound, but when you only have one responsibility such as school, then finding something magnificent such as love is just as challenging.

Unfortunately, we grow up. We grow up and realize there are a lot more challenging things in life that we don’t want to deal with just yet. That is the reason why I prefer to stay in school and decided to enroll in continuing education at the University. It will cost me a lot, but I decided that as long as I have a job, I will create another focus. I cannot have one focus in life, and it seems I failed in love or I don’t want it, then I will focus in education instead.

How long will this continue on?

I ask my self this every day, when will I find another focus? I seem to be eliminating one focus at a time and finding another. I inevitably got rid of any friends because deep down inside of me I cannot commit 100% to them like real friends do. And because I cannot, I just decided to end it or I will be a horrible friend to have. Why would a person continue to be a horrible person to others?

As for love, you see, I try, but when I try, my head tells me no. My memories keep telling me what is the point! He will love you now, but will get married to the next person, any person in a month later!

It’s funny, one lady at work who is about 50 has a boyfriend and 3 kids, and she asked me, “Mona, why aren’t you dating anyone!” I said, “The older I am, the pickier.” She said, “That’s true.” I said, “I had a boyfriend for like 6 years, I broke up with him, and 3 months later he got engaged, and 3 months after that he was married.” Her reaction was unbelievable. Her chin dropped and said, “What the fuck? Who the hell does that?” Then another lady heard that and gasped in shock. In the back of my head, I said, “Hmm, good thing you guys don’t know anything about the way Arabs think about love and marriages, because this is common in this culture of mine. To get married to someone you don’t know and a lot of times never met before or conversed face to face is not so shocking.”

Marriage is supposed to be a result of love, but many believe that love comes after marriage, or is developed over time. However, when it does not work out, divorce is out of the question, and they end up living a miserable life. Therefore, what is better? To wait until you are 100% sure, or get married for the sake of marriage and hoping it will work out and love is never a main factor?

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Guess where I am? Yep! At home in my pajamas surfing the internet and reading! I requested demanded a day off today in lieu of me working far too much. And the best part is, Monday is Family Day here in Ontario, and I get another day off too. Four day weekend! Yah baby! I will finally be able to catch up with the rest of the world.

I wouldn’t say that my work is very stressful, but it is very demanding, and I wanted some leisure time. A time where I don’t have to think of Ajax requests, or how to get the financial back end working with the front end, and I don’t have to keep listening to those older divorced women talk about the dates they find through e-Harmony site.

Time for me!

People

I know that people are the cause of my daily ranting and why I am always angry, but seriously, I do have every reason to sometimes. I know many people that I talk to through Facebook or GTalk have this one sided view of me. They think that whatever I write on my blog is me and that’s it. They think I am this cynical, Arab bashing, narcissistic, over generalizing girl who doesn’t read anyone else’s blog.

Yeah, I don’t read other blogs as much as I like, but you guys have to realize that I don’t have time. I try to, and if I do, I rarely comment. I am not this famous person that thinks I am better than you and shouldn’t bother with what you say. I am not a full time blogger like those famous bloggers out there that do this for a living. On the contrary, I am just this 29 year old girl that works all day at a high demanding job, is far too tired when she gets home, and on top of that, does home work and studying for her PMP certification. (About 2 year estimate till I get certified.) You can see that I made my self far too busy that I cannot satisfy everyone, or even anyone. How I ended up in this state? I am just a human being that wants more out of life.

Life

You see, most girls have a goal to find that “special one” and get married. That’s their first and sometimes only mission in life. I used to think like that when I was 24 or 25. Then, as I was stuck in the working word earning money and seeing how everyone else around me is progressing and being “something,” then I got jealous. I am a jealous person when it comes to success. I want more. I want people to say that Mona did something productive and important in her life.

Honestly, as I am growing older and my pessimistic view of love and marriage is ever so growing inside my head, my career seems to take priority. Don’t get me wrong, I try really hard to meet someone or talk to a guy. Unfortunately, It’s always the same conversation with every single guy that goes like this,

“Why aren’t you married? Look at you! Are the guys in your city idiots? Marry me!”

Unfortunately, they would be living 500 km away, and I would think, funny! They judged me from a picture and a two minute conversation. And like I said earlier, people who read my blog judge me by what I write, and most of the guys hate it. So there is no happy medium, and I got to the point of giving up, sort of.

Fear

If I really wanted to be honest here, and if you read this far, you have to realize that yes, I am a bit fearful. I am a bit fearful of being hurt again. I don’t want to love or be in love. I fear an end result that may or may not happen. The older I get, the more sensitive I am about everything. I don’t want history to repeat it self. I am trying really hard to change the way I am so I don’t end up in such a state again.

What I really don’t understand is those promiscuous girls, or girls that go from one guy to another to find the one that quickly says, “Yes, marry me now!” I feel that those girls don’t really know the meaning of love, and are so insensitive about others and care about the number one person, them.

Oh well, this is life. We keep running toward a goal that we set or others set, but we don’t know how to get there sometimes. We just keep trying any road hoping it will get us there or even close to there. Ah life, what a mysterious journey.

Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I have been thinking a lot lately, and I know most of you who are reading this are saying to yourselves, “Oh no, not again! Wait, isn’t that why I am here?”

Interestingly, what I have noticed as a blogger for over four years is that you become your blog. You are it, and it has sucked you in and there is no way out. I have been checking out a lot of famous people’s blogs, and even active bloggers who think that their little voices will make a difference (which it does, kudos to them!). I discovered that they are successful not because of the money they earn, and not because of their voices or messages they are trying to convince others with, but with their perseverance and learning on their own to think about life from all angels, and to take constructive criticism and even ignorant insults.

It’s hard, believe me. It is very hard to maintain a blog. In the beginning, I thought of it as a little ranting area and that’s it, and it will not last long because I have zero patience and short attention span. However, things changed, and people kept wanting more, and even wanted my feedback on issues that were so foreign to me. It helped me stay on track, and build on something that I have created. I started this, and I think of it as one of the highest achievements so far in life. Corny as it sounds, but it is true.

Being a blogger helps you in many ways. It helps you improve your writing skills. It helps you think every day, and come up with new ideas and keep your brain active. It helps you build a community and bring people together on issues that are hardly ever discussed.

Comfort Zone

On those days where I am really depressed, and feel that the world is against me, I turn to this little website for comfort. Someone out there sort of agrees with me, right? Which is better than nothing eh? You guys will not believe the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, but something sparked inside of me and told me, “Hell no! What are you about to do and why?”

This morning, I had the itch to shut down this blog, and I have more reasons to do so than to keep it. It has nothing to do with my professional life, or me being scared. Surprisingly, last year, while I was looking for work, I thought of it as a road block to why I wasn’t accepted in the professional world, but then I realized, who cares? It’s like people not accepting me for who I am, and I don’t need them in my professional life or being a part of theirs. Then I thought of it some more as a road block for real friendships, and that’s why people don’t like me anymore for who I really am, but again I realized, who cares?

I know a lot of people will start bombarding me with comments and tell me, “Stop saying who cares!! Because you do!” I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t, but I won’t lie to you even more and tell you that I really do. It’s that middle zone that I can’t really explain on this blog, because I don’t know how.

Barriers

I realized that I can’t put a red line between me and others, but at the same time, I cannot let others create this line and choose to jump in and out whenever they please. I feel used. I feel hated and then suddenly loved. I feel that there is something about me that I cannot understand, but others do. I can’t get a grasp on what makes me totally different than others, but at the same time, I don’t understand why they treat me just like any passer by they met in their life.

I am a person with very deep feelings. I suffered a lot growing up, and I keep on suffering because I don’t know what to do. I say what I want to do, but I feel that I am not taking the necessary actions. Is it being scared? Is it too hard? Is it beyond my limits? Maybe it is all those combined, or maybe I just don’t know where to start.

Change

I keep encouraging people to change, and to think outside of the box, but I cannot do that. I am the one that is preaching, but I cannot practice what I preach. Why? I keep asking myself why. It got to the point that people are continuously telling me that they feel sorry for me, and I am the one that needs help. It just makes me feel labeled as only a thinker, and not a thinker with actions, or maybe that’s what I want to believe.

Fortunately, after I re-read this post before publishing, and the hour and a half I spent thinking and writing it out, I realized that there was some action on my part. I did something. I clicked the publish people. I am heard, and someone else will get affected by my words and react to them. I guess I am doing something eh?

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!